by Marie Force
“And…” I kiss her then, the way I’ve been dying to for almost as long as I’ve known her.
Her arms curl around my neck, and her mouth opens to my tongue.
I’m completely lost in the bliss of kissing this woman I’ve come to love so much. Before I know what’s happening, we’re reclined on the blanket, kissing each other with months’ worth of pent-up desire. I almost laugh when I remember her wondering what we’d do if we were a bust in the bedroom. Suffice to say, that’s not going to be an issue.
As much as I want to keep kissing her, I need to talk to her first. I slowly end the kiss and gaze down at her. “That was well worth the wait.”
“Uh-huh. More please.”
“It was really important to me that I ask you something before we spend tonight together. It’s something big and life-changing and might be more than you’re ready for, but I wanted to ask you before we sleep together so there would be no doubt in your mind that I’m asking you for all the right reasons.”
She rolls her lip between her teeth and looks up at me with love and admiration and grief and happiness and so many other emotions reflected in her expressive eyes. “What do you want to ask me?”
“First I want to tell you something.” I caress her face and kiss her again. “I love you, and I love Dylan. I love your parents and your family, and I love the way we’ve built the most amazing friendship I’ve ever had with anyone.”
“I love all of that, too, especially the friendship and the patience you’ve had in letting me take the time I needed to be ready for this, for us.”
I kiss her again, because how can I not? Now that I’ve had a taste of her, all I want is more.
“That leads me to my question.” I kiss her forehead, the lids of her closed eyes, the tip of her nose and her lips again. “Will you, beautiful Veronica, at some point in the future when the time feels right to us, marry me and help me raise Maeve and be her mom and allow me to raise Dylan as my own while respecting the memory of their late mother and father? Will you make a life with me and the children we already have as well as the others we might have together?”
“Yes, Derek.” Tears slide down her cheeks as she reaches for me and gives me another kiss. “Yes to all of it.”
“Hold that thought for a second.” I manage to prop myself up on one elbow and fish the ring I bought for her weeks ago out of my pocket. Reaching for her left hand, I slide it on her finger. “You can decide when you’re ready to wear this ring, to tell the world what we plan to be to each other. We’re on your timeline, but I couldn’t ask you without having a ring.”
“It’s absolutely beautiful.”
I went with a square-cut diamond surrounded by smaller diamonds. I wanted something unique and special, like she is. I loved Victoria with all my heart, but I never felt like I completely knew her. After she died, I found out why. This, with Roni… This is different. There’re no secrets between us, no hidden agendas or nefarious plots. We’re just two people who’ve seen the worst life has to offer who were lucky enough to find each other.
When I once told Iris that I didn’t know how to go on without the love of my life, she very gently said it might be hard to fathom after such an awful tragedy, but Victoria might not have been the love of my life. It was possible I might one day meet someone else who would wear that title. At the time, the notion seemed preposterous. But for a while now, I’ve realized Iris was right.
Roni is the love of my life. She’s the one I’m going to grow old with, God willing, and who will be by my side for all the highs and lows still to come. I hope to be that for her, too, even if I’m aware that another man she loved had to die to make her available to me. It’s all so freaking complicated, but also the simplest thing.
I love her.
She loves me.
We love each other’s children.
She gives me hope for a future filled with laughter and joy after the two most difficult years of my life.
“Do you want to tell the others?” I ask her.
“There’s no way I could keep this secret all weekend.” She reaches up to straighten my hair. “I want you to know that it means a lot to me that you asked me before we spend the night together for the first time.”
“I don’t know why that felt so important to me.”
“This might be TMI, but with Patrick, we were all sex all the time for the first couple of years. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we did other stuff together, too, but that was definitely the focus.”
“Vic and I were like that, too. We spent entire weekends in bed when we were first together.”
“That was great, but the way this happened is, too.”
I waggle my brows at her. “Now we get to the fun stuff.”
“I might… you know… I’ve only ever been with Patrick. I might be emotional about it. Are you prepared for that?”
“I’m here for anything and everything. I’d be surprised if you weren’t emotional. It’s a big deal to do this for the first time with someone else.”
“Were you emotional when you did it?”
“I was disgusted. It was a random hookup, and I felt sick afterward. I should’ve waited for you so we could do it together for the first time.”
“Tonight will be a fresh start for both of us.”
“How soon do you think we can get to that fresh start?”
She laughs and kisses me again.
I can never get enough of her laughter or her kisses.
“I need to get Dylan settled for the night, so we can use him as our excuse to retire early.”
“I like how you think.”
“Thank you for making this so special for me.”
“Nothing but the best for my fiancée.”
“Fiancée,” she says, as if trying on the word for size. “I was Patrick’s fiancée not that long ago, and now I’m yours. Some people never get lucky enough to find love once, let alone twice.”
“We’re very lucky that way and spectacularly unlucky in other ways. If you ask me, we deserve every bit of hard-won happiness and joy we can find together.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
I reach out a hand to help her up. “Let’s go put Dylan to bed.”
* * *
Roni
Derek totally surprised me with the heartfelt proposal on the beach, and I truly love that he did it before we sleep together for the first time tonight. It means a lot to me that our relationship started first as a rock-solid friendship that found me at a time when I most needed it.
I won’t lie, though. As Derek and I walk hand in hand back to the gathering of our friends, I feel a tiny bit disloyal to Patrick by wearing another man’s ring on my finger.
Silly, I know, but there you have the dichotomy that is grief.
I’m thrilled to be taking this step forward with Derek, but still feel the twinge of guilt that I’m “cheating on” my late husband. I give myself a minute to feel that emotion before I stuff it into a box inside my mind so as not to let it detract from an otherwise perfect night.
Patrick loved me with all his heart. He would’ve liked Derek, and I take comfort in that.
When we return to the fire, each of us carrying one of the lanterns and with the blanket tossed over Derek’s shoulder, the others look at us with curiosity. My gaze goes immediately to Dylan, who’s asleep in Iris’s arms.
“What goes on, lovebirds?” Joy asks with her typical irreverence.
“Oh, nothing much,” I reply before extending my left hand. “But he did put a ring on it.”
They erupt into cheers and excitement that rouse Dylan from his slumber.
I hand my lantern to Derek and take the baby from Iris.
“Congratulations, girlfriend,” she says. “You got yourself one of the good ones.”
“Thank you, and yes, I did.”
As I soothe Dylan, I accept congratulations from the other Wild Widows.
“When’s the big day?” Gage asks.
&
nbsp; “Oh Lord, I have no idea.” I glance at Derek. “Can we get back to you on that?”
“You bet.” Gage kisses my forehead with the older-brother sort of affection I’ve come to expect from him. “I’ll have my dancing shoes ready.”
“I’m jealous,” Adrian says with a grin when he hugs me. “Y’all are rocking this Chapter 2 thing, while the rest of us are still trying to figure out how Tinder works.”
Laughing at the face he makes, I say, “It just sort of happened between us. We certainly didn’t go looking for it.”
“And that’s the best way for it to happen. When you least expect it.”
“I hope you know, that you all know, Derek and I are going to be here until every one of you finds your Chapter 2.”
“We’re counting on that,” Kinsley says.
“Um, one other thing, guys,” I say, glancing at Derek. “Could you keep this between us until we have a chance to tell our families?”
“Of course,” Brielle says. “Our lips are sealed.”
The others nod in agreement.
“Thank you. Well, I guess I’m going to go feed this little guy and get him down for the night.” I glance at Derek. “You want to help?”
“Sure.”
The others groan.
“Subtle,” Lexi says.
“Stay away from the first-floor suite tonight,” Christy says.
“If that suite’s a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’,” Wynter adds with a cheeky grin.
It’s a good thing there’s a fire to explain why my cheeks feel red-hot. “On that note, I bid you all good night.”
Derek says good night and follows me up the path to the house.
“That was mortifying.”
“We knew it would be,” he says, laughing. “You want me to take him for you?”
“Sure.” I hand him over to Derek. “He’s a load all of a sudden.”
“Our little boy is growing up.”
Our little boy… There it is again, that twinge of guilt to color the joy. Patrick should be here to raise our little boy, but since he can’t be, Derek is going to. “I’ve been thinking about what he should call you.”
“He can call me anything he wants to.”
We stomp the sand off our feet and enter the house through the sliding door and close it behind us to ward off the night chill.
“I was thinking I would refer to Daddy Patrick and Daddy Derek. I always want him to know he has two daddies.”
“That sounds perfect to me. I’d love to be his Daddy Derek.”
“He’s a lucky boy to have you in his life.”
“I’m lucky to have him, too. I’ve loved watching Maeve become a big sister.”
“Me, too.”
In the bedroom, I notice a bottle of champagne, two glasses, a pair of scented candles, a lighter and a note on the bedside table. “What have we here?” I ask Derek.
“I have no idea. That wasn’t my doing.”
I open the note and read it aloud to him. “‘Congratulations to two wonderful people on your beautiful and well-deserved Chapter 2. You’ve been an inspiration to the rest of us with your dignity and your resilience. I’m so happy for you! Love, Iris.’ That’s so nice of her! Did she know you were going to propose?”
“She did. I asked her whether she thought it was inappropriate for me to ask you while we were on a getaway with our widow friends, and she said absolutely not. ‘We’ve watched you two fall in love,’ she said, ‘so it’s only right we should be there when you make it official.’ She also said it gives the others hope that they might find new love again someday.”
“She’s so lovely. I hope and pray it happens for her.”
“I think it will. She’s very open to the idea, which is the most important step.”
“True.”
“If you want to rinse off the sand, I’ll change Dylan and put his pj’s on.”
“That’d be great. Thank you.”
“No problem.”
I’ve become accustomed to caring for Dylan mostly on my own, and we’ve found a good groove, but it sure is nice to have a partner to help with him. When Derek is with us, he always pitches in to help with Dylan. My heart aches for Iris, Brielle, Adrian and the other single parents in our group, some of whom lost the partners who were helping them through it from the start. I’d imagine it’s harder to adjust to not having help when you’ve had it all along.
In the shower, I start to feel nervous for the first time about what’s going to happen tonight. After waiting forever to finally do it with Patrick, I was amazed at how good it was from the beginning. He was all about me and my pleasure before he ever took any for himself.
I remember telling Sarah that, and her saying, “Marry that unicorn.”
The memory of that makes me smile, even as I mourn the loss of her friendship. Despite the rift, I’m able to remember that moment with a smile now. She’s been faithful about checking in, asking about me and Dylan and telling me she’s thinking of us. I may have to forgive her at some point for not being as strong as I wish she could’ve been when I needed her. My year as a widow has taught me that not everyone has that well of inner strength to draw from that’s been so instrumental to me.
I’m going to need that inner strength now as I make love with a man who isn’t my husband for the first time. Until Derek, it’d been more than a decade since I kissed anyone but Patrick.
After my shower, I put on the pale blue silk nightgown and robe I bought to wear this weekend, put on scented lotion, and brush my teeth and hair. I’m as ready as I’m ever going to be to take this next step with Derek. I emerge from the bathroom to find him sitting on the bed with Dylan propped on his knees the way he was the night he was born, pumping his arms and legs with enthusiasm.
“Someone is full of energy, I see.”
“He’s waiting for Mommy and her magic milk to put him to sleep.” Derek looks up at me and takes a long, greedy look. “You’re beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
“If you want to take over with the little man, I’m going to grab a quick shower.”
I settle on the other side of the bed and take the baby from him to feed him while Derek showers.
Before he gets off the bed, Derek says, “Hey.”
I look up at him. “Yes?”
“Don’t get in your head about this. It’s you and me. It’s gonna be awesome because it’s us.”
“How did you know I needed to hear that?”
He shrugs. “Just had a feeling.” He reaches out to run a fingertip over my cheek. “Whatever happens between us tonight will be among the best things to happen to me since I lost my wife, even if all we do is sleep with our arms around each other. Don’t worry about anything, okay?”
“Okay.” His sweet words put me at ease the way nothing else could. From the beginning, his understanding and support have been the reason our relationship was able to rise like a phoenix from the ashes of our shared grief.
27
Roni
By the time Derek emerges from the bathroom wearing only a pair of basketball shorts, his hair wet from the shower and his face freshly shaven, I’ve fed Dylan and put him down for the night in a portable crib. Derek and I laughed earlier about the ridiculous amount of equipment required to take one tiny being away for two nights.
“Is he out?” Derek asks in a whisper.
“Like a light.”
“Can you have a sip of champagne?”
I haven’t been drinking at all while breastfeeding. “I suppose a few sips won’t hurt anything, and we are celebrating.”
“Yes, we are.” He takes the bottle and glasses into the bathroom to open it so the popping of the cork won’t wake Dylan and returns with two glasses.
I purposely took the side of the bed that was Patrick’s because I want everything about being in a bed with Derek to be different.
He settles on the other side and hands me my glass. “To us and the start of our second happily eve
r after.”
I touch my glass to his. “To us.”
The flavor of the wine explodes on my tongue and gives me a rush after so long without alcohol. “That’s good.”
“Yep.”
“I can’t stop looking at my ring. It’s absolutely gorgeous.”
“I’m glad you like it. I agonized for weeks over which one to get you, but I kept coming back to that one. I’d never seen one quite like it before, and I liked that it was unique.”
“It really is. I’ve never seen one like it before either.” I look over at him. “I was thinking about the first time I got engaged and how two seconds after we told our parents, we made it Facebook official.”
“You can tell people if you want to. I’d be fine with that.”
“I know, and thank you, but I’d like to wait a bit. I was thinking maybe we could host Thanksgiving and tell everyone then?”
“That sounds like a nice idea. It would give them a chance to spend more time with us as a couple before they know we’re making plans for forever.”
“Exactly, and I’d like for us to spend time one-on-one with your parents, mine and Patrick’s before then for just that reason.”
“I like that idea. I’ve already told mine that we’re looking for a place together for after the first of the year.”
“Mine know that, too. I need to talk to Patrick’s parents about it.”
“What do you think they’ll say?”
“I’m not sure, but they know I’m determined to live my life as I see fit, not how they see fit. I think we came to an understanding this summer, and I’ve been making an effort since then to talk to them more often and make sure they see Dylan whenever they want.”
“You’re a wonderful daughter-in-law to them, Roni. I’ve seen that myself on numerous occasions. As long as we continue to show respect for them and Patrick’s memory, I have to believe they’ll eventually accept me as part of your life.”
