Heart Recaptured

by Tillie Cole

  “Lilah! What are you doing?” Maddie half-shouted in panic. Her green eyes grew large as she watched me strengthen in my resolve.

  “I am submitting a request for their sinful shenanigans to cease at once! I am tired, Maddie. I cannot sleep with that incessant noise, and I dare not go downstairs for fear of being inappropriately touched by one of the sinners. The manner in which they look at us is salacious, as if we are forbidden fruit they wish to devour! I am tired…. so tired, and I just cannot take any more of it. My head hurts all the time through lack of sleep. I cannot eat due to my stomach constantly being in knots through absolute fear of what will become of us here in this place. And my chest, my chest keeps tightening to the point that I cannot breathe. I grow faint and feel like I am breaking down. I am breaking, Maddie. I feel as though I am falling apart and no one understands or cares…”

  Maddie began shaking her head at me. “Lilah, please. Leave it until Mae returns. Those men… they are dangerous. You saw what they did to our people at the commune. Do not incite them to be violent to you also.”

  “I must beg them to stop! I have to try!” I shrilled. “We can no longer rely on Mae. She has lost her way, forgotten the prophet’s teachings. She has become too involved with Styx. She will not listen to reason. That leaves me. Leaves me to beg for some peace.”

  Maddie slumped onto the bed and began chewing on her thumbnail in nerves. She had become wrapped up in herself again. Any mention of our faith did that to her. I could see the dwindling devotion toward our prophet in her eyes. The way she rejoiced when Brother Moses was killed a few long weeks ago confirmed how much she had strayed from our blessed calling. The Order was simply following the Lord’s will when the elders tried their best to rid us of the devil in our frequent celestial joinings.

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I drew in another deep breath. Then I quickly unlocked the four bolts of the door and turned the knob. After an internal count of three, I swallowed my fear and wrenched open the door, only to let out a deafening shriek as I stumbled in shock, my back hitting the wall, knocking the breath from my lungs.

  Sitting on a chair in the narrow hallway directly opposite our apartment door was the tattooed heathen, Flame. I knew he sat there all day, every day. I had spied on him through the peephole in the door. I did not know if he was out there to make sure we did not try to flee, like we were prisoners in this place, or whether he was there to guard us. Very rarely did he leave his post.

  Flame’s deep black eyes were focused on a long, silver blade in his hand… a blade that was slicing at the heavily scarred skin on the underside of his forearm. He was panting excitedly, his tongue licking at his lips, and underneath his pants, his manhood stood erect, straining the material to breaking point.

  Unable to contain it anymore, a scared whimper escaped my lips. Flame pulled his attention off the knife, his disturbed gaze boring into mine. A snarl ripped from his lips on being interrupted, and I cowered back in fear.

  As the knife clattered to the floor, Flame jumped to his feet, every muscle tense and strained. The creak of a floorboard sounded behind me as I tried to blend myself into the door. His attention snapped in that direction.

  Slowly exhaling through his nostrils, Flame’s fists clenched at his sides, the blood from his cut arm slowly pooling on the floor. I followed the track of his attention, which led me to Maddie, who was equally focused on Flame. She was now sitting on the edge of her bed, green eyes rapt. As calm as could be, her glance angled down to the pooling blood; she swallowed hard.

  Moving as slowly as possible, I got to my feet. Flame noticed the movement. His breathing became heavy as his wild onyx eyes darted between Maddie and me.

  “Go downstairs, Lilah. Do what you were going to do,” Maddie instructed softly. “It will calm you if we can get some sleep.”

  I sputtered a cough. “I shall not leave you alone with him. Have you lost your mind? He looks ready to kill someone!”

  Maddie’s shoulders relaxed and she glanced my way. “Flame will not hurt me, of that I am sure.” She met his gaze again and blushed. “In fact, Flame is the one and only man with whom I feel safe.”

  I twisted my head around to look at Flame, trying hard to see the trust in him that Maddie so clearly did. He was dressed all in black, leather pants, black tight shirt, and that leather vest they all wore. He had guns and knives strapped to his chest and he sported tattoos from head to toe. He had a beard and unkempt hair.

  I swayed on my feet with tiredness.

  “Lilah. Go! Before you collapse with fatigue,” Maddie ordered, and she sat down again on the bed, resuming her gazing out of the window. Flame slumped against the wall until he was sitting on the floor just shy of the doorway. He selected a new knife and, without taking his attention off Maddie, resumed cutting his forearm.

  Another raucous gunshot boomed from downstairs, this time shaking the light fixture in the hallway. Maddie remained quiet on the bed, lost in her thoughts. Flame was lost in his bloodletting, which left me to challenge the behavior of the animals downstairs.

  Cautiously skirting past Flame, I walked down the stairwell to the hallway, which led to the clubhouse. With every step, the noise increased, and I winced as the heavy music shook the wooden walls. I had never felt such anger in all my life, such desperation for sleep.

  As I stood behind the steel door that would allow entry into the pit of evil, I plucked up the courage to confront the unfaithful horde. My hand shook as I reached for the doorknob. I felt a momentarily sliver of doubt. If I had even dared to challenge a man in the commune, I would have been severely punished. Lashed. Scarred. Branded with the holy cross by a hot iron … burned. But I knew my place there. I had structure and routine, and women never questioned the men. But this club was a free-for-all, doing what anyone pleased, whenever anyone pleased, regardless of the feelings or sensibilities of anyone else residing here.

  I was always the obedient one out of the Cursed, the one to stay between the lines, the one not to push boundaries, unlike poor Bella and Mae. But days upon endless days of no sleep, little food, and fear of the unknown were pushing me to do things outside the norm. Like this!

  “Ky! Stop the sluts sucking on your dick and get the fuck over here!” a voice shouted above the music and my stomach fell. I was sure what I was about to see would be anything but pleasant. I had witnessed sights I could never dream of from the window in our room.

  Dear Lord, give me the strength to proceed. Give me strength to confront all that is impure.

  Hearing the smashing of glass and the jeers from the men, I opened my eyes from my prayer, turned the doorknob, and pushed my way through.

  Thick smoke clouded the room and the smell of male sweat, alcohol, and sexual joinings hung in the air. I fought back nausea as I boldly stepped into the frenzy.

  It did not take me long to still with fear.

  Half-dressed women littered the room, pouring alcohol into men’s mouths, some from between their exposed breasts. I wished that had been the worst thing. But the sight of women taking men orally, straddling their laps, taking them within their core, and engaging carnally with other women had me balking in disgust.

  Every single thing they were doing was wrong and sinful.

  I tried to locate Styx and Mae, but I could not see them through the thick fog of smoke.

  Clearing my throat, I took a deep breath and asked, “Would you turn down the volume please?”

  Not one person heard me. Not one person glanced my way.

  Straightening my shoulders, I tried again. “Please! Somebody! Can you please turn off the music? I am tired and I wish to rest.”

  Laughter barreled out from across the room, causing my flesh to crawl. For an instant, I thought the laughter was directed at me, but not a glance came my way. My pleas had gone unnoticed.

  I was contemplating what to do next when a hand grabbed my behind and squeezed. Turning swiftly, I started to protest, when I was met with a tall blond lady… one of Ky’
s women, one of the women with whom he taunted me as I watched him from the window of my cell.

  I stepped back from the woman’s reach, but she followed me. She was dressed in a short-skirted leather garment, her breasts visible through the sheer black material of her shirt. Her green eyes were glazed and her lips were scarlet red.

  “Now don’t be like that, darlin’. This ain’t no place to be shy. You’re so beautiful. I can see why Ky can’t keep his eyes off you. Why he wants to fuck you.”

  Discomfort stole my voice as the female closed in again, her red-painted fingers attempting to free my hair from my headdress as her hard breasts pressed against my chest.

  As the lace of my headdress came undone, I gasped and stepped back from my stupor, frantically retying it. I turned to flee, but I had lost my way, smoke obscuring my escape path. As I ran through the throng of drunken men and women, panic clawed at my throat.

  I should never have dared come down here. It truly is a den of sin.

  Men and women reached out to grab at me, ridiculed me, laughed in my face, and it only served to fuel my fear.

  As I frantically searched for the exit, I stumbled across a large black machine that blasted a sound that hurt my ears: the source of the music. A flash of anger crossed my face as I gazed upon the room, then, twisting my body to reach out, I felt a long cable, which I pulled… hard.

  In an instant, the music died. I breathed a sigh of relief and could not stop a small smile playing on my lips…

  Then I realized the room had gone completely silent.

  Feeling dozens of eyes burning into my back, I turned slowly, the black cable still clutched in my hand. The room remained eerily still without the painfully loud music, and my breathing stuttered when the men—The Hangmen—began stepping forward one by one through the smoke. I recognized the leaders by their leather vests.

  The first man through had shorter, darker hair than the rest of the men and an inquisitive face. Not scary as such, but still intimidating. The second man was large with red hair and a long red beard. He was smiling at me lustfully, his teeth grazing across his bottom lip. The next man was slender, less bulky, with long brown hair and kind eyes. A bald man was next and, clutching his arm, a smiling blond lady. She looked as though she wanted to come to me, but my rigid stance must have dissuaded her. I had seen her before with Mae, from my apartment window. She seemed nice. But I was not here to make friendly acquaintances. In fact, I did not intend to be here for too long at all.

  The disciples would be coming for us soon. Then everything would be made right in the eyes of the Lord. We could still be saved.

  “Get the fuck outta my way! What’s going on? Who the fuck turned off Zeppelin?” a slurred male voice shouted from across the bar.

  I braced as the crowd parted and a man stepped through… a familiar imposing man with long shoulder-length blond hair, tall in height, muscled in stature, his stunning face sporting a short dark-blond beard, and he boasted the most piercing blue eyes I had ever seen.

  It was Ky.

  As my gaze fixed on him, I became breathless. My stomach clenched and my thighs ached at the mere sight of his dominant frame.

  Ky’s full lips were tight with anger as he ploughed forward, but when he broke through the front line of men and his eyes met mine, they appeared to soften a fraction, his lips breaking their seal to inhale a silent breath.

  Afraid my legs would buckle due to my trembling knees, I took a step back to lean against the silent music machine.

  Ky stalked toward me, his white shirt tight over his taut torso, his blue denim pants loose on his legs. As he approached, he ran his hand through his messy long hair, chewing slowly on a small, thin wooden stick gripped between his teeth.

  I could not speak, could not think, could not breathe. My free hand reached behind me, resting on a shelf to keep me upright. The smoky smell of Ky washed over me. My heart was frantic and my blood rushed through my veins.

  Ky’s nostrils flared as he approached, his blue gaze drinking in the sight of my modestly covered frame. He did not stop three steps in front of me as the brothers were required to do in the commune. He did not keep an appropriate distance, as a man should with a woman in public. Oh no, instead, he closed in until his impressive height towered over my head, his chest pressing flush against my breasts.

  I could feel his intense gaze. I squeezed my eyes shut, too afraid to face this devilish man. I lost all composure when he was near. He was crude, grossly promiscuous, and although my mind warned me of his evil and seductive nature, my heart betrayed my virtue and strived to have him close. His beautiful face and body tempted me to take him into my body. He was my very own forbidden fruit, one of which I had to keep far far away.

  “You.” Ky sighed. I scented the strong smell of alcohol on his breath as his lips brushed down my cheek. I tried to move my head from his mouth, but his hand cupped my cheek and locked me in place.

  “Look up, bitch. I wanna see those pretty fuckin’ blues.”

  I focused on trying to keep calm, but I could not help but panic.

  Suddenly, I felt a hand palm my breast and I whimpered. The shaking was instinctive, and I cursed myself for coming down here to this room. I was not acting properly and I was now paying the price. God was punishing me for walking freely into this hell.

  “Please… let me go,” I begged, still keeping my eyes shut.

  Ky moved closer still and I could feel his hard muscles pressing against my breasts. I tried to swallow back my fear, but it did not work. Ky’s hand skirted up my neck and to the ties of my headdress. “Why you hiding this golden hair, darlin’? It’s fuckin’ beautiful. You’re one fuckin’ beautiful bitch,” Ky rasped out, his stubbled cheek rubbing against my smooth one as I felt his hands remove my headdress. He then tugged at the pins keeping my bun in place. I felt the edge of my hair reach my bottom and Ky expelled a long, pain-filled groan as my hair flew free.

  Tears stung my eyes as I felt his hands wrap in my hair. Ky leaned down and inhaled, his hips grinding against my stomach.

  “Fuck, bitch. I’ve been dreaming about making you come since the first time I laid eyes on you… I want you under me, on me, wrapped tight around my cock. I want to fuck you hard, hear you scream… lick you until you can’t take it no more…”

  I released a shuddering breath, my chest aching at his crass words.

  Ky’s warm breath traveled down my cheek until I felt a wetness run along my lips and my eyes snapped open when I realized the source… his tongue, his tongue tasting my skin.

  My hands planted on Ky’s broad chest and, as I was about to push him away, a loud, almost-deafening whistle sliced through the air.

  Ky pulled back his tongue and his forehead rested against mine as he sighed, seemingly in annoyance. Feet stomped toward us on the hardwood floor. Then, suddenly, Ky was ripped from my rigid body and slammed against the wall beside me.

  My eyes widened as I witnessed Styx holding Ky up by his throat. But Ky only had eyes for me. As my gaze met his, he groaned and bit his lip, his hand cupping his manhood bulging beneath his pants. Releasing a growl, Styx pulled back his hand and hit Ky hard across the face. I trembled from head to toe and strongly felt the need to leave quickly as things took a violent turn.

  I averted my gaze from Styx dragging Ky toward a private room, and I noticed the rest of the club watching me, until a man with short brown hair ushered them all away.

  Tears fell down my cheeks.

  What had I been thinking in coming down here? I was not acting like myself. This place was corrupting my soul. Forcing me into unladylike behaviors. Women had no place challenging men, yet here I was acting all brazen and erratic.

  “Lilah? Are you okay? What are you doing down here, alone?” Mae abruptly moved into my line of sight and placed her arms on my shoulders, her light-blue eyes filled with loving and sisterly concern.

  I shook my head profusely. “I-I-I am just so tired and confused, and I wanted the loud, dirty
music to stop. I need to sleep so badly. I am just so tired, Mae. Then he… he… he touched me… let loose my hair… put his mouth on my skin…”

  A sob burst from my lips and Mae wrapped me in her arms. “He showed my hair, sister. Disgraced my modesty under God’s watchful gaze. I tempted him to touch me. I tempted another one, Mae… He spoke of salacious things… things he wants to do to me. He is under my spell. Another one, Mae. Prophet David warned that we were seductive traps, and we are! He told me he wanted to fuck me… taste me…” I shivered with disgust, unable to repeat everything he said.

  “Shh… Lilah. Calm. You are not the devil as we were told all of our lives. You are not a temptress. You are beautiful. Being beautiful is not a sin.”

  I balked at her words. “You blaspheme, Salome. You are forgetting scripture and speaking untruths.”

  Mae’s face hardened. I had never seen her look so angry. “Lilah, stop. I do not speak untruths. I am finally talking sense. What we were told to believe all of our lives was false.” Her hands rubbed at my arms. “I am still learning things about this world myself. Every day is a lesson. Every day is a surprise when I am taught something new. But you have to try, Lilah. Both you and Maddie must try.”

  “I wish not to be in this life, Mae. I am faithful to the prophet’s cause and nothing will change that. And we are temptresses. Look at the way Ky acted toward me just now!”

  “First of all, Prophet David is dead, Lilah! The Order is no more. The quicker you accept this and try to learn to live again, the better we shall all be! And secondly, Styx is speaking with Ky now. Ky will be punished for humiliating you, for touching you against your will. Ky is intoxicated with liquor and acting poorly. Believe me, in the short time I have been here, I know this to be usual behavior for him.”

  Mae cleared her throat and regarded me warily. “From the moment he laid eyes on you, he was smitten. I witnessed this myself when you crawled from the holding cell at the commune. And it is not because you are the devil in disguise or a witch luring him to your evil ways like Brother Noah made you—made us—believe. It is because you are blond, lithe, and beautiful—exactly the type of female he finds attractive. Ky finds no shame in propositioning a woman, in pushing his advances. This club is very much like the commune we have come from—”