The Heart Remembers: a friends to lovers romance (Heart Collection)

by L. B. Dunbar

“Dad, now what are you saying?”

  “Don’t tell your mother how I’m botching this up, but what I’m trying to say is, I want you to be happy. If it isn’t Derek, so be it. If it’s Levi, then be that.” His knuckles tighten on the wheel again, and I accept that while my dad wants my happiness, no one will really ever be good enough, according to him. “But the man I want in your life is the man who loves you best. He needs to love you more than anything.” Like he loves my mom. Like he loves me.

  I want that same thing. I want a man who loves me the most and who I love the same way, and it isn’t Derek. Of that much, I’m certain. What I’m still uncertain of is how Levi feels about me.

  “I know, Dad. I want the same thing. I want what you and Mom have.” I pause, looking out the windshield. “Maybe someday.” It’s something Mom would say. Someday my prince will come, only I don’t need a prince, or even a hero, just a soldier willing to fight for me and our future.

  + + +

  When we finally arrive back at the house, everyone has moved on to dinner at Ethan’s restaurant. I shower to wash off the drive and loosen muscles already growing stiff. We’re late to the party, but not so late we’ve missed more than the first round of cocktails. As I enter the barn, I instantly see Levi, who rushes to me.

  “Are you okay?” He pulls me into a tight hug, not caring that my father stands next to me or that other family members nearby are staring at us. He mutters into my neck, “I was so worried.”

  Pushing me back, he holds my shoulders and scans my body like he can read me for signs of harm.

  “I’m fine. I’ll be achy tomorrow, but I’m okay tonight.”

  “I missed you today.” His voice softens as his hand cups my jaw and his thumb swipes against my cheek. Next to me, my dad clears his throat.

  “You should go see your mother,” Dad suggests. He watches as Levi’s hands shift from my face to my lower back. Then Dad clenches his jaw and narrows his eyes, hinting at an all-knowing look.

  “You take care of her,” Dad addresses Levi with more warning than necessary, and I shake my head at this masculine standoff. Levi’s hand presses more firmly at my back.

  “Yes, sir.” Jesus, why did that sound so inappropriate directed at my father? My face heats as Levi guides me away from my father.

  As we cross the barn, Levi speaks to me.

  “Why didn’t you call me? I’d have come to get you. I’d go anywhere you needed me.”

  I was ready to sarcastically respond to his question with what car? But the earnest tone has me catching my tongue. Would he really go wherever I asked?

  We reach my mom before I can question him, and she hugs me like she’ll never let me go.

  “I’m fine. It was only a fender-bender.” Back fender. Front bumper. I’m trying not to let the reality of the situation get to me. It could have been so much worse. The car doesn’t look completely like an accordion, just partially.

  “I love you,” Mom says, and tears burn the edges of my eyes. However, I fight the reality check of the crash.

  “I love you,” I tell her and then pull back from the hug. “But I’d really like a drink.” She smiles, reaching out a hand for Levi and rubbing at his arm before we step away from her.

  Levi and I walk to the official bar, no longer a makeshift one from those Halloween parties, but a permanent structure that looks a little more elegant while appropriate for a barn. The place looks great with low hanging mini-bulb lights and country music blaring. We’ve missed a few speeches but I’m certain there will be more as the night continues. My dad will definitely have a thing or two to say about his brother and the last sixty years.

  After ordering a glass of wine and Levi a beer, we step over to a high-top table where Levi stands close to me, still touching my back.

  “I’m so glad you’re okay and back,” he says, leaning in to speak directly to me over the music and then closing the distance to press a kiss to my neck. It’s sweet and touchy-feeling and something I’m not used to in public. Derek was more private in his physical affections, and I didn’t mind. I just didn’t realize how nice it felt to have someone want to touch you so much.

  “I’m okay,” I say for the hundredth time. “And I don’t want to keep talking about the accident.” My voice turns edgy because I’m tired of the subject. I’ve lost hours with Levi, and I sense the end coming in less than twelve hours.

  I open my mouth to tell him we should talk about last night when he speaks at the same time. “Let’s dance.”

  He reaches for my hand, tugging me forward before I even agree, and leading me to the dance floor. He pulls us into the middle of everyone, swaying and grooving to a popular country love song about longing and distance. Levi wraps an arm around my lower back while lifting our combined hands to his chest. He moves like he . . . does other things, and my hips follow suit. Our eyes hold, the motion reminding us both of last night.

  “We should talk,” I say, swallowing a lump in my throat as an overwhelming sense of future rejection fills me. Though I was confident last night, I’m concerned tonight that our time together in my bed did not mean to him what it meant to me. Despite our connection. Despite the sweet words.

  “Later,” he says, bringing me closer to him and my eyes begin to prickle. I want to dismiss the burning sensation and threat of tears to the accident catching up to me. Perhaps it’s dancing in Levi’s arms that I sense how much worse the accident could have been, and I fight to remind myself it wasn’t bad. I’m not really hurt. My car is just an object that can be replaced. My heart, however, cannot take the impending crash I feel from the man holding me tight.

  “Tell me more about this VetGym,” he asks while he holds me, his lips close to my ear. Blinking rapidly to rid the tears, I speak.

  “It’s a nonprofit organization for veterans. The group helps veterans find jobs and educate them in a skill, but it’s more about finding others to connect with, who might understand their circumstances. We host gatherings like sporting events for the veterans themselves and fundraisers to keep the doors open. In fact, that’s what Maxwell, the director, is currently working on. A fundraiser for the fall, hoping to attract new donors with big checks.”

  Levi pulls back to look at me. “Why would you volunteer to work there?”

  I shrug. “It’s a good place for me to practice my ASL, and I offer free physical therapy to some of the veterans in need.”

  Levi’s eyes narrow. “But why?” I don’t know what he’s asking as I’m answering him, but the longer his eyes hold mine, I find I need to give him the deep-rooted reason.

  “I met a man who was going to be a hero by going off to fight wars, and I wanted to do my part. I thought my random acts of kindness might trickle out into the universe and help him find his way home.”

  Levi continues to stare at me, and I swallow back more of that nagging fear. Feeling like I’m already out on a ledge, I decide to jump.

  “Ironically, the director of the place is looking for someone with computer experience and needs marketing assistance. It’s a full-time paying job. A veteran is the ideal person to apply for the position. Do you know anyone who might be interested?” I weakly smile at him, hoping he’ll offer himself.

  “Katie,” Levi whispers, looking away from me, and I have my answer. He isn’t interested in the job because he isn’t interested in moving here. He isn’t interested in more with me.

  As the song draws to an end, an arm slips around my waist.

  “Dance with me,” Gavin’s son Gee says to me over my shoulder, and I squeal at his appearance. We didn’t get to talk much at the family baseball game the other day as Gee flew in and flew out for his own professional games. He’s got this crazy relationship with his agent, who happens to be one of my best friends, and I want to know where they stand with each other.

  “How’s Kentucky?” I tease as soon as Levi releases me, and Gee pulls me in for a dance. Gee is the spitting image of his father with thick dark hair, short on the sides
and fuller on top. At five years older than me, his dark eyes and heavy facial scruff add to his devilish good looks.

  “We are not discussing her,” he mocks, dragging out the words.

  “Maybe we should discuss her,” I retort, knowing these two need to admit how they feel about each other.

  “What I want to discuss is how Levi Walker looks like he wants to skewer me over a pit for stealing you away from him?” Gee arches one brow. “Saw how you two were acting with each other at the game the other day. Seemed pretty cozy.” Both brows suggestively wiggle.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” However, Gee spins me in a way I catch a glimpse of Levi, and he does not look pleased that Gee has cut in on our dance. If only that displeasure means he might be jealous and want all my attention like I want all of his. If only he lived here instead of Florida.

  “Sure you don’t, Katie bug,” he calls me by my childhood nickname.

  “Whatever. As soon as you admit how you feel about Kentucky, then we can talk about Levi.”

  Gee gives a roaring laugh, tipping back his head before spinning me again in a circle. We dance for the remainder of the song, nodding to family and friends as they shift around us. Recognizing the song, I know it’s near ending when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I grin up at Gee, shaking my head at the revolving door of dance partners. Assuming it’s Levi, I’m ready to make a comment about needing a dance card as I turn away from Gee.

  “Derek?” My smile falls as my eyes shift to Levi on the edge of the crowd.

  “Hey, babe,” he says, his voice a little tight. Derek has been to family functions before, but he’s always awkward in them. I attribute it to his fancy education, socialite parents, and general doctor ways. His bedside manner makes him passive outside his practice sometimes.

  Sensing Levi’s approach before I see him, his hand comes to my lower back, and Derek’s eyes track the motion. His expression tightens.

  “You okay?” Levi asks.

  “I’m good,” I say, looking over at Levi with all the longing I have for him. However, I need to address Derek’s sudden appearance.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, questioning everything as we broke up, and he told me he wouldn’t be attending the party even before our separation happened. He didn’t want to take a week off to vacation with my family.

  “There’s something I want to ask you,” he says, and the combination of words lifts the fine hairs on my neck. He reaches for both my hands, and I’m aware the music has changed. It’s another song I recognize, one that begs the girl to . . .

  Oh, no.

  Levi’s fingers dig into my back, but I can’t take my eyes off Derek, whose glare shifts to Levi and then back to me.

  “Maybe we should go outside,” I suggest, needing to separate Derek from Levi and figure out what the heck he’s doing here.

  “I’d like to talk here.”

  No. Not like this. Not now.

  “Derek, outside,” I whisper, looking over my shoulder. I feel Levi’s absence before I see him step away from me. His hand is gone from my back, and he’s somewhere behind me.

  “This is what you’ve been wanting, right, babe?”

  I glance around the dance floor, noticing people stepping back, giving us some space as we are center stage under the dim lights. My eyes seek Levi, realizing all the reasons I’m searching for him. I don’t want this with Derek, but Levi’s back is to me. It’s strange how much I miss his presence and plead with him in my head to turn around. The wrong man is walking away from me.

  “Katie,” Derek says my name sharply, dragging my attention back to him. He squeezes both my hands. “I don’t want to let you go.”

  Derek moved out after we broke up. He’s been staying with a friend until we can sort out what’s next. I like the apartment, but I don’t need to keep living there. I need a fresh start.

  I watch, mouth agape, as Derek lowers to one knee before me. The circle around us grows larger. The murmurs and gasps are like an echo ricocheting across a mountain. I can’t breathe.

  Derek reaches with one hand into his pocket and pulls out a small black box. Bitter giggles ripple up my throat, and I choke on them. I remember the earrings he gave me two weeks ago, and the anticipation in my belly before I opened that jewelry container. Right now, my stomach feels like a brick dropped within me. I want to look up. I want to scan the crowd again for Levi, but I keep a forced smile on my face as Derek looks up at me.

  “You wanted this here before all the people most important to you.”

  He snaps open the box, and inside is the most gorgeous ring. The diamond is large, the silver band gleams, but I don’t reach for it. His words are unsettling.

  I wanted this . . .

  “Did you know I had a car accident today?”

  “Ah, no.” Derek looks left to right to see how close our audience is and if anyone heard my question. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I say through gritted teeth, noticing concern isn’t etched in his face. Not like the face of another man who couldn’t take his hands off me once I entered this barn. “Have you thought about me these last two weeks? Really thought about me? About us?”

  I’m still smiling, but my cheeks hurt. My teeth holding in place to keep my lips open.

  “Yes. That’s why I’m here.”

  Why he’s here is because he thinks this is what I want? I’d want this moment to be what he wants as well. Only, I don’t want Derek.

  “Derek, do you really want to marry me?”

  “Isn’t that why I’m down on one knee?”

  He glances to his side, and I realize this seems like it’s taking too long. People are holding their breaths and hands clasp over chests, waiting for something to happen. My eyes shoot up, scanning the crowd for my father. His sight locks on me as my mother stands under his arm. She’s chewing at her lips, and Dad’s jaw is clenching. His head moves just the slightest bit.

  Left. Right. Don’t do it.

  My body begins to shake as I peer back at Derek below me. My heart hammers. This moment should be magical, but I’d stopped imagining a proposal from this man two weeks ago when he’d given me earrings. I’d like to think they were a decoy for this plan, but something tells me they weren’t. Derek had no intention of offering me a proposal.

  What changed for him?

  “We were together for four years, but you haven’t called me in two weeks. You haven’t even tried to reconcile with me,” I remind him.

  “Four years. Fourteen. What difference does it make? This is my reconciliation. This is me asking forgiveness.”

  It shouldn’t be like this.

  “You shouldn’t be asking me to marry you,” I state. Derek stands still holding the ring, and I stare at it. It should be a symbol of his love for me and our commitment to one another. It’s a marker of his intention to have a future with me, but I’ve already told him I no longer want a future with him.

  We stand in silence for a second, the weight of watching eyes on us. The silence around us is deafening. I look up and out at the crowd, not searching faces but seeking only one person.

  Who I notice is gone.

  18

  [Levi]

  I couldn’t watch. I couldn’t bear witness to her accepting the proposal of another man when moments before she’d been in my arms. I wanted to pummel Gee for cutting in and separating us, but most of all, I wanted to kick myself.

  The man before her was better than me in every way, and I wasn’t blind to that fact.

  He was whole. He was wealthy. He was a successful doctor, even if he looked at other women’s twats all day long.

  He was everything I wasn’t.

  As I stumble to the gravel parking lot, uncertain how to make a grand escape, I’m fortunate to find Lys near the barn exit.

  “Lend me your car,” I demand, vibrating with anxious energy. I need out. Out of the crowd. Out of the barn. Out of the area.

  “Where are you going?�
�� she questions, those midnight orbs staring at me with concern.

  “I just need to drive.”

  “I’ll go with you,” she says, hitching her purse against her shoulder and opening the bag to look for her keys.

  “No,” I snap. “I just want to be alone.” AJ’s at the house with a friend of Daisy’s, babysitting for the night, and I’m grateful not to worry about him for the moment. Where I need to go, I never want him to see.

  “Levi, let me come with you,” Lys whines, but I can’t do it. I need to go alone.

  “Lys, please.” I hold out my hand, begging her.

  “Fine,” she grumbles and slaps the key fob in my hand. I hobble to her car, wishing in a moment like this I can still run, but my leg wants to cramp, so I limp as I rush. Once inside her car, it’s as if I can’t get it started fast enough. My hands shake as I press the ignition button, and the car comes to life. I reverse just as I see Katie leaving the barn with Derek at her side. I don’t look back but keep my eyes forward as I peel out of the drive and head for the woods.

  Walker Woods was my inheritance. A single-story ranch home with three bedrooms, acres of land, most of it wooded, and an old hunting cottage toward the back of the property. As I pull up near the house, I notice the flowerpots and landscaping that was never there before. The house has a light on inside the front room, but I don’t see any movement through the open window. Perhaps the new owner is at the party for Tom. I wasn’t here for the sale. I let Tricia handle things. I didn’t want the house. I didn’t want the memories.

  Stop, Dad. Stop. My younger voice haunts my head.

  Taking a chance, I flip off the car lights and slowly coast down the long drive, crunching past the house as the noise below my tires sounds like fireworks, announcing my arrival and killing my attempts to be quiet. Eventually, the drive ends and turns into a path no longer well driven. Not equipped for this rough terrain, Lys’s car bounces and bumbles over the ancient pass.

  When I reach the cabin, I park the car and stare at the dark structure. It doesn’t look like it’s been lived in in years, and I’m surprised it’s still standing if that’s the case. I exit the car, staring at the small house as if it would wake from a long slumber. As if I expect a light to pop on inside any second, giving life to the old place.