“Come on, Chris,” I encouraged him. “You can do this.”
The talk with Liz had given me new hope that Chris would get his wings back. We had sat in the library for a long time after closing hours. She had seen a lot. Her knowledge was vast and she had been very willing to help.
I had talked to Jaden about it more. The secret organization Liz was part of, The Guard, was a collective of humans who were believers and had been passing on the knowledge about angels and demons from generation to generation. Lucas had inherited the book without title from one of them. He had reached out to Liz after I had told him an angel needed help.
“So what exactly did she say I should do?” Chris sighed.
“Breathe deeply several times to calm your pulse,” I instructed again.
Chris inhaled deeply. I watched his chest rise and fall.
“Close your eyes,” I closed my own eyes with Chris. A little break from the outside world would do both of us good.
“Then, focus on your fingertips.” I felt my blood pulsing under my skin lightly. It was still a fast pulse. Nothing like the slow heart rate Liz had spoken of.
I blinked quickly to check if Chris was still with me. He was. His shape remained motionless except for the slow movement of his chest. He looked almost peaceful.
“Guide your attention up into your palms,” I said, and felt my hands lay heavy on my knees. “Up to your forearms, your elbows...”
While I was describing the path we were routing our attention, my thoughts were wandering off.
I saw Adam before my inner eye. His eyes were looking directly at me; like he was trying to burn me with his gaze. He was standing in a cloud of light which slowly vanished into him as if he was a dark void.
It hurt for a second and I blinked my eyes open.
Chris was kneeling beside me, his hands on my shoulders.
“Are you alright, Claire?” he asked with a worried expression on his face.
I nodded, ignoring the memory of the pain and the image which had caused it.
“What happened? You were in pain...”
I took a deep breath.
“I thought of—him,” I explained, avoiding speaking his name.
Chris sat down on his legs and measured my expression for a minute.
I was back to focusing on my pulse. It was getting slower with every breath.
“Shall we continue?” I asked and saw him get into position next to me.
“Go,” he said.
Once more, I guided our attention through our bodies until we reached the heart.
I felt my heart beat evenly. Chris’ breathing beside me sped up a little. My eyes opened to check if he was okay.
He looked relaxed, his features calm and his hands resting on his knees. What was different was his skin. There was just a hint of light on it. I couldn’t be sure it was coming from within him. It could have been the afternoon sun playing a trick on my eyes.
“Okay, now try to identify the piece of your soul that doesn’t belong to you.”
Liz had explained how it works, but the gist was to find the piece of the mark’s soul and re-bond with it. The death of a mark unhinges the soul of the angel to a degree that they can lose access to it. It sounded easy, focus on the piece and move it towards your own soul.
We were sitting in silence for a while, Chris’ breath fast and slightly strained. It sounded like heavy work—not like the meditation it was supposed to be.
His mouth began to twitch slightly and his skin now looked mildly luminescent. It reminded me of the way Adam’s skin had looked when he had spread his wings for the first time.
A rush of energy ran through my spine. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It felt like an electric current was running through me, making my every cell vibrate with life. I had never felt like this before.
An image of Adam flashed through my mind. His features victorious and terrible. Not the Adam I had known. Why was my mind showing me this dark vision of him?
There was a knock on the door.
My eyes snapped open just in time to see Chris jump to his feet.
“Come in,” he called.
“Excuse me, Sir,” Geoffrey addressed Chris with a quiet step into the room. “Dinner is ready.”
He shifted from foot to foot for a moment, as if he was uncomfortable to be there.
“Mrs. Gallager asked me to come inform you. I am sorry if I disturbed you.”
“It’s fine, Geoffrey,” Chris assured the butler. “We’ll be down in a minute.”
Geoffrey bowed slightly and withdrew from the room.
“Well, that went well,” Chris turned to me after the door closed.
I smiled. In more than one way, I thought.
“Same time tomorrow?” Chris asked as we were walking down the stairs.
I nodded. We were on the right track. I could sense it. Chris already looked better after this one session. If we continued, this could be a breakthrough.
The whole weekend had been an experiment to help Chris. Today was Monday. A normal school day. I went through classes, thinking mainly about ways to support Chris even better. And what intrigued me more about the meditation was that I had seen Adam again. There was a connection that had survived his death. He was with me—always.
Maybe if I practiced, I would learn control over my feelings. Maybe I would be able to visualize him as he was. Beautiful and immortal. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much anymore.
I watched the teacher scribble notes on the blackboard without interest, desperately waiting for the day to be over.
Jaden was sitting in the row in front of me. His head was perfectly aligned with his straight back in an unnaturally upright way of sitting.
Amber was watching him from two seats away. I shook my head. When would she let it go?
It wasn’t long until the bell rang. I jumped up and rushed out of the building. I wanted to try meditating again. I needed to find out if this could be my way to heal.
When I got to the parking lot, Jaden was already waiting for me, leaning against my car.
“Hi there,” he greeted me and turned to the side, one hand reaching down to the handle of the door.
“I thought I didn’t know you when we are at school,” I snapped at him.
He stared at me for a brief second, then shrugged.
“I guess, after Amber introduced us, it’s alright if we talk in public.”
I couldn’t follow his logic. He had been the one who was all secretive about us knowing each other. Nobody would even think twice if they saw us talking. We were in the same classes.
“Can I ride with you today?” he asked.
“Uhm—ok.” He took me by surprise.
Amber and Greg were hurrying to their cars. Greg waved. His face displayed concern. He nudged Amber in the side.
Her glare left no guessing that she was unhappy Jaden was showing me some attention. I waved at her and watched them disappear behind a row of cars.
My eyes got caught there. Just behind the cars there was a row of trees on one side. Under one of those trees, a shadow was moving slowly towards the tree trunk.
I shuddered. No, I told myself. No, he is dead. Stop hallucinating.
Was my wish to see Adam, if only as a vision in my meditation, again playing tricks on my mind?
You really ARE going insane, the voice mocked.
“Are you alright?” Jaden’s voice tore me from my thoughts.
I shoved the idea of Adam aside. It could have been anyone. It hurt. I wanted it so badly to be true—that he was out there. Looking out for me. The thought alone was comforting. But it was a lie and I wouldn’t lie to myself, just to be hurting even more when I finally admitted to myself that it wasn’t true. I was damaged enough as it was.
“Yes,” I nodded at Jaden and got in the car. “Let’s go.”
The ride to my house was quick. At the final traffic light before home I had to stop.
“Are you enjoying your high school ex
perience?” I asked into the silence. Jaden hadn’t spoken, and I was beginning to wonder why he had wanted to come with me in the first place.
“It is interesting,” he commented without enthusiasm.
I gave him a wary look.
“But at least I can make sure that you are safe.”
“You always have,” I looked at him for a brief second.
Jaden averted his face. “Not like before.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t protect you the same way I used to.”
I gave him a questioning look. “I don’t understand.”
“My assignment has ended,” he stated.
The traffic light turned green and I pushed down the gas pedal gently while looking at Jaden from the corner of my eye.
“Still don’t understand.”
He shook his head.
“Claire, I am not officially guarding you any longer. I failed. They decided that it is time for me to move on.”
I swallowed.
“Why?”
Jaden stared into the traffic for a while. The tension made my skin itch.
“Were you assigned to someone new?”
Still no answer.
“Someone who needs you more than I do?” Someone who still has something to lose, I added in my mind.
The golden orbs turned towards me the moment my heart exploded with pain. He looked at me for a second, full of concern. Then he turned back to face the car in front of us.
“Will there be a replacement?” I tried another angle. If Jaden was assigned to watch over someone else, what would that mean for my own situation? Whoever it was he was protecting now, they were insanely lucky, and didn’t even know it.
“It’s not that easy.” Jaden’s voice was strained, like he was trying to suppress emotions he didn’t want me to see.
“All I can say is, I went back to school to be able to have a close eye on your safety.”
We were almost at the Gallagers’ when I felt like asking one final question.
“Will you give me all the answers someday?”
A low chuckle escaped Jaden’s otherwise serious face.
“I will.”
Chris was waiting at the door, ready to pick up where we had left off. Jaden disappeared without another word. He didn’t say when or if he would return. That made focusing even more difficult than my lack of energy.
I spent most of that day’s session worrying if I had lost Jaden, too. Chris didn’t notice. He had become so absorbed in the meditation. Ever since he had felt a tingle in his left palm, he was pro meditation.
My presence helped. The more of Adam’s soul we could get in one room, the higher Chris’ chances of success.
I was happy to help. To be able to contribute somehow. If I didn’t have any supernatural powers to share, at least my presence was useful to help Chris regain his.
“Jenna and I will be out doing some research later,” Chis mentioned after a long session.
I was hungry and tired, so I made my way down to the kitchen, hoping to find Geoffrey, and found Ben instead.
He was handling various ingredients with an intense expression on his face.
When he noticed me in the door, he dropped a sandwich onto a plate and rushed over.
“I’ve been preparing dinner for you.”
“That’s very kind of you.” I looked at the mess on the counter. “Where is Geoffrey?”
“He has his day off.”
We both nodded, acknowledging what that meant.
“I am making grilled cheese,” Ben offered. “It’s almost edible.”
I laughed involuntarily.
He carried our plates to the dining area and beckoned me to sit.
“So, how’s everything?” he asked as I bit into my sandwich.
I chewed, picking my brain for an answer.
“School is stressful, I am being hunted by demons, and on top of it all I need to eat this—” I gestured at my plate and laughed.
Ben’s face lit up when he saw me smile.
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you joke and laugh,” he noted.
“Don’t get used to it,” I reigned in his enthusiasm. The dark cloud was still hanging there in my skies, ready to rain down on me any moment without warning. Jaden’s news was living proof.
Ben watched me eat in silence and go back to a pensive mood before he started to clear the table.
“Dinner was great,” I called after him before he disappeared around the corner to the kitchen.
Only two minutes later, Ben popped up beside me in the dining area.
“Grilled cheese and salad? Please,” he mocked his own cooking achievement.
“Honestly, I enjoyed it.”
“The best part was the company.” Ben’s eyes were a little too serious.
We were alone in the big house, except for Antonio, who was sleeping peacefully on his pillow in the corner of the room.
I watched the chocolate brown dog’s chest rise and fall. When had I last had a peaceful sleep like that?
“Are you tired?” Ben guessed, as he saw the look on my face.
I nodded. I was. School finals were coming up, all the meditation with Chris, the fear of the demons, the dreams about Adam; it was more than any normal human being could handle at the same time.
“Jaden was supposed to stay with me for the night,” I informed Ben.
Ben’s face fell a little at my words.
“Ok then.” He looked disappointed. “I thought you would stay here tonight.”
“I might after all.” Who knew if I could still count on Jaden after what he had shared earlier. He might be busy saving his new fosterling.
“Your things are still here,” Ben encouraged me.
It wasn’t much later when I fell into bed in the guest room.
Sleep came upon me the second I closed my eyes. School and helping Chris with meditation, had drained the last drops of energy I had left.
The light fell through the door in a strange angle and tinted the room in a surreal color spectrum. I lifted my hand and observed my skin as it turned translucent where it touched the beam of light.
As I shook my head in wonder, a shape at the other end of the room, where the light couldn’t reach, moved in the darkness.
“Hello?” my voice carried through the space between us effortlessly. The shape turned and his face became visible.
My heart skipped a beat. It was the most beautiful face in the world. His eyes as light green as ever, his lips curved into the half-smile I loved so much. But there was something off about his appearance. Something was very different from the Adam I had known.
My legs carried me towards him before I could think. A few quick strides and I was close enough to touch him.
“Adam,” my voice came without my permission. I felt my lips returning his smile.
He radiated from inside. Not the way I remembered it when he was spreading his wings. White and bright and beautiful. There was something dark about the way he reflected. It was, as if the light wasn’t his. It was stolen.
After a while staring into each other’s eyes, Adam reached out his hand and wrapped it around my translucent fingers. The second our skin touched, a wave of heat seared through my body. It kicked in like a stimulant. Like adrenaline. My heart started racing and I was suddenly very aware of everything surrounding me. Including the body which was laying behind Adam. It was limp and facing downwards.
The bedroom was dark when I woke drenched in sweat. My hands were shaking.
A silhouette was sitting on the side of my bed. It took me a moment to calm down and take a closer look.
“Sorry I didn’t come earlier,” Jaden’s soothing voice touched my ears. “Bad dream?”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I was still upset that he hadn’t shared more information with me earlier. That he hadn’t told me if I could still count on him.
So, I sat quietly and waited for the adrenaline to leave my system.
“Do you still want answers?” he asked into the darkness.
His hand reached out to stroke my face.
“Yes.”
“What exactly do you want to know?”
I fidgeted with my blanket. Everything.
“Let’s start with, how long have you been unassigned from me?”
“Since the day I nearly lost you to the demons. The day Adam died.” Jaden’s voice was cautious.
“But, that’s an eternity.” At least it felt like it. Every day was an eternity of pain without Adam.
Jaden moved closer when he heard the alarm in my voice.
“Calm down, Claire.” He took my hand and pulled me into his arms. “I’ve been there when ever you’ve needed me. I always will be.”
He kissed my forehead and pulled me even closer into his embrace. His presence alone made me relax.
We were sitting in the darkness while I was trying to make sense of his behavior. What was going on in this ancient mind of his?
After what felt like a long time, Jaden shifted.
“I’m surprised how much you are like her.” His voice sounded bittersweet. The tone of it took me by surprise as well as the meaning of his words.
“What do you mean?” I asked into his chest, cautiously. “Like who?”
The only answer I got was a low chuckle and then he was gone from my bed. I couldn’t tell if he was honestly amused or if it was the blackest of sarcasm.
I had never heard such a laugh from Jaden. It was disturbing. There was something wrong.
“Where are you, Jaden?” I turned to the side, following the sound of his laugh. “Don’t play games with me.”
The laugh vanished and I heard a soft whoosh rising beside me.
“Come on, Jaden—please.” I was starting to get nervous. I got out of bed and stood in the darkness for a minute, trying to make out Jaden’s location.
“Jaden. This is not funny.” I spoke into the blackness around me.
“Oh, I think it is,” Jaden’s voice said from closer behind me than I had expected. It was a low, cold breath on my neck. I shrieked quietly and wanted to turn around as I felt a hand pressing down on my shoulder, preventing me from turning.
“It’s ironic.”
Panicking completely, I flung my hands up and tried to free myself.
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