The Daydream Cabin

by Brown, Carolyn

  By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,

  Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.

  Where the friends of man and women do run,

  When their time on earth is over and done.

  For here, between this world and the next,

  Is a place where beloved creatures find rest.

  On this golden land, they wait, and they play,

  Until the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

  They trot through the grass without even a care,

  Until one day they whinny and sniff at the air.

  All ears prick forward, eyes sharp and alert.

  Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the herd.

  For just at that second, there’s no room for remorse.

  As they see each other . . .

  Her voice broke and Ashlyn slipped her arm around Tiffany’s shoulders.

  So, they run to each other, these friends from long past.

  The time of their parting is over at last.

  The sadness they felt while they were apart

  Has turned to joy once more in each heart.

  They nuzzle with a love that will last forever.

  And then, side by side, they cross over together.

  “Rest in peace, Dynamite. Someday I’ll be with you again,” Ashlyn said as she picked up a shovel and began to fill in the grave.

  Jayden slipped her phone from the hip pocket of her jeans and started the song Carmella had asked for. The girl had been right. The words did fit every one of the kids gathered around the grave that hot, sultry afternoon. The lyrics of the song talked about a dream being like a river, trying to learn from what’s in the past, and that they would never reach their destination if they never tried.

  They were still shoveling dirt when the song ended, so Jayden hit the “Repeat” button and let it run until there was a long mound of dirt beside the half-mile marker. Then Quinley and Violet pushed the wheelbarrows close to the grave and all the girls piled rocks on top until it was completely covered.

  Ashlyn carefully picked a yellow flower from a cactus and laid it in the middle of the rocks. “You were a good friend and you will be missed. Now, we’ve got stalls to clean before supper, and two horses to exercise. I’m sure all y’all from the other cabins have work to catch up on, too, so let’s get it done so we won’t be behind tomorrow. I hope all of y’all listened to the words of that song. When any of us think about getting into trouble when we get home, we should play that song again and remember what we’ve learned here.”

  “Wow!” Novalene muttered under her breath.

  “Amen,” Diana agreed. “I believe we’re going out on a victory note with this group.”

  Jayden didn’t comment. She was too proud of Ashlyn for words, and besides, she couldn’t have gotten them out past the lump in her throat, anyway.

  Chapter Twenty

  Jayden had just turned off her bedroom light when a soft rap on her door made her sit straight up in bed. “Yes?” she asked.

  “Jayden, can we talk?” Ashlyn asked.

  “Of course.” Jayden reached out and turned on the lamp on the nightstand beside her bed.

  She was surprised when all three girls came into her room and sat down on the floor beside her bed. They’d evidently turned their hats around when they were slinging dirt, because they had half-moon-shaped sunburns on their foreheads.

  “Have you ever been to a funeral?” Tiffany asked.

  “Three that really affected me,” Jayden answered honestly. “My grandmother died when I was sixteen, and my grandpa came to live with me and Mama. Then he died a little while after that, and I lost my mother a few years later. How about y’all?”

  “My nanny died, but Mama said I couldn’t go to the funeral. She said they were depressing, and that I hadn’t seen her since I got too old for a nanny, so . . . ,” Ashlyn answered.

  “I haven’t been to a funeral before today,” Tiffany said, “but I got to thinking about how hard it would be to lose my mama or my daddy or my sister. They’re not perfect, and they don’t have much time for me, but to stand there and look at their dead bodies in a casket would break my heart.”

  “I went to my grandmother’s memorial when I was about four or five.” Carmella frowned as if she was trying to bring up the memory. “I don’t remember much about it, except that I wondered how they got a big woman like her in that gold urn.”

  Jayden’s chest tightened until it was hard for her to breathe. She wished she could shield her girls from the heartaches that lay ahead of them. “Funerals are really more for those of us who are still alive than for the one who has passed away. I’m sorry that you didn’t get to go to your nanny’s service, Ashlyn. Tiffany, it’s good that you are realizing how empty your life would be without your parents. We should use our experiences as guidelines to show us what to do, or maybe to show us what not to do. Carmella, did you ask your parents about your grandmother?” Jayden wasn’t sure if she was preaching to the kids or to herself.

  “No, ma’am.” She shook her head. “I learned early on to keep my mouth shut, to sit up like a lady, and speak when spoken to. I like what you just said about using our experiences to show us what not to do. When I have kids, I’m going to let them ask questions, and I’m going to do my best to give them honest answers.”

  “Me too,” Tiffany added. “We all felt so sad today about Dynamite. It made me wonder if folks will be sad when I die.”

  Carmella ran her fingers through her hair. “I never thought much about death until today, and now I’m kind of scared.”

  Jayden wanted to hug all three of them at once. “Don’t be afraid of dying. Be afraid that you don’t make the most of every single day you are alive. I read about an old lady who said she wanted to slide into heaven with nothing left.”

  “You mean like money?” Tiffany asked.

  Jayden wasn’t at all surprised that Tiffany, or any young girl at the camp, would think of that at first. “No,” she said, “she wanted to have used every bit of her energy, every second of her time, and have given every drop of her love away so that when she got to heaven, what had been her on this earth was all finished and done with. She wouldn’t have anything physical left, and she could be a perfect spiritual being up in heaven.”

  For several minutes, they just sat there staring at her, then Tiffany grinned. “Like you, huh? At first, I thought you were mean as a snake, but the more I got to know you, the more I realized you’re a good person.”

  “I’m glad you’re here.” Carmella reached up and patted Jayden’s hand. “I’m just sorry that other girls won’t get to eat your cooking and break curfew like we’re doing right now.”

  “And that they won’t ever get to talk to you about funerals and having sex with boyfriends, and all that stuff,” Ashlyn told her. “But I’ve got another question. How long does it take to get over it when someone close to you dies?”

  Jayden thought about that for a while before she answered. “I’m not sure you ever get over it. As time goes by, the pain gets a little less severe. Maybe I can explain it like this: Healing from a broken bone or a bad cut takes a while, and it hurts really bad at first. But then it begins to heal, and the ache kind of goes away. But there’s always a reminder in the bone or in the scar tissue where the cut was that lets you know that something isn’t quite right.” She stopped and frowned as she tried to collect her thoughts. “I’m making a mess of this.”

  “Nope,” Tiffany disagreed. “It makes sense to me. In a year, we’ll just remember our walks with Dynamite, and the hurt in our hearts today won’t be like it is now.”

  “I hope so,” Ashlyn yawned. “Thanks for listening to us, Jayden. I couldn’t sleep before, but now I can’t keep my eyes open.”

  “Good night.” Jayden smiled at them. “Five o’clock comes early, so y’all really should get some sleep.”

  Carmella was the first one to stand up. “See you tomorrow.”

  Tiffany c
losed the door behind them, and Jayden propped the pillows up against the wrought iron headboard of her narrow bed. She picked up a romance novel that she’d brought along in case she got bored. That sure hadn’t happened in the weeks she’d been there. She looked at the back cover and the blurb looked good. A cowboy with a penchant for red-haired women had met a sassy one.

  She read two pages and laid the book aside. The hero in the story already reminded her of Elijah and caused her to think of the comfort she felt when he drew her close to him that morning. She closed her eyes and got a vision of him as he led her away from Dynamite’s body and the girls. Then she touched her lips and thought about the electricity his kiss had stirred up. Even though he wasn’t really a cowboy like the hero in the book, he did wear cowboy boots most of the time and lived on a small farm—or was it a ranch? She’d never really understood the difference between the two.

  “A cowboy isn’t necessarily a person, anyway, it’s more like an attitude.” Her mind flashed back to what her grandfather had said when she once asked him what made a real cowboy. “A man can dress up in a hat, fancy boots, and a pearl-snap shirt and go out dancin’ on Saturday night. That doesn’t make him a real cowboy.”

  “Then what does?” Jayden had asked.

  “It’s respecting women, having a kind heart, working hard, loving the land—all those kinds of things make a cowboy, not a fancy hat and boots,” he had answered.

  “Elijah is all those things,” she said as she laid the book back on her nightstand beside her Bible. She hadn’t opened the Bible in years, not since her mother had gotten sick. As far as she was concerned, God had failed her. His word said that if she prayed with her whole heart and believed, then He would answer her prayers. He had not, and her mother had died, so why should she trust anything He had left on record in the Bible?

  The black, zippered book seemed to be calling her name, but she ignored it. She had only tucked it into her suitcase because she thought since Skyler had been a counselor at the camp, it’d be the kind of place to have a devotional study every day. Antsy and jittery, she got up and paced around the room several times, then sat on the edge of her bed.

  Finally, she reached for the Bible. When she undid the zipper around three sides of its leather binding, a letter fell out onto the floor and slid under her bed. Her brow wrinkled, and she narrowed her eyes so tightly that a pain shot through her head. She couldn’t remember ever tucking a letter into her Bible. Bookmarks, yes, but never a letter. She laid the Bible aside and noticed that it had fallen open to Psalm 23, which was one of her mother’s favorite passages. Then she got down on her knees and retrieved the envelope.

  Still sitting on the floor, she leaned back against the bed and removed the pages from the envelope with her name on it. It was written on lined paper with a ragged edge where it had been ripped from a spiral notebook. “Oh. My. God,” she whispered, afraid to blink for fear her mother’s handwriting would disappear before she could read what was written.

  Just looking at the first line put a lump in Jayden’s throat and tears welled up behind her eyes. “My dearest daughter,” she whispered, and then began to read silently:

  I know you have stopped reading and praying because you think God has failed to make me all better, but after my funeral, you will seek solace and eventually get back in church. That’s why I’m tucking this away in your Bible instead of giving it to the lawyer with Skyler’s. I want you to read this after a little time has passed and you are through being angry at God.

  First of all, I’ve always had a sixth sense about things, and I knew something was wrong with me that couldn’t be fixed before I went to the doctor yesterday. The doctor confirmed my suspicions, and I’m choosing not to tell you about the bubble in my brain. It will burst, probably sooner than later, but it’s not something that can be treated or cured. I’m choosing to live each day I have to the fullest and not think about it until the very end.

  However, I have made some decisions that will affect you and Skyler. Since your father and I divorced, I admit that I’ve been closer to you. You’ve been here with me, and together we’ve faced a lot of emotional upheavals. I cannot burden you with choosing the right time to take me off life support if it comes to that, so Skyler will have to do it. You would always hold out for one more day to see if I got better. I can’t bear knowing that each day would just bring you more pain. Skyler will take care of it so that you don’t have to. Also, I do not want a big, lavish funeral. I want a simple graveside service with only you girls attending. You would never let that happen, so I’m leaving that to Skyler, also. It’s her turn to shoulder some of the responsibility that you’ve taken on all these years while she’s been off at college or working in the summers at her camps.

  I’m leaving her the house because you need to move on with your life and not live in the past, which you will do if you have the homeplace to move into. It needs to be sold, and the profits split between you girls. It’s just a house and should never be a shrine to me or your grandfather. Please, forgive me for keeping things from you and understand that I’ve loved you from the day the nurse at the hospital laid you in my arms. You were so much easier to raise than Skyler, but that was my fault. I thought she was the only child I’d ever have so I let her have her way with everything from the beginning. Once it started, it snowballed, and your father didn’t help matters.

  Don’t blame Skyler. She’s only done what I’ve asked her to do in the letter that I’ve left in the lawyer’s hands for her. I’m ready to go. When you are reading this, I will have finished my race here on earth. Don’t mourn for me, but rather remember all the good times we’ve had.

  It was signed, Love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck, Mama.

  Jayden read through it three times, and every time tears fell on the paper, leaving water marks and blurring part of the words. She finally held it to her heart and remembered that her mother had said that thing about bushels and pecks many, many times when she was just a little girl.

  When she finally got her emotions under control enough to talk, she picked up the phone and called Skyler. She didn’t care if her sister was mad at her—she wanted to hear about the letter her mother wrote to her.

  “Hello!” Skyler’s voice sounded downright chipper.

  “Where are you?” Jayden asked.

  “I’m in my apartment looking at bridal magazines. Have you changed your mind about giving me the money for my wedding?” Skyler asked.

  “No, I have not,” Jayden answered. “Why didn’t you tell me that Mama left letters for us?”

  “I figured that the lawyer gave yours to you like he did mine. What did yours say?” Skyler asked. “Did it tell you to be nice to me when I need money?”

  “What did your letter say?” Jayden asked.

  “Lord, I don’t remember. That was years ago. She mainly said that we were to sell the house and split the profits. I kept a bigger portion because I was the one who did all the work when it came to selling it, and I had to make the decision to pull the plug on life support. I deserved more of the house money. Oh, and that she loved me.” Skyler sighed. “Now, about my wedding?”

  “The answer is still no,” Jayden said.

  “You’re a sorry excuse for a sister,” Skyler said and then the line went dead.

  Jayden was too restless to sleep. The guilt surrounding her for not confronting her sister back when things were happening seemed to smother her. She finally pulled on a pair of shorts because her nightshirt barely covered her underpants and went outside to look at the stars. Going from a nice cool house into the hot night air almost sent her right back inside, but she sat down in a chair and let out a long sigh.

  “I heard that.” Elijah appeared out of the darkness at the end of her porch steps. “You having trouble sleeping tonight, too?”

  She motioned toward the empty chair next to hers. “Come on up and have a seat, and to answer your question, yes, I’ve got insomnia and guilt all rolled up
into one big ball.”

  “Guilt?” He set a bottle of water on the table between them. “What on earth would you have to be guilty about? I told you a week ago that Dynamite was beginning to feel his age.”

  “This has nothing to do with a horse and everything to do with another funeral that I’ve blamed my sister for all these years.” She told him about the letter she’d found. “If only I’d opened my Bible years ago . . . but I was so mad at God for not saving my mother or for not giving the doctors the know-how to do it for Him. I should have given Mama more credit than to think she didn’t trust me. She was trying to save me from pain, like I wanted to do with my girls today.”

  Elijah reached across the table separating them and took her hand in his. “Honey, I believe that everything happens for a reason. You might not know what it is right now, but in a few more years, you’ll look back and realize that whatever happened was for the best and led you to this very day. Every decision a body makes has an impact on the future.

  “This has been the most emotional session I’ve ever had here at Piney Wood. I like you, Jayden, and if we didn’t have all these girls and this camp to take care of, I would love to begin a relationship with you.”

  He brought her hand to his lips and kissed each knuckle. “When this session is over, would you consider sticking around for a week or two? That would give us some time to . . .”

  “Yes,” she said. “I would love to do that.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Since that call after she had found the letter, Jayden hadn’t heard from Skyler. But then, since their mother had passed away, they seldom talked, so it wasn’t something that she missed. That evening the girls joined her in the red chairs, and then one by one the kids from the other two cabins showed up. Some of them sat on the steps, and others parked their butts on the porch, most of them sitting cross-legged.