Choices

by Lyn Gardner

  “All done,” Judy said as she began gathering up the supplies. After placing the first-aid basket near the door, she held up the packages of gauze and tape she had opened. “Do you mind if I put these in your bathroom? We’ll need to change that bandage again.”

  “No, go ahead. There’s plenty of room in the medicine cabinet,” Robin said, and pulling on her pajama top, she fastened the buttons and then climbed under the covers.

  A couple of minutes later, Judy returned to the bed and sat on its edge. “You feel up to talking?”

  “Sure. About what?”

  “I’ve been thinking about what you said, about owning your own emotions, and I have a couple of questions.”

  “Oh, okay. Shoot.”

  “If I understood you correctly, the reason you tore out of here yesterday was because you couldn’t control your anger, but none of us are perfect, Robin. We all lose our temper every now and then. It’s human nature.”

  “I agree, but not when it concerns me dealing with Pam.”

  “Why? What makes that so different?"

  “Because I know better than to argue with her, but I still did it. I let her push my buttons, and I pushed back, knowing full well it was pointless. I fell into the same freaking trap she’s set for me a hundred times, and it’s something I swore I’d never do again. I know she feeds off reactions, so getting angry was the last thing I should have done. I know that, yet instead of starving her, instead of just allowing her to spout her bullshit and then leave, I gave her serving after serving of attention. I gave her back all the control. I fed her ego. I fed her anger...and you saw what my stupidity caused.”

  “But it wasn’t your fault.”

  “Yes, it was.”

  “No, it wasn’t. Stop blaming yourself,” Judy said, raising her voice just a little. “There’s only so much anyone can take, Robin, and I don’t know what happened between you two, but you’re condemning yourself for her reactions. How can you do that when they belong to her?”

  “What?”

  “She’s the one who got angry. She’s the one who went off the deep end, and she’s the one who owns those things. Right? Isn’t that what you said?”

  “Yeah, but it’s different—”

  “The only difference is that you’re of sound mind, and she’s apparently not. She broke that bottle. You didn’t force her to do it. She made those threats. You didn’t put words in her mouth. She did those things all by herself, so blaming yourself for what happened directly opposes owning your own emotions. Could you have chosen not to speak your mind? Sure, but I’m sorry, from what little I saw, there’s no way in hell I would have held back. No freaking way. Yeah, momentarily she was pulling the strings, but look around, Robin. She’s not here, and if I get my way...if I get my way, she won’t be coming back.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I’d like you to talk to the police.”

  “Why? I already have a restraining order against her. You saw how well that works.”

  “Wait,” Judy said, jerking back her head. “What do you mean you have a restraining order? Robin, what the hell did she do to you?” When Judy saw Robin’s eyebrows knit, she reached out and touched her on the arm. “Forget I said that. It’s none of my business.”

  When trust is lost, to return to it is much like walking across a wooden bridge. Planks removed by others leave gaping holes, and through their apertures, pain exists. If weaknesses are spoken, would they be used against you in the future? If insecurities surfaced, would scoffs be heard, and would secrets be no longer secret if they were too juicy not to share with friends over drinks?

  Robin took a deep breath and looked into Judy’s eyes. Judy was not Pam, and it was time to step out onto that bridge again. “Maybe not,” Robin said in a whisper. “But do you want to know anyway?”

  ***

  “Gaslighting?”

  “That’s what they call it,” Robin said. “And it’s funny because I knew the term, but it wasn’t until after the smoke cleared with Pam when I realized just how textbook she is. From the lies to the manipulation, trust me, if you Google it and read down the list of signs, it’s scary just how accurate they are when it comes to describing Pam.”

  “Well, I have a few words that could be used to describe her,” Judy said, patting Robin on the leg. “But I have a feeling, you’ve already used them.”

  “Probably…and then some.”

  Judy shook her head, her mind reeling with all Robin had told her, and then she snickered. Closing one eye, she tilted her head as she looked at Robin. “And she actually took off her underwear?”

  “I swear to God,” Robin said, holding up her right hand. “She was totally half Monty and totally oblivious to it.”

  “Geez, she must have been wasted.”

  “She was, and I can still hear Declan screaming ‘no, no, no’ as he ran into the kitchen. He was so funny.”

  “Why did he run?”

  “I guess he wasn’t interested in seeing her landing strip,” Robin said with a laugh. “But he’s also a gentleman. He’s not perfect, mind you, but I couldn’t ask for a better friend, and Pam couldn’t handle that.”

  “And that’s why she hated him so much?”

  “Yes, that and the fact I slept with him.”

  Judy’s expression went slack. “What? But I thought...well, I mean...” Judy’s shoulders fell. “I don’t know what I mean.”

  “Sure you do, and to answer your question, I am a lesbian, but not all of us shoot out of our mother’s vagina knowing we’re gay or actually accepting the fact we’re gay,” Robin said, grinning as she leaned into the pile of pillows behind her back. “It happened when we were in college. One of my short stories was accepted by a magazine. I was over the moon about it, and Declan took me out to celebrate. He’s probably had a five o’clock shadow since he was four, so getting served was easy and getting drunk was even easier. Around midnight, we headed back to our dorms, and since my roommate had just flunked out and my room was closer, we ended up there. I was twenty, still a virgin, and totally confused about my own sexuality, and looking back I think I was just tired of wondering and worrying and having this virgin guillotine dangling over my head. So, I kissed him...and one thing led to another.”

  Robin stopped long enough to reach for her water, and after taking a swig, she looked Judy in the eye. “And in case you’re wondering, I’m not ashamed of it, and I don’t regret it happened, although, at the time, I did.”

  “Why?”

  “Because when we woke up the next morning, things got really, really awkward. I couldn’t look at him. He couldn’t look at me, and for the rest of that semester, we were like strangers. God, it was awful.”

  “How did you get past it?”

  “I kissed a girl.”

  “What?” Judy blurted.

  “I kissed a girl,” Robin said with a dazzling smile. “The details aren’t all that important, but the bottom line was after I did it, the fog lifted. There was no longer any doubt in my mind as to what I was...what I am, and I told Declan the very next day.”

  “You told him you kissed a girl?”

  “No, I told him I was a lesbian. He was so relieved,” Robin said. “I think it was the longest exhale in history.”

  “Why was he relieved?”

  “He thought he had destroyed our friendship.”

  “But you kissed him.”

  “I did, but the way he saw it, Declan was the one buying the drinks. Declan was the one who came into my room, and Declan didn’t say no.”

  “I can see why Pam hated him,” Judy said with a laugh. “He’s a real loser.”

  “Yeah, he is,” Robin said, chuckling. “I’m not saying he’s a saint. Lord knows he’s not a saint. He can be a royal pain in the ass at times, and we’ve had our fair share of arguments, but when push comes to shove, Declan’s always been there for me, and I’ve always been there for him.”

  “Well, I’m glad he was there th
e night of the fight. Actually, in a way, I wish he was here right now.”

  Robin tilted her head to the side. “Why?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Judy said, and getting to her feet, she moved toward the door. “I’m going to make some tea. You interested?”

  “I’m more interested in finding out why you want Declan here.”

  “It’s nothing, Robin. Don’t worry about it.”

  “Please, Judy, tell me what you meant.”

  Like a balloon with a slow leak, Judy’s posture deflated. “Fine,” she said, letting out a long breath. “I realized this morning when I was riding around that for the first time since moving to Mackinac, I didn’t feel safe here.”

  “What?”

  “She knows where you live now, Robin. She knows who I am. What’s to prevent her from coming back and...and doing something else?”

  Robin sat straight up in bed, and her jaw became as rigid as her backbone. Reaching for her phone, she said, “What was that cop’s name?”

  “What cop?”

  “The one from last night. What was his name?” Robin said as she tapped away at the screen on her phone.

  “Kyle. Kyle Ramon. Why?”

  Holding up one finger, Robin waited for the call to go through. “Yes, hi. My name’s Robin Novak. Can I speak to Officer Kyle Ramon, please? Yes, I’ll hold.”

  “What are you doing?” Judy said, taking a step closer to the bed.

  “Something I should have done a long time ago.”

  ***

  Robin spun around in the chair and held out the flash drive. “This contains copies of all the emails she sent me and screenshots of all the texts.”

  “Thanks,” Kyle said, pocketing the USB drive.

  “So what now?” Robin said, looking up at the man.

  “Now, I’m going to head back to the station and call the probation department in Tampa to give them a heads-up, but they probably won’t act on anything until you give them an affidavit,” Kyle said, looking down at Robin. “Do you have a lawyer?”

  “Yes. In St. Ignace. He handled my aunt’s estate.”

  “Good,” Kyle said while he ran a Google search on his phone. “You’ll need to give him copies of the emails and texts, too, and he’s going to also want a statement for the affidavit, so you’ll need to write everything down just like you told me. After that, he’ll handle the paperwork and then once you sign it, it goes to her probation officer, and they’ll take it from there.”

  “Okay.”

  “Is this her?” Kyle said, holding out his phone for Robin to see it.

  Robin blanched at the mug shot. “Yeah, that’s her.”

  “Good. I just wanted to make sure.”

  “Why?” Judy said, taking a step closer to Robin’s desk.

  Kyle smiled as he looked back and forth between the two women. “Because we live on an island, Judy,” he said, pocketing his phone. “And it’s an island not only filled with your friends, but it’s also one that doesn’t have a bridge attached to it.”

  Judy paused for a moment. “Sorry, Kyle, but I’m not following you.”

  “I’m going to print out the photo and give it to the dockmasters and the people over at the airport. That way, if this Burton woman tries to return before the Tampa police pick her up, we’ll give them a hand doing just that.”

  “Oh,” Judy said, lightly touching Kyle on his sleeve. “That’s a great idea.”

  “Thanks,” he said, and picking up his clipboard, Kyle tucked it under his arm. “Now, I know we’ve already talked about this, but if you two want to press charges for what she did yesterday—”

  “No,” Robin said, looking over at the officer. “You don’t know her like I do. She will twist and turn the facts until I become the attacker, and she becomes the victim. Seriously, what judge is going to believe that a ghost pushed her against the wall? She’s going to swear I did it and then she’s going to say she was defending herself, and she will make them believe her.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right,” Kyle said, scrubbing his hand over the stubble on his cheeks.

  Kyle Ramon was an easygoing man. He chose police work, not for the gun strapped on his belt or the authority given to him by the state. His calling had always been to help people. Whether it was carrying their luggage to a taxi, assisting in repairing a flat tire, or breaking up a barroom brawl, all he ever wanted to do was help. But even with that gentle side, the side that saved cats from trees, guided drunks back to their hotels, and chauffeured the elderly to church in the winter in his squad car, that didn’t mean Kyle couldn’t be stern. It took some rehearsal, some afternoons spent staring into a mirror while he practiced steely, staunch, and supreme, but all that practice was about to pay off...again.

  Wearing the most menacing of scowls, Kyle took a step and focused solely on Robin. “One more thing before I leave,” he said, crossing his arms as he widened his stance. “Part of taking out a restraining order is to follow through on it, which you didn’t do and by doing nothing, you put someone else in danger.”

  “I know,” Robin whispered, hanging her head. “It was stupid.”

  “Yes, it was, but you need to remember something.” Kyle knelt down, and it wasn’t until Robin looked him in the eye when he spoke again. “You’re the victim here, and you have rights. You have the right to feel safe, to feel secure, and protected, but if you keep turning a blind eye, believing things will just go away if you don’t do anything, you aren’t doing anyone any favors. If that woman texts you again, if she tries to make any contact whatsoever, you are to call me immediately. Do you understand?”

  No longer able to look the man in the eye, Robin kept her head bowed. “Yes, sir.”

  “Good.” Kyle stood up and turned to Judy, and when he saw the stunned look on her face, his pearly teeth showed through his smile. Invading Judy’s personal space, he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Sorry, if you thought that was too much. I was just trying to make sure she’ll do the right thing the next time.”

  “Do you think there’ll be a next time?”

  “Not if I have anything to say about it,” Kyle said, and bowing down, he placed a soft kiss on Judy’s cheek. “See you around, Judy. I’ll show myself out.”

  Judy waited until Kyle had left the room before going over and squatting next to Robin. “How you doing?”

  “Other than the fact I was just admonished by a police officer, I guess I’m doing okay.”

  “Sorry, he was—”

  “Don’t. Don’t apologize for him. What he said I needed to hear, and he’s right,” Robin said as she looked into Judy’s eyes. “And next week, I’m going to make sure Pam never bothers us again.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Judy closed the booklet when she heard the passenger door open. “How did it go with the lawyer?”

  “Good,” Robin said, climbing inside. “You could have come in, you know?”

  “I know, but then I wouldn’t have had a chance to read up on your car,” Judy said, and reaching over, she opened the glove box long enough to toss in the owner’s manual. “Talk about state-of-the-art.”

  “Yeah, well when it comes to cars, I lean toward luxury.”

  “I can tell,” Judy said, running her hand over the leather console between them.

  “And I also can drive, by the way. I’m fine. I haven’t had a headache for two days.”

  Judy slipped the SUV into gear and headed toward the parking lot exit. “Oh yeah? Then why were you taking Advil this morning?”

  “That wasn’t for headaches,” Robin said, shifting in her seat.

  It only took a second for Judy to understand. “Oh, those were the days,” she said, grinning. “Not!”

  “I seriously think there should be a way to just turn it off. Don’t need it, flip a switch and shut her down.”

  “I would have signed up for that in a heartbeat,” Judy said as she pulled out in traffic.

  For a few minutes, Robin was entranced with
the landscape whooshing by until she noticed how quiet it was inside the car. She glanced at Judy and saw lines creasing the woman’s forehead. “You’re awfully quiet. Something wrong?”

  “No,” Judy said, giving Robin a half-glance. “I was just thinking about Pam.”

  For a moment, Robin stared blankly back at Judy. “Can I ask why?”

  “I was just...I was just trying to figure out what you saw in her. She didn’t seem very chappy to me.”

  Robin’s eyebrows squished together, and a second later, she smiled. “The term’s chapstick, and you’re right. She’s not.”

  “Then why go out with her?”

  “Just because I have a type doesn’t mean I only date that type.”

  “Oh.”

  Robin picked at a loose thread on her jeans. “And I was in a bad place back then. My mom died. I was alone. All my friends had partners or wives or...or husbands, and there I was with no prospects. It sounds stupid now, but like I said, I wasn’t in a good place. So, when I met Pam, I told myself to stop looking at all the little things that bothered me and start looking at the bigger picture. I know it’s hard to imagine, but Pam’s a chameleon. She can turn herself into anything or anyone, so with me, at least at first, she was exactly what I was looking for. She was smart, conversational, and had a lot of stories about her life that seemed to coincide with mine in one way or another. Of course, now I know they were all bullshit, but at the time she gave me exactly what I was looking for.”

  “Which was?”

  “The makings of a perfect partner.”

  A few seconds passed before Judy spoke again. “So…you were in love with her?”

  “At first I thought I was, or at least falling in love with her, but looking back, I wasn’t even close.”

  “Are you sure? It sounds like you were together for a while.”