Nightfall

by Shannon Messenger

  “I think that’s how it should be.”

  She forced her shaky legs to move her close enough to sit beside him—but not too close.

  Space was good right now.

  They needed a cushion of air to hold all the angst swirling between them.

  “I think it’s us,” she added gently. “I think neither of us could relax because deep down we know we’re better as friends.”

  His eyes shifted to the dark sky outside her windows. “That’s why you did it, huh? You already knew you didn’t like me that way.”

  “It’s more than just me, Dex. Otherwise you would’ve felt something during the kiss.”

  “But I’ve liked you for years!” His face turned redder than she’d ever seen it when he realized what he’d just admitted. “Ugh—could this get any more embarrassing?”

  “Sandor could be here,” Sophie reminded him. “Or my parents could’ve walked in.”

  Dex groaned, and they both glanced at the door, needing to make sure they didn’t have an audience.

  “How long have you known I liked you?” he asked without looking at her.

  “Honestly? I’m not sure.”

  She’d spent so long pretending not to notice, it was hard to pin it down. But it might have also been part of the reason they’d been spending a little less time together—and why they mostly hung out in bigger groups.

  Dex buried his face in his hands. “And you never felt . . . ? Actually, never mind, I don’t want to know.”

  “Hey now, don’t forget—kissing me did nothing for you.” She was trying her best not to let that sting. “So your head may have been telling you one thing, but deep down, the rest of you wants something else.”

  He didn’t look convinced.

  And the silence that followed felt like it had eyes, staring at both of them, daring them to be the one brave enough to end it.

  Sophie stepped up first. “Thanks, by the way.”

  “For what?”

  “For . . . caring about me like that. For thinking I’m special enough.”

  He snorted.

  “No, Dex. I mean it. I’ve never had anyone think about me that way.”

  He snorted louder.

  She shook her head. “You weren’t there when I was growing up. You didn’t see how hated I was.”

  “Yeah, but that was around humans. Around here . . .”

  “What?”

  He tilted his head. “We both know I’m not the only one who—”

  She held up her hand. “Let’s not go there.”

  She could only stomach one brutally uncomfortable subject at a time. Especially since she was pretty sure she knew what he was going to say—and she had no idea if it was true.

  “All I’m trying to say,” she told Dex, “is that I’m honored you thought of me that way. And your friendship seriously means everything. Please tell me this hasn’t ruined that.”

  He looked away again, fussing with the button he’d torn off. “It’s probably going to be weird for a while. So I guess it’s good you want me to stay home and work on the caches.”

  Her eyes and nose burned as she nodded. “Just . . . let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll try to give you space until then.”

  “I don’t need space. I need . . . I don’t know what I need,” he mumbled.

  The only thing Sophie could think to say was, “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” he told her. “You could’ve been way meaner about this. You could’ve thrown the crush cuffs in my face.”

  “I would never do that, Dex. I do care about you. Just not . . .”

  “Yeah.” He went back to fiddling with the torn-off button. “I promise I’ll find something else to use for the replacements. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  “Hey—you had some pretty solid points about the camouflage,” Sophie reminded him.

  “Yeah. But . . . I think deep down, part of me wanted to know if you’d be willing to wear them—which was stupid. You already have a ton of stuff to worry about with your human family and going to Ravagog tomorrow. You didn’t need this. It’s just been like . . . a giant maybe in the back of my mind for so long that when I thought I’d found a sneaky way to finally get an answer, I couldn’t resist.”

  “How long have you had the cuffs?” Sophie had to ask.

  He ducked his chin to hide his face. “I got them for you for midterm. And then I wimped out and gave you your iPod instead.”

  “Wait. You ordered these when we were Level Twos?”

  That was more than a year ago.

  “Pathetic, right?”

  Sophie shook her head. “Very, very sweet.”

  “You don’t have to say that.”

  “But I mean it. And if you don’t believe me, think about this. You’re my first kiss.”

  A slow smile spread across his lips, and he sat up a little taller. “You’re my first kiss too.”

  Sophie grinned back at him. “See? We’ll always have that. And I couldn’t think of a better person to share that memory with.”

  She hadn’t expected the words to feel true. But they really did.

  It felt like she was standing on the edge of a terrifying sea of new. And who better to dip her toe in with than a friend?

  “The next time you kiss someone,” she added quietly, “it’s going to be perfect. And I’m going to want to hear all about it.”

  “Am I a jerk if I admit I do not want to hear about your next kiss?”

  Sophie laughed. “No, I think that’s fair. But don’t worry, it won’t be happening for a long time.”

  “Sure it won’t.”

  She could argue, but it was probably better to let that conversation die.

  “Well,” Dex said, scruffing his fingers through his hair until he looked like he’d just wandered through a tornado. “It’s been . . . a strange day. First Forkle’s back. Now this.”

  “Yeah, definitely not the way I expected it to go,” Sophie admitted. “And tomorrow’s going to be a whole lot more complicated.”

  “Ugh, I just realized you’ll be hanging around Keefe. How long do you think it’s going to take him to drag this story out of you?”

  Sophie groaned.

  Keefe was going to slay her over this—and there was no way she’d be able to hide it. Her emotions were way too strong.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t wear the cuffs,” Dex suggested.

  She shook her head. “It’ll be fine. It’s way more important to protect the ability. I can handle Keefe. Or, if he gets too annoying, I’ll throw him into the river.”

  Dex cracked half a smile, but it faded pretty quick. “How much are you going to tell him?”

  “It depends on how much he guesses.”

  “Um, this is Keefe. He’s going to guess everything.”

  “Probably,” Sophie agreed, silently cursing all Empaths.

  “And he’ll tell everyone,” Dex added through a sigh.

  “Not if you don’t want him to,” Sophie promised. “I know Keefe is the master of teasing, but he’s your friend too. If I tell him to keep it quiet, he will.”

  “Let’s hope.”

  “Does that mean you don’t want the rest of our friends knowing?”

  “I don’t know. What am I supposed to say? Hey guys, pretty sure you all knew I used to like Sophie, but she shot me down so let’s move on, okay?”

  The “used to” hurt more than Sophie had expected. So did the “shot me down.”

  “You don’t have to tell them anything you don’t want to,” she promised. “But, if it would help, you’re welcome to tell them I got all weak in the knees after the kiss. It’s technically true.”

  His dimples made a slight appearance, but faded just as fast. “It’s going to be so humiliating.”

  She couldn’t blame him for feeling that way. After all, wasn’t that why she’d put off confessing her crush to Fitz?

  Her insides tangled when she remembered the promise she’d made to finally come c
lean—what had she been thinking?

  Maybe she could figure out a different confession.

  Or avoid any form of Cognate training indefinitely . . .

  “I’m sorry,” she told Dex, feeling the need to say it again.

  “It’s not your fault.”

  It was and it wasn’t. Either way, there was nothing either of them could do.

  She started to reach for his hand, then stopped herself. Dex noticed, but didn’t say anything.

  Instead, he stood on his still-shaky legs and pulled out his home crystal pendant. “Guess I’ll see you later.”

  Sophie nodded.

  Her heart felt like it was dropping out as he held the crystal up to the light.

  But before he leaped away he asked, “Still best friends, right?”

  A soft smile curled her lips, and her heart pulled back into place. “Forever.”

  Twenty-eight

  KEEFE SPOTTED THE crush cuffs about ten seconds after he got to Havenfield the next morning—despite the long-sleeved tunic Sophie had worn to keep them covered. And he dragged out the rest of the story with a relentless bombardment of questions.

  But the epic teasing Sophie had been bracing for never happened.

  Instead, he lowered his voice and asked, “How’s Dex?”

  “Hopefully okay.” She peeked around the pristine living room, glad to see they were still alone.

  Keefe’s mom had indeed managed to slip past all of Sandor’s traps and security during the night, leaving behind nothing but the faint scent of ash, a sealed black scroll in the center of Havenfield’s kitchen table, and a tray of caramel-drizzled pastries—which of course no one was willing to eat. Sandor and Cadoc had been scouring the grounds ever since, trying to figure out how Lady Gisela had pulled off the trick. And Grady and Edaline were upstairs in Grady’s office, inspecting the scroll to make sure it wasn’t hiding anything dangerous—and probably trying to see if they could find a way to read the message.

  “What about you?” Keefe asked, pointing to the dark circles rimming Sophie’s eyes. “Couldn’t sleep after crushing Dex’s fragile heart?”

  “I didn’t crush it,” she said, kicking the side of her sturdy black boot.

  At least, she hoped she hadn’t.

  Keefe must’ve sensed her doubt, because he moved a little closer. “I’m just kidding. All you did was prove my dad’s theory.”

  It took Sophie a second to realize he was talking about Lord Cassius’s book—The Heart of the Matter—where he’d claimed the heart and the head held two different sets of emotions.

  “Since when did you start agreeing with him on that?” Sophie asked.

  “Since Lumenaria, when you enhanced me.”

  Her eyebrows shot up.

  Keefe smoothed the front of his navy blue jerkin, which looked snug in the shoulders, as if whatever training he’d done with the Neverseen had added some muscle. “I’d assumed that the enhancing made everything feel more intense than normal. But I realized later that some of what I picked up didn’t match the usual Foster Feelings you’re always flinging my way.”

  “Empaths,” she grumbled, pulling her cape closed, as if that could keep her emotions away from him. She’d gone with a black pants-and-tunic ensemble that morning, hoping it would make Dimitar take her more seriously.

  “Hey, it’s not my fault you hurl your emotions at me like we’re in a big old splotching match of feels,” Keefe told her. “I’d ignore you if I could.”

  “And I’d block you if I could.”

  Keefe laughed. “Then it looks like we’re stuck with each other. But if it makes you feel any better, it turns out you’re only giving me a tiny piece of the Foster Puzzle. I got a glimpse of the bigger picture and . . . well . . . let’s just say it was very enlightening.”

  Sophie stared at the rainbow sparkles reflected on the marble floor from the chandelier. “How so?”

  “Nope. Not gonna tell you.”

  “Uh—they’re my feelings.”

  “Yeah, but once you know about them, it . . . changes things. That’s the part that’s missing from my dad’s theory. He never explained why the emotions in the heart and the head are different. But I figured it out. It’s because we’re aware of what goes on up here”—he tapped the side of his head—“so we control those feelings in subtle ways. We’ll encourage any emotions we’re comfortable with, and fight the ones we aren’t. But here”—he pressed his hands against his chest—“everything is beyond our control. And once you become aware of it . . .”

  He flicked his hands, like he was holding something that went poof!

  “Think about what happened with Dex,” he added. “In his head, he wanted the Dexphie ship to set sail so badly that he kept fighting for it, even when he got some pretty clear signals that he was bound for a crash. But deep, deep down, he knew you were better off as friends, and you kissing him finally brought that feeling out. And now that he knows it, he’ll never look at you the same ever again.”

  The words shouldn’t have hurt quite so much.

  “Hmm,” Keefe said. “Please tell me you haven’t decided you want what you can’t have.”

  “No!”

  Though maybe she did—just not the way he meant.

  “Don’t you miss when crushes were only silly, secret things?” she asked quietly. “Suddenly it’s all getting so . . . real—and not just because of this. I mean . . . Fitz already finished filling out his matchmaking packet. And you probably need to go pick up yours—if you haven’t already.”

  Keefe smirked. “So that’s what kept you up tossing and turning? Wondering if I’ve registered for the match?”

  “Ugh, that’s so not what I was saying.”

  “Suuuuuuurrrrre it wasn’t.”

  She tried to roll her eyes and turn away, but he grabbed her hands to stop her. “I don’t want you losing sleep, Foster. So let me set that powerful little mind of yours at ease. I have not registered for the match, and I won’t be for a while.”

  “Why not?”

  He shrugged. “Waiting to see how a few things shake out.”

  Sophie had no idea what that meant, but no way would she give him the satisfaction of asking. “Well, FYI, these dark circles are because of my sister. I hailed her to check in after Dex left, and she made me stay up super late updating her on everything.”

  “Everything?” Keefe asked. “Even . . .”

  He made an obnoxiously loud kissing sound.

  Sophie shoved him away.

  She actually had told her sister what happened with Dex, and it had been surprisingly helpful. Turned out, Amy was an excellent listener—but Keefe didn’t need to know that.

  He jumped back in front of her. “Okay, fine, you want me to be serious again. I don’t like it. But I will. Because I do get what you’re saying, Foster. All of this . . . stuff. It makes everything way more complicated.”

  Sophie nodded. “I just don’t want to lose anything that matters, you know?”

  “You haven’t lost Dex,” Keefe promised. “Trust the Empath!” When she didn’t smile, he leaned in and whispered, “And here’s another thing you can count on. You’ll never lose me. No matter how any of this stuff goes down.”

  There was a softness to his voice. Maybe even a sweetness. And for a second, Sophie’s breath seemed to catch.

  But then he leaned back and added, “I have way too much fun annoying you.”

  Sophie sighed. “That does seem to be one of your talents.”

  “And you adore me for it. In fact, maybe we should find out if we’re meant to be.”

  He puckered his lips and Sophie shoved him a little harder that time.

  “Hey—how come the Dexinator gets the smooch test and I don’t? Do you realize that thanks to you, sweet, innocent little Dex has now kissed someone before I have? And you too?”

  “Really?” Sophie blurted. “Never?”

  “I realize it’s hard to believe, considering . . .” He waved his arm in front
of himself, like his looks said it all. “Don’t get me wrong—I’ve had plenty of offers, but . . .”

  He shrugged.

  “What about Biana?” Sophie had to ask. “You told me you kissed her mostly on the cheek.”

  He’d been loopy on pain medicine when he admitted it, but she could tell he hadn’t been lying.

  “Eh. That doesn’t count. She dared me to do it, for one thing. And the only reason I caught a tiny corner of her mouth was because she turned her head on me at the last second. Thank goodness I had my eyes open, or it would’ve been a disaster.”

  He let out a long, weary sigh.

  “You know what, Foster? You’re way braver than I am. I guess we already knew that, considering your number of near-death experiences. But . . . I’ve never had the guts to be honest the way you were with Dex. I keep telling myself, ‘If I don’t encourage it, it’ll fade.’ And it’s helped a little, but . . .”

  Sophie had to fight the urge to ask if he meant what she thought he did. She’d already strained one friendship—and she had no doubt Biana would consider that a violation.

  Plus, Biana had been a little less flirty with Keefe lately. Maybe her crush was fading.

  Still, Sophie couldn’t stop herself from saying, “Please don’t lead her on.”

  “Never. Why do you think I don’t flirt with her? I even go out of my way to flirt with everyone else around her so that it’ll be more obvious, you know?”

  “Yeah,” Sophie said, fighting a strange, prickly feeling.

  Finally—a solid explanation for why she was always subjected to so much Keefe-teasing.

  She’d known there had to be one.

  But for some reason . . . it stung.

  Two big blows to her pride in two days.

  She might as well come clean to Fitz and get the trifecta of humiliation over with.

  “Hey,” Keefe said. “I—”

  Grady strode down the stairs and shot Keefe a look that had him backing even farther away.

  Edaline trailed behind, offering a smile that looked mostly like an apology.

  “Everything check out with the scroll?” Sophie asked, trying to force her face into an expression that said nothing to see here—we definitely weren’t talking about kissing!