Nevermore

by Wrenn Montgomery

  Reading has always been my escape from reality, and I’d used it frequently to cope with my mother and her episodes.

  A few years ago, I received a letter on my birthday. I had just turned twenty-one, and I was heading into grad school that fall. The letter was from my father, whom I’ve never met, but it stated that he couldn’t tell me his name at that time. I almost tore it up and threw it in the trash, but for some reason I held on to it. There was no return address, and it was signed Robert Cole—an alias that led to a fruitless and never-ending search, other than a successful author by that name whose books I promptly bought and read just for the hell of it.

  In fact, the one Emmett was reading the other night was the first I’d purchased. With the letter there was a check, which I refused to cash. Every month on the first, a new check would come, and I made a pretty pile out of them on my desk but never cashed them. No more letters came, only the checks in the same hefty amount each month.

  By the time I had about six months’ worth of checks, I could pay my entire grad school tuition, but I still refused to use the money. Whoever my “father” was, I wanted no part of his money, especially if he wouldn’t even tell me his real name.

  One day, when Elli was at my apartment—while Landry was in prison and I was living off of Ramen noodles, barely making rent each month—she sat down at my desk to proofread a paper for me and saw the stack of checks. I tried to explain to her why I wasn’t cashing them, but she was relentless, insisting that my dad owed me this money and I should take every dollar he sent my way.

  Eventually I caved and cashed them, expecting them to bounce. They didn’t, and I’ve cashed them every month since. If it makes him feel less guilty for abandoning me then so be it. I know it’s selfish. A better person would’ve shredded the checks and kept their dignity, but after the stint with Landry, I needed the cash, and my “father” obviously wanted me to have it.

  In some part of my mind, I know I’m holding out hope that if I keep cashing them, someday there will be another letter with them, possibly revealing who he is so I can finally meet him—or at least know who he is. I know it’s a stretch, but if that never happens, and he just keeps sending money, I’m going to continue taking it. Especially if it keeps my dream of owning a bookstore alive.

  The loud knock at the door scares me out of my thoughts and I grab my pistol before approaching. When I see that it’s just the Chinese food delivery guy, we make small talk while I sign the receipt and take the food from him. As he leaves, I lean out of the front door a tad to look at the street outside.

  The same black Sedan is parked where it was yesterday, and someone is inside it.

  I instantly slam the door shut and lock the bolts.

  I am not going to call Emmett. I am not going to call Emmett. I am a strong, independent woman with Chinese food and a gun.

  If they want to come in here, I dare them. I’ll be ready for them.

  I push against the false wall and take the stairs two at a time until I’m in my apartment.

  I head over to the picture window in the sitting area and sit down on the window seat to eat my dinner, arranging the gray and cream pillows around me so I can stare down at the car below with my pistol in my lap.

  Who is it? What do they want from me? Why are they watching my store?

  I’m fine, it’s okay.

  I am not going to call Emmett.

  I eat my food but barely taste any of it, trying to rack my brain for answers, watching for any signs of movement from the car below. I’m sure they can’t see me, but I sit farther back from the window—just in case.

  A little girl and her mom ride their bikes down the sidewalk, right past the car that symbolizes so much ugliness in my life right now. They pedal by without a care in the world. A few doors down, the florist on the corner is putting the bouquet displays up for the night. Life continues around me, but it feels like my world is standing still until all this is solved.

  I call Emmett—only because he needs to be prepared in case he drives up and the person is still outside the bookstore.

  I swear.

  I don’t need him.

  I don’t.

  Getting these calls from Raven is getting old. Not because I don’t want to hear from her. I hate to admit that her voice has quickly become my favorite thing to hear. But I hate the thought of someone stalking her and me not being there to protect her.

  I’m tied up at the station for another hour and I can’t leave. I have to finish these reports and add them to Miss James’ file. I send another officer who patrols that area to go sit outside of her apartment until I can get there.

  He calls when he arrives and says that the car drove off when he pulled onto her street.

  Of course.

  I call Raven back and let her know, hating how scared she sounds despite trying to be brave.

  The last forty-five minutes tick by and I shake my head at myself for being so anxious to get to her apartment. She’s told me, in more ways than one, that she doesn’t want anything serious. I can’t blame her for that, considering the way her last serious relationship ended, and now this situation.

  We’re no closer to finding the guy from the bar. The DNA results came back with no hits. The call from the other night was traced to a track phone. Every lead we get is squashed out. I’ve never been so frustrated.

  Eventually, I glance up at the clock and see it’s two after nine, so I pack my things and head to the back entrance to walk back to my apartment to change before heading to Raven’s. I’m almost to the door when I hear my name being called.

  “Emmett! Hey, man. Wait up.”

  Alex. Wonderful.

  He’s just coming on shift. I should’ve left early.

  “I don’t have time to chat,” I say curtly. “Do you need something?”

  “Yeah, I just wanted to say…I’m just…I’m really sorry. Jenna and I—”

  “Look, man, it’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine. You were fucking my girlfriend behind my back. I don’t really care about that part, but you were my partner. I was supposed to be able to trust you with my life and you were at my home fucking my girlfriend. It is what it is. I’m really enjoying day-shift and Detective Tropp is great. I don’t really have much else to say to you.” I know I sound bitter and maybe a little immature, but bro code is a thing. Beyond that, LEOs have their own code to follow.

  “I know, and you don’t know how sorry I am. There’s just something about Jenna. I know you must be torn up about losing her. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

  I try not to grin at him. I wasn’t too keen on Jenna to begin with. I would’ve never married her. It wasn’t that serious. Plus, Raven makes Jenna look like chopped liver.

  “That’s quite all right, Alex. I wish you and Jenna the best. Have a great night.” Smirking, I turn away and head for the door.

  If he thinks Jenna is the cream of the crop, great. They deserve each other. If I hadn’t met Raven maybe I would be a little more upset, but I’ve never met a woman who could hold a candle to Raven Jackson. I decide to skip going to my apartment and head straight to her instead.

  My phone rings as I’m pulling up to her apartment. “Fisher.”

  “Hey, detective. This is Officer Haynes. I’m the lead on the Landry Davis investigation. Just wanted to give you a call and see if you had any questions I could answer.”

  “I appreciate you calling. I was attempting to see Mr. Davis in relation to a case I’m working. Do you have any leads or motives for his murder?”

  He laughs, and I cringe a little at the crassness. “Oh yeah. You know he took out one of the lead gang members in town? He’s had a mark on his head since the day he stepped foot in here. I’m surprised it took this long. There’d been a few attempts. He was in protective custody for two years, but he’d been back in general population for six months with no problem until the fight that got him killed. We’re not sure who’s responsible yet, but someone will claim it before long.
If it’s gang related, they’ll want it known that they’re responsible for taking him out. And if it’s not, someone will rat soon.”

  “Thank you for the information. I assume you’ve contacted his parents?”

  “Of course. It’s standard procedure to contact the next of kin, as you know. The mother was distraught, as expected. The father is threatening to sue, also as expected. He’s a big wig attorney and has made a name for himself by turning small lawsuits into multi-million-dollar payouts. The guy’s a real peach.”

  I bank this information away for later and thank him for his time.

  We can mark Landry off the list of suspects, but I still have to tell Raven about his death.

  I bite my lip as I look out my window again. It’s comforting knowing an officer is here and watching until Emmett arrives.

  Something about that sedan is so familiar to me. I wonder how often they’ve been outside of the bookstore and I didn’t notice. Or I noticed and assumed they were waiting for someone else.

  I’ve got to get better at paying attention to my surroundings. My mom used to chide me for that when I was young, before she spent more time in her drug-induced stupors than out of them.

  “Your head is always in the clouds, Raven. One day you’re going to have to come down and get to know the world.”

  I thought by becoming a counselor, I would get to know the world. Apparently not well enough.

  I’m still sitting by the windowsill, my Chinese food long grown cold, when I see Emmett pull up to the store. I watch as he emerges from the car, all six-foot-three of him. Long legs, confident stride. Something about him is so different than any man I’ve ever known. I mean, I’ve always found tall men attractive, but I don’t know if I’ve ever been so attracted to someone before.

  I can’t even imagine how I’d be handling this situation if I didn’t have him to distract me and protect me from whatever it is that’s going on. And maybe that’s not a healthy coping mechanism but it sure is helping, and right now that’s all I’m concerned about.

  I rush down the stairs to unlock the door for him.

  As soon as he’s over the threshold I slam the door closed and jump into his arms.

  “Well hey, gorgeous. Happy to see me?”

  “Shut up.” I kiss him and his hands grip my ass to hoist me up higher.

  He’s already heading to the staircase, wasting no time, just how I want it.

  “You going to carry me up the stairs like this, Casanova?” I manage between kisses.

  “Yep.” His voice is low, almost a growl, and I’m not about to argue with him.

  It’s sexy as hell that he’s so strong and can lift me like I weigh twenty pounds. He carries me up the stairs with ease and makes his way over to my bed, slow and steady, laying me down and coming to lean above me.

  “I missed you,” he says.

  My skin tingles and I try to accept his words without the panic that’s threatening to bubble over.

  It’s good that he missed you, Raven. You missed him, too. It doesn’t mean he’s trying to marry you. Tell him you missed him back.

  “Oh, really?” I can’t do it. I can’t tell him how much I miss him all day when he’s not here. I’ve known him for less than a week and this is ridiculous. You can’t catch feelings for someone in less than a week.

  That’s enough talking and thinking for right now.

  I push him over and onto his back then climb on top of him, straddling him. In seconds my shirt is off and somewhere across the room, his hands exploring every bit of exposed flesh. I reach behind myself and unhook my bra, then toss it across the room. I keep eye contact with him while I start unbuttoning my jeans. He’s rock-hard beneath me, and his hips buck every time I move like he can’t wait to be inside me. As much as I want to tease him and let this go slowly, I can’t wait. Maybe later tonight.

  I roll off of him and slide my jeans off before starting on his buckle, but he takes over and removes his jeans and boxers. He moves to push me back onto the bed again but I don’t let him. Instead I push him back and kiss down his chest and abdomen.

  He knows where I’m heading, and he leans back against the pillows to watch me with hooded eyes. When I reach his cock, I wrap my hands around the base and take him deep into my mouth in one fluid movement.

  “Fuck,” he says, breathing out, and I flash him a grin before doing it again.

  I move to take him deep into my mouth once more but he grabs me by my arms and pulls me over him, flipping me over and settling between my thighs.

  “Damn, Raven. I need to be inside you.”

  “So get a move on,” I tell him.

  He chuckles, and I see the glint in his eye as he grabs a condom from the nightstand, puts it on, and slides into me with a gentle thrust.

  I need more. I need harder and faster and I need to come like only he can make me come. I grind my hips against him. “Move, Emmett. Please.”

  “Oh, like this?” He moves half an inch out and then back in. Not nearly enough.

  “I swear to God, if you don’t get this show on the road and fuck me—”

  “Like this?” He pulls out and slams back into me, again and again.

  I moan. “Exactly. Exactly like that.”

  Lying beside Raven in the dark, I feel like I can finally breathe.

  I wasn’t expecting her to jump me like she did, but I’m not complaining.

  I need to update her on the investigation—which would be a hell of a lot easier if I had any leads—and more importantly, Landry’s death. I start with offering what I do know.

  “Officer Lane described the sedan he saw to me. I think it was the same, plates and all,” I say, testing the waters.

  “Yeah,” she agrees.

  “Would you feel more comfortable staying somewhere else? With Elli? With me?” I know the answer before I finish the question, but I have to try.

  “Nope.”

  “I’m just saying whoever is behind this knows where you live. I’m not sure this is the safest—”

  “I know what you’re saying, but I’m not leaving. And while I appreciate you being here to keep me company, I don’t need you to do that either.”

  We both know that’s a lie, but the way she turns her face away from me tells me that she doesn’t want me to call her on it, so I don’t. “I know I don’t have to. I want to. I like spending time with you. I like waking up with you and coming home—”

  “Just stop there. I enjoy those things, too. But you cannot get attached. I don’t know what this is but I know what it isn’t, and I’ve been honest with you from the beginning. I don’t want a relationship, with you or with anyone for that matter. I don’t plan on ever getting married. I don’t want kids. I don’t want attachments.”

  Call me delusional, but I don’t believe any of that. I know she’s guarded, and I understand why. When we catch the perp and this whole thing is over, my next mission is to start knocking down those walls of hers.

  “There’s something else I need to tell you,” I say, changing the topic back to what’s more important right now.

  Her annoyance fades as she realizes that I’m serious. “What is it?”

  “I went to see Landry in prison—”

  “What?!”

  “He was killed three weeks ago. Someone stabbed him in a fight that broke out in the yard. I’m sorry, Raven. I’m not sure if—”

  “Oh my God. Oh my God!” she repeats.

  I let her freak out for a second, unsure if I should hold her or grant her the space she probably wants. I settle for putting my hand on her shoulder.

  She’s quiet for a few minutes, staring down at her hands.

  I give her the time to let her deal with whatever she’s feeling.

  “They didn’t even call me. They didn’t even tell me,” she says, still looking down.

  “I’m sorry.” I don’t know what else to say, so I rub circles on her shoulder blade.

  “I’m okay. I’m sorry for freaking out.
I just can’t believe…but of course. I mean, he did kill a fucking gang member. Surely this was always a possibility, but his parents, maybe they blame me. They’ve been dealing with a lot I’m sure. They’ve probably already had the service,” she says, rambling on as I keep rubbing her back and shoulders, unsure what she needs from me but wanting to help.

  She reaches for her phone, and I listen while she tells Elli what I just told her. I’m close enough to hear that Elli isn’t as shocked or upset as Raven is, but she does try to comfort her friend before they hang up.

  Raven puts her phone down and takes a deep breath. “I’m fine I promise. It surprised me, and I’m not sure how to feel about it, but I’m okay. Thank you for telling me.”

  I nod and lie down, pulling her to my chest. “It’s normal to feel sad, or upset, or angry. However you feel, it’s normal.”

  Her shoulders shake and I think she’s crying, but then a sudden giggle bursts out of her. “Are you the counselor? Or am I?” She laughs again and rolls onto her back, looks up at the ceiling, then takes a deep breath as she snuggles into my side.

  We lie that way for a few minutes, until I hear a vibrating noise coming from my pants on the floor. I reluctantly remove Raven’s leg from across my waist and roll out of her bed, looking back at her beautiful still-naked body while I search my pockets for my phone.

  Once I find it, I pick up and say, “Detective Fisher.”

  “Fisher, it’s Alex again. We just had someone call in and say they know who attacked Elliott James. Pence and Lane are heading there to take her statement. I thought you’d want to know.”

  “Okay, thanks for the info.” I hang up.

  I’m going to have to work with Alex for the foreseeable future, so as much as it pains me I’m going to have to learn how to deal with him from time to time.

  “Everything okay?” Raven’s voice is sleepy, like she’s close to drifting off, probably exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster we just went on.