The Complete Adventures of Victoria Neaves & Romney

by Michael White

  “Mother.” He asked and lady Montague turned to face him, confusion on her face too, “Where is father?”

  “I have no idea.” she said quietly; almost a whisper.

  She looked around the room one more time almost as if checking that she was correct, and she began to feel light headed, for as she looked around the room the only people inside it were the people she had just entered it with. Of Lord Harrington there was no sign.

  The room was completely empty.

  ***

  Royston climbed out of the elevator cage at the top of the zeppelin tower that stood beside the east wing of Harrington Hall, rising above the black slated roof and redundant chimneys by a good fifty feet. The night was dark but so far dry, though dark shaded clouds scudding across the moonlit ravaged night seemed to indicate that this was not going to be the case for much longer. There was but a minor breeze at ground level but this high up it became sharp and biting. Royston shivered involuntarily.

  The west wing was perfectly visible in the moonlight from here, the full extent of the damage that the fire that had ripped through that part of the building plainly evident from this viewpoint. Sighing the butler turned and watched silently as the shape of a long sleek zeppelin descended through the dark clouds above and began to approach the docking arm.

  Royston whistled in admiration. The Rolls Royce Villiers engines on the small cruiser style craft spoke volumes about the owner, for these were the best engines available on the market. The cabin itself was sleek and built for speed.

  “Probably a fifteen-man cruiser.” He said aloud as rain began to patter on the platform around him. Almost subconsciously he opened the umbrella by his side, raising it above his head. As the wind buffeted it a bit he held it steady. The zeppelin moved expertly alongside the docking arm and the connecting steam driven pistons secured the craft to the tower as the shining metal engines shut down and the noise of the craft abated, the sound of the wind and the rain drumming along the metal platform loudly. As Royston watched, the hatch on the zeppelin opened and a quiet hissing sound rose from the doorway as the landing hatch swung down from the craft and secured itself to the tower. The lights within the cabin dimmed and a small figure appeared on the walkway, walking along the platform without even holding onto the handrail and turning onto the tower platform, approached the butler.

  Royston examined her carefully. She was no more than just over five foot in height he estimated, and of slim build. She was pretty in a unique way, her hair blonde and tied back behind her head in a small bob. She smiled at him and held her hand out.

  Royston was not used to this. Butlers normally did not shake hands with anybody, and then he looked at her smiling at him and held his hand out.

  “Victoria Neaves.” She said and Royston felt her handshake was definitely not very feminine. It was far too firm for a start. The woman however intrigued him for several other reasons, for she had a confident air about her, her poise seeming to indicate that she had not only great self-assurance but also a certain, well… superiority was not the correct word, but he was not terribly sure quite what the right word was, close enough though. He felt somehow that she was looking at him with a sense of weighing him up and assessing him whilst at the same time hardly seeming to look at him at all.

  “Pleased to meet you Ms. Neaves.” Said Royston, having observed the lack of wedding ring on her hand. “Will there be any crew members wishing to disembark?” He smiled politely, “We could give them something to eat in the servants’ quarters if that is agreeable.”

  “No crew.” She smiled, “I fly the old bird myself.”

  “Really?” Said Royston, his eyebrows rising higher by the second. “It is quite a ship though I do have to say. Still I cannot recall any female zeppelin captains ever docking here before.”

  “Oh stuff and nonsense.” Said Victoria, “It virtually drives itself I find.” She smiled, and as he raised the umbrella above her head they made their way to the tower lift that would take them to the ground below.

  “Shall we?” He asked and they entered the cage and having waited for the steam locked doors to close, began to descend to the ground. The descent took hardly any time at all and they found themselves outside the front doors of the mansion on a large gravel drive that was lit by gas lamps that were dotted along it at what appeared to be set intervals.

  “This way my lady.” Said Royston and he guided her underneath the umbrellas, the rain now cold and falling heavily around them. He led her to a large portico, and as they entered the Babbage controlled motion sensors switched on and the reception area was bathed in light.

  “Lady Harrington and her family await you in the main drawing room.” Said the butler, leading her off to a set of double doors on her right.

  “Thank you.” She said, smiling as the butler opened the door and guided her in.

  “Ms. Victoria Neaves.” He announced her and Victoria looked about the large well lit drawing room, observing the five people sprawled across the elegant furniture. Victoria smiled brightly and entered the room.

  “Standard sweep, Romney.” She said to her demon assistant, the command non vocalised, only given in her mind, “Weapons and poisons. Any occult traces.”

  “Okay boss.” He replied into her head and smiling, Victoria approached the older woman who had stood up to greet her.

  ‘Lady Harrington.” She said and Victoria curtseyed, shaking the woman's hand carefully.

  “Lady Harrington. A pleasure to meet you.” She said, “A pity it is in such circumstances.”

  “Indeed.” She smiled. “Introductions.” She said. “This is my eldest daughter Charlotte and my eldest son Montague. William here is my youngest son, and Nigel here is a friend of the family.”

  “Pleased to meet you all.” Said Victoria, shaking hands with them all in turn until she came to Nigel. “Nigel - “she said and the man looked at her curiously before suddenly shaking his head.

  “I do beg your pardon.” He said, “It has been rather a long evening.” He said, “Nigel Cavendish. I am Lord Harrington’s business colleague of old ostensibly, but also a friend of the family I am proud to say.”

  “Nothing revealed by the scan.” Said Romney in her head, “The business colleague bloke is carrying a pretty substantial hip flask though. Brandy.”

  “Thanks, Romney.” She replied, smiling at Cavendish as if having two simultaneous conversations was something that she found herself doing frequently, even if that was actually proving to be the case more and more these days.

  “Pleased to meet you, sir.” She said. “Now I have been contacted to assist by Inspector Vaillant. Is he available?”

  “I believe he is in the King’s Tower.” Said Royston who was standing unobtrusively by the now closed door to the room. “I could take you there if you so desire.”

  “That would be very helpful.” Said Victoria. “Lady Harrington I shall return after having spoken to the inspector. If you could all refrain from retiring for the night that would be useful.”

  “Oh I don’t think any one of us could manage to sleep.” Said Charlotte. “And it is only just after ten o’clock.”

  “Thank you.” She said turning to leave as Royston held the door open for her.

  “What is your involvement with the investigation into my father’s disappearance?” Asked Charlotte. Victoria turned back to her.

  “I work on a consultative basis.” She said, registering the wry amusement on the young girl’s face.

  “What exactly does that mean?” Giggled Charlotte and Victoria smiled even more widely.

  “Oh it means whatever it is that you want it to mean.” She said darkly, but remembering to smile as she said it. She saw a brief flash of anger and irritation on the young girl’s face and then it was gone.

  “I will be back later.” Said Victoria as she left the room and began to follow the butler through the dark rooms, a lamp held up by him to guide their way.

  “Bet you it’s him.” Sa
id Romney in her head.

  “Him that did what?” Asked Victoria.

  “Did away with lord what’s his face.”

  “Why on Earth do you think that?” She smiled as they passed through one set of double doors and into the next room.

  “Butler always does it.” Said the demon, his voice giving away the fact that he was not entirely serious.

  “Well we don't actually have a body.” She said, “Only a disappearance. So nobody has “done away with” anyone as you so succinctly put it.”

  “Ah he’s as dead as doornails.” Said Romney. “You mark my words.”

  “We could have a small bet on it.” She said and Romney chuckled.

  “Done.” he said and she could almost hear him rubbing his hands, “Five guineas.”

  “Five it is.” Said Victoria. “By the way. Talking of butler’s how is our new butler getting on?”

  “Well he hasn’t quit yet.” Chuckled Romney, “Not like the last two.”

  “Well that’s good.” She said, “Though he is quite unusual, don’t you find?”

  “Unusual?” Laughed Romney, “He’s a bloody vam-”

  “Don’t say it!” Said Victoria, cutting him off. “He’s a bit sensitive about it.”

  “That and sunlight too I should imagine.” Said the demon slyly.

  “Oh I don’t think so.” She said, “Besides he has spectacles that seem shaded almost. Protection from the sun I think.”

  Royston opened another set of double doors and they continued into the next room, the lamp illuminating the furniture and pictures on the wall eerily as they walked on in silence.

  “Why aren’t these rooms lit, Royston?” She asked.

  “Cost ma’am.” He replied, “Harrington Hall Has fallen upon hard times I am afraid. After the fire as good as destroyed the entire west wing three years ago the heart seems to have fallen out of the place. Lord Harrington is forever saying that one day he will have to sell up.”

  “Desperate times.” She said.

  “Very much so.” Replied the butler and they continued on across the room.

  Victoria could not help but admire the man’s dedication to his work. She had decided that she required a butler herself as the only person who was available to open the door when a visitor called was herself, and it hardly fitted with her new job as consultative detectorist to be seen to having to answer her own door. She had her maid Fanelda of course, but as she was a ghost her opening the door was at best a haphazard affair. So she had placed an advertisement in the Times and soon she had whittled it down to a shortlist of three.

  Mister Simeons had been the first candidate she had put on a week’s trial, but he had quit after no more than three hours.

  “You are aware that this house is haunted?” He had stammered, white-faced and pasty looking as he removed his jacket and placed on his raincoat.

  “Of course.” Said Victoria, “But she does make rather a lovely cup of tea.”

  “Too unconventional for me I think” Simeons had sniffed, “And heaven only knows what is going on with that cat.”

  He had left without any further to-do and Victoria was butler-less once again.

  “Scaredy cat.” Mumbled Romney, “Fancy being scared of the ghost of a maid.”

  “Have you ever heard her when she spills anything?” smiled Victoria.

  “No.”

  “Well then. I would give her a wide berth if she does so if I were you.”

  Mister Tibbs, the golem contained metal cat was the reason for the departure of the second butler candidate, Mister Hollins, after two days.

  “Your cat has just nearly killed me with a laser beam that if I hadn't been holding the silver tea tray and deflected the death ray would have more than likely cut me in half.”

  “Tell me.” Smiled Victoria as Hollins removed the butler’s jacket and reached for his hat, “Did by any chance the laser beam bounce off the tray and then proceed on its way to hit and kill any rodent like creatures?” Hollins sniffed angrily as if he as being caught out relating an untruth, or at least avoiding certain aspects of the facts to hand.

  “Yes it did.” He muttered. “In fact it split the beam in two and managed to decapitate two mice simultaneously.”

  “Well then,” smiled Victoria, “I suspect that you will find that you were part of Mister Tibbs plan all along and were never in any particular danger in the first place.”

  “Nevertheless.” Sniffed Mister Hollins, “Nevertheless.”

  The third candidate was very much a different creature altogether.

  Literally.

  It had been a bright sunny day just over a week ago and one day since Mister Hollins had decided that Mister Tibbs was trying to kill him and had left. She had one remaining candidate left who was due for an interview in five minutes. Victoria pulled out the letter from her writing desk and examined the careful, neat handwriting one more time. It was certainly something to be admired. Despite the fact that the paper was unlined, the letters were straight and level; not just horizontally but vertically too. It was a masterwork of calligraphy. She turned her eyes to the name at the bottom of the letter one more time and gave a wry smile. Count Viktor Von Saugenblut was the candidate's name and as she looked at the letter for a little longer the doorbell rang.

  As she stood to answer it her clock chimed three o’clock precisely.

  “Wow.” said Romney, “That’s good timekeeping.”

  “I’ll say.” Said Victoria and she went to open the door. As she did so she saw a tall man standing there in a long waistcoat. His hair was long and dark, falling down his back from beneath his tall black top hat. On his face he wore the most unusual spectacles, the glass in them being dark and shaded. Tinted, almost. She had never seen the like before.

  “Good afternoon.” He said solemnly, removing his hat and giving a small bow before placing it under his arm. “I am Count Viktor von Saugenblut and I have come in application vor the position of butler.”

  “Please come in.” said Victoria, and as he stepped inside he held his hand out and Victoria shook hands. His were extremely cold, but she saw him looking around eagerly, before frowning at the hat stand upon which he was now placing his top hat. As he hung it on the stand he stepped forward and moved the whole hat stand an inch to the right before stepping back and examining it once again.

  “That is better.” He said, “I do so much like ze order.”

  “Excellent.” Said Victoria and they went through to the drawing room where a pot of tea had appeared almost as if by magic.

  “I vill pour.” Said Viktor, and checking that she did not require sugar he poured her tea and placed it in front of her.

  “I do not take the sugar either.” He said, Victoria desperately trying to place his accent. It sounded like one of the Baltic States but she was not quite sure which one. “Sveet tooth, you see.” He smiled, revealing a fine full set of impressive looking teeth.

  “So Count Saugenblut.” She said and the man waved his hands in the air as if embarrassed.

  “No, No.” he said, “Please please call me Viktor.”

  ‘Very well Viktor.” She said, “Tell me what previous experience you have as a butler and any references.”

  Forty-five minutes later Victoria began to regret asking the question in the first place, for the man's employment history did appear to be quite extensive, and covered at her last tally of more than the last eighty years, despite the man himself looking no older than mid to late forties. Eventually she had to interrupt him as he seems to be about to pass the one-hundred-year mark.

  “References?” She asked and he looked a little embarrassed.

  “Unfortunately my last vork I had to leave somevot… hastily, shall ve say?”

  “I see.” Said Victoria. Despite herself she found herself warming to the man, and after all she had always thought that it took all sorts to make the world.

  “Tell me Viktor.” She said sternly, “I am not going to have angry crowds
of villagers carrying pitchforks and torches up the hill am I?” He looked at her suspiciously.

  “Vell.” he said, “Technically speaking ze house is not on a hill.”

  “It’s a theoretical question.” She replied, her lack of a smile making him appear to be more than a little uneasy. He reached forward and moved his tea cup half an inch to the right, straightened up and then tutted, moving it back a quarter of an inch.

  “That's better.” He said almost to himself before apparently returning to consider her question.

  “No.” he said finally, “Doctor Finlayson's home plasma delivery service is a very efficient and shall we say… flavoursome supplier zese days.”

  “Excellent.” Said Victoria, “You are hired.”

  “Are you sure?” Asked Romney in her head “He’s a vamp…”

  “Enough of zat.” Said Viktor in both Romney and Victoria’s heads. “All I want is ze quiet life.”

  “I am afraid I am not terribly happy about you cutting in with my conversion with Romney.” Said Victoria.

  “Very well.” Said Viktor sulkily, “I promise not to do it again. I will tune out as zey say.”

  “Too right.” Sniffed Romney and Viktor rolled his eyes before standing and moving a plant pot on the window ledge three inches to the right and then sitting back down again.

  After that they had agreed terms and now Viktor was on his second week. As he had promised he seemed to be completely unaware of her conversations with Romney and had even taken to flirting somewhat with Fanelda who lapped it up with relish. In fact, she seemed to be more corporeal by the day. Mister Tibbs was of course completely oblivious to the new butler, and continued to decimate the mice on a regular basis.

  She found Viktor all in all to be a very conscientious employee, her only slight quibbles with him being that he did seem to have quite a thing about where everything was placed, for she constantly found him moving things around as if trying to find exactly the right spot for them. The other thing was the bi-weekly deliveries of a box from the shop of Doctor Finlayson which she let Viktor deal with himself, which he seemed to be keen to do so. Apart from this everything seemed to be working out fine, which was just as well for her detectoring business seemed to be picking up quite a momentum.