Someone Like You: Wild Widows Series, Book 1
Page 13
“I’m really scared I won’t be able to handle being a single parent to this child.”
“If I can handle it, anyone can. Granted, I have tons of help, but I’m sure you will, too.”
“I will. My family is close by, and I know they’ll be there for me.”
“I’ll share my nanny with you if you need one.”
Roni looks stunned. “You’d do that?”
“Sure, she’s great, and Maeve would love having a baby around. She asks me all the time when she can have a baby sister.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet.”
“I’m not ready to explain to her that a daddy can’t have a baby sister without a mommy because I’m afraid she’ll ask me when we’re getting a new mommy.”
“She’s very cute.”
“And she knows it. She has me wrapped firmly around all her chubby little fingers. My mom is always saying, ‘Honestly, Derek, you’re going to spoil her rotten.’ And she’s not wrong. I’ve had to start being more mindful of what I’m letting her get away with as she gets older. I’m constantly overcompensating for her having to grow up without her mother.”
“She’s very lucky to have you, and I’m sure she’ll grow up to be a wonderful person.”
“I hope so. Making sure of that is the most important thing in my life, and it will be for you, too, when your little one arrives.”
“Is it weird that the baby seems like something that’s happening to someone else? Even though I saw it on the ultrasound today and had to accept that it’s very real.”
“I don’t think that’s any weirder than following a random dude around your neighborhood because he reminds you of your late husband from behind.”
That makes her laugh—hard. “Am I ever going to hear the end of that?”
“Nope. Never.”
“Good to know.”
“So a drink? Yes or no?”
“Nonalcoholic counts?”
“Whatever you want.”
“Where should we go?”
“Follow me. I grew up out here. I know a place.”
12
Roni
Derek clicks a button on his key fob that lights up a black SUV across the street.
“Sounds good.”
He starts to walk away but turns back, withdrawing his phone from his pocket. “Give me your number in case we get separated.”
As I recite it for him, my heart starts to beat faster, and my face feels warm, even though it’s freezing.
“I sent you a text so you have mine, but I’ll do my best not to lose you.”
“That would be good.”
He heads to his car while I fumble my way into mine, dropping the keys on the floor and nearly smacking my head on the wheel when I reach for them. “Sheesh, girl, stop acting like an idiot. He asked you for a drink. Don’t make it weird.”
I do a U-turn and follow him out of Iris’s subdivision. After a few turns, we end up on a busy highway that leads into a retail area. I have no idea where we are, so I make sure not to lose him. We end up at a twenty-four-hour restaurant that’s close to an exit for Interstate 66.
“Is this okay?” he asks when we meet outside our cars.
“Works for me.”
We grab a table inside, and a waitress named Judy comes to take our drink orders.
“I’m going to do a bourbon on the rocks with lemon, please,” he says.
“Just decaf tea with lemon for me, please.”
“Any food?”
“You want anything?” he asks.
“No, thanks, I'm stuffed.”
“Just the drinks, please.”
“You got it. Be right back.”
“This is a cute place.” I check out the long counter with red vinyl-topped stools and the black-and-white checkerboard flooring.
“We used to come here after games in high school.”
Judy returns with our drinks. “Let me know if I can get you anything else.”
“Thank you,” Derek says for both of us.
I watch as he stirs his drink and note that there’s a faint white line on his left ring finger where a wedding band used to be. “Can I ask a personal question?”
“Anything you want.”
“How long ago did you take off your ring?”
“Not that long ago, actually. Maybe October?”
“How did you know it was time to do that?”
“When I stopped feeling like I was still married.”
“And that took more than a year?”
“Less than that, but I didn’t take off the ring until Maeve asked me about it. I told her it was the ring Mommy gave me when we got married. She asked if she could have it, and I said she could. So I took it off, put it on one of Vic’s old necklaces, and now Maeve wears it when she plays dress-up. She says it’s the ring she’s going to give her prince someday.”
“I love that story.”
“I was glad she gave me a good reason to take it off, and Vic would’ve appreciated it, too. She was all about things not going to waste. She would’ve liked that we found a way to repurpose it.”
“Maeve may not remember the specifics of things like that, but she’ll remember you were always there for her.”
“I hope so.”
“She will.”
“She’s a special kid. I’m lucky that she sorta rolls with it all, but then again, she doesn’t realize her dad is a bit of a mess.”
“No, you’re not. She’s obviously very well loved and cared for.”
“She is, but I’m still finding my groove when it comes to being both Mom and Dad. Like when do I put her in dance class, and how soon should she be in preschool? Vic knew that stuff instinctively, and I’m clueless.”
I smile as I lean in. “You could ask someone those questions.”
Smiling back, he says, “I do, but you know what I mean. What if I’m not asking the right questions? That’s the stuff that keeps me awake at night.”
“Surely you must know someone who has kids roughly the same age who can tell you what to do?”
“My two sisters-in-law have been awesome, but they don’t live here, so it’s sort of distance coaching.”
“Where do they live?”
“One in Denver and the other in Vegas.”
“They’re your brothers’ wives?”
“Right.”
“Are you close to your brothers?”
“Very. I wish they lived closer, but thankfully, my parents still live in the house where we grew up a few miles from here. I don’t know what I’d do without them close by. They’re always willing to help with whatever I need.”
“Mine are great, too. My whole family was so there for me in those first early days.”
“You have siblings?”
“Two sisters and a brother, all of them married with kids and all local except my brother, who lives in the San Fran area.”
“I’m glad you have that kind of support close by. You’ll need it when the baby comes. They must be excited about it.”
“I haven’t told them yet.”
He seems shocked to hear that. “How come?”
“I’m not sure exactly. Mostly I wanted to see it to believe it, which I did earlier today. That made it very real.”
“Maybe you also wanted it to belong to you and Patrick for a while before everyone else found out.”
“I suppose so.”
“If he was still here, you might not have told people yet. We waited until Vic was in her fourth month to tell anyone.”
“Was she superstitious about losing it?”
“A little, I guess. But with hindsight, I realized she was terrified of Patterson’s people finding out that she was having a baby. Apparently, that wasn’t part of their sinister plan.”
“I’m so sorry that was done to you, Derek. It’s obscene.”
“It sure was.”
“Do you ever feel like… like it’s just not physically possible to be this sad all the time?”
I prop my chin on my hand as I listen to him. “That’s really lovely.”
He scoffs. “Whatever. It’s true.”
“No, it is. It’s a comfort for me to know it gets a bit easier as time goes on.”
“It does, even if the wound never fully heals.”
“Are people in the group serious about dating and stuff?”
“Some more than others.” He leans in. “You want some scoop?”
“Duh. Of course I do.”
“One of them slept with a guy a month after her husband died because she was afraid she’d never do it if she didn’t get it over with.”
“Iris told me about that.”
“She cried the whole time and didn’t hear from the guy again.”
“Poor thing.”
“She said it was awful, but she said she stands by her decision because now she doesn’t have to be thinking about what it will be like with someone else.”
“That’s true.”
“Another one went all in with a new guy really fast. We were urging her to slow down a bit.”
“Oh my gosh. What happened?”
“It crashed and burned because the guy realized she was in no way ready for it. She was devastated all over again, only it was worse this time because she was still coping with losing her husband, too.”
“That breaks my heart for her.”
“She went through a really rough time, but she’s better now and taking things slower. Everyone reacts differently to dating after loss. Some people dive right in, and others want nothing to do with it. But there’s so much freaking judgment from people who have no clue what it’s like to be us.”
“I felt so bad for Kinsley that someone she doesn’t even know said something so hurtful.”
“It’s gross, but I wish some of them shared a bit less on social media. When you put yourself out there, you’re opening yourself up to the bad and the good.”
“So what’s the deal with Aurora who looks at you like she wants to eat you up?”
He cringes. “Ew. Stop it.”
“Well, she does!”
“She’s sort of a lot.”
I try not to laugh at the pained face he makes. “I could see that.”
“She’s not a bad person, and she’d tell you herself that what her husband did has completely ruined her life, too.”
“Of course it has.”
“We had to vote about letting her into the group since she’s not technically a widow, but she still ‘lost’ her husband in a sudden and shocking way, so we agreed to let her in. A few times since then, I’ve regretted my vote in favor.”
“She’s totally hot for you.”
His scowl makes me laugh. “I’ve had a hard time letting her know I’m just not interested in her that way.”
“That’s uncomfortable.”
“It sure is. I’ve been tempted to leave the group because of her, but I love the others so much, and it’s such an amazing source of support.”
“Don’t leave the group because of her.”
“I won’t, but she drives me a little crazy.”
“When she figured out that we knew each other, I worried for my life.”
“I saw that, and I’m sorry. She has absolutely no claim on me, and she knows it.”
“Roni?”
I look up to see my sister Penelope’s mother- and father-in-law staring at me, clearly shocked to see me sitting with a man in public. Shit. “Hey!” I force a smile for them.
“We thought that was you.” Rita glances at Derek before she returns her gaze to me. Speaking of judgmental…
“Rita and Lou, this is my friend Derek. Derek, these are my sister Penelope’s in-laws, Rita and Lou.”
“Nice to meet you both,” he says.
“You as well.” Rita takes a good long look at him, as if to memorize every detail for when she runs home to tell Pen I was with a man. My sister can’t stand her. “What’re you doing out our way?”
“Derek and I were at a meeting with other widows and widowers.” I give her a pointed look that I hope instills a little shame into her.
“Oh, well. That’s very nice.”
“Actually, it totally sucks, but what’re you going to do?”
Derek focuses on his drink, probably so he won’t laugh out loud.
“We were out at Charlotte’s lacrosse game. Did you hear she’s been offered athletic scholarships at six different colleges?”
Did you hear my husband died, and I don’t give a flying fuck about your grandchildren who aren’t my sister’s kids? “I hadn’t heard that. Congratulations.”
“We’re so proud of her.”
“Let’s let Roni get back to her friend, Rita.” Lou earns my eternal gratitude for ending this awkward encounter. “It was really nice to see you, sweetheart. We think of you so often.”
“It’s nice to see you getting back on the horse,” Rita adds with a knowing little grin.
The comment shocks me to my core. “What? I’m not back on any horses. I’m having a drink with a friend.”
Lou takes ahold of Rita’s arm and steers her away. “Take care, Roni.”
“Oh my God,” I whisper the second they walk away. “What were you saying about judgmental people?”
“She’s a piece of work.”
“My sister often wants to have her killed.”
“I can see why.”
“I’m sorry, but I need to text Penelope before she does.”
“Of course. Go ahead.”
I type in my code, see the text from him from before and leave it unread so I’ll remember to add him to my contacts later. After opening a new message to Pen, I start typing. I’m out for a drink with a fellow widow (a man) and ran into Lou and Rita, who thinks she’s stumbled upon the scoop of the century and is glad to see me ‘back on the horse.’ Just a heads-up if she reports in.
Pen writes back a few minutes later. Ugh, she’s such a jackass. I’m so sorry she said that to you. I’ll make sure Luke talks to her and tells her to keep her fat yap shut.
I respond with two thumbs-up emojis.
How was the widow meeting?
Really good. Will tell you more tomorrow. Oh, and save Saturday night. I want to have everyone over for dinner.
No way! We’ll have YOU over.
I want to do this. Spread the word.
Are you sure??
Yep.
Okay, then… Love you so much, Ronald McDonald. Thinking of you all the time. Xoxo
Love you, too.
“Sorry about that,” I say to Derek after returning my phone to my purse.
“No worries. I understand the need for damage control.”
“Why would anyone want to do more damage to someone who’s contending with a tragedy like what happened to me?”
“Isn’t that a question for the ages? People don’t think about what they’re saying or the harm it can do.”
“I couldn’t believe she said that about me getting back on the horse!”
“I guess I’m the horse in that metaphor?” he asks, laughing.
“I’m sorry. She was so far out of line as to not even be funny.”
“Yes, she was, but another thing I’ve learned is how desperately the people in our lives want to fix what’s broken for us. They want to put the pieces back together the way they were before so they can get back the person we were then. It takes a while for them to figure out that’s never going to happen, but I’m trying to be a little more forgiving of their good intentions than I was at the beginning.”
“Wow, yes, I hadn’t really
thought of it that way before, but you’re right. I’ve seen some of that among my family members in particular. ‘Tell us what we can do for you, Roni,’ they’ll say. I wish there was something anyone could do, but there isn’t. Sometimes I want to say, ‘Bring Patrick back, and everything will be fine,’ so they’ll see how impossible that question is.”
“They love you, and they hate that you’re hurting. Even good old Rita probably feels that way. You’ve probably known her awhile, right?”
“Penelope and Luke have been married for twelve years.”
“So, there you have it. Rita, in her own ham-handed way, just wants to see you happy again.”
“I suppose, but we both know it’s not as simple as getting back on a horse.”
“No, it isn’t, but you’re doing all the right things. You’ve joined a supportive community, you’re making friends who’ve had similar experiences, you’ve given up stalking men who look slightly like your late husband.”
I sputter with laughter. “It was a man, singular, not men, and I wasn’t stalking you!”
“So you say. From my point of view, it was full-on stalking.”
As I laugh with him, I realize this is the “lightest” I’ve felt since disaster struck. I enjoy being with him, even when he’s calling me a stalker. “Are you ever going to stop calling me your stalker?”
“Probably not.”
“Good to know.”
He rests his elbows on the table and leans in. “I understand it’s way too soon for you to be thinking about anything other than getting through each new day, but I just want you to know… I’ve decided to forgive you for stalking me.”
I release a deep breath full of laughter. I wasn’t sure where he was going with that. “Gee, thanks. You’re a pal.”
“I’d like to be. Your pal, that is. If you could use an extra one.”
“I need all the friends I can get right now. A few of the people I would’ve thought were ride-or-die have disappeared, leaving me with some openings in the friend department.”
“That happens,” he says. “People can’t handle it.”
“How sad for them.”
“Right? That’s a topic that comes up a lot in the group. People we thought would be there for us who’ve been strangely absent.”
“Who was it for you?”