Say You're Mine

by Alexis Winter

  “I can’t take another night of watching these girls go in,” Christopher says. This is now the 10th, and will be final, night of us staking out Abruzzis. Each night is getting harder to watch, having an idea of what is going on in there. We have enough photographs of the comings and goings to get a warrant, we just wanted one more night to try to get something new. We wanted the dagger.

  What we really needed was someone inside. A mole. I couldn’t do it anymore, not after what I pulled six years ago. The fact that I made it out alive and that the Flannerys didn’t come after me is still a mystery. They had to have known it was me. But they were in enough hot water to add going after a cop. Even they aren’t that stupid.

  But I’m not about to push my luck twice.

  “Collin doesn’t know what’s going on in there?”

  I shake my head, also frustrated by our lack of knowledge. “Nope. No one is talking. Which has to mean it’s something big.”

  That’s been the worst part of it, no one knows what’s going on. Informants, other undercover officers, hell, even the Feds, haven’t heard a peep. Though everyone is in agreement it’s something big.

  The night is quiet, not many people coming in and out of the shop despite it being their scheduled night.

  “I can’t wait to go home,” Christopher says, stretching his legs in the driver’s seat of the car we are sitting in. “I am going to take the world’s longest shower and sleep for a week.”

  “I just want to sleep in my own bed again.”

  “Or someone else’s bed maybe?”

  I can’t help but smile at Christopher’s words. I honestly don’t care whose bed I sleep in, as long as Ben is next to me. I didn’t realize until I was sleeping on a shitty mattress in the safe house we were staying at how much I had got used to sleeping with his arms around me. Or how much I loved my favorite pillow, which was the spot between his pec and his shoulder.

  “Possibly. Maybe.” The look Christopher gives me clearly says he doesn’t buy it. “OK fine. Yes. I miss him and his bed.”

  Christopher smiles, placing the binoculars back up to his eyes. “I’m glad you’re happy. You deserve it.”

  “Thanks. I… I really like him. A lot. I just hope… well, I just hope this month didn’t screw up what we had going.”

  Voicing my concern feels good, because it’s a thought that has been growing in my subconscious. I don’t think he’s been unfaithful or anything like that. But I do wonder as the days drag on, if he’s going to wonder if this is all worth it?

  Am I worth it?

  “Amanda! Look! One o’clock. Is that who I think it is?”

  I grab my set of binoculars and take aim at the person walking toward our car. Liam Flannery, the oldest living son of the Flannery family and the one who is supposed to take the crime family over when his dad finally dies. Though the word on the street is that he already has, and he’s into much harder stuff than old man Flannery was when he was Liam’s age of 46.

  Back in the day, and even at the time when I worked on the racketeering case, the Flannerys were just about money and power. Moving some drugs, weapons, that kind of thing. And apparently, all of that is too small time for Liam.

  “Are you getting this?” I ask, keeping an eye on the target as I watch him continue toward us before crossing over the street toward the pizza shop.

  “Yup. Every movement. Are they getting so cocky that he’s not even trying to hide where he’s going?”

  “Apparently.”

  We watch as Liam walks into the pizza shop, Mario Abruzzi shaking his hand as he disappears out of our sight.

  That’s it. What we need to get in there.

  “Hey, Christopher?”

  He looks at me, a smile on his face as he lowers his camera. “Yeah?”

  “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

  Chapter 27

  Ben

  Amanda knocked on my door Thursday morning. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days, but I’ve never seen anyone look more beautiful in all my 34 years.

  After she jumped in my arms and I kissed the ever-loving hell out of her, I called off work the rest of the week. For the next two days, clothes were unnecessary. We had a month of time to make up for, and both of us agreed the best way to do that was naked.

  I knew I missed her, but I didn’t realize until she launched herself at me how much.

  “You know, we could still be without pants. Naked. In bed,” she says as she steps out of my shower, wrapping herself in one of my towels.

  I laugh, grabbing hold of the towel and pulling her damp body into me. “We could. But getting some fresh air would probably be good.”

  “Don’t need fresh air,” she says, placing a kiss on my naked chest, working her way up to my chin and lips, her hands linking behind my neck. “I just need you.”

  I have to go through everything in my brain to calm my growing erection because as much as I’d love to tear away this piece of fabric and have my way with her… again… we have plans tonight. Ones she’s still not aware of.

  “As appealing as that is… and believe me, it very much is… we have places to be which means you need to get ready.”

  I kiss the pout off of her lips, leaving her bedroom to let her continue getting ready. She didn’t have much at my place, so we had to come here so she could get ready for tonight.

  While the last month was without a doubt the longest of my life, I’m also glad that our first time away went that long. It tested me to see if I could do this. If I could really go for that long without knowing where she was or what she was doing. That I was up for this. Because if a future with Amanda was what I really wanted, then months like this were going to happen.

  I missed her every minute of every day. The nights were the worst. Laying in bed without her, wondering if she was OK, it nearly killed me. It didn’t get easier as the days went along and the second I opened my door to see her standing there, I let out the breath I had been holding for the past 30 days.

  It might have been hard, but it was worth it. She is worth it.

  And tonight I hope she realizes how much I am really in this.

  The sound of her heels coming down the hallway jar me from my thoughts, allowing me to take in a clothed, and slightly scowling, Amanda.

  “Alright. I’m ready. Pants are on. Let’s do this so we can get back here and take them off.”

  “Never have I ever been surprised by my friends at a bar after a month of going dark.”

  We all laugh and Amanda takes a drink of her beer, the rest of our friends laughing as we play “Never Have I Ever” at the bar. Apparently, this game started when Annabelle and Jaxson started dating, but it has continued through the years as a way to pass the time.

  “You all know that you could have just told me that you wanted to hang out tonight. You didn’t have to go through the dramatics of a surprise party,” Amanda says, giving me a mock glare.

  “Ha! Yeah right,” Tori says. “You’re telling me if I would have called earlier asking you to come out you wouldn’t have made up some excuse to stay home with this guy?”

  I try and suppress my laugh thinking of Amanda earlier, practically begging me to stay home.

  “Yeah… you’re right,” Amanda says defeatedly. “But seriously guys, thank you so much for this. You really didn’t have to.”

  We all raise our glasses in a toast… a toast to friends, family and Amanda’s safe return.

  “Did you get what you needed to?” Kalum asks Amanda. None of us know what she’s working on, she can’t disclose it. But considering Kalum is from the same neighborhood as she is, and that he’s worked with her on cases in the past, he is as tuned in with what’s going on than any of us.

  “We did. And actually, can I talk to you for a second? Jaxson, you and Maverick too. I have something to run past you guys.”

  Amanda kisses me on the cheek before walking away with three of her oldest friends, leaving me with Tori, Scarlett and Annabelle. I
have a feeling what they are going to be talking about is nothing I want to know.

  “How are you holding up?” Tori asks.

  “I’m good now. I’m not going to lie, these last few weeks have been tough as hell.”

  “I don’t know how you did it. I’d go insane if I didn’t know where Kalum was or if he was in danger.”

  “These are the times I’m really glad that Jaxson isn’t fighting for money anymore. This whole crime thing, either side of it, is a lot to handle,” Annabelle chimes in, earning a glass clink of Tori.

  “She’s doing her job. Her very dangerous job, but it’s what she was born to do. I have to respect that. It’s not like that’s going to change when we get married.”

  Jaws drop and the table goes silent as three jaws hit the floor.

  “What? Why are you all looking at me like that?”

  They look at each other, a silent conversation happening between the three friends. Tori speaks first, looking at me straight in the eye.

  “Have you done something that you haven’t told me about?”

  “Huh?” I’m so confused.

  “Did you propose to Amanda and not tell me?”

  I shake my head, now really confused. “What? Of course not. Why would you think that?”

  “Because you said ‘when we get married,’” Scarlett points out.

  Huh… I guess I did.

  “I misspoke. Apologies. There is no engagement ring. No fiancees. Calm your tits.”

  “But you want there to be.”

  Annabelle’s words aren’t a question. More of a prying statement.

  Would I? In a quick answer. Yes. The last month has made me realize how in love with this woman I am. I know she’s still hesitant on children, but honestly, all I want is her. The rest we can figure out.

  “I wouldn’t hate it.”

  “Wouldn’t hate what?”

  Amanda and the guys are back over at the table and she wraps her hands through my arm, snuggling into me.

  “I wouldn’t hate it if we took off,” I say softly. “We’ve been clothed for too long.”

  She looks around at the table, each couple in their own little world.

  “Yes. I’m tired of pants. Let’s get out of here.”

  Chapter 28

  Amanda

  You would think since Ben and I didn’t leave his house for two days after I got home from my assignment that we would have had our fill of each other.

  Not even close. Not by a long shot.

  As soon as we got back from the bar, he had me pinned against the door of my apartment, his already hard erection grinding into me as his lips found every piece of available skin.

  Somehow we made our way to the bedroom before he fucked my brains out, which is where we are now, lying in a state of complete exhaustion.

  “I think I’m finally done. It’s official. You wore me out.”

  My words make him laugh as he brings me closer to his body. I lay my head on his shoulder and trace the lines of the tattoo on his arm.

  “What made you get the tattoos?” I’ve always wondered about this, but for some reason never asked. I know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but Ben Jameson is the last person who you would expect to have expansive ink under his clothing.

  He doesn’t answer right away, which I don’t mind. The silence between us is soothing, and I know when he’s ready, he'll tell me.

  “I was not your normal high school kid. I was one of the smart kids. I played chess, was in the band and a part of student government. I also played a few sports. Basketball and golf. And I had friends, but I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. I wasn’t jock enough to be friends with the jocks and I wasn’t dorky enough for the nerds. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t bullied or told I couldn’t sit at lunch tables. But I never really felt like I belonged. I didn’t know where my place was.”

  He stops for a second and my heart breaks a little bit for younger Ben, though I can feel his pain. I was a girl who grew up around a bunch of hardass street boys. I wasn’t a girly enough girl to have a lot of female friends and the guys only put up with me for so long. Well, except Kalum, Jaxson and Maverick.

  “I was more than ready to go away to college. I felt that I could start over. I wasn’t the guy who wasn’t enough of a jock or not enough of a nerd. I could be me. And the new me really wanted a tattoo.”

  The design is flawless -- a portion of a chessboard with detailed hand moving one of the pieces. Above it is a clock with roman numeral numbers surrounding it. It’s gorgeous.

  “The clock is my reminder that we only have so much time to live the life we want. That’s always something I’ve tried to tell myself. Though I didn’t reconnect with Aiden until a few years ago, when I was in college, it hit me that he never had the chance I did to become my own person. He never got to become the man he wanted to be because he was always under the thumb and influence of his father. And look where that got him.”

  Ben has never gone into detail about what his brother did to go to prison, and he surely didn’t mention Aiden’s father also being a part of it. And though I’ve been curious, I’ve been afraid to ask for more. I’m sure it’s not comfortable to talk about.

  Ben rolls over, now facing me, his hand resting on my hip.

  “Thank you.” He says, barely above a whisper.

  “For what?”

  “For letting me talk about him.”

  I lean in and place a kiss on his lips, hoping it conveys the emotion I’m feeling right now.

  “You can talk to me about whatever you want. Yes, I know my job makes that topic a little weird, but please know that when I’m with you, I’m Amanda your girlfriend. Not Amanda the cop.”

  “Hmm… that’s too bad,” he says, now rolling on top of me, bringing both of my hands above my head. “Because I was hoping one day that maybe you could arrest me. Or I could arrest you. Put those handcuffs to use.”

  I don’t know how Ben can go from sweet and tender to dirty and filthy in a breath, but I’d be a damn liar if I said I didn’t love it.

  “You are an enigma Benjamin Jameson.”

  “You know you love me.”

  The words hang in the air as he begins placing kisses around my face and chest. I know he said it in jest, but what he doesn’t realize is that I do. I think I realized it last week when I went dark. I missed him every day. Once, I thought we had been spotted and I hated that if my life was going to end that day, that I didn’t get to tell him goodbye and that I loved him.

  I love him.

  Holy shit… I fucking love him.

  His words from earlier come flooding through my mind, “The clock is my reminder that we only have so much time to live the life we want.” With my job, those words speak volumes. I could go on a routine witness interview tomorrow and be shot just because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time asking questions about the wrong people.

  I know I didn’t want this relationship. That I didn’t want to let anyone in my life. But somehow, Ben with his pressed slacks and his tattoos and his filthy mouth and his enormous heart have worked their way into every part of me.

  I take his face in my hands, lifting him from between my breasts, where he is currently setting up shop with his mouth.

  The look on his face is one of confusion, but I quickly erase it with a kiss so deep and so hard that it leaves us both a bit winded.

  “What was that for? Not that I’m complaining but I would like to know what I did to deserve it so I can do it again.”

  I rub my thumb over his lip, putting together the words in my head that I want to say.

  “That was because I love you.”

  After a few seconds of silence, and Ben likely wondering if what I said was for real, his mouth plunges back into mine, kissing me like I have never been kissed before.

  When he finally pulls away, the look in his eye is one that I thought I might have seen a few times before, but one now I know is for real.

&nb
sp; He loves me too.

  “I love you too Amanda. So much. So damn much.”

  And though I said I was spent earlier, Ben and I make love. Not sex. Not fucking. But for the first time in my life, I am truly making love to someone who I could see being a part of my life for the long haul.

  And also for the first time in my life, that doesn’t scare me. Not one bit.

  Chapter 29

  Ben

  “I seriously don’t know why you bring me along when you don’t listen to a word I say.”

  Tori rolls her eyes at me as she continues to look through a rack of men’s clothing. Clothing that I would buy in a heartbeat. Her motorcycle driving, mechanic, ex-car thief husband? Not so much.

  “Why are you shopping in this store for him anyway? Kalum doesn’t strike me as a button-down and dress slacks kind of guy.”

  Tori holds up two shirts, one in black and one in a dark blue, examining them before putting both back on the rack.

  “For your information Mr. Fancy Pants, my husband does own clothes from this store. It just doesn’t look like it when he pairs it with a leather cuff and wallet chain.” Tori spots one in a slate gray, holds it up but this time doesn’t put it back on the rack. “Plus, I thought you’d enjoy spending a day with your best friend at your favorite store.”

  I could argue with her, but she’d know I was lying. I still don’t know what chain of events happened that led me to become best friends with Tori, but here I am.

  “So what are you getting Amanda for Christmas?”

  The question is a normal one considering the holiday is just about a week away, but the answer is I have no fucking idea. I know what I really want to get her, but I know it’s way too soon for that.

  “She made mention last week of a show she wanted to see, so I’ll probably get her tickets to that. And I saw a puzzle a few weeks ago that I know she’d love.”