End Game

by Emily Goodwin

  Archer plants his hands on either side of my waist. “I know there’s a stigma against gaining weight and not having perfect skin, but I love you, Quinn. And if you get stretch marks from carrying our daughter, I’ll look at them and remember everything you went through in order to bring me Emma.”

  My eyes well with tears and I can’t find any words to say. Besides, if I opened my mouth, sobs would probably come out instead.

  “Any man who finds his girlfriend or wife or whatever less attractive because she bears the marks of pregnancy and birth is a fucking asshole.” He slides his hands to my ass. “Yes, I very much enjoy how you look right now, but I know what your body goes through during pregnancy. Your organs shift around. Getting stretch marks is the least of it.”

  I blink back tears and straddle Archer’s lap, hoping he doesn’t make a move. I want to be close to him, but I’m not in the mood for sex. Which is nothing against him, but we’ve made love a lot on this vacation. My lady bits need a break. “You do have an appreciation for the arrangement of organs.”

  “I do. Probably more than the average person.” He looks up at me, eyes a little glossy. “I’ve cut open a lot of people and have seen their insides. And it still blows my mind that something so incredible can grow inside of you.”

  I smile. “Out of context, that would be a very strange sentence.”

  He laughs. “A lot of what is said among surgeons sounds very bad out of context. Also, if you knew how small your uterus was before you got pregnant, you’d be amazed at what it holds at the end. It fits in your hand when there’s no baby inside.”

  I make a face. “I never thought I’d date someone weirder than me, but I think you fit the bill.”

  Archer laughs. “But I’m weird in a sexy way, right?”

  “Oh, for sure.” I run my hands through his hair. As much as I want to go whale watching, snuggling in bed while he rubs my back is tempting too. “And you can lie and tell me I am.”

  “I always knew I’d end up with someone who loved robot fights, computer codes, and cats.”

  “Damn. You set the bar high.”

  Archer laughs and nuzzles his head in between my breasts. Shit. I think he’s going to want to have sex. I don’t understand how he has the stamina for it all the time. I love him with all my heart, but I’m tired, dammit.

  “Would you think it was lame if we ordered room service and crashed after whale watching?” Archer asks.

  “Hell no. That’s my kind of night.”

  He tightens his grip on me. “I knew there was a reason I fell for you.”

  “Do you want to go for one last walk on the beach?”

  I just sat down in bed and don’t feel like getting up, but the look in Archer’s eye can’t be described as anything else but romantic.

  “Yeah,” I tell him and get up. “Should I change?” I’m still in the dress I wore earlier, and my hair is in a messy bun on the top of my head.

  “No, that’s perfect. You might want to bring a sweater.” He smiles and rolls his eyes. “Only you would be cold on a tropical island.”

  “The night air has a bit of a chill to it. I was expecting it to be super humid all the time here.”

  Archer looks at me as if I’m crazy. “It is humid here.”

  “Not really.”

  “Have we been on the same vacation?”

  I laugh. “I guess I’m comparing it to Disney World in the summer. That’s brutal.”

  “I was thinking about that the other day, actually.”

  “About Disney?”

  “Yeah. You said you wanted to take Emma for her first vacation. Maybe can go for her birthday.”

  I smile so big my face hurts. “That would be so fun!” I go into the bathroom to pee and brush my hair. I grab my sweater on the way out and walk close to Archer as we go down to the main lobby.

  “Looks like someone is having fun,” I say, looking at a group of girls stumbling about.

  “A little too much,” Archer notes, frowning when he sees them.

  “Is Dr. Fuddy-Duddy coming back out?”

  “He never went away.” Archer takes my hand again and pulls me close. “You like him, don’t lie.”

  “The responsible side of you is attractive, I’ll readily admit it.”

  He goes in to kiss me and someone screams. I jerk up, looking at the source of the scream. One of the drunk girls has collapsed and is convulsing on the floor. Archer lets go of me and rushes over. I stand there in shock for a few seconds and then notice the bleeding. The girl hit her head on the way down.

  Things happen in a blur after that: someone from the hotel says they’re calling an ambulance, and Archer works on stopping the bleeding and attending to the seizing. He’s focused, fully aware how dire the situation is, but isn’t scared.

  He’s in the zone, and this is his element.

  I force myself over, asking what I can do to help. Archer says there’s not much we can do other than keep her stable until the EMT’s arrive to take her to the hospital. And he does just that, and as I stand there watching him take care of a perfect stranger, I know without a doubt he has to take that fellowship.

  25

  Archer

  I lean back in the uncomfortable airport seat, watching our bags while Quinn goes to the bathroom. We’re headed back to reality, and something seems different between us. As much as I want to deny it, I know what it is. After taking care of that drunk girl last night, Quinn told me I need to take the fellowship. She said she can see that trauma and life-or-death situations are what I’m made for, and I can’t disagree.

  But I should. Because as much as I want to take the fellowship, it feels wrong telling her I’ll reply with my acceptance as soon as we get back. Yeah…I want to be a trauma surgeon, but it’s not like settling for general surgery is the shitty consolation prize. She’s so encouraging and optimistic, hinting even that she’d move to Boston so we can be together. I want nothing more than to be with Quinn, but I know she’ll hate it up east with me.

  I’d be at work more than I’d be at home. She’d be alone most of the time with a newborn. She wouldn’t have any friends to hang out with. Family wouldn’t be nearby to help with Emma or give her a much-needed break.

  She’s resent me in the end, and nothing is worth that.

  If I do go through with accepting the fellowship, the best thing to do would be for her to stay in Chicago and for me to go, and for us to try and maintain a long-distance relationship until I’m done.

  It’s a good thing I didn’t propose, right?

  I let out a sigh and turn my head down, not knowing what the fuck I’m doing. Neither is a bad option: take the fellowship or find a job in Chicago so I can be with Quinn and my daughter. But one is so much better than the other.

  “Tired?” Quinn’s voice comes from behind me, startling me a bit.

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Me too. It’s kind of funny how all that beach relaxing wasn’t as restful as I thought it’d be.”

  I turn my head up and smile. “Being out in the heat wears you down. And we spent a lot of our sleep time having sex.”

  “I believe that was mostly your doing.”

  “You’re just as much to blame here, missy.”

  Quinn laughs and my heart aches at the thought of not being able to hear that in person. And—fuck—I’ll be hours away around the time she has to give birth. If I’m in the middle of a long shift, I can’t just leave and hop on the first plane I can to the Midwest.

  She rests her head on my shoulder. “We have the plane ride to sleep. Well, you can sleep at least. I’ll probably be awake the whole time, which is okay. I’ve loaded up my Kindle and I’m ready to dive into this paranormal series I’ve been wanting to read for years.”

  “Years?”

  “I wait until at least three books are out in a series to start reading. Cliffhangers give me literal anxiety.”

  I laugh and slip my arm around her, glancing up at the clock. Our plane
is on time today, and we’ll be boarding soon.

  “Have you heard anything from your parents about Bobby?” she asks.

  “Nope. No news is usually good news. I’ll be generous and give him a few weeks before he fucks up again.”

  Quinn frowns. “You don’t think he’ll recover?”

  “He doesn’t want to recover.”

  “Oh, right. I guess you can’t force it on him.”

  I shake my head. My parents have tried many times and it hasn’t worked. Life isn’t like a book or a movie. Not everyone gets a happily ever after or even an epic exit scene. Some people coexist with the rest of the world, functioning on a level of minimum survival, living for themselves and not caring what the fuck they do to other people.

  That’s Bobby.

  “Do you have to write a formal letter or anything to let the fellowship people know you’ve accepted?” Quinn asks as she picks off her nail polish.

  “No. I basically need to reply and say I’ll be there.”

  “You should do it then,” she encourages. “You’re going to be great, you know.”

  I smile, but it feels forced. “Yeah. I know I’ll enjoy it.” I enjoy general surgery too. And I enjoy being with her even more.

  “The two years will be rough.” She takes my hand. “But we’ll make it work.”

  Before I can say anything, we’re called to line up to board. Quinn gathers her stuff and I grab her carry-on as well as my own. We’re walking up when her phone rings, and she digs it out of her purse and answers. It’s loud at the moment, and she steps away to hear better. She comes back right in time to hand the attendant her ticket.

  “Was that your mom?” I ask, hiking my bag up on my shoulder.

  “No, Jacob.”

  “Your ex?”

  She nods. “Yeah. He’s working with a few others to start up a new company and asked if I was interested. I am.”

  We walk down the terminal. “What would you be doing?”

  “It’s kinda complicated. To make a long story short, we’d be developing new software and using technology to help the environment.”

  “Sounds neat.”

  “Yes! There will be a lot of environmental research too,” she says, looking excited. I swallow hard. I don’t want to make her give that up. “And the best part is after the initial start-up phase, I’ll be able to do a lot of the coding and development from an office at home.”

  “You could work from home?”

  “Yeah. It would take a while before we got to that point though. We’ll all be sharing an office in the Lincoln Park area for a while.”

  We get on the plane and find our seats. Quinn takes the spot by the window this time since I had it on the way to Hawaii. “So you’d be working with Jacob?”

  “Yes. We’ll be equal partners to the project.”

  I nod again. “Why did he ask you?”

  She raises her eyebrows and I realize my question wasn’t worded the best. “I’m good at what I do. Plus selling that app gives me street cred in the technology world and we’re more likely to get big investors if they see my name. I’ve already proven that I’m able to turn a profit.” She continues to explain how things would work, and how they’re hoping to expand the company over the years and have it make an impact on the world. I always knew she was smart, but I didn’t realize she was so business savvy as well. I can easily see her as a big CEO of an energy solutions company, creating new programs to save energy and bring clean water to underdeveloped parts of the world.

  I can’t take that away from her and have her move to Boston.

  “So no, he’s not trying to hit on me or anything,” she concludes, going back to my question. “I made sure of it.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah. I basically asked him and made sure he knew we were together.”

  “That’s good, though you have to admit it’s a little weird to work with your ex.”

  She shakes her head in disagreement. “I don’t think it’s weird at all. If you worked with that one nurse you dated, I wouldn’t think it’s weird.”

  “But we’re surrounded by other people. It’s not like the two of us are performing surgery in my living room.”

  “Performing surgery in your living room isn’t weird but working with an ex is?” She buckles her seat belt.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “No, I don’t. Because you’re sounding really jealous and like you don’t trust me, which hurts.”

  “I trust you, but I don’t trust him.”

  “So you’re saying he doesn’t think I’m good for the job and is secretly trying to steal me back even though I’m pregnant with your child?”

  “No.”

  “Then what are you saying?” She lifts her eyebrows and waits.

  I shake my head and let out a breath. “I don’t know. He’s your ex and you admitted that he still likes you. I’m sure he’ll hit on you.”

  “That shouldn’t matter, Archer. I get hit on from time to time and it might be hard to believe, but I don’t fall for just any guy who tells me I have a nice ass,” she says, looking pissed. Her eyes fall shut and the anger fades away into something worse. She’s hurt by my words and I hate it. “I love you and I thought we had a good relationship. But if you can’t even trust me…” She turns, tears filling her eyes.

  Her reaction is justified, and not without merit. I am jealous—just a bit. And I do trust her to be loyal, but yeah, I’m a little afraid she’ll not want to do the long-distance thing while raising a child. I’ve wanted us to be together for so long the fear of it all crumbling apart around me is nagging.

  “Babe,” I start and take her hand. “I’m sorry.”

  She wipes her eyes and smiles. “Thanks.” She gives my hand a squeeze and then lets go, getting her phone from her bag. “Want to look at vacation pictures with me?”

  I lean closer. “Yeah. I do.”

  26

  Quinn

  I hang up without leaving a message and set my phone down, feeling a little uneasy. I haven’t talked to Archer since yesterday afternoon. Things still weren’t quite resolved between us when we got off the plane, and it’s making the missed calls seem like a bigger deal than it is.

  I know Archer was in surgery throughout the night and is working again today. He doesn’t usually call if he gets off in the middle of the night, not wanting to wake me up. Though given the way things are unsettled between us, it’s making me worry. And when I worry, I tend to obsess and assume the worst is going to happen. That way if something slightly less traumatic actually does happen, I’m not as devastated.

  “My bitch is back!” Marissa throws her arms up and comes into my office. “It was so boring around here without you last week. How was vacay?”

  “Fun,” I tell her with a smile. And it was, up until the plane ride home. Archer felt bad for insinuating he doesn’t trust me, and I believe him. And a bit of jealousy is nice, if I’m being honest. But he has nothing to worry about, and what hurt the most was that I gave him well wishes to go follow his dreams in Boston and didn’t even bring up the fact that he’d be away and alone and has the potential to stray.

  Because I didn’t even think about it.

  I love him. I trust him. I’ve known Archer for years and have always believed him to be a good man.

  “You have a sour look on your face.” Marissa sits in the chair in front of my desk. “Are you feeling sick again?”

  “No, thankfully.” I let out a sigh. “Archer and I got into a weird fight-thing on the way home and it’s still bugging me.”

  “Fight-thing?”

  “It wasn’t really a fight but was more than a disagreement and we’re both at crossroads, and I don’t know what to really think about it.”

  “Start from the beginning because you lost me.”

  I nod, so glad Marissa is here. She’s not exactly a neutral party; she’ll side with me nine times out of ten. That’s what best friends do, after all.

>   “Archer got into a fellowship program to do trauma surgery, but it’s in Boston. It’s an intense program and he’ll be there for two years.”

  “Oh, damn, that’s both good and bad.”

  “Yeah.” I shake my head. “I want him to go as much as I don’t. He’s wanted this and was aiming for it before this happened.” I motion to my belly. “And I don’t know what’s right or wrong here. I feel bad telling him I don’t want him to go. We’ve been talking about moving in together and it felt like we were on the path to becoming a family. But it’s just two years, that’s nothing compared to the rest of his life as a trauma surgeon. And it’s not fair for him to change his plans for me when this has been his end game the whole time, right?”

  “You’re changing your plans,” Marissa counters. “Once the baby is born you’re taking at least some time off.” She holds up her hand before I can interrupt. “And don’t tell me it’s because you’re the mom. Do you feel like that’s unfair?”

  “No, but it’s not the same. This fellowship is really competitive and if he doesn’t do it now, there’s no promise he’ll get in again later.”

  “Okay…say you got into some sort of training program with Bill Gates or something. You’d go away for a year or two, but Emma would stay with Archer. Would you do it?”

  “No,” I say with no hesitation. “But I don’t want to push my personal opinion on him.”

  “You guys are pretty personal though. Personal enough to have a baby.”

  I make a face. “I know. But I don’t know, and that’s the issue with this.”

  She nods. “So that’s what your fight-thing was about?”

  “No.” I look at her, realizing I’m going to have to spill the beans about potentially leaving IHG. “Close the door.”

  “Ohhhh, this has to be some good drama.” She gets up to close the door and comes back, sitting on the edge of the chair.

  “Jacob approached me about starting up a new company, and when I told Archer he got a little jealous, which is fine, but it’s making me wonder if we did rush into things because he has nothing to be worried about. It takes time to build up trust between two people, and we haven’t been dating for that long, which makes me go back to feeling bad not wanting him to go to Boston because he should want to be with us more than he wants this fellowship.” I blurt that all out fast, relieved when I finally say it out loud.