Say You're Mine

by Alexis Winter

  Oh, little brother, how I wish I could tell you the truth—that what was making me an asshole was something I swore I’d never do, but it was to protect you. And on top of that, what’s making me happy is the one thing I promised myself I’d stay far away from.

  I hate lying to Maverick. It’s the worst part about all the secrets I’m keeping. But it’s what I need to do, so I tell him all I can without feeling like an even bigger asshole than I already do.

  “I have it all under control.”

  19

  Tori

  It’s been a month since my trip to Wisconsin with Kalum. The trip that changed everything.

  We’ve been able to keep our . . . whatever we’re doing . . . to ourselves. As far as we both know, no one has a clue that he spends most nights at my apartment making my eyes roll into the back of my head.

  Well, except my neighbor. He knows exactly what we’re doing.

  So tonight will be a little interesting. It’s the first time since we started this that the gang is getting together for drinks. The art event was good practice; this will be the real test.

  I keep trying to tell myself that not much has changed since the countless other times we’ve gotten drinks together, played Never Have I Ever, and busted each other on random things we’ve said.

  Only now I’ve seen Kalum naked and he knows how to get me off in two minutes. He took major offense to my 10-minute remark.

  But other than that, everything is fine.

  I made sure to arrive a few minutes early tonight, wanting to be in as much control of the situation as possible. I got the table. I’m getting the first round of drinks. And I’ve made sure that Annabelle and my sister will be sitting on either side of me.

  Except that means Kalum will be sitting across from me all night giving me a look that says, “I liked it better when you were sitting on my face this morning.”

  Fuck. I need vodka.

  When I return from the bar to our usual table, Jaxson and Annabelle have already taken a seat, looking as in love as I’ve seen them.

  They see each other every day, but the way he’s looking at her—it’s as if he hasn’t seen her in years. And even though they’ve been together for months now, she still looks at him like he’s her hero.

  A weird feeling passes through my stomach and I quickly push it back down. Those damn butterflies again.

  Would it be nice to have someone look at me like that? Sure. What girl wouldn’t want to have a guy look at her like she’s the most beautiful and precious thing in the world?

  But those looks are reserved for couples—for people in relationships who know their endgame is a wedding and babies and a house in the suburbs. Not for people like me who don’t do relationships or commitment.

  Relationships allow the chance for hurt. For disappointment. And I’ve seen enough of that to last a lifetime.

  “All right you lovebirds, quit eye-fucking each other in public,” I say, announcing my presence. “Is this honeymoon phase between you two ever going to end?”

  “I sure hope not,” Jaxson says, placing one more kiss on Annabelle’s lips.

  I need more vodka.

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake you two, get a damn room,” Maverick’s words make me look up, but it’s Kalum’s eyes that lock me in.

  God, this is going to be harder than I thought. With just one look from those blue eyes that I could get lost in if allowed, I’m already questioning how I’m going to survive the next few hours.

  “Don’t hate,” Jaxson says. “I know you’re just mad because you don’t have anyone keeping you warm at night.”

  “I do just fine,” Mav replies. “Plus, we should be worrying about Kalum. Judging by his grumpy-as-fuck demeanor these last few months, he’s having quite the dry spell. I’d help him out with a hookup from a couple willing ladies if I thought he’d appreciate it.”

  Kalum shoots daggers at his brother and doesn’t even bother replying, instead stomping toward the bar. Probably better that way. I don’t know if I would have been able to hold back a smart-ass comment, which would have led to some interesting banter likely filled with innuendo and secret promises for later.

  Hell, now that I think about it, I kind of want him to come back. Maybe we could get into one of our verbal battles like at the gallery. That night was fun.

  “. . . isn’t that right, Tori?”

  With my mind filled with spanking, dirty talk, and dirtier sex, I apparently missed a whole conversation about me.

  “I’m sorry, what was that?”

  “What has your mind in a fog?”

  I hurry up and grab a menu. “Food. Haven’t eaten today. Getting hangry. Now, what were you saying?”

  I also apparently missed my sister getting here. I didn’t realize that just thinking about sex with Kalum could lead me to completely black out my surroundings.

  “I was saying that it’s been a while for you, too . . . unless you’re holding out on us?”

  With those words, Kalum makes his way back to the table. He’s sitting across from me, so I can see every look in his eyes. Every twitch of his lips.

  Lips I want to nibble on before kissing them for hours.

  “Not holding back. Been taking a dating break for a bit.”

  At least that part is kind of true.

  Annabelle and Scarlett share a look, and I’m officially nervous.

  “Why are you two looking at each other like you’re keeping the best secret in the bar?”

  “Well, I guess now is as good a time as ever for me to tell you this,” Annabelle says, a smile spreading across her face. “So, I was talking to Scarlett, and we both decided that while we love that you haven’t jumped into another dead-end relationship in a while, we are going to set you up with someone.”

  The shock on my face hopefully says it all, because I’m speechless.

  My best friend and sister want to do what?

  “I’m sorry, I must have misunderstood. Did I hear you say that you two want to set me up?”

  Scarlett nods. “Annabelle told me about the hot guy who gave you his number at the coffee shop. And then I remembered I saw him the day Grant and I came to visit you a few weeks ago. So we might have done a little Facebook stalking, and we might have invited him here tonight to meet you. And he might be walking in right now.”

  My head snaps toward the front of the bar as I see Businessman Ben walking over to our table, looking metrosexual as fuck. Words are failing me. I’d wondered why my sister told me earlier today to wear something nice, which was weird, because we were just going with the guys to the bar, so why would she care how I looked? What I didn’t tell her was that I’d already planned on taking a little extra time to look nice for Kalum.

  Kalum . . .

  I look up, still processing what my sister has just dropped on me and the fact that Ben is now standing next to me.

  “Hi, Tori.”

  I’m speechless. I’m paralyzed. I have no idea what to do. I want to look at Kalum, but I can’t, because that would give our secret away, or at least in my mind it would. But I need to look at him. I need him to know I didn’t do this—that I don’t want Ben or any other guy. I just want him.

  Fuck! I just want Kalum.

  20

  Kalum

  Who the fuck is this guy and why is he looking at Tori like she’s his next meal?

  The bigger question is: why the fuck do I care?

  Since he arrived an hour ago, all he has done is make bad jokes, try to talk MMA with Jaxson, and pretend to know the difference between a Camaro and a Mustang with Maverick and me.

  In other words, he’s getting on my last fucking nerve.

  And now he’s leading Tori to the bar with his hand on the small of her back and I’m ready to lay the fucker out.

  I don’t know who I’m angrier at—Annabelle and Scarlett for trying to set Tori up? This asswipe for even thinking about touching the woman I’d planned on getting naked with later? Or me for having fe
elings I know I shouldn’t be having?

  Tori is free to do whatever she wishes. See anyone she wants to see. Hell, so can I. We aren’t exclusive. And in the back of my mind, I know that.

  But I just can’t seem to care about that fact right now.

  “What were you two thinking when you invited him tonight?” I snap at Annabelle and Scarlett.

  “We’re trying to set our girl up with a nice guy instead of the losers she normally dates,” Annabelle chimes in. “And she was hesitating when it came to calling him, so we just gave her the push she needed.”

  I know Annabelle just said a lot there, but all I can think of is the part about the losers Tori normally goes for. Which is true. The girl can’t pick a guy for shit. But right now, I’m the guy she picked, at least until tonight, and I know she can do better than me: an ex-con who is currently knee-deep in shit I thought I’d left behind. I’m no better than the other fucking guys she’s paraded in and out of here since we met.

  Maybe this guy is better for her. Maybe she’s better off with a guy who wears fucking slacks to a sports bar.

  Doesn’t mean I have to like it.

  Not wanting to snap at the girls again, I pick up my beer and head to the dartboard. I’d rather just leave, but if I throw a tantrum and storm out, it will draw suspicion. All I know is I need to be away from them. If I have to watch this guy attempt to flirt with Tori for one more second, my head will explode.

  “Jaxson, it seems that my brother here doesn’t want to be around us,” Maverick says, pulling up a stool next to the dartboard.

  “It seems that way, Maverick. I wonder why?”

  I ignore their comments. I’m too wound up and I know I’ll say something stupid if I talk. I’d probably say something about Tori, and how I hate the fact that some asshole thinks he can put his hands on her. That he can buy her drinks. That he can try to make her laugh.

  Nope. Silence is my friend. Maybe it will be enough and they’ll just leave me the hell alone.

  “He’s trying to freeze us out, Mav.”

  “I see that. I wonder what it could be about?”

  I walk up to the board and pull my darts out, not making eye contact with either of these assholes. I wonder how many points I’d rack up if I hit them between the eyes?

  “Maybe we can guess.”

  “Is it the shop?” Jaxson asks.

  “No. We have all that taken care of.”

  “Is your mom okay?”

  “Yup. Everything is fine on that front. Maybe—and I’m going out on a limb here—maybe our boy here isn’t as immune to Tori’s charms as he likes to pretend he is. Maybe he’s feeling a little butthurt that she’s with another guy tonight?”

  I throw the dart so hard it bounces off the board.

  “Why, yes, Maverick, I think you may have hit the nail on the head,” Jaxson says, leaning down to pick up my wayward dart. “Seems as if our boy here is a little jealous?”

  I can’t help it anymore. They hit their target.

  “Jealous? Why the fuck would I be jealous?”

  “Maybe because you’ve wanted Tori for months but have been too hardheaded to do anything about it?” Jaxson is now in my face, making sure I hear these next words. “You know that could be you right now. I don’t know what your fucking problem is, but don’t act like an asshole when this is your fault.”

  I’m five seconds from losing my shit and telling Jaxson that I’m mad because I can’t be that guy with her right now. I can’t be the one with my hands on her body, whispering promises of what I want to do to her later. I can’t be the guy who takes her out to nice dinners, or the movies, or whatever the fuck it is that couples do on dates.

  And it’s not just because of our agreement. I’m not good for her. And if I’m honest, right now she’s not good for me.

  “Listen, I don’t care who the hell Tori dates. He’s just another fucking guy I’m sure she will go through in a week before she’s on to the next one, because that’s what she does. I don’t know why we even learn their names. I bet she doesn’t. I couldn’t give two shits about who she fucks.”

  As the words leave my mouth, I know she’s behind me. Don’t ask me how, but I just know.

  I turn around to see her putting on her armor. Her eyes say it all. It reminds me of how she acted at the reunion—putting on her brave face when all she wants to do is go hide in a corner. And I’m the one who has made her feel this way.

  “Thanks, Kalum, for not caring who I fuck. Not that I did before, but it’s nice to know that I don’t have to get your permission before I see Ben again. And that’s his name. Just in case you thought I’d already forgotten it.”

  My eyes dart around, looking for the preppy asshole.

  “Where is your date? Did he have to go pick up his dry cleaning? Or does he get off on fucking girls who serve him his coffee?”

  She takes another step closer to me, looking me straight in the eyes the whole time.

  “He’s closing his tab because he asked me to get a late dinner with him. And I’m going to because I want to. And maybe I’ll let him take me home, you know, since he apparently only has about a week before I’m done with him. But I don’t even know why I’m telling you any of this, because you don’t care.”

  She turns on her heel and walks away, leaving me feeling like a pile of shit.

  21

  Tori

  In my fantasy world where you can rate customers on Yelp, you can also review dates.

  And Ben would be a solid 9.5.

  He’s gorgeous. He has a good job at a financial investment firm, which probably means he has an actual retirement plan and a savings account. He’s funny in a slightly dorky way that’s adorable, and I bet if I took him home to Wisconsin, my parents would start planning a wedding tomorrow.

  So why not a 10?

  Because he’s not Kalum. And I fucking hate that he isn’t.

  I can’t help it. Because I don’t want to feel like this, but I do.

  I think I’ve caught feelings.

  I hate that I’m even thinking about a guy who didn’t seem to like me very much a few months ago, but here I am.

  His words from tonight are going through my mind on a loop. There’s nothing Kalum said that wasn’t true. I did—do?—go through guys at a rapid pace. I did move on to the next one with no regard for the last. I had my reasons, and they were none of his fucking business.

  His tone was what set me back. I know we have to keep up pretenses, but his words were laced with so much anger that they cut me deep. There was so much venom coming from his mouth that I questioned if this was the same man who was teasing me just a few nights ago about my love of ‘Golden Girls’ reruns.

  It’s like he doesn’t care about me at all. Not as a lover. Not as a friend. Not even worthy enough to breathe the same air as him.

  And despite all of that, I would still rather be with him right now. And that thought scares the shit out of me.

  “Is everything okay, Tori?” Ben’s words snap me out of my daze.

  “Yeah. Fine. Everything is great. Thanks again for bringing me here. I was starving.”

  Ben and I found a cute little Chinese restaurant not far from the bar. It would normally be the perfect spot for a first date.

  “Tori, I’m going to be honest, because I don’t want to waste any of our time, but I really don’t believe you.”

  Wow. Gorgeous and blunt. Could he be any more perfect?

  “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  He takes a fortifying breath, “I hate that I’m about to say this, because I have a feeling this will be the end of our first and only date, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you’d rather be somewhere else tonight.”

  I sigh and reach for his hand. God, I wish he would have called a few weeks ago before this craziness with Kalum started. Maybe he would have lasted longer than the others. I really think he might have.

  “I’m so sorry, Ben, but you’re right. You were straight with me
and I’ll be the same with you, because I appreciate that kind of honesty in a person. You are so amazing, and I want you to know that when I gave you my number, things were different. But since then, I’ve started seeing someone. It’s new. Very new. And my sister and friends don’t know yet, which is why they got in touch with you in the first place. I’m so sorry, but I don’t want to lead you on.”

  He gives my hand a squeeze before sitting back in our booth.

  “I hope this guy knows how great you are, and that many guys, this one included, would kill for the chance to be with you.”

  “Thank you. That’s very sweet. And I hope he does, though I’m not sure right now.”

  Ben pays our bill and insists on walking me back to my apartment. We share a few more laughs, and as we approach my building, I see a figure leaning against the brick, arms crossed and tension oozing from his stance.

  What is Kalum doing here?

  A few steps closer confirm it. Kalum is waiting outside my building, and I officially have no idea what to think right now.

  As he sees Ben walking me to the door, his eyes go from heated to downright pissed off. He pushes away from the building and takes three huge steps toward us, cutting the distance between us in a hurry.

  “I had a feeling it was him,” Ben whispers in my ear. “Are you going to be okay?”

  I turn, nodding my head. God, I hope he finds a great girl, because he is too sweet to be single.

  “Yeah. I’ll be fine. Thanks for walking me home.”

  I continue walking toward Kalum while Ben stays back. I turn around and whisper, “Thank you.” I hope he realizes it’s for so many things—not just for making sure I was safe.

  Kalum watches Ben leave, not taking his eyes off him until he’s riding away in a car he ordered.

  “Did I ruin your night?” His words are clipped. With every angry word that leaves his mouth, I remember how pissed off I am at him.