Lost in Love

by Madeline Kennet

  Sunshine over Shadow

  “You took a very long time,” Miss Bingley said suspiciously when they emerged from the maze.

  “I went the wrong way again,” Mr. Bingley said. “I quite forgot which path was which. Miss Bennet and I were rather lost for a time, but then we found our way at last.”

  “You said yourself that it was a very big maze,” Mr. Darcy contributed. “It takes time to work one’s way through it, especially when one keeps wondering which is the right path.”

  “We had no difficulty,” she said severely. “The way was obvious to me.”

  “It was not always so to me,” he said, now gazing dreamily at Elizabeth.

  Miss Bingley gave him a sharp glance. “Well, we are quite behind now and really must be leaving. Mr. Hurst is hungry and we need to find a good place to have our picnic. It was pleasant to see you again,” she said dismissively to Jane and Elizabeth, but her brother was not having any of it.

  “Leaving?” he cried. “There is no need for us to leave. Surely, we were planning to have our picnic here.”

  “It will be quieter elsewhere,” she pointedly said.

  “I do not wish to be quieter,” he declared. “Nor does Darcy, do you?”

  “I think this is the perfect place,” Mr. Darcy agreed.

  “But we have not brought enough food for extra people.”

  “I am sure there is plenty,” Mr. Bingley said confidently.

  “We have brought a picnic of our own,” Jane added.

  “Wonderful. We can join forces and share our picnics if that will suit your aunt and uncle.”

  “I believe I can answer that it will,” Elizabeth said. “I am sure they will enjoy the company.”

  Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner were happy to agree with this arrangement, and once again Miss Bingley found her hand forced. The picnics were combined, and the two parties sat down to enjoy their meal together. At least, seven of the participants did. For them, the company was desirable, the meal delicious, and the setting delightful.

  Of the other three, Mr. Hurst was indifferent to his companions, incapable of enjoying such a casual meal, and intolerant of the bright sun and buzzing insects. Mrs. Bingley and Mrs. Hurst had the worst of it, being downright disgruntled about the company they were forced to bear, disdainful of tasting the food brought by the Gardiners, and discontent that they did not have the gardens to themselves.

  Afterwards, the group wandered about the gardens for a time. Again Mr. Bingley’s sisters attempted to separate their own party, and again he and Mr. Darcy ignored them. Given the choice between walking off on their own and staying to observe the obviously happy couple, they chose the later and did their best to prevent any intimate conversation, oblivious to the fact that it was too late.

  Miss Bingley also had a separate aim of keeping Mr. Darcy from speaking any more with Elizabeth, but in that she also failed. As the sun crossed the sky, she grew more and more irritable, casting an unfortunate shadow on what would otherwise have been a perfect day, but her companions were in too happy spirits to let it fall upon them.

  In the course of their ramblings, Mr. Gardiner hit upon a great idea.

  “We are planning to attend a play on Wednesday night. It would be delightful if you could join us,” he said, directing the invitation primarily at Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy.

  They began to accept at once, but Miss Bingley interrupted.

  “It will not be possible, I am sorry to say. I believe that Mrs. Cross is intending to invite all of us to dinner that evening.”

  “That is of no significance,” Mr. Bingley said. “An invitation which has not even been issued yet is nothing. Anyway, I am very keen to go to the theatre. If Mrs. Cross should invite me, I shall decline, and so shall Darcy. You may go to her dinner if you wish, but we shall not join you.”

  Mrs. Gardiner detected the look in Miss Bingley eye, and knew that she would want to go where her brother went. So it was. “I suppose we can dine with Mrs. Cross another night,” she said. “I shall go with you.”

  “And so will I,” Mrs. Hurst said firmly.

  It was not the politest way to accept her husband’s invitation, Mrs. Gardiner noted. They only cared for being the most ruthless of chaperones, not for the company. She could imagine that they were already planning to sit on either side of their brother and keep him apart from Jane. Something would definitely have to be done about that. She decided to set her mind to her own contrivances.

  Cozy Conversations

  Jane was wreathed in sunny smiles all the way home. At dinner, and afterwards in the drawing room, she gave every appearance of being deeply content and blissfully happy. It was easy for others to guess what had transpired.

  Nothing could be said in front of Maria, but she tactfully went up to bed at an early hour, declaring herself quite exhausted by the day’s exertions, and then Jane was able to tell her family about Mr. Bingley’s proposal. The Gardiners were delighted by the news and declared that they had thought him a fine young man and exceptionally agreeable.

  Later Jane was able to give voice to a curiosity which had been formed in the maze and heightened in the gardens.

  “You and Mr. Darcy fell very far behind the rest of us,” she said to Elizabeth when it was just the two of them together. “I was wondering if you also had some particular conversation.”

  “Not quite the same as yours if that is what you mean; however, the situation is not far from what you imagine. Mr. Darcy made me an offer of marriage in Kent, but I refused him.”

  “He proposed to you? I am astonished. It did sometimes occur to me that he seemed to admire you, but I never thought his feelings that strong.”

  “Nor did I. His offer came as a great shock, and a most unwelcome one as you can imagine, knowing what I used to think of Mr. Darcy. Afterwards, however, I did learn that some of my perceptions of him were wrong, in particular with regard to Mr. Wickham. It turns out that his accusations of mistreatment were unjustified. You cautioned me not to believe him to readily, and you were right.”

  “But if you turned him down, how is it that he appeared to be so happy in your company today?”

  “We had a long and rather revealing conversation while you were spending your time so pleasantly with Mr. Bingley. It was gratifying to hear him explain his feelings for me, and I find that mine may not be so opposed to him as I once thought. I do not know what may come of it, however. You must not be expecting anything. As the moment, I only know that I find him the most agreeable man of my acquaintance, even more agreeable than your Mr. Bingley.”

  The rest of their conversation was turned over to that subject and Elizabeth listened obligingly as her sister made an accounting of all the gentleman’s excellent qualities.

  At that very moment, he was doing the same of hers. Her beauty and character were all gone into at great length, and Mr. Darcy was listening patiently as everything was said two or three times over.

  His role in keeping the couple apart had been confessed some days ago, and his advice given that Mr. Bingley should do exactly as he wished without listening to any more nonsense about Miss Bennet not being good enough. Mr. Bingley had heard this change of opinion with some curiosity, which had been roused again by the same events which had given Jane her suspicions.

  “Is there something between you and Miss Elizabeth Bennet?” he asked with the bluntness of familiar friendship.

  “Not exactly, but there is the possibility of it. My feelings are completely engaged, and I have for some time wished to marry her, but I was not worthy of that honour and her feelings were not inclined toward me. Now, however, I think I may yet have a chance with her. There is great hope for me to achieve the sort of happiness you have found.”

  “It is the most wonderful happiness,” Mr. Bingley said. “I hope that you will be able to experience the same.”

  He gave his friend an understanding look. It was a moment of strong connection for them, which he valued, but they could not remain on such a
plateau of emotion.

  “Still,” Mr. Bingley said to lighten the moment, “I shall always maintain the distinction of having been engaged before you.”

  “Perhaps I may acquire a special license and hasten to get married before you,” Mr. Darcy said in the spirit of friendly rivalry. “If she accepts me, that is.”

  Mr. Bingley grinned and countered him with, “I claim the right of speaking to Mr. Bennet first.”

  Their laughter reverberated richly around the room.

  Clear Path

  On the following morning, which fortunately heralded another warm and sunny day, the gentlemen came to keep their engagement for eating ices together. Maria, feeling virtuously diplomatic again, thanked them for the invitation but said that she had promised to help the elder Gardiner daughter with her needlework.

  Under the shade of the sweeping maple trees in Berkeley Square, the two couples, one in a state of perfect bliss, and the other on the verge of it, enjoyed their glistening ices. Elizabeth’s was violet flavoured, and its pale purple colour brought back a recollection of the lovely lilac flowers which she had enjoyed on the first of these heavenly balmy days when she had no idea that her future held so much promise. She raised her eyes from the lustrous confection and looked affectionately upon Mr. Darcy, lounging casually against the railings beside his friend.

  They were thoughtful companions, who had been diligent in ascertaining the ladies’ comfort and helping them to choose the flavour of their ices. Their company was delightful. Conversation had flowed easily and with a great deal of merriment and laughter. Jane was very fortunate and would be extremely happy, Elizabeth concluded. So too could she be, and it was becoming difficult to see any reason why she should not choose the course which was offered to her. A carriage ride around the park and a slow wending of their way home concluded this perfect day, in which Mr. Darcy had so endeared himself to her that she felt reluctance in parting from him.

  The next morning, he brought his sister to meet Elizabeth, who found her to be quiet and shy, but good-humoured, not at all like the picture which Mr. Wickham had painted of a cold, proud girl. It was difficult to persuade her to say much, but Elizabeth easily perceived that this had nothing to do with arrogance and everything to do with a youthful embarrassment of speaking. She was helped to overcome this hesitation by the presence of Maria Lucas, who was closest to her age and similar in nature. They were naturally drawn to each other by these things and soon discovered a shared awe of Lady Catherine which produced a mutual sympathy as well as giving them plenty to talk about.

  Unwilling to limit themselves to an ordinary visit, the gentlemen proposed a walk in the park to occupy the morning. The affinity between Maria and Georgiana, who were keen to walk together, meant that Elizabeth was able to take Mr. Darcy’s arm and enjoy some private conversation with him. As they wound their way around, they divulged little snippets of information, which added to their awareness of each other, and many of their innermost thoughts, which resulted in a profound sharing. The opportunity to make out his character, which she had looked for but had failed to find the past autumn, was now given to Elizabeth in the most thorough way. Everything was revealed to her, and she came to understand him very well in the course of that walk, and to know that she held him in the greatest respect, as well as in her heart.

  There were no more barriers in their path, no uncertainty as to the direction she wished to take, no bewilderment or disorientation.

  “Will you be going to Netherfield with Mr. Bingley?” she asked when he returned her to Gracechurch Street.

  “Do you wish me to?”

  “Very much indeed. I do believe that there is nothing I would like more.”

  “Then I shall be there.”

  Jane was busy speaking to Mr. Bingley and Elizabeth dared to say one more thing. “You may recall that I once declared your name would come at the bottom of a certain imaginary list. It seems that I was quite mistaken, for I do believe the exact opposite to be the case.”

  No more was said, but he smiled contentedly.

  They met again for their evening engagement, at which time, Mrs. Gardiner carried out her plan of thwarting the manipulative sisters with ease and in collusion with her husband. He gave his arm to Miss Bingley and escorted her to a seat at the front of the box with the most charming attentions which she could not shake off. Mrs. Gardiner ushered the Hursts into the seats beside her. On the other side of her husband there were two more places, which she and Maria took, leaving four chairs further back for the two couples, who had been conveniently lingering instead of rushing to choose seats.

  Jane was now happily seated beside Mr. Bingley and Elizabeth beside Mr. Darcy. Even better, Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst could not look at them or break into their conversation without turning around, which they could not do constantly. It would be difficult for them to keep giving their brother those disapproving looks of which they were so fond. Quite content with her arrangements, Mrs. Gardiner eagerly turned her attention to stage as the entertainment began.

  After the intermission, Miss Bingley made an attempt to change the seating arrangements.

  “Miss Eliza,” she said, “I am sure that you can barely see anything. I am so much taller than you are. You must change places with me.”

  “You need not trouble yourself. I am very well situated, I assure you.”

  “It is no trouble to accommodate a friend. I insist that you must have this seat.”

  Elizabeth had no choice but to accept graciously and take the offered chair.

  Now Mrs. Hurst played her hand. “You must take my seat,” she said to Jane, taking her arm and leading her to it before she could protest.”

  Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst sat in their new places smiling contentedly at each other, but they had not accounted for the actions of the gentleman. Mr. Hurst, very much inclined to take a back seat in which he might comfortably snooze, promptly sat himself down beside his wife, and Mr. Bingley just as quickly sat beside Jane. At the same time, Mr. Gardiner offered his seat to Mr. Darcy, saying that he would much obliged if they could switch places since he was finding the candlelight rather glaring for his eyes.

  Now, instead of being unable to see what was going on, Miss Bingley had the mortification of observing Mr. Darcy’s pointed attentiveness to Elizabeth as well as her brother’s to Jane. She saw the heads leaned close together and the tender glances of affection with growing dismay, but there was nothing more she could do. Both couples were beyond the reach of her interference, set on a course which she could not divert.

  Certain of Love

  One day spent apart from Mr. Darcy was enough to convince Elizabeth that her feelings were certain and he was exactly what she desired in a husband. She found herself restlessly awaiting his arrival and feeling a strong urge to throw herself into his arms as soon as they were together again.

  On Friday, she was anticipating the gentlemen’s visit as eagerly as Jane, and was momentarily shaken when Mr. Bingley entered alone.

  “Is Mr. Darcy not with you,” she asked him anxiously.

  “He is, or at least he was a moment ago. He is taking a turn about the garden and hopes that you will join him.”

  Elizabeth was out the door in an instant and hurried toward the garden, looking urgently for Mr. Darcy. Upon seeing him walking about the wilderness at one edge of the property, half-hidden by tall ornamental grasses, she broke into a run. He looked up, smiled to see the eagerness of her approach, and received her warmly as she threw herself into his arms.

  “This is everything I could have hoped for, but I must know if you are absolutely certain,” he said. “There really is no need to rush into anything.”

  “I feel a great desire to rush,” she said. “I am certain.”

  “Then there is something I need to say. My first proposal cannot stand. I do not want to hear your feelings and wishes without first making a better job of expressing mine.”

  He took her hands in his and said, “You
enchant me. I am completely lost in my love for you, but in that love I have truly found myself. Under your guidance, I walk a new path, and I want to walk it by your side. Your presence in my life will give it the greatest meaning. To you I offer all my heart and a lifetime’s unwavering loyalty. You will always mean everything to me. Will you marry me?”

  “I will. I long to walk that journey by your side and to share all of life’s joys and adversities with you.

  “Then I shall speak to your father as soon as Mr. Bingley has had his turn.”

  While waiting for that, they took a turn about the garden, appreciating the colourful variety of blossoms, enjoying the pleasant blend of floral aromas, and determining that they would always be the happiest couple in the world.

  “After all,” Elizabeth said, “we know all of each other’s faults and have seen the worst of our characters, which gives us a great advantage over other couples in love. It can only be uphill from here.”