Nevermore

by Wrenn Montgomery

  I look longingly at the stairs, ready to snuggle my girl and sleep off the hellish day we’ve had but instead I take the seat beside him. “Honestly, I haven’t been dating Raven long, I don’t even know if she’d call it dating, but regardless I feel like I know her well enough to know that she needs time to process all of this right now. She’s not an emotional person, and from what I’ve seen she likes her space and alone time. I think she realizes that you had a tough decision to make. I’d just give her some time and maybe when she’s ready you two can sit down and talk everything out. I don’t know what the future will look like for the both of you, but I do think Raven will be fair and give you a fighting chance.”

  He turns to look me directly in the eyes. “And what about your future?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “With Raven,” he clarifies.

  “I’m not sure. I know what I want, and I think I know what she wants. But she’s got to let herself trust me and I think that may take time. I’m willing to wait, though. She’d be worth waiting for forever.”

  A little smirk appears at the corner of his mouth and I think I see a glimmer of approval in his eyes. “She sounds just like her mother,” he starts to say, and then shakes his head. “I’d probably do well to keep that to myself.”

  I smile back at him and say, “I doubt it would do you any favors to compare the two in any capacity. I’m sure the woman you knew and the woman she knew are two very different people.”

  “Must be, because the woman I knew would never have let her daughter not be in her life.”

  I think about what Raven has shared with me about her mother and the similarities between her and my father and shrug. “Drugs will do that to you. I’m going to head upstairs. Thank you, for letting us stay the night, and for saving Raven today.”

  “I’d do anything for her,” he states, and resumes staring at his coffee cup.

  When I glance back at him from the top of the stairs, that’s what he’s still doing. If I were a betting man I’d put my money on him staying that way all night.

  It can’t be easy to meet the daughter you’ve watched from afar for twenty-five years on the same day she almost gets kidnapped by a rapist, and then find out that the love of your life has turned into a drug addict and abandoned the daughter you thought was well taken care of.

  I send up a silent wish that Raven will give him a shot when all of this is over.

  I had left the bedroom door cracked when I got into bed, so I heard the majority of Emmett’s conversation with my dad.

  My heart is so full, and my brain is so confused.

  I know Emmett cares about me, and I know I care about him. Despite my earlier resolve to take things slow with him, I can feel myself falling fast and I know I need to rein it in. But when I heard him defending my actions and advising my dad not to compare me to my mother…

  It’s like he understands my soul, and I’ve never felt that way before. Part of me thinks Emmett Fisher could be my safe place, my soulmate. The other—larger?—part of me knows how foolish that sounds.

  I hear him walk up to the door and smile at how quiet he’s trying to be. I let him think I’m asleep for a few more minutes just so I can watch him.

  He takes off his jacket, then his shoes and socks, and then his shirt. I feel my stomach flip at the sight of his bare chest, thankful for the small lamp in the corner throwing a little light across the hard planes of his chest and stomach.

  When he shuffles out of his pants, my heart rate speeds up. I’m thankful he closed the bedroom door, because if I could hear their conversation downstairs there’s no doubt my father would be able to hear what’s about to go down in this room.

  He climbs into bed beside me, turning toward me, sliding his arm under my pillow and leaning forward to kiss my forehead.

  I open my eyes and grin at him.

  “Why aren’t you asleep?” he asks with a smile, wrapping his other arm around me and pulling me to his chest.

  “I was waiting for you.” I know he’s exhausted and I’m not sure if he’s up for what I have in mind, but I decide to test the waters anyway.

  “Oh yeah?”

  He buries his face into my hair and I nod, sliding my hand down his chest to the waistband of his boxers, letting him know my intentions.

  “Are you sure?” he asks. “I know you’re exhausted—”

  “Haven’t we had this talk before? I’ll decide when I’m exhausted, and right now I need you inside of me. So if you’re too tired, tell me now and I’ll let you have your sleep. If not, stop talking.”

  I feel him instantly go rock-hard, so I dip my hand into his boxers and wait for his reply.

  “You’re going to kill me, woman.”

  I take that as the invite I’d been waiting for and wrap my hand around his cock, marveling at the hardness and length. We groan at the same time, and he thrusts his hips up involuntarily.

  “Yes, this is exactly what I need,” I whisper into his ear, nibbling and sucking on his ear lobe.

  “Raven, get undressed. Now, please.” He’s trying to sound like he’s in charge but we both know he’s not.

  I oblige and let go of him to do so, instantly regretting the loss of contact.

  He tosses his boxers across the room and he’s hovering over me before I can even blink. “I don’t have a condom. I didn’t think to grab—”

  “I’m on the pill. It’s fine, I trust you.”

  “Are you sure? We can—”

  “Emmett!”

  “Yes ma’am.” And with that he thrusts into me in one fluid movement, almost making me scream with relief and pleasure.

  I let out a hiss, trying to keep quiet.

  “Fuck, Raven.”

  I can hear the strain in his voice and I grin. “You feel so good, Emmett.”

  “Holy shit.”

  “I want to ride you.”

  He pushes his forehead against mine, eyes shut tight and trying to control his breathing. He slides out of me and rolls over, grabbing my hips as he goes and settling me on top of him.

  I align us and start to slide down onto his cock as slowly as I can manage.

  “Goddamn you really are going to kill me.” He tries bucking his hips up but I lift out of reach and give him another grin.

  “Stop moving or it’ll be slower,” I tease.

  He groans but gives in and I continue my downward descent. When he’s finally all the way inside of me, I start grinding against him, lifting up and sliding down as I go.

  “Raven, I seriously can’t fucking last with you like this. You’re so fucking beautiful.” He palms my breasts and tweaks my nipples as I roll my hips.

  I let out a moan as he fills me again and I increase my pace, reaching down to steady myself on his chest. “I love the way you feel inside of me. I’m not sure why we didn’t do this bare sooner.” I slide up and then slam back down onto him.

  “Raven!” He yelps and I feel his hips start to buck as he presses his thumb into my clit.

  That’s all it takes and I’m flying over the edge, splintering into a million pieces on top of him while I feel him explode inside of me.

  We stay like that for a few minutes, catching our breath and letting our heart rates slow.

  “Holy shit,” he says on an exhale.

  “I know.” I smirk. “You’ve said that.” I lean over him to kiss him, his length still inside of me.

  He puts his hand on the back of my head, pulling me closer and making me feel like he can’t get enough of me.

  I slide off of him and slink to the door, grabbing his shirt to slide over my head before I slip down the hallway to clean up. Elli comes out of the bathroom and I grin at her sheepishly.

  “I really hope we didn’t wake you,” I say.

  She’s still half asleep and I think I hear her mumble a playful insult as she passes and stumbles into her room.

  I smile and hustle to get back in bed with my guy.

  Holy shit.

&
nbsp; I know, I’ve said and thought that about seven times in the last twenty minutes, but really.

  …Holy shit.

  I clean up with some tissues beside the bed, snag my boxers from across the room, and get back into bed to wait for her.

  I’m exhausted, satiated, and beyond relieved to have her in bed with me again tonight. Just a few hours ago I wasn’t sure what the next twenty-four hours would hold. The thought that I could’ve lost her today makes me want to puke. I know she’s told me she doesn’t want a relationship over and over, but I have to let her know how important she is to me—even if it falls on deaf ears.

  I hear her tiptoeing back into the room and I pull the covers back for her. She settles in, letting out a content sigh as I rub circles on her lower back, and I love that she’s wearing my shirt.

  “I need to talk to you about something,” I say.

  She goes stiff, and I rush to finish my thought before she bolts.

  “It’s nothing bad. I just…today scared the shit out of me, gorgeous.”

  She nods against my chest, and I can feel her start to relax again.

  “I know that this, whatever this is, is not something you were looking for,” I start. “I can respect that. I also know this is the sixth night in a row that we’ve been in the same bed at the end of the day, and I know that has to mean something to you, too.”

  She nods again, not giving me a word, and I smirk as I go for the gut.

  “I think I’m falling for you, Raven, and I know that scares you. Hell, it scares me. I just need you to know. I never want to feel the way I felt this evening again. I’m not expecting you to feel the same right now, and you don’t even need to say anything. I just need you to know.” I hold my breath and brace myself, expecting her to roll over to put her back to me, but she doesn’t.

  “Okay,” she says.

  Okay? That’s all?

  I’ll take it.

  I kiss her forehead and snuggle her closer to my side, rubbing her hair and listening to her breathing even out as she falls asleep.

  The next morning comes and goes, as none of us had any alarms set. I think we were all too exhausted to care about waking up early to get back to town.

  It’s after ten when I finally decide to wake the sleeping beauty next to me, kissing her softly on the lips and then with more pressure until I feel her stir underneath me.

  “Morning.” I nudge her with my face as her eyes sleepily open.

  She shakes her head and tries to roll over and I chuckle.

  “I know, gorgeous. It’s after ten, though, and I didn’t know if you had anyone to cover the bookstore.”

  “Shit,” she grumbles and rolls off the bed, searching the dresser across the room for her phone and bringing it to her ear. “Missy? Hey, yeah, I’m fine. I know. I’m sorry. I know everyone was worried sick but I’m okay. Could you have Jason run down to the store and make sure there are no stragglers waiting out front? And maybe put a note on the door saying we’ll open at noon? I should be there in about an hour. Thank you so much, you guys are life-savers.”

  She hangs up the phone and winks at me, heading to wake Elli, I assume, so we can get on the road.

  We’re almost back to the store when Elli starts to hyperventilate. She’s in the backseat and I’m riding shotgun when I hear her start to wheeze.

  “Pull over,” I whisper under my breath to Emmett.

  He pulls over onto the shoulder of the highway and I jump in the backseat with her. Her eyes are frantic and her chest is heaving.

  “Okay, E, I’ve got you. Where’s your head right now?” I slide my arm around her shoulders and pull her to me, cradling her head against my chest. She knows I’m a touch-me-not but I know this is what she needs right now. I’m sure she’ll rib me about it later.

  “I just…how can we…you can’t go back there…he almost kidnapped you, Raven!”

  “I know, I know. And I know this is also about what he did to you. It’s okay to be upset, Elli. It’s okay to be scared.” I catch Emmett’s eyes in the rearview mirror and give him a slight head nod to let him know I think I can calm her down.

  I knew this was coming sooner or later, and I think I’m prepared enough, although she’s only had one other panic attack in front of me before. Elli doesn’t crack easily.

  “Let’s try to breathe through it,” I tell her. I know if I can get her grounded before she spirals too hard, we can talk it out. “Tell me three things you can physically feel right now. Come on, I’ll help you. Can you feel the seat against your back?”

  She nods against my chest.

  “Okay great, what else?”

  “I can feel your hair in my face,” she says, and I hold back a chuckle and wait for her to continue. “And I can feel this seatbelt cutting into my hip.”

  All rainbows and sunshine as usual.

  I move to unclick her belt and a sob escapes her.

  “All right, all right,” I soothe as I pull my hair over my shoulder. “My hair is out of your face and the belt is off. Tell me three things you can smell.”

  “This…is…so…dumb.” Her breathing picks up again between her words and she’s clutching her hair in her fist.

  “I know, but humor your counselor best friend, please?”

  She nods and takes a deep breath. “Your hair smells like apples. I can smell Emmett’s vanilla air freshener, and I’m not digging it to be honest.” Again, I fight a chuckle, then she adds, “I can smell the leather from the seat.”

  “Okay, that’s good. What are three things you can hear?”

  “Me, blubbering like an idiot.” Her sobs are calmer as she tries to gather herself. “I can hear the cars going by on the highway. And I can hear your heartbeat, which is a lot slower than mine. You really are good at this shit, huh?” She finishes on a deep shuddering breath.

  “Yeah, I’m a badass. Do we need to keep going or are you back to your badass self, too?”

  “I think I’m okay.” She picks her head up off of my chest and looks me in the eyes, trying to assure both of us. The steely resolve is back in her baby blues and I feel myself relax a little.

  “You want to talk about it?”

  “Nope. I just need to make a phone call to my security company. I’m going to double the team and send half to stay with you if you’re determined to stay in that bookstore,” she says.

  I open my mouth to argue but catch Emmett’s eye again in the mirror and see him shaking his head, urging me not to and just let her do this. I know they’re right. It’ll calm all of our nerves, even though the thought of having a security detail twenty-four/seven makes me want to have a panic attack of my own. “Fine, E. Just until we figure out who’s behind this. Are you okay to get back on the road?”

  “Yeah, let’s go,” she says, and I keep my arm around her, deciding to stay in the back with her for the remainder of the ride.

  When we pull up to the bookstore, I’m a little surprised to see that everything looks normal.

  There’s no crime scene tape, no glass or discarded car parts on the street out front. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I’m relieved to find that my baby is fine.

  Emmett pulls around back and I take my keys out so we can enter through the rear entrance. Reggie is here, saving my ass and running the show like usual.

  “Reg?” I brace myself, knowing he’s either going to cry or scream at me.

  I see a flurry of gray but before I can register what’s happening, he’s launched himself at me and we’re on the ground.

  “Oh! Ohhh! You! I’m so fucking mad at you, Raven Jackson!” he says.

  A sound escapes me but he’s squeezing me so hard that I can’t form actual words.

  “I’m so happy you’re all right but you scared the ever-living shit out of me and I’m furious, Raven, do you hear me? Furious!”

  He finally releases me when Emmett clears his throat, whom I steal a glance up at to see he’s barely restraining himself from pulling Reggie off of me.


  I give him a small smile to reassure him that I’m fine. We clamber to our feet and Reggie wraps me in a hug again.

  “Really, I was so scared, Rave,” Reggie says in a much quieter voice, looking like a little boy instead of the twenty-three-year-old man he is.

  “I know, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking but I promise to never do that to you again.”

  He nods and finally releases me. “Todd may also kill you.”

  “I figured. I owe you both another vacation. How about a spa day?” I offer.

  He hooks his arm over my shoulder and shakes his head, then we walk to the front of the store, which I’m relieved to find empty.

  “Everything been okay so far today?” I ask him.

  “Yeah, it’s been slow.”

  I nod and turn to Elli. “Do you want Emmett to take you home?”

  “Nah, I drove here. I’ll be fine.”

  “Uh, I actually need to go by the station and file my report. Why don’t I just follow you home before I swing by the station?” Emmett meets my eyes over her head and I hope he can tell how thankful I am for his suggestion.

  I think she’s calmed down enough, but I don’t want her having a breakdown on the ten-minute drive to her place with no one there to help her.

  “All right, sounds good,” she concedes, and I know her pride is bucking, but I’m sure she knows we’re just concerned for her.

  “Reggie, do you mind if I head upstairs and jump in the bath for a few? I just need to recharge and process some of this,” I say to him.

  “Of course not. I’ll hold down the fort.”

  I owe him so much.

  I head upstairs, calling the boujie spa uptown that I know he loves, and I book him and Todd the works for tomorrow.

  I follow Elliott home and make sure she’s safely in her building before stopping by my apartment to change into new clothes and make myself look presentable.