Living in Your Hell

by Barb Shuler

  “Derek, get the conference room ready for me, please,” Dani Lynn said. She moved over to him and said something low enough I couldn't hear. Kristol and I helped Colton up to his feet.

  I gave him a tight hug, which he surprisingly returned. I gave a nod to Dani Lynn and moved to the back office of the medical wing with him. I needed to check him over, make sure he didn't hurt himself as he flailed about.

  “Hold up, Sug, I'm coming with ya,” Mama Jay said as she got up with the help of Dani Lynn and Stella. “These old bones ain't as young as they used to be.

  “Come on, old girl, I'll come with,” Mrs. Talbert said. “Shelby, let us help. No one will dare mess with this sweet boy with us here.”

  I couldn't help my smile. Kristol let Colton curl into her as we walked. Thor was right on his heels.

  I looked up towards the ceiling and whispered, “Lord, give me strength.”

  “Amen,” both Mama Jay and Mrs. T said as we went into the exam room. I shut the door.

  Forty-five minutes later I had Colten back in his room, sound asleep. Mama Jay had filled me in on what she knew about him. His mother apparently dropped him off here to get him away from his father. She wanted away from them both, so once she signed him in, she just left him. Bitch gets a mother of the year award, for sure. His dad - who hadn't been around but for the last couple of years - had beat on him, and generally treated the kid like shit. He had multiple cigarette burn scars on the back of his neck and one shoulder, scars on his lower back and hip area, and from what Mama Jay said, he'd had a few broken bones before he'd gotten here.

  I was furious. If I could get my hands on someone… What in the hell was wrong with people? Seriously! Were these individuals heartless? Soulless even? Were they ever going to learn the difference between disciplining a child, and trying to kill them? I'd like to line up people like Kaitlin’s and mine, and now Colton's, father and beat the ever loving shit out of them. I’d beat them until they were ready to give in. Stupid fucking assholes.

  I'd gone by the kitchen, grabbed a glass of tea and popped two Tylenol into my mouth as I headed towards the conference room. Everyone was surely there by now. It was in a secure place, away from the patients here. I followed the voices and walked into the room. I glanced up at the screen and froze. The man in that video - they had his face superimposed on the screen. A still shot. I knew that face. I knew that scowl. It was a face that haunted my nightmares.

  “No!” I gasped.

  My father’s face stared into the camera - a camera which I'm sure he didn't know was there - as he scanned the building. The glass in my fingers slipped and shattered at my feet. My heart stopped. My world once again turned upside down.

  “Shelby,” I heard Charlie calling my name but I was frozen in terror. Why was he back? I didn't understand any of this. “Shelby!” The deep rumble of my name made me blink. That's when the world came rolling back into view. The noise of the room had faded to nothing. Everyone's gaze locked on me.

  “No, no!” I closed my eyes and I swallowed back the lump of emotion in my throat.

  “What is it, baby?”

  “Is it Colton? Is he okay?”

  “What's going on?”

  Everyone had questions, but my focus went from Charlie to the screen and back.

  “That-” I whispered as my voice broke cutting off the rest of my words. I couldn't be seeing what I thought I was seeing.

  “What is it, baby? Do you know that man?” He glanced back at the black and white picture of my father on the screen. I nodded my head slightly, my heart was hammering in my chest.

  “Who is it?” Someone called out. The room got its answer, but it wasn't from me.

  “Shelby, sweetheart, what is it?” I glanced at Sheriff Cartwright as he came up to stand beside Charlie. Robert, Charlie’s father moved to the other side of him.

  “That's her father,” a growling, old voice called out from behind me. I turned to see Papa, scowling at the screen

  “You sure?” someone asked.

  “Yes,” Papa seethed.

  Both Sheriff Cartwright and Robert looked at the screen again, exchanged a look and moved from sight. I was shaking. Anger, fear, confusion… my mind was racing as Charlie’s grip tightened on my arms.

  “He-he-”

  “Shh, I've got you, baby. He won't hurt you again,” Charlie said as he moved closer, his strong arms wrapping around me as I tried to catch my breath.

  “Wait, hold up a minute!”

  Everyone stopped moving about and looked up at Derek. A strange look crossed his face but was gone so fast I thought maybe I was seeing things. He tapped a few keys on his tablet and then looked directly at me.

  “What, D?” Dani Lynn asked as she moved to his side. He pointed at his tablet and Dani Lynn cursed before she looked at me.

  “What, dammit? What is it now!” Charlie snapped. I knew. If this was the footage Colton had freaked out over… if this man was his father…. and he was my father…

  “Oh. My. God.” I painted out. I pulled from Charlie’s embrace and whirled around to ask Papa if it was possible, but he was gone.

  “Shelby?” Charlie said my name and I turned to him.

  “If that…. bastard is my father… and Colton’s that means….”

  “Holy shit!”

  “Son of a bitch!”

  The room once again erupted into loud voices and people pulling out cell phones. I slipped out of the room and ran towards the room I'd left Colton in. I needed answers - I only hoped he could help me find them.

  Charlie

  We couldn’t catch a fucking break. The minute everything started clicking together we all sprang into action. Three hours later we were all converged on the front lawn of the “Helping Hands, Healing Hearts” crisis center forming surveillance schedule with the Police Department.

  Both Chief Mason Amerson and Gabe agreed that this man was going to be trouble. As I leaned up against the porch railing I heard someone coming up behind us. I turned and relaxed seeing Stella and Dani Lynn coming from the side of the building. There was crunching of grass from the other side as Drew and Derek came our way.

  “All cameras are working, the night vision cameras have been adjusted and wirelessly hooked to both the front desk inside and my tablet, which is hooked to the web interface at the station. If something crosses the beams it'll send an alert to all the connected satellite bases and in return to our phones.”

  Gabe nodded at Derek. The man was proud of his grandson. Blood or not, Gabe relished having the kid on our team. I went to ask a question but was cut off by Chief Amerson.

  “Did anyone understand that?” he asked, chuckling softly.

  “What he said is if anything crosses the invisible beam we have set up, we’ll all receive an emergency chime on our phones. Similar to the alarms you get for amber alerts,” Dani Lynn said, beaming as she patted Derek’s arm.

  “Good, good,” Chief Amerson said.

  His attention was pulled back to the large brown and black Shepherd - Hulk - and Officer Kruger as he came back around the street side of the building. Lieutenant Ridgewood was on his heels.

  “We lost the trail. He must have had a car waiting,” the officer said. He gave the dog a command and took a bottle of water from another officer. He made sure the dog was hydrated before taking some for himself.

  “Don't worry. If he shows back up here we can handle it until backup comes,” Stella grinned.

  “I don't expect you to do anything to put yourself in danger,” Chief Amerson said, scowling.

  “I mean no disrespect, nor do I want it to seem like I don't trust the local law enforcement, but-”

  “Dani Lynn,” Drew said in warning. I grinned.

  “No. If that man or anyone else comes here, onto my property and threatens anyone, he’ll be dealt with. I promised myself six years ago to never be a victim again, and I've promised those scared people inside those walls the same.”

  “Mrs. Landry, I unde
rstand, but it is not your place to take the law into your own hands,” Lieutenant Ridgewood said.

  “Well, Lieutenant, my .38 says different,” she snapped, scowling at the man before going back inside. Stella gave them all a hard look and followed suit.

  I snorted. That went well.

  17

  What a Mess…

  Shelby

  It’s been a little over three weeks now since the sperm donor, aka my bastard father, has shown his face in town, for a second time. Let me tell you how this web of crap has sprung up all over. Papa has been quiet, all but isolating himself from everyone. He’s brooding and blaming himself. Has he said that out loud? No, but I know my Papa. Derek has called in his friend Hatcher - who is an FBI agent - to help trace the bastard’s life once he was released from prison. We’ve put in for a DNA test on both Colton and I, just to be sure. And, I feel like a jackrabbit on speed - yet - I’m as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

  My nerves are shot. Destroyed. Dead.

  He’s popping up in places just long enough to be seen, then he just up and disappears. Gone. Poof. Like he’s a ghost. If I were the only one seeing him, and we didn’t have him on film, I’d swear I was losing my marbles. That could still be the case, though. The jury is still out on that.

  One good thing has come of the craziness around here. Kaitlyn and Colton have gotten a little closer. He seems to liven up when she or any of the other little ones are around. Of course, Kaitlyn eats up the attention. She actually has someone wanting to play with her, to be her friend and she doesn’t have to worry about doing something wrong. With this revelation, you know what that has changed for us all? Yes, you guessed it. An endless amount of playdates. As many as we can stand to put together.

  Today will be a little different for Colton and Kaitlyn. Instead of the kids all going to the center, or one of our houses, we are swarming Gabe’s backyard. He decided that we all needed a wind down day. So, he’s throwing a big family bar-b-que. There will be games for the kids, and hopefully a few cold drinks for the adults.

  “Uh, Sweet Pea... Can you come here a minute?” Papa called out from the back room. I made a face at his tone and poked Kaitlyn’s nose before looking at Colton.

  “Can you help her with her other sandal? I’ll be right back, then we can go to Gabe’s.” At his nod I went in search of my Papa. I saw him looking at a piece of paper, with tears in his eyes. My heart lurched as I moved to him. “Papa, what is it?”

  “This just came in. The FBI pulled a few strings, got the preliminary DNA results.. He’s- God, Shelby, he’s Harrison’s boy,” Papa said. I sighed, because I had already figured that out. If you look at those big green eyes, and his dirty blonde hair, it’s sort of obvious. Confirmation makes it all the more real. I swallowed and nodded.

  “I figured as much. How? Dammit. I wish we had known sooner,” I said, absentmindedly running my tongue over my bottom lip.

  “That’s not all, Sweet Pea. The other blood work I did on you, for your physical last week. It’s in here too. You- you might want to see this for yourself,” he said, handing me a folded piece of paper. His expression was now unreadable. I swallowed hard, my stomach flipping with nerves. I opened it and scanned the contents. My eyes widened at the last line of the test.

  PREGNANCY TEST: POSITIVE

  My heart thundered. I swear I could feel it in my throat. “Holy shit,” I gasped. “Papa.”

  “Is this good news, Sweet Pea?” he asked, hesitantly.

  “Oh.My.God! Yes! Yes, this is fantastic news!” I almost shouted as I threw my arms around him. I sniffed back tears as he gave me a tight squeeze.

  “I’m so happy for you, Sweet Pea. I love you so much. I can’t wait to meet my- Jiminy crickets. My great-grand baby,” he said, a broad smile playing at his lips.

  “Papa! Oh my god, I can’t wait to tell Charlie!” I squealed and did a happy dance where I stood. He chuckled, for the first time in weeks looking like his old self again.

  “Go on,” he said. “I’ll meet y’all there. I’m in charge of picking up Jayna and Elaine.” He kissed my cheek and I nodded.

  “Okay, don’t be late. I- I’ll wait until everyone is there to announce the pregnancy.”

  “You’re pregnant?” Colton asked, scaring the bejesus out of me. I clutched my chest and bit back a curse. I laughed softly and moved to where he stood, holding Kaitlyn’s hand.

  “Wads am pregnant?” she asked, screwing her nose up.

  “Means she’s gonna have a baby,” Colton said, his voice sounding off.

  “It means, we,” I said motioning between the three of us, “are going to be doing some work in the house. Or, I should say more work. We have to paint Colton's room still, don’t we, princess?” I asked Kaitlyn. The surprise on Colton’s face made my heart soar.

  “Wait, my room? What do you mean?” he asked.

  “Come on, I’ll explain it on the drive over to Gabe’s.”

  I led them out of the building and down to my new Jeep SUV. I got Kaitlyn into her carseat, and made sure Colton was snapped in before getting in myself. It wouldn’t take long to get to Gabe’s, but I had said I’d explain things.

  “Alright, guys, we can’t tell Charlie about the baby. Not yet, I want to surprise him, okay?” I said, checking the road before I pulled out.

  “Okay,” Colton said, a small grin on his face.

  “Otaaaaays. I nots tells Daddy, Mommy,” Kailtlyn sang out. I couldn’t help the big ass grin that played across my face.

  “Why are you making a room for me?” Colton asked. I blew out a breath and chewed on my lip for a moment, trying to get my words just right.

  “Well- you remember that test we did? The DNA test, I mean?” I asked.

  “Yeah. You wanted to see if you and I had the same dad. Right?” He asked, unsure.

  “Yes, that’s right. Papa got the results back today. You and I share a dad. So, you’re my little brother. I mean-”

  “Cool,” he said, cutting me off. I let out the breath I was holding.

  “So, if you’d be okay with it… Charlie and I would like you to move in with us.”

  “Cooooome tays wid meeeeeeeeee,” Kaitlyn sang out, very loudly. I laughed, as did Colton.

  “I- are you sure? I- I think I'd like that,” he said, his cheeks flushed as his smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

  “It would make us very happy. I'd like to get to know my favorite little brother,” I said, grinning.

  “Meeeeee toooooo. You's be my budders tooooooo!”

  “No baby, Colton is your uncle… erm, he's like Uncle Trevor.”

  “Ohhhh…. buts, buts I wans a budder too!” I laughed at her bottom lip being stuck out.

  I pulled up into Gabe’s drive and parked under a big tree. Once I was out, I helped Kaitlyn out of her car seat. Her pout was on full display and I kissed her head.

  “Maybe the baby in my tummy is a boy, he'd be your brother.” I hoped I wasn't about to get myself into trouble.

  “Otay, I wans thats,” she said. I laughed nervously and hugged her to me before putting her on her feet.

  “I hear little people. Go on, I'll be right behind you. You too, Colt,” I said. He stared at me for a minute and then his smile grew wide. He hugged me, shocking the hell out of me, then took off after Kaitlyn.

  My heart soared. No matter the bad, there was always something good. My good was my husband, my baby girl, and now, my little brother. I'd do everything within me to make sure those two grew up knowing just how loved they were. I took a deep breath to calm my overly emotional self and grabbed the bag of chips, and snacks for the kids before heading towards the back yard.

  Two hours later we all had fully bellies and Gabe’s backyard was literally full of people. Papa, Mrs. Talbert, Mama Jay, Dani Lynn, Drew, Jackson, Kristol, Anna, Trevor, Shayna, Peter, Charlie, myself, Robert, Stella, Trace, Wayne and of course the brood of children running around, which included, Derek, Lana and Carter. T
alk about a lot of mouths to feed.

  Papa, Mrs. Talbert and Mama Jay had decided to call it a night not too long before it would be getting dark. I knew none of them liked driving in the dark, but they refused to let any of us drive them back. Stubborn old people!

  So here we sat. Gabe, Robert and Wayne were talking about planning a hunting trip and the rest of us was laughing at their back and forth on the details.

  “Daddy,” Stella said addressing Wayne. “Can I come too? These bozo’s wouldn't let me go with them the last time.” She nodded towards her brothers and they all laughed.

  “Sorry, Princess, this is for old men only. But you and I can go soon. I promise,” Wayne said.

  “Ugh, fine. You all suck,” she huffed.

  “Hey, we should all go hunting,” Dani Lynn said. Kristol and I exchanged a look as Dani Lynn and Stella both grinned.

  “As fun as that sounds, I pass,” Kristol said.

  “Me too,” I said. “I'm not a Bambi killer.”

  “Hey,” Stella protested. “You two are spoilsports.”

  “Yeah, well, suck it up. I ain't shooting my own dinner,” Kristol laughed softly.

  The group continued chatting about nothing in particular, other than to pick at each other, when there was a loud crashing sound. Someone screamed, someone else was cursing. We all leapt to our feet when Lana screamed for me. I raced to the back of the property where the kids had been playing.

  Colt was bent over, Derek trying to get him to straighten up. Kaitlyn and Ryan were screaming and dancing around while Tyler was swinging her little plastic bat at the ground.

  “What the hell?” Dani Lynn cursed.

  “Lana? Oh shit, everyone back. Now,” Gabe said. I moved towards Colton and left Charlie and the boys to get the little ones.

  “What happened?” I asked.