Deadly Moves

by Rodney Riesel

Dan shrugged and said, “I told you already, it's not your fault. Those guys were just a couple of assholes. It's not your fault.”

  “It's not just them. That's how everyone sees me—as just some little whore.”

  “No, it's not. That's not how Maxine and I see you.”

  Kendra hugged Dan and the elevator doors parted. Harvey stood in the hallway waiting for her.

  “Thank you,” Kendra said, and rose up on her tip-toes to kiss Dan on the cheek.

  Harvey looked at his watch. “Well, it's about time,” he said. “I was lucky enough to book you at the Golden Girl tonight at nine.”

  “Lucky me,” Kendra sighed as she stepped off the elevator.

  “Yeah, lucky you,” Harvey said. He nodded to Dan and Dan nodded back. “I swear, this girl don't appreciate anything I do for her.”

  “She's lucky to have you, Harvey,” Dan said.

  “Thank you,” said Harvey.

  Dan poked his head around the corner. Kendra was almost to her room. “Hey,” he said.

  Kendra turned.

  “If you need anything, call me,” Dan said.

  Kendra smiled and walked into her room.

  “Thanks, Coast,” Harvey said. “I'll cut you a check before we leave town. I know she fired you, but you've been a great help.”

  Dan hit the button to close the elevator doors. “Don't worry about it, Harvey.” Dan stuck his foot between the doors to halt them and stood in the doorway, stroking his chin reflectively. “Uh, Harvey? There's something I've been wanting to say to you.”

  “Yeah? What?”

  “Never mind. Maybe this isn't the best time.”

  As the elevator doors closed on Dan's brooding face, Preston Harvey felt a cold shiver run up his spine.

  *****

  “How did it go?” Maxine asked as Dan got back into the car.

  “Fine,” Dan replied.

  “What did Preston say?”

  “He can't figure out why she doesn't appreciate anything he does for her.”

  “With friends like that,” said Maxine.

  “Exactly.”

  “I could go for some ice cream,” Mel said.

  “Me too,” Maxine agreed.

  Dan pulled away from the hotel. “Me too. I wish there was such thing as alcoholic ice cream.”

  “There's pina colada-flavored,” Maxine said.

  “And I think there's rum-flavored,” Mel added.

  “I think I'll get peanut butter swirl,” said Maxine.

  “Is toot sweet a flavor?” Mel asked.

  “No,” Dan replied.

  “It sounds like a flavor.”

  “Well, it's not.”

  “Well, it should be.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Maxine rolled over in bed. “What time is it?” she yawned.

  Dan sat at the edge of the mattress stretching his arms above his head. “Six,” he replied.

  “You sure get up early nowadays. Going running again?”

  He grabbed his boxer shorts that lay on the floor next to his feet and slid them on. “No, gotta get over to Skip's—his moving sale starts today.”

  “He's moving?” Maxine rubbed the last seven hours from her eyes with the tips of her fingers. “Oh, the pretend moving sale.”

  “Yeah.” Dan got up and headed for the bathroom.

  “So, you went with my idea.”

  He paused at the door and looked back over his shoulder. “Your idea,” he mumbled, and went on.

  “You want me to make you some breakfast?” she called out.

  “Sure, that would be great,” he said and shut the bathroom door behind him.

  Maxine threw back the covers and let out a loud sigh. “Coming right up.”

  Mel was sitting in Dan's recliner watching a classic episode of Welcome Back, Kotter. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a gray Fruit of the Loom T-shirt. His aluminum foil-covered cardboard police badge hung from his neck.

  “He up yet?” Mel asked when Maxine walked into the room.

  “He's in the bathroom,” Maxine answered. She paused and stared at Mel for a second. Something about him was different but she couldn't put her finger on it; she proceeded into the kitchen. “I'm making some breakfast.”

  “French toast?” Mel asked.

  “You want French toast?”

  “I love French toast.”

  “So, then you want French toast?”

  “I'd rather have pancakes.”

  “Pancakes it is.” Maxine filled the coffee maker's reservoir with tap water and then scooped coffee into the filter she had placed into the basket.

  Mel could smell the coffee almost as soon as she removed the lid. “Can I have a cup of coffee this morning?” he asked.

  “You know you're not supposed to have caffeine.”

  “They should make coffee without caffeine,” said Mel.

  “They do, Mel.”

  “You're just now telling me this?”

  “I assumed you knew.”

  “Will you get some for next time I'm here?”

  “Sure.”

  Mel stared at the television. “When do I have to go back to the loony bin?” he asked.

  Maxine stuck her head into the room. “Loony bin?”

  “That's what Dan calls it.”

  Maxine shook her head. “Dan's an idiot.”

  “You see it too?”

  “Everyone sees it, Mel.” She went back to making breakfast.

  The bathroom door opened and Dan walked from the hallway into the dining room. He was still wearing only his boxers. He paused and stared at Mel. “What are you doing up already?” he asked.

  “I couldn't sleep. I was too excited about catching the bad guys today.”

  “We don't know if we'll be catching any bad guys today,” Dan said. He turned his head toward the kitchen and announced a little louder, “It's not that great of a plan. It probably won't even work.”

  “Because you didn't think of it,” Maxine hollered back.

  Mel's attention returned to the television.

  “There's something different about you this morning,” Dan observed.

  “I shaved my mustache,” Mel said, not looking away from the TV.

  Dan scratched his head. “Oh yeah. You look better without.”

  “Younger?” Mel asked.

  “No,” Dan replied. “Just less like a pedophile.”

  “Thanks,” Mel said.

  Dan went toward the kitchen for a cup of coffee. “You're welcome.”

  “Quit picking on him,” Maxine said.

  “I wasn't picking on him,” Dan responded.

  “You always pick on him.”

  “He picks on me.” Dan poured his coffee and took a sip. “Pancakes?”

  “Yeah, Mel asked for pancakes.”

  “I was hoping for French toast.”

  “Mel asked first.”

  “Where's the dog?”

  “Probably next door.”

  Dan opened the back door and looked around the yard and then whistled for Buddy. He stuck his head out and looked toward Bev's house. “Yeah, he's over there.” Dan stepped out onto the steps and whistled again. Buddy lifted his head, saw it was Dan, and dropped his head to the deck again. “Should have sent that damn dog to some kind of obedience school.”

  Standing at the stove, Maxine moistened her lips, put her pinky and thumb between her lips leaving a slight gap, and let out a loud, shrill whistle. Buddy jumped to his feet and ran to the house.

  “Show-off,” said Dan.

  Buddy walked right past Dan and up to Maxine. He pushed his head against her leg. She reached down and patted him on the head. “Good boy,” she said.

  “Yeah, good boy,” Dan said. “I'll have my breakfast at the picnic table.” He walked outside and let the screen door slam behind him.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Dan parked the pink Volkswagen Bug around the corner from Skip's house. As he and Mel walked along Seventeenth Street bac
k toward Skip's, he spotted a 2x3-foot cardboard sign in Skip's yard that read, Moving Sale: Everything Must Go.

  “What the Christ is that?” Dan asked.

  “It's a sign that says moving sale,” Mel answered.

  Dan grabbed the sign and ripped it from the wooden stake it was fastened to on his way up the walkway to the front door.

  Skip's door was unlocked; Dan went in without knocking.

  “What the hell, dude?” Skip said. “You ripped my signage out of the ground. Not cool, bro.”

  “I doubt these guys are riding around town looking for moving sale signs,” Dan informed him. “And we don't want a bunch of people just stopping in.”

  “Whatever, dude.”

  Mel looked around the kitchen at Skip's appliances, each one with its own price tag. “Wow, Skip,” he said. “Only a hundred bucks for the fridge. That's a great price. I need a fridge. Dan, can I buy the fridge?”

  “Oh my God!” Dan exclaimed. “It's not really for sale, Mel. He's not really selling any of his shit.”

  “Actually, dude,” Skip cut in, “I have some stuff I wanted to get rid of and I thought this would be a good opportunity. There's a guitar and amp in the other room. Also, there's a—”

  “Jesus Christ!” Dan hollered. His hands went to his head. “I hope they show up soon and shoot me in the goddamn head.” He walked over and laid his camera on the counter top next to a plate of freshly baked muffins.

  “Dan the Man, calm down,” Skip said. “You seem a little stressed today.”

  “What the hell are these blueberry muffins for?” Dan asked.

  “They're chocolate chip muffins, and they're for the people who show up for the sale.” Skip motioned toward his Mr. Coffee. “I made coffee too.”

  “Great idea, Skip,” Mel said.

  Dan dropped his head. “I need some air.” He went out the back door and into Skip's yard. It wasn't even eight o'clock but Dan wanted a tequila, Seven, and lime in the worst way. He walked around the side of the house and stared out at the cars zipping by on Flagler Avenue. I wonder where they're all going. I wish I was going with them. I need a vacation. Retirement is tough.

  Dan reentered the back door just as Red was coming in the front door. Red was carrying the microwave he had purchased on Wednesday.

  “What's with the microwave?” Dan asked.

  “I was gonna sell it at Skip's moving sale,” Red suggested.

  Dan was speechless.

  “You should put a sign out front, Skip,” Red said.

  “Had one,” said Mel.

  “Dan the Man ripped it out of the ground,” Skip informed him.

  “I think I'm gonna have a stroke,” said Dan.

  “Yeah, you look a little tense, pal,” Red said.

  “How much you want for the microwave?” Mel asked.

  “I paid forty for it … so I'd like to get my money back.”

  Mel turned to Dan.

  “Don't even fuckin' ask, Mel,” Dan said through his clenched teeth.

  “Sor-ee!”

  “Hey!” Red said excitedly. “Are those muffins for everybody?”

  “They're for the customers,” Mel said.

  Dan looked toward the heavens and whispered, “The customers.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Dan had set his Nikon camera on top of one of Skip's kitchen cupboards. This was the second time he had used the six thousand dollar camera since purchasing it to take pictures of an unfaithful wife. Maxine had shown him the night before how to set it up to stream wireless to a web page on the Internet. Dan, Red, and Mel could now watch and hear everything that happened in Skip's kitchen, live, as it happened. They set up a viewing location in Skip's spare bedroom. Red placed his IPad on a desk that sat against the wall that separated the bedroom from the kitchen. All four men stared at the tablet.

  “I guess we're ready,” Dan announced.

  “Crystal clear,” Skip pointed out. “How come banks and convenience stores don't have this technology?”

  “Or U-Haul rental locations,” Dan added.

  “I can see the plate of muffins,” said Mel.

  “Forget about the muffins,” Dan said.

  “I'm hungry.”

  “You just ate two hours ago.”

  “I need a drink of water.” Mel left the room and shut the door behind him.

  Dan, Red, and Skip watched on the IPad as Mel entered the kitchen, walked to the cupboard, and grabbed a drinking glass. He went to the sink and filled it with water. After drinking the water and placing the empty glass in the sink his eyes went to the muffins.

  “Look at him,” Dan said.

  “He's thinking about it,” said Red.

  Mel looked around to make sure he was alone in the room and then reached for a muffin.

  “Leave 'em alone!” Dan shouted.

  Mel jumped. “I wasn't going to eat one!” he hollered back.

  “Why don't you let him have a muffin?” Skip asked.

  Dan turned to Skip. “He's not supposed to eat a lot of sugar.”

  “One muffin ain't gonna hurt, dude.”

  “Okay, while we're at it,” Dan said through gritted teeth, “let's give him a Mountain Dew to wash it down with, and a Red Bull chaser. Get Looney Tunes hopped up on caffeine, that's what we need!”

  “I have Mountain Dew, if he wants one,” said Skip innocently.

  Smoke was practically coming out of Dan's ears.

  Mel returned to the bedroom: his mouth was full and a melted chocolate chip was smeared across his chin.

  “What's in your mouth?” Dan asked.

  Mel swallowed. “Nuthin'.”

  “You have chocolate on your chin.”

  Mel wiped his chin. “No I don't. You do.”

  Dan rolled his eyes. “I'll make a deal with you, Mel. If you don't drive me nuts for the rest of the day, I'll buy you the guitar and amp Skip has for sale.”

  Mel grinned big. “It's a deal, Monty.”

  There was a knock at the door and all four men looked at each other as though their lottery numbers had just been called.

  “We're on,” Skip said, and raised his hand for a high five; only Mel obliged. He left the room and the other three’s attention went to the IPad. They looked on as Skip answered the door.

  Two gray-haired women apparently in their late seventies or early eighties stepped through the kitchen. To Dan, they were both dead ringers for Grandma Walton. Maybe sisters, he guessed

  “Probably not the bad guys,” said Red.

  “Hold on,” said Mel. “It could be a disguise.”

  “Guitar and amp, Mel,” Dan said quietly.

  “Oops.” Mel pretended to zip his lips closed.

  “Good morning, cute little old ladies,” Skip greeted them.

  “Little old ladies, my ass!” said the first one. “You're only as old as you feel, you smart-aleck hippie! Right, Mable?”

  “Damn straight! We don't take any guff off of hippie boys, do we, Gladys?”

  “I'll say we don't, sister!”

  “I'm sorry, ladies, I didn't—”

  “Is this where the moving sale is, hippie boy?” Gladys interrupted.

  “Just say no, Skip,” said Dan.

  Skip pulled the door open all the way. “Yes, it is.”

  “We weren't sure,” said Mable. “We didn't see a sign out front. Damn stupid of you not to have one, hippie boy.”

  Skip turned toward the camera and gave it an I-told-you-so look.

  “Don't look at the camera, Skip,” Dan said to himself.

  Red chuckled.

  Mel remained silent.

  Skip waved his arm toward the freshly baked goodies. “There's fresh-baked muffins on the counter, and coffee, too, to enjoy while you browse.”

  “Well, thankee, hippie boy, don't mind if we do,” said Mable.

  “This is never gonna work,” Dan said. “This is the stupidest plan ever.”

  The feisty sisters split a muffin and Skip poured t
hem each a cup of coffee. “Cream or sugar, ladies?” he asked.

  Dan's cell phone rang.

  “What was that strange sound?” Gladys said.

  Dan quickly reached for his cell.

  “What's what?” Skip asked.

  “I heard it too, Gladys,” said Mable. “Hope you're not running one of those meth labs in the back room, hippie boy.”

  “Yeah,” Dan said into the cell.

  “Hey,” Maxine said. “How's everything going?”

  “I need some new friends,” Dan stated.

  “Ouch,” said Red.

  “That good, huh,” Maxine said.

  “The first customers just got here, two weird old lady sisters. Skip gave them muffins and coffee.”

  “Muffins and coffee? Skip's really putting on the ritz.”

  “It's a long story. A story that might end with, 'and Dan Coast put a gun to his own head.'”

  “Eesh. I'll let you go. Love ya.”

  “Back at ya.” Dan hung up his cell and then turned the volume down. “Make sure your cell phones are off,” he told Red and Mel.

  The rest of the morning and much of the afternoon went on the same way, and then around three o'clock a miracle happened … Skip sold Red's microwave for fifty bucks.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  It was between six and seven that same evening when Dan and Mel returned home from Skip's. Maxine stood in the middle of the living room floor; she was on her cell phone.

  “Do you want me to come over?” she asked.

  Mel slammed the front door behind them.

  “Who's that?” Dan asked, his face showing concern.

  Maxine held up her index finger, and Dan walked on by into the kitchen.

  Mel took a seat on the brand new sofa. “Nice,” he said approvingly as he rubbed the palms of his hand on the cushions. He laid his head on the arm of the couch and kicked off his shoes.

  “Calm down,” Maxine said into the phone, “we'll be right over.”

  “Right over where?” Dan called out from the kitchen.

  “Mel, put your shoes back on,” Maxine said.

  “Who was that?” Dan asked.

  “I'm telling you! Jesus, give me a second. It was Kendra. She said Preston is really drunk and they've been fighting all afternoon. She said their flight leaves in a few hours and he left the hotel. She doesn't know where he is. She's really upset.”