Say You're Mine

by Alexis Winter

  We got our warrant to Mr. Abruzzi’s shop. We arrested 10 people on a bevy of charges, including kidnapping, prostitution and money laundering. In those arrests? Mario Abruzzi and Liam Flannery.

  It’s the first time anyone with the last name of Flannery has actually been arrested. The family might be responsible for crimes going back 50 years, but, at least in modern days, have always been able to stay clean.

  But not this time.

  It’s been a long few days since the arrests were made. We got the notice that the bust was going to happen late Sunday night, a day after my run-in with Ben at Perks. After that, it has been nonstop interviews, processing and making sure all of the Is are dotted and Ts are crossed.

  We aren’t going to let something small ruin months and months of work.

  Luckily, I didn’t have to go in on the bust. Thank God. Considering I don’t know what the hell is going on with me (well, for sure) yet, I didn’t want to take a chance. Though it was pretty inconvenient when I had to leave an interrogation room this morning for my scheduled vomit session.

  These are the things I knew would happen if I entertained having a family while being a detective. What if I wouldn’t have been able to get out of being on the team that raided the pizza shop and something happened? Or what happens when I’m in the middle of interviewing someone, and the school calls saying that little Amanda is sick and I need to come get her?

  These were all things that, if they ever happened, were supposed to be with Ben. But, if this is really a thing, would he want to be involved? I know he wants a family, but he pretty much hates me right now. And can I do this alone?

  Unfortunately, I can’t go down that rabbit hole now as Christopher slams a file onto his desk, bringing me back to the present, and not my cloudy future.

  “Did you hear this shit?”

  I shake my head, confused about what is making my normally mild-mannered partner so upset.

  “He’s going to fucking get off.”

  Now I’m confused. “Who?” I ask, though I have a feeling.

  “Fucking Flannery. He lawyered up early, and now it looks like he’s going to get off on the charges.”

  “No. We have evidence of him. We have pictures of him going into the damn shop shaking hands with Mario.”

  “Yeah, well apparently that’s all we have, and no one can prove what went on after that, so he’s going to get off. Fucking Flannerys.”

  Fucking Flannerys indeed. I knew in the back of my mind that our evidence on Liam was thin at best. After months of trying, we finally got an undercover on the inside, and he was able to get photos and recordings of what was going on in there. Like we suspected, it was nothing good. The Flannerys were basically running a brothel out of Mr. Abruzzi’s basement.

  The only problem? That one time we photographed Liam inside shaking hands with Mario is the only proof we have against him. And just like the bust I was a part of six years ago, no one is talking. Which means no one is naming Liam Flannery as the man behind this whole thing.

  “Have we tried talking to Mario again? If anyone would want to save their own skin it’s him.”

  Christopher runs his hands through his hair, clearly frustrated at the turn of events. “I did. The asshole knows what will happen to him if he rats out Liam. He’s been saying all along it’s his idea. He’s trying to take the fall for fucking everything. But when we go ask the others, they are all just staying quiet.”

  And the others don’t have the lawyers that the Flannerys do, so just like six years ago, Mario and his buddies are going to go down for a crime that was organized and done for the Flannery family, and they are going to be free and clear.

  “If we could just get someone to fucking talk. Tell us what we can get Flannery on.”

  I doubt any of the clowns we just arrested are going to talk. It’s all too fresh. They can probably still hear Liam’s voice in their heads giving them instructions for if, or when, they got arrested. They all know that they could end up wearing cement shoes in Lake Michigan if they rat on the Flannery family.

  But what if…

  “Hey, do you have the file still on the O’Shay case?”

  “The one you were looking at a few weeks ago… yeah… it’s right here.”

  Christopher hands me the file and I comb through it quickly, going to exactly the page I want to.

  Aiden O’Shay.

  I read the notes on him again, even though at this point I have them committed to memory.

  Wouldn’t say anything…

  No evidence of physically transporting money…

  Seemed to act as the muscle under his father’s orders…

  Almost talked, but would never crack.

  He wouldn’t talk back then… but what if…

  “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

  I look up at Christopher, a newfound confidence running through me.

  “Want to take a drive?” I say, grabbing my keys and jacket.

  “Where we going?”

  “We’re going to see if we can get a person to talk.”

  Chapter 41

  Ben

  “Now I know for a fact that it’s not that time of the month again.”

  I don’t even look up at Aiden as he’s escorted into the visiting area. I honestly don’t even know why I’m here. But after days of feeling like shit, I needed someone to talk to. Someone to tell me that I’m not crazy for ending what I thought was the best thing to ever happen to me.

  “Dude, have you shaved your face since you were last here? You look like absolute shit.”

  “Thanks. I’m glad I came here for you to greet me with such kindness.”

  I finally look up at him and he takes in my disheveled state. He’s right. I do look like shit. I’m wearing a hoodie and jeans, which are normally reserved for lazy Sundays and running to the grocery store. I don’t remember the last time I actually styled my hair.

  I don’t know who I am right now, and honestly, I am having trouble caring.

  “I’ll never be one to blow smoke up your ass, you know that. So I have no qualms about telling you that you look like hell. What happened? Is everything OK? Did you talk to Amanda?”

  That. That’s the reason I’m here. Aiden won’t lie to me. Liars have no place in my life. It’s always been my motto and that’s what I’m grasping on these days. I need my life black and white. Right and wrong.

  Amanda made it gray.

  “We broke up.”

  “Ah. Now this all makes sense.”

  I hear the words, but barely as his voice was just above a whisper.

  “What was that?”

  He shakes his head. “Nothing. So you guys broke up? Why?”

  I stare at my brother, generally confused as to how he could ask me that. How could he think that I would stay with her after he told me, then she confirmed, that she was the one responsible for his arrest?

  “You know why. She arrested you. She’s a cop and she’s the reason you’re here. And she didn’t tell me about it. How could I stay with someone like that?”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? Jesus fucking Christ Ben, if I was allowed contact right now I’d slap you upside the fucking head. Because you are a fucking idiot.”

  Even when he was pissed that I began visiting him two years ago, he never raised his voice to me like this.

  “The only reason I’m an idiot is because I fell in love with a woman who lied to me.”

  He looks up at the white ceiling, pinching the bridge of his nose before letting out an exasperated breath.

  “I’m going to say this all slowly because apparently my baby brother isn’t exactly comprehending facts correctly these days.”

  “I’m comprehending just fine thank you.”

  “Not from where I’m sitting, and that says a lot considering I am the one who made the choice all those years ago to get involved with the fucking mob.”

  I want to argue that it wasn’t him, but his Dad, but I can’
t. He cuts me off too quickly to get in a word.

  “I know what you’re going to say. Don’t. Let me make this crystal fucking clear to you. Yes, it was my father who introduced me to the Flannerys. Yes, it was his idea to start running drug money for them. But he never held a gun to my head to get involved. It was my decision. Mine and mine alone. It was my decision to not move with you and Mom when she married Frank. It was my decision to go along with Daniel’s plan when I was a grown-ass man and could have made choices for myself. It was my decision to keep my damn mouth shut when I probably could have struck a deal. But I didn’t. So the only person, and I mean the ONLY person to blame for me sitting across the table from you is me.”

  I stay silent, letting his words sink in. I know he’s right. He’s told me this, more or less, over the past two years. But hearing it all at once like that, with more conviction than Aiden has ever possessed, sits differently with me this time.

  “And as for Amanda,” he continues, not giving me the chance to counter. “She seems like a good person. She was doing her job. You want to be all high and mighty about the truth and lies, but what she does for a living, what she has sworn to do, is the most honest thing anyone can do. She puts her life on the line every day to bring people to justice and to put bad men away. I was a bad man, Ben. I know you don’t ever want to admit that, but I was. Maybe I still am, I’m not sure anymore. But I know this… I could tell how happy she made you. And I see you here now and you look worse than I do, and I haven’t seen consistent sunlight in six years.”

  I let out a laugh because I can’t believe in this situation Aiden can make any jokes. But I came here for the truth, and whether I agree with it or not, Aiden gave it to me. I guess I should have watched out for what I asked for.

  “I didn’t know you had all those words in you.”

  “Neither did I. But apparently my little brother being a moron makes me chatty.”

  We sit in silence for a few minutes and I replay his words over again. I know in theory he is right. He made his bed and he’s lying in it. But that still doesn’t give her the excuse of why she didn’t tell me.

  “Wait. Why did you say that she seems like a good person? Did you actually interact with her back then?”

  I swear his jaw gives off the slightest tick, but before I know it, it’s gone.

  “Yeah. I talked to her a few times back then. She was working the counter where we had to enter the store. Kind of hard not to. Seemed like a sweet kid.”

  “Yeah she’s sweet alright. Which is why no one realizes when she’s lying -- going undercover, faking relationships, not telling me that she arrested my damn brother.”

  Aiden lets out a huff to my words, which at this point, I don’t care. He might have made his point, and while I understand what he’s saying, it doesn’t change how I feel.

  “I’m not going to ask about the fake relationship thing, but you need to think about your words,” Aiden says. “She didn’t lie to you. Did she withhold something? Yes. But don’t get all high and mighty about liars when you sit back and think about what you’ve done. Because you’re lying to yourself if you think you’re better off without her.”

  And without saying goodbye, Aiden stands and signals for the guard.

  I wanted the truth and I got it. I just don’t like it very much.

  Chapter 42

  Amanda

  When I was 15 years old, I thought the height of my mortification when it came to Kalum West was when I had to ask him to buy me tampons.

  I don’t know if today falls under the criteria needed to achieve mortification levels, but I do know that I am more nervous today than when I asked my teenage boy best friend to pick me up a box of Supers.

  And he didn’t flinch all those years ago. He walked down to the corner market and came back with not only the box I asked for, but a bag of plain M&Ms.

  He didn’t flinch either today when I asked him to come pick me up from the doctor’s office after it was confirmed that in fact, I was pregnant. And not just pregnant, but about eight weeks along.

  At first I freaked out, and not because of the news that I had suspected. But because I have consumed plenty of alcoholic beverages in the past eight weeks. But the doctor confirmed that what I drank wasn’t in excess, but that he will monitor everything as I go along. He sent me away with a list of prenatal vitamins and a list of dos and don’ts that I need to implement into my life sooner rather than later.

  After my freakout, I think I went into a state of shock. When Kalum finds me, I’m standing on the sidewalk outside my doctor’s office. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. I don’t know if I’ve moved since I stepped into the cold Chicago winter. I don’t feel anything right now. That’s until I feel Kalum’s hand on the small of my back, guiding me to his truck.

  “Where to?” he asks gently.

  I don’t say anything, and before I know it, we are pulling up to his loft, where Tori is waiting for us at the door. They guide me to the couch and I hear their whispered voices from the kitchen, but I can’t make out anything they are saying. The only thing I hear are the voices in my head asking the million questions I have thought about since the doctor told me “congratulations.”

  Do I want this?

  That one was easier than I thought it would be. Yes. I want this. I never thought I did, but I do. If this is what I was meant to have from my time with Ben, then I’m going to treasure every moment with my baby… my reminder of the time in life when I had found love.

  Which now leads to the next train of thought:

  Do I tell Ben?

  I have to. Soon.

  How will he react?

  I know that answer… not well. If he was pissed about me not telling him about Aiden, this will send him off the deep end. I can forget about him every forgiving me. Which now leads to:

  How will I do this alone?

  How can I be a good mother when I don’t know anything about being one?

  How will I keep my job?

  How… just how will I do this?

  I don’t know those answers. But I know I’ll figure it out. I know that I can call Scarlett and she’ll give me every tip in the book about being a single mom. I’ll talk to the department and see what my options are.

  “We’ll get through this… I don’t know how… but we’ll do it together,” I say softly to my stomach, which isn’t showing yet, but I now know holds the new center of my world.

  “I’m guessing you aren’t talking to your imaginary friend,” Tori tries to joke as she takes a seat next to me, Kalum following behind her.

  I shake my head while trying to wipe away a stray tear. “Nope. This little nugget is very real, and apparently will be greeting us with its presence this summer.”

  And with that, the flood gates open. I might have had plenty of internal conversations about my current state, but saying those words aloud to Tori and Kalum apparently is my breaking point.

  I don’t know how long I cry, but they do what any good friends do. They let me.

  They let me cry for the happiness I feel about bringing this unexpected life into the world.

  They let me cry because I’m scared out of my fucking mind.

  They let me cry because instead of telling the father of my child this news, I’m telling them.

  They just let me… cry. I cry so much I pass out on their couch, only to wake to the afternoon sun setting.

  “You OK?” Tori asks, bringing me a glass of water as she takes a seat next to me.

  I sit up, adjust myself so I can take a drink. “Yes. I’m so sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me.”

  “You don’t need to apologize. This is an awesome but scary as fuck thing that’s happening. No one can blame you for your emotions being all over the damn place.”

  I take another drink of the water as Kalum enters the room wearing a sympathetic smile, and carrying a bag of M&Ms.

  “Damnit Kalum. I was just done crying and then you do someth
ing sweet like that.”

  He laughs, taking a seat on the other side of me. “No more tears, especially over a bag of candy.”

  A heavy pause sits between us, and I know what they are wondering. Might as well get it over with.

  “Ben doesn’t know.”

  They each let out a little sigh, probably thankful that they don’t have to be the assholes in asking about him.

  “When are you going to tell him?” Tori asks.

  “I… I don’t know.”

  “Amanda…”

  “Don’t. Don’t Amanda me Kalum. You don’t know what’s going on.”

  “I’m pretty sure I do. He broke up with you for keeping a major secret from him. So now you are going to keep another one from him?”

  When he puts it like that…

  “Sweetie, you know I’ve been Team Amanda since this started, but don’t you think he deserves to know? Don’t make the same mistake twice.”

  I know she’s right. I know I need to tell him.

  “What do I say? ‘Hey Ben. I know you hate me. And I know you’ll never forgive me. Guess what! I did it again!’”

  Tori and Kalum both look at each other, but I know neither of them has the answer either. It will be the worst band-aid I’ve ever had to rip off, but the longer I leave it on, the worse it will be.

  I know that from prior experience. It’s how I am here, crying on my best friend’s couch instead of sharing this moment with Ben.

  Tori takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Be honest with him. If he’s going to be an ass again, then that’s on him. It’s not like you’ve kept this a secret for months. You’ve known for less than a day. Time was your problem before. It doesn’t have to be now.”

  I look at Kalum, who nods at his wife’s words. They are right. This is my chance to not make the same mistake twice.

  I take out my phone and with shaky fingers, I bring up the text message app and scroll to the name I haven’t looked at in weeks.

  Me: Hi. I know I’m not your favorite person, but I really need to talk to you about something. It’s important. Can we meet somewhere? You name the time and place.