Choices

by Lyn Gardner

  It had been a good day, and it was a good memory, but as Judy thought back upon it, upon the camaraderie of strangers in a crowded carriage with a fringed top, her expression grew pensive. Did she really want to spend tomorrow surrounded by tourists clambering to cram everything they could into one day? Did she really want to jockey for position while others scrambled in and out of the carriage, anxious for photo opportunities? Did Judy really want the serenity of their day to be interrupted again and again as tourists peppered the coachman with endless questions? Was that really the way Judy wanted to spend the day?

  Judy looked up, apologizing by way of a sheepish grin for her delay in answering. “Actually, if it’s all the same to you, I thought maybe we’d just go it alone.”

  ***

  They had spent the day alone, touring the house, and that was fine. They had spent dinner basically alone at a table for two, and that was fine, but as Robin stroked Ginger’s fur, she stared up at the ceiling. Why would the thought of being alone with Judy tomorrow make her suddenly feel so on edge?

  Her body answered the question with a throb so intense it forced Robin to squeeze her legs together. “Oh, Jesus Christ,” she muttered. “Really?”

  Since Judy had come back into her life, Robin had felt a few twinges of awareness. A little pulse, a minor flutter, the tiniest shiver of awakening in her feminine core, but this was the first time Robin wanted to do something about it.

  Her relationship with Pam more off than on for months before Robin finally ended it, nearly a year had passed since sex had played any part in Robin’s life. A year of celibacy and a year of feeling nothing except emptiness, her peace, her confidence, her everything all but swept away by vile words and so many lies, Robin had lost count. She had forgotten what it was like to want. She had forgotten what it was like to need, to hunger, and to feel, but in one throb, it had all come back...and it felt good.

  It felt good to feel her inner self pulse. It felt good to feel the nectar seep from her body, and it felt good knowing the hollowness was ending. Closing her eyes, Robin swallowed hard and opened her mind.

  The most improbable or impossible are what fantasies are all about. Erotic scenarios involving strangers or celebrities, friends or enemies, current lovers or those in the past, they fill thoughts and drive imaginations to the extreme. Some are puritanical and tempered by guilt or shame, they barely reach the rating of PG, while others are risqué. Featuring sexual smorgasbords of positions or people, they can heat blood until it boils.

  Robin was trying her best not to do the latter, not to imagine Judy naked under her, her body heated and soaked with sweat, the scent of her sex heady in the air, but Robin was quickly losing the battle. Her once hormone-infused teenage fantasies had sprung to life, and they had matured just as she had. Far from PG, they were no longer based on a young girl’s innocence, but rather on a woman’s knowledge. A woman who knew what a female body felt like. A woman who knew the heat it contained, the wetness it could exude, the feel of breasts, round and full, and the taste of something salty...yet oh so sweet.

  A groan slipped from Robin’s lips as she felt a rush of desire course through her body. There was no turning back from what she had just created, and slipping her hands under the blanket, she loosened the tie on her sweatpants. Pushing them from her hips, the smell of her arousal rose in the air, but as she opened her legs, craving her own touch, the floorboards on the second floor creaked.

  Up until a few years earlier, Robin had had her fair share of girlfriends and her fair share of sex. She had danced on the line of impropriety a few times, consummating a one-night stand in the back of a car and another in the bathroom of a club. She had experienced drunken sex, standing sex, bathing sex, and wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am sex, but there was one line she had never wanted to cross. For Robin, masturbation was a private affair, so she had never pleasured herself in front of anyone...nor did she ever intend to.

  Robin slowly opened her eyes, and staring at the ceiling, she tried to reconcile her dilemma. Her core pulsed with something she hadn’t felt in so long, and if memory served, when it was released, it would feel positively glorious, but Robin had a ghost in her house. A ghost named Isobel who liked to steal pens and pencils and roam about making floors squeak and hinges squawk wherever she went. Supposedly, Isobel was innocent, just a spirit who had yet to move on, but what if Judy was wrong? What if Isobel wasn’t Isobel, but rather Ichabod?

  Robin bolted upright and buried her face in her hands. How many baths had she taken since arriving? How many times had she stood nude in the bathroom, primping and preening in all her naked glory? How many times had nature called?

  “Oh my God,” Robin muttered, and refusing to open her eyes, her mind took her down a different path.

  Would there be an apparition floating above the floor when she dared to look? A weathered, bearded face with leering eyes and drool on his lips, or would his eyes be smiling for he was now aware of her form, her curves, and her habits? Would he make a sound? A throaty, ghoulish guffaw that would cause shivers to run down her spine or would he remain silent, sneering and repugnant?

  Over a minute passed before Robin found the courage to split her fingers and look around the room. Fred was snuggled in what was becoming his favorite chair and Ginger was now nestled at her hip, but there wasn’t anything menacing. Robin hung her head, huffing out a laugh under her breath as her posture relaxed. She felt like a fool, and her creative imagination had just eliminated the need to take care of something that had already disappeared, washed away by an Ice Bucket Challenge in the form of a ghost.

  “Great,” she said as she fell back onto the sofa. “Not only don’t I want to do it, I’ll probably never want to do it again.”

  Robin scrubbed her hand over her face, and glancing at the lamps on the tables, she debated whether to get up and turn them off. It had been years since she had felt the need to sleep with lights on, but then again, she had never lived with a ghost. Robin sighed again. This was going to take some getting used to

  ***

  “Good morning.”

  Robin’s expression instantly outshined the sun, and looking over her shoulder, she saw Judy standing in the doorway. “Good morning.”

  Judy came into the kitchen, her smile wavering when she noticed the dark circles under Robin’s eyes. “Pardon me for saying this, but you look tired.”

  “A little,” Robin said with a shrug. “Just give me a few minutes for another cup, and we can be on our way.”

  “Take all the time you need because our plans have changed.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Have you looked outside?”

  Robin had been wincing since she had come into the kitchen, so she didn’t need to look out the windows to know the sun was shining. “It’s not raining.”

  “No, it’s not, but twenty to thirty mile an hour wind isn’t exactly good biking weather.”

  “What!” Robin whirled around and went to the window, her shoulders falling when she saw all the trees in view slanting heavily to the west. “Well, shit.”

  Judy chuckled as she opened a cabinet to grab a mug. “I said the same thing when I was almost blown off the road while I was coming down here.”

  “Oh, geez, I’m sorry. You should have called to cancel.”

  “I could have,” Judy said as she poured herself a cup of coffee. “But then I thought that maybe...maybe you’d like to go to the mainland. Look for paint and wallpaper? I know there’re some stores in Petoskey, but it’s an hour away, so if you—”

  “No, I think that’s a great idea!” Robin said a little louder than she intended. “Let me just go put on some shoes and grab my jacket, and we can be on our way. Oh, and I guess I should grab the list, too? Do you think we’ll need the measuring tape? No, probably not, but then again, I’ll grab it just in case. Better safe than sorry. Don’t ya think?”

  Judy pressed her lips together as she watched Robin trot toward the innkeeper’s suite. “Um...R
obin?”

  Robin turned around. “Yeah?”

  “Exactly how much coffee have you had this morning?”

  Robin’s cheeks flamed instantly. She opened her mouth to speak, to utter some made-up explanation for her juvenile prattling, but when her lips parted, the only sound slipping through them was a high-pitched giggle. With crimson now flooding her face, Robin managed a weak grin before disappearing into her suite.

  “You are such an ass,” Robin said under her breath as she strode into her bedroom and flopped down on the window seat. “You spent all day yesterday acting like an adult, and suddenly you’re a child again. Really?”

  Scanning the shoes she unpacked, her choice was a no-brainer and grabbing the pair of suede ankle boots in the color of camel from the pile, she tugged them on her feet. “I mean seriously,” she mumbled. “Last night, you were all about...”

  Robin didn’t think her face could get any redder, but as she remembered what she had almost done the night before, hot blood stung at her cheeks. “Oh crap,” she muttered, hanging her head. “And you thought being alone with her on a bike ride was going to be bad.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “This is nice,” Judy said, breathing in the new car smell as she ran her hand over the dash. “Have you had it long?”

  “Nope,” Robin said as she checked the side view mirrors. “Got it just before I left Florida. Probably a little overkill since I can’t drive it on the island, but I needed a change.”

  “Oh, yeah? What did you drive before?”

  “A Z4.”

  “Wow, that’s quite a change.”

  “It was no longer who I was, so it was an easy decision,” Robin said, glancing at the GPS.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Huh?”

  “You said it was no longer who you were. I was just wondering what that meant?”

  Like the tide, Robin’s persona ebbed and flowed when she was around Judy. An hour earlier, she had walked from her bedroom barely able to look at the woman for fear of blushing again, but since then, Robin had slipped back into adulthood. She didn’t quite know when or why or how, but by the time they had climbed into her metallic black 4Runner, Judy was just a friend she was going shopping with, so answering the question came easily. “Girls like convertible sports cars,” Robin said, flashing her passenger a quick smile.

  Judy cocked her head to the side, her eyebrows squishing together as she pondered Robin’s answer. A few seconds later, Judy flinched. “Oh,” she said, quickly staring out the windshield. “You mean...you mean—”

  “It wasn’t like I trolled for them or anything, but a sleek, shiny, cherry red Z4 had a tendency to make a few heads turn,” Robin said with a laugh. “Sorry, did I shock you?”

  “What?” Judy said, glancing in Robin’s direction. “No. No...I just forgot...I forgot...” Judy sighed and tried again. “What I meant to say is that I wouldn’t think...I wouldn’t think you’d need a sports car to do that.”

  Maturity brings with it many things. Knowledge from lessons learned over the years, confidence brought on by experiences, good and bad, and caution when traveling down paths unknown, but some paths are far too intriguing not to follow blindly. Robin arched an eyebrow as she stole a glance of Judy. “And why would you think that?”

  Judy’s expression went blank for a second, and then forcing a smile, she ran her hands down the denim covering her legs as she looked through the windshield again. “It’s just that you’re...well, come on. You’re an attractive woman. I wouldn’t think you’d ever have a problem getting dates. That’s all.”

  A sizzle of awareness slinked its way through Robin’s body, and shifting in her seat, she gripped the wheel tightly as she focused on the road. After a few moments, she cleared her throat. “Glad you think so,” Robin said without daring to look in Judy’s direction. “But finding dates and finding the right ones are two different things.”

  “And the right ones like sports cars?”

  Robin’s face split into a grin. “No, but it increased my chances.”

  Judy returned Robin’s grin with one of her own. “So, why get rid of it then?” Judy waited for Robin to answer, and as she did, Judy’s expression drooped. “Oh,” she said, quietly. “Or is there a right one? I mean someone...a special someone back in Florida, who just hasn’t moved here yet?”

  “No,” Robin said, the tone of her voice lowering much like Judy’s. “There’s no one special, and there won’t be.”

  “Why?”

  Robin glimpsed at the GPS and pointed toward the upcoming road signs. “I turn up here—right?”

  Judy looked through the window. “Yeah. Make a left on Pleasantview Road.”

  “Okay, thanks,” Robin said, flicking on the turn signal as she lifted her foot off the gas pedal.

  Judy had never been a meddlesome person. Preferring to turn a deaf ear to the random bits of hearsay on Mackinac, she had always refused to delve deeper into the tidbits bantered about regarding skeletons in the closet or who was doing who and who wasn’t. The personal goings-on of others was none of her business, and even with her closest friends, Judy rarely pried past what people were willing to share freely. It was just not in her nature to attempt to extract information, but as she looked over at Robin, Judy found herself facing a conundrum.

  Robin’s body language screamed anger. Her jaw was now clenched, and the tendons in her neck were corded and taut, and by the white appearing on her knuckles, Robin was gripping the steering wheel as if she was driving on ice.

  Judy’s brow furrowed, finding it impossible to do something she’d always done. With Robin, she couldn’t look the other way.

  “I’m sorry if I hit a sore spot,” Judy said quietly, watching intently for Robin’s reaction. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  Broken from her thoughts, Robin gave Judy a fleeting look. “What?”

  “I said I was sorry if I upset you about why you weren’t looking for a special someone.”

  “You didn’t upset me.”

  Judy tipped her head to the side. “No? Well, you changed the subject pretty quickly.”

  “Did I?” Robin said with a shrug. “Sorry, I was just paying attention to the road. Didn’t want to miss the turn.”

  “I see.” Judy tapped her finger against her knee as she studied Robin. “Well, just to let you know, I don’t believe you,” Judy said, and changing position, she stared out the window. “But it’s none of my business, so I’m just going to apologize for intruding and leave it at that.”

  Declan could do it with a sarcastic retort and a few well-placed expletives. Her mother had done it with comforting hugs and smiling eyes, but never in Robin’s life had her mood been altered so quickly just by the tone of someone’s voice. Judy’s had turned soft, her hushed timbre holding within its resonance the chords of penitent and somber, and Robin sagged in her seat. She took a long, deep breath, and then she took another before finally finding her voice. “Have you ever been disappointed in someone? Believing they were one thing and then finding out they were something totally different?”

  An image of her ex-husband instantly came to mind as Judy turned toward Robin. “Yes. Why?”

  “Because most of my disappointments have revolved around women, so even if Mackinac has a hidden lesbian population, I don’t want any part of it. It’s just not worth the trouble.”

  “That’s awfully gloomy coming from someone so young.”

  “Are you looking?”

  “Huh?”

  “For a man. Someone to hold your hand or...or share your bed.”

  “No, but then again, I’m not your age.”

  “What’s that got to do with it?” Robin said, looking in Judy’s direction for a second. “You’re not exactly a dried-up prune, and I know Mackinac is small, but there has to be a hell of a lot more single men living on it than there are lesbians. Why aren’t you out there looking for a partner or a husband?”

  “Been there, done tha
t. Have absolutely no interest in doing it again.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m not interested in sharing my life with anyone,” Judy snapped. “You’re right. There are lots of single men living on the island, and I’ve known most of them almost as long as I knew Scott, so getting together with any of them would be just way too weird. And I’ve reached a point in my life where a partner or a...a husband is the furthest thing from my mind. I like living alone. I like the silence. I like the freedom, and I like not having to answer to anyone, to explain my reasons, my thoughts, my ideas, or my moods!”

  “Are you having a mood right now?”

  “What?”

  “You seem a little snippy.”

  “Look who’s talking.”

  “I’m not snippy.”

  “You were a minute ago.”

  “No, I wasn’t,” Robin said, and pressing her lips together, she paused for a moment. “I was moody.”

  For a fraction of a second, Judy stared blankly back at Robin with her mouth open before she grinned. “Nice one.”

  “I thought so,” Robin said just before she stifled a yawn.

  “Are you tired? Would you like me to drive?”

  “No, I’m fine. I just didn’t get much sleep last night, and I haven’t rebounded yet. Once we get to Petoskey, I’ll find a coffee shop, and I’ll be fine.”