Lost in Love

by Madeline Kennet

  Lost in Love

  by Madeline Kennet

  Copyright © 2017 Madeline Kennet

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this work may be used in any way without permission of the author.

  This is a work of fiction.

  Any resemblance to actual events or persons living or dead is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Cover image: plampy/Shutterstock

  Blue Skies

  Pale Blossoms

  Paths Chosen

  Lost Love

  Unexpected Joy

  Falling into Place

  Regrets and Resolutions

  Love Gone Astray

  Reasons for Marriage

  Advantage in Adversity

  Devoted Declaration

  Sunshine over Shadow

  Cozy Conversations

  Clear Path

  Certain of Love

  Blue Skies

  Elizabeth Bennet left Hunsford on a fine spring day which was graced by a cloudless blue sky and a brightly shining sun. Stepping out of the parsonage, she was greeted by the sweet floral scent wafting from a lilac tree which stood by the front gate. She breathed in the heavenly aroma appreciatively and admired the delicate pale purple flowers as she made her way down the path.

  At the gate, she paused for one last look at the trim parsonage and Mr. Collin’s precisely laid out garden, with its cross-walks and well-kept beds. This scene had become familiar and comfortable, but she would be glad to leave behind a place which was also associated with disagreeable memories. This house had been the scene of Mr. Darcy’s extraordinary proposal. Walking into the lane, she surveyed the lush green park where she had often encountered him in the last few weeks, and where he had handed her the letter which had been the cause of so much agony and distress.

  Along the palings on either side, there were clumps of daisies, which had carelessly arranged themselves in defiant contrast with Mr. Collin’s tidy organization, and the elegant sweep of Lady Catherine’s property. These were Elizabeth’s favourite flowers and she had been watching their advent with pleasure. The gay blooms which they now sported were a cheerful farewell sight.

  The others were close behind her, and this disturbance of their fine day set some nearby birds to frantic chirping in warnings to each other. Amid their racket, she said goodbye to Charlotte with some sadness. She would miss her friend and was sorry to be depriving her of much needed company, but there was consolation in knowing that Charlotte was satisfied with the path she had chosen. She had not looked for love and did not regret the lack of it in her life.

  Parting with Mr. Collins, on the other hand, gave her great pleasure except for being such a drawn-out business. She was sensible of his hospitality and graciously thanked him for it, but he could not simply accept that and part with ordinary good wishes. He would go on in his ridiculous manner about the favour she had done him by gracing his humble abode. Idiotic man! He had done this already while waiting for the chaise to arrive, not to mention doing his best to find out that she had been impressed by the experiences of her visit and the attentions of Lady Catherine. Even as she stepped into the carriage, he was still wishing to ascertain that she would carry favourable reports of his happy life into Hertfordshire. His high-pitched voice vying with the squawks of the birds who echoed her eagerness for an end to this scene of parting.

  At last he stepped back, and the carriage was set into motion. Elizabeth waved to Charlotte rather sympathetically, but to Mr. Collins with a great deal of relief. Taking leave of him gave her a feeling of emancipation. How pleasant it would be not to hear any more of his moralizing or his extravagant praises of Lady Catherine and her home. Departing that lady’s company also gave a feeling of great liberation. Elizabeth would certainly not miss those stagnant evening spent at Rosings. In London, there would be far better company, whose intelligent conversation, and strong affection would help her to stop thinking so much about Mr. Darcy, as she had been doing so frequently in her solitary walks during the past week.

  Since his unexpected proposal, her mind had been a jumble of confused thoughts and feelings. His letter, in which he had put forth his own perspective concerning everything she thought she knew of him, had forced her to re-examine her opinions of him. In some ways, she still thought him a proud and disagreeable man, but from the evidence presented concerning his dealings with Mr. Wickham, she had been compelled to acknowledge the rightness of his actions, which had tempered her feelings toward him and even made her capable of sympathizing with all he had suffered from being so ill used by that gentleman.

  Mr. Darcy’s criticisms of her family she still thought arrogant and ungentlemanly, but her awareness that his opinions were not unfounded was discomfiting. Her family had not behaved as they should and had given him good reasons for advising his friend not to pursue a match with her sister.

  Her mother’s loud comments about getting Jane a rich husband could not have failed to find their way into his ears. It was not entirely surprising that he thought both mother and daughter had sought the match out of financial considerations alone. Elizabeth had sighed many times in recalling some of the statements which her mother had made during those autumn days when she had been convinced that Jane’s security was guaranteed. From Elizabeth’s perspective at the time, it had seemed that her dearest sister’s happiness was guaranteed as well, and she had felt the disappointment almost as much as Jane.

  Now, knowing that her family’s foolishness and reprehensible behavior was to blame, she was feeling her sister’s loss afresh, and regretting all her own failed attempts to curtail her younger sister’s excesses and to encourage her father to check their behavior.

  It was no wonder that she had not been in the best of spirits during her last week at Hunsford; however, this delightful morning made her more determined that her return home would mark the beginning of more caution in the formation of her impressions and opinions. The next time she met somebody, she would not allow herself to form prejudices as she had done in Mr. Darcy’s case. Her incivility to him had been added to her mother’s and sister’s transgressions and only served to worsen his opinion of her family. Things might have been different if she had treated him with greater respect instead of teasing and provoking him.

  She half wished that it was possible to apologize for that, and for the unfairness of having reproached him concerning Mr. Wickham. The injustice that she had done Mr. Darcy weighed heavily on her mind these days. However, she acknowledged that it was for the best if they did not meet again. She doubted that any good could come of further conversation between the two of them. They simply could not get along.

  Pale Blossoms

  There were several small orchards along the lane which led from Hunsford to the high road. In March, Elizabeth had noted the neat rows of trees with a sparse covering of leaves. Now the branches were filled out with a fine quantity of greenery and adorned with an abundance of frothy blossoms. White flowers covered the trees like blankets of snow. Pale pink cherry blossoms were displayed perfectly against the china blue sky. At the base of these trees, the grass was an emerald green.

  These tender flowers would soon give way to clusters of glossy cherries, and later other branches would bend with the weight of shiny apples, streaked in red and green. That would make a fine display. Elizabeth was a little sorry she would not be there to see these orchards at the peak of their productivity, but she was glad to have been at the right time to see this beautiful sight today.

  She hoped the weather would hold fine for some time. Glorious days like this would help both her and Jane to move forward and seek happiness in whatever way it could be found. Jane’s disappointment would always be a cause of some lingering sadness, but t
he past must not turn them toward bitterness, or keep them from finding contentment in what they had. A life without romantic love did not have to be an unsatisfactory one. There was much joy to be found in the appreciation of a beautiful world and the company of family and friends.

  It was to see two of the dearest members of her family circle that she was now going. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner, her aunt and uncle who had been hosting Jane in London the past few months, had invited Elizabeth and Maria to stay with them for several days. There was more fun to be had before this holiday was over. Back in March, the Gardiners had spoken of taking an outing if the weather was suitable for it, and it looked as though that would be the case. Hampton Court had been the proposed object of their excursion, and Elizabeth hoped that nothing had happened to change this plan. She was keen to see the grounds there, and thought that the famous maze would provide an interesting diversion.

  The carriage turned onto the high road, and their pace picked up. From her window, Elizabeth watched as the splendid orchards disappeared into the distance and wondered if she would ever travel that pretty road again.

  A week earlier, Mr. Darcy had passed this way, his mind also occupied in deep thought. That too had been a pleasant day, although not as bright and sunny as this one, but he had been less able to appreciate the hope of spring when there was a lack of hope in his heart. The rejection of his proposal had destroyed his eager anticipation of happiness and taken away a great deal of his confidence. His beloved Elizabeth had called him arrogant, conceited, and selfish.

  After hearing her words, he had abruptly left her company and walked back to Rosings feeling himself very much abused. The letter which he wrote on the following morning had been penned in bitterness, and on the next day, he had left Kent in too foul a mood to appreciate the sight of spring blossoms.

  Back in London, sitting in his own drawing room and going over the events of his stay at Rosings as well as those of the previous autumn, he had given further consideration to her accusations and discovered that they were not entirely unfounded. It was not enough that he was innocent of any ill doing as far as Mr. Wickham was concerned. He had been guilty of arrogance, conceit, and selfishness in Hertfordshire. He had thought himself above his company and scorned to form friendships with people he had chosen to despise.

  For the last week, he had been brooding, forming serious doubts about his own character, and regretting a great many things, included the ill-considered and ill-fated proposal. He wished that it could all be wiped out, cast from his memory and hers, instead of remaining as an insurmountable barrier against any future hope. He knew that he needed to get Miss Elizabeth Bennet out of his mind, or else he would be unable to find any sort of comfort, but he could not let go of his love for her even though its cause was utterly lost.

  Paths Chosen

  Four hours brought Elizabeth and Maria to London, where Jane was eagerly awaiting their arrival and keen to hear all about Hunsford and everything they had done in Kent. Of her own doings, she had little to say, but Elizabeth thought that her sister looked quite well. There was no opportunity for private conversation, but so far everything suggested that Jane had come to terms with her disappointment and had not spiraled into despair or chosen a path of bitterness. Her tone sounded happy enough as she expressed pleasure that Charlotte seemed to be well-settled, and agreed that this fine weather was delightful and held great promise for a splendid summer.

  To Elizabeth’s satisfaction, at dinner that evening, Mr. Gardiner confirmed that everything was set for undertaking the proposed journey to Hampton Court. On Monday morning, therefore, the five of them set out in a carriage, all looking forward to enjoying their day immensely, as well as the sumptuous picnic feast which was packed in a large wicker hamper.

  Upon descending from the carriage at Hampton, they made directly for the maze, a commanding structure of large green walls. This was another bright day, which was already growing hot, and Elizabeth found the shade cast by the tall hedges refreshing. Surrounded by the cool, dark greenery, there was a peaceful serenity. As they took their chances on randomly chosen paths and turned back from false ones, her thoughts were in accordance with the hopefulness she had felt on their journey from Hunsford. Here she was with friends, enjoying an excellent day, and pleased to see that her sister was doing well. It was encouraging to hear Jane laugh with amusement when a long path came to a dead end and express the opinion that it would only make their morning all the more entertaining if they were to explore every avenue, whether or not it led anywhere.

  She was as delighted as the others when they arrived in the centre after a good long walk. On their way, they had not encountered anybody else. The maze had so far been their private entertainment, but now, while taking a few minute’s rest before returning to the exit, they heard voices which indicated that some other people were making their way through the passages. The direction from which the sound was coming suggested that these new arrivals were not far from finding their way to this little enclosure.

  “As the pathways are quite narrow, we might as well wait for them to appear,” Mr. Gardiner suggested. “It will be easier to leave once they have entered this area, rather than trying to make our way past them.”

  The suggestion was logical. The voices were getting closer, and some of their words could be heard now. Elizabeth heard a lady comment that they had been walking for an age, and just as she was thinking that the voice had a vague familiarity to it, a louder one said, “It would not have taken us so long if Charles had not insisted upon going left when I said right.”

  There was no mistaking that voice. It belonged to Miss Bingley, and the other one had been Mrs. Hurst’s. It was the most appalling coincidence that they should meet in the middle of this confined space with only one exit.

  Mr. Bingley’s voice came next, with all its familiar cheerfulness and good humour. “I did choose the wrong path,” he said, “but it would have been dull to find ourselves quickly in the middle without any diversion. That is not the purpose of a maze. I think it is more fun to take all the wrong turnings and get oneself thoroughly lost.”

  Elizabeth smiled at hearing him give voice to the same opinion as Jane, but at the same time, she felt a deep concern for her sister’s well-being. She turned to see if Jane had heard and recognized the voices. Her pained expression and the whiteness of her face indicated that she had, and Elizabeth took her hand and held it tightly for comfort.

  “We need only wish them good morning and then be on our way,” she said. In her heart, however, she felt that it would not be that easy. A fresh meeting with Mr. Bingley, even such a short one as this was destined to be, would stir up all of Jane’s feelings and remind her of the hopes which had been lost.

  In another moment, she realized that Jane was not the only one who was faced with confronting an awkward moment. Her own heart was filled with uncertainty upon hearing a response to Mr. Bingley’s statement.

  “Wrong turnings are inevitable in the path of life,” was pronounced by the same voice which had once asked for her hand in marriage. “We should consider ourselves fortunate when they are only the pathways in a maze, and not important choices which one will later have cause to regret.”

  “I do not know what is the matter with you today, Mr. Darcy,” Miss Bingley said clearly. “You have said nothing cheerful all morning when you should be appreciating this lovely day.”

  Her voice now sounded as though it were just around the corner and, indeed, she came into view a moment later. She was looking over her shoulder at her companions, and did not appear to notice that there was anybody in the little clearing, but Mr. Bingley came around the hedge next, and he looked directly at them.

  Lost Love

  It could not possibly be Miss Bennet, was Mr. Bingley’s first thought. A trick of the light perhaps. Or his perceptions being influenced by the longing of his heart. How many times this winter had he noticed that the back of one lady or another suggested something of Miss Bennet�
��s appearance. How many times had he wished that the lady would turn around and actually be her? He had longed so often for the lady he had lost that it was now very easy to imagine her anywhere.

  It did look very much like her, though. Could it be possible that he was not imagining this? He looked toward her companion and saw somebody who looked exactly like Miss Elizabeth Bennet. He had liked her well enough, but in all his imaginings he had never once pictured her standing beside her sister. Taking a few tentative steps forward, he looked more closely at the first lady. It really was Miss Bennet. No trick of the light. No figment of his imagination. He was certain of it now, and his heart soared with joy.

  “Miss Bennet,” he cried, hurrying toward her. “How very delightful to see you here. Of all the surprises that one could find in the centre of a maze, this is the very best.” He grasped her hands warmly and begged to be told that she was in excellent health.

  “I am very well,” she replied, beaming at him.

  Her looks gave the proof of this statement. Her complexion was rosy and her eyes bright. It relieved him to see that she appeared to have been unaffected by his departure from her life. He had not at first believed his sisters or his friend that Miss Bennet was indifferent to him. In Hertfordshire, he had felt the connection between them deeply, and had thought that her feelings were the same. After a time in London, however, he had accepted the observations of the others, considering that the more impartial observers must have the right of the matter, but since then, he had frequently felt a twinge of guilt and wondered if he had hurt her feelings by not returning.

  Her usual serene smile was evidence that her feelings were untouched, but even as he felt absolved of any guilt, he also felt the disappointment of knowing that she did not return his affections. His feelings had not changed. He still loved her, and keenly felt the loss of his one-time belief that she loved him too.