Black

by Angelina J. Steffort

  “Well—there is a small thing I need you to do,” she started.

  I glared at her, unwilling to give her what ever she would be asking.

  “You need to stop thinking about him.”

  Definitely not that. If anything, Adam’s image was the only thing left that I had. I wouldn’t give it up—never. Especially not now that I knew he was alive.

  I shook my head at Maureen. She could go ask someone else to forget the love of their life.

  Ready to admit it had been a mistake to come here, I turned and started walking away.

  What she was asking of me was impossible. It was ridiculous. I was ashamed that I had so easily fallen for the deceit; but she had dangled the one bait guaranteed to bring me running. That Adam wanted to see me. There was nothing I wanted more than for it to be true.

  The voice in my head chuckled at me darkly at my discomfiture. I ignored it.

  If I was fast, I would make it back in time so nobody would notice my absence. I could simply climb into bed and pretend I had never left. Destroy the note and forget my naivety.

  I had just taken a step or two, when a second voice spoke.

  “You came.” This time it was the voice I had been craving to hear.

  I looked around to see where he had spoken from, but I couldn’t make him out in the dark surroundings.

  “Adam, where are you?”

  “It doesn’t matter where he is,” Maureen’s vicious melody touched my ears.

  “The only thing that matters is that you came. You are making it so much easier for all of us.”

  I paused for a second, weighing my options. There could be more than two here. What if Maureen’s petty request wasn’t the only reason she had lured me here?

  Trap, I was reminded harshly.

  If I ran now, Maureen and whatever else was lurking in the shadows would probably not touch me. But then I wouldn’t get the chance to see him. I needed to see Adam.

  If I was honest, there was only one option, really—no matter the outcome.

  My feet stopped before I had made the conscious decision, and my eyes were searching the darkness.

  A movement to my right claimed my attention. There he was, hidden in the shadows. It was like when I had seen the shadow in the school parking lot. The same ghostly motions, the same outline. The same person.

  “Adam,” I whispered.

  The dark outline stepped forward until I could make out his face. His mouth was a thin line and his eyes were full of anger.

  “Are you alright, Adam?” I addressed him directly, hoping he would respond.

  “Don’t bother talking to him,” Maureen mocked.

  She walked over swiftly, her dark mane fanning out behind her, until she stopped right at my shoulder.

  My instinct was to run. But knowing that Adam was here, just a few feet away, I still couldn’t bring myself to leave.

  You have a death-wish, the voice in my head narrated. I nodded at it.

  “You destroyed everything,” Maureen whispered into my ear.

  I shuddered.

  “You took him from me. You made him into your pet-angel.” Her voice was full of hatred.

  “Maureen, I didn’t make him anything,” I defended myself, well-aware that anything I said could set her off. “I didn’t make him love me.”

  She laughed sweetly. The sound combined with her cold and cruel mask made the scene bizarre.

  “Whatever you did or didn’t do doesn’t matter now, does it?” She placed her hand on my shoulder, as if she wanted to comfort me.

  I shrank away from her touch.

  “He doesn’t remember any of it. Your great, epic love. It was for nothing.”

  Her words stabbed right into my heart. I lifted my arms to brace myself against her attack. Even if it was just verbal.

  For now, the voice commented.

  It was right. I had no idea if Maureen had any powers—and if she did, would she use them to destroy me?

  “I want you to know, that there is nothing left of the Adam you knew.” She let one pointy finger slide down my arm until it rested on my hand.

  “He is all mine.” Her lips puckered a little, making it look like she was feeling sorry for me. The next moment, her face was back to icy, as was her voice. “His love is mine.”

  The way she said it brought back a memory of what Adam had said about Maureen. He’d had the emotional vision of me when he had still been with her. Even if her love was more lust and possession than real feelings, I had taken him away. This thought gave me strength.

  “You don’t know love.” I knocked her hand off my shoulder. “Love is the one thing that survives the darkest times.”

  Maureen was surprised by my reaction. What had she expected? That I would let her put me down, insult me and my love for Adam, and expect me to walk away without a word in return?

  “You make me sick.” After one long look at my face she walked away and disappeared into the trees.

  “She’s all yours,” I heard her icy voice one more time before the darkness swallowed her completely

  Adam finally walked towards me. His hand was lifted the same way it had been at our last encounter.

  “Adam, what are you doing?”

  He didn’t react to my words. He didn’t speak to me at all. His stare was the only sign he had heard me.

  Instead, he came closer and placed his hand in front of my chest. I felt the strings in my heart pull towards his fingers painfully.

  He was doing it again. He was trying to suck out my soul. He was killing me.

  Run! the voice in my head instructed.

  I jumped as it tore me from my petrified state and ran.

  Adam probably hadn’t expected this. I was surprised that he didn’t stop me right away when his footfalls came closer at a steady pace.

  I slipped on the loose gravel and cut my knees and hands, stumbling over my own feet. I wanted to run, but I also wanted to reason with Adam.

  Time for reasoning is over, the voice redirected my focus.

  I picked myself up and continued running.

  Whenever Adam came close enough, the strings on my heart began to tear and hurt again, but he never actually incapacitated me. It was like he was playing a game. One I wasn’t sure he wanted me to lose. I needed to get away. I hoped that someone had found my note in the Gallagers’ guest room. I had gotten myself in trouble for the chance of verifying I hadn’t dreamt that Adam still existed. Now I knew. And the truth hurt almost as much as not knowing.

  “Let her go,” I heard Maureen’s voice calling behind me when I had made it to the gate.

  Of course she had stayed to watch me suffer.

  My sore legs hardly carried me to my car. I didn’t look back. I was surprised I made it and drove out of the parking lot without looking. My right hand was searching my pockets for my phone.

  I tried Ben’s number first. It went straight to voicemail.

  “Ben, I need help. I am on my way back to your house. I think I am being followed.”

  Chris’ number was next. He didn’t answer. Neither did Jenna.

  When I saw a shadow running behind my car, I pulled into the next street. I WAS being followed.

  My only option now was distraction. Get rid of the car and hide.

  The library was just a few blocks away from here. I checked the mirrors for the shadow—nothing—and quickly parked the car. Then I slid out and ducked behind a row of parked vehicles until I saw the crossing that led to the library before I finally broke into a run.

  The library was dark when I entered. In my mind, I thanked Liz for the extra key she had given me a week earlier. In case you ever need access to a certain read, she had said and handed it to me.

  The lock clicked and the door opened slowly at the touch of my sweating hand. The shelves were all hidden in darkness.

  There was no sound except for my panting when I rushed in and disappeared between the furniture, hoping to have lost my tail.

  I was
now cowering behind one of the large bookshelves. My knees were bloody from where they had hit the gravel each time I had fallen down, from the countless times they had slithered across the tiny stones.

  The blood on my face was almost dry. My hands had drawn large traces on my too fair skin where they had touched it to wipe away the tears of anger and betrayal.

  My fingers were clutching my ankles, holding my feet in place, and my head was resting against a spot on the bookshelf which was empty.

  I had seen angels and demons in the last few months, I had seen them and remained brave however often they had interfered with my life. I had accepted that they were part of my existence, almost as much as my frequent walks to the graveyard were. But this time was one time too many.

  My breathing was still too fast and it rushed in and out of my lungs uncontrollably. The physical pain was not what bothered me. It was just a humming in the background. I had become almost immune to the constant ache in my limbs. I had suffered too much from it in the last weeks. I was almost as used to it as I was to the fact that Adam wasn’t part of my life anymore. My heart continued pounding no matter what hardship life presented me with. I was a survivor. It wouldn’t even stop at my own command. But there were things I couldn’t take—not now.

  Adam appearing to be a bad guy was one of them. He was the one person I had thought I could rely on—another irony as it turned out he wasn’t. He had betrayed me so easily; the one man I had once trusted with all, my life and my soul. The man I still loved.

  I was positive there wasn’t a place in this world where I was safe now. I was sure he would find me where ever I went—so I might as well stay right here.

  There was just one thing that broke through my wall of fear and through my concerns; if Adam wanted me dead, he would have had countless opportunities to get rid of me easily; just let me die on the roof instead of stepping in. He wouldn’t even have had to get his hands dirty.

  I felt unearthly lucky that I was still breathing—considering that, measured by common means, I wouldn’t stand a chance against his supernatural powers.

  The door clicked open somewhere behind my back. I shrank against the hard front of the shelf like I had been whipped in the face.

  It was Sunday night. The library was supposed to be closed—at least the sign on the door told it explicitly to everyone who came close enough to read it. I hadn’t locked the door behind me. One simple lock was nothing that would hold back the ones chasing me—neither of them. Most likely they would pop up right in front of me and wouldn’t lift more than a finger to produce the deadly strike.

  My breath had reduced to little more than a thin line of air. The water was beginning to dry from my eyes but I didn’t dare blink. I was paralyzed by how much I was at the mercy of the shadow which was drawing nearer in slow steps.

  Within a few more steps he was close enough for me to measure his face. He was standing between the door and me, looking exactly the same as always, except that he wasn’t looking the same at all. For a minute, I searched for what made him look so different. His face was perfectly calm with a hint of strain making his forehead crumple. The collar of his shirt was sprinkled with dirt, the traces of it reaching down to his knees. He looked as if he had laid on the wet ground.

  The madness in his eyes was gone. I could tell as I leaned towards him without thinking.

  Adam didn’t move nor show any other sign he had the intention of attacking me any second. He looked as innocent, as angelic as ever.

  I shuddered involuntarily at the thought of how quickly he would be able to knock me out if he wanted to; it would be so fast.

  The way he kept looking at me, unmoving, made me feel tied to the spot with just his eyes. His features were perfectly calm, but the light-green mirrors between his eyelids began to show first signs of distress. They followed the motion of my breath and I noticed how the air from my lungs came more heavily every time I exhaled under his stare.

  I shrank back into the the shelf, hoping that there would be more space behind my back, and hit my spine on the wooden boards. New tears shot into my reddened eyes. There was a silhouette moving beyond the veil of wet. I blinked to clear my view, and when I could see clearly again, the silhouette was filling my entire field of vision.

  “Adam,” I croaked, unable to put out the scream I felt like throwing at him.

  To my surprise, he flinched at the tone of my voice. I was surprised myself—that I had been able to speak at all.

  “Why are you so scared?” he asked, velvet. It reminded me a lot of the Adam I used to know, the Adam I trusted. I cringed away from him instead of letting him reassure me. Treacherous piece of shit! The voice inside my head and I were in accord for once.

  “Do it!” the scream finally escaped my lips. It carried all the betrayal that was settling inside of me. “Do it, if you have to,” I looked him straight in the eye. “But don’t play with me like a wolf does with a wounded doe!” I took a deep breath and sat straight, ignoring my body screaming as I forced it to straighten. I would die with my head high, eye to eye with my fate.

  Adam lifted his hand slowly enough for my weak eyes to track the movement. It was just a moment though, until it lay at my throat, near my collarbone.

  My skin felt cold where he touched it. I shuddered and shrank back into the wooden boards behind me once more, hurting my sore back even worse.

  “What’s wrong, Claire?” he murmured into the silence of the library. “Why are you so afraid?”

  His hand pressed against my skin harder, pinning me to the spot, and my entire body protested. I felt like vomiting from all the pain and fear I had been going through.

  “It’s me, Adam,” he lured, his eyes glowing softly as he spoke. They didn’t look loving or comforting to me anymore—they looked like a predator’s and I was the crushed prey, the weak animal that was cowering under who it recognized would be its death.

  Once again, he opened his mouth to speak. His hand at my throat loosened its weight, giving me more space to breathe.

  “What happened to you that makes you so afraid of me?” He knelt down beside me and his hand glided down from my throat along my arm to find my hand at the end of it. He squeezed it lightly.

  “I’m sorry I was gone so long,” he apologized. “I should have taken better care of you,” he blamed himself for how I was reacting to him right now; and it was his fault. If he hadn’t tried to kill me half an hour ago—again—I might not be afraid at all. I shuddered and let the sensation extend to my hands, hoping to shake out of his grip.

  “What’s wrong, Claire?” he reacted. “What happened?”

  “Are you honestly asking me this?” I threw at him coldly. I tried to force him back with just the stare of my eyes, fury raging inside me.

  He looked at me defensively and his hand left my skin.

  I shied away to one side, towards the end of the shelf.

  “What have I done to you, that you are afraid of me?” Adam’s voice was the one panicked now, his eyes alarmed and the glowing gone.

  What did he want from me? Why did he torture me by letting me live? Wouldn’t it be a sign of mercy, of the love we had once shared, if he just finished me off?

  He watched me slide farther away from him wordlessly, and then when I had brought some welcome space between us, he popped up right in front of me.

  “You are going to tell me what’s wrong!” he demanded, shouting now. His lips were trembling at the force of the emotions that were filling the room. He looked at me, desperate and full of fear himself.

  “Why don’t you just do it?” I shouted back at him.

  “Do what?” He didn’t stop shouting; he screamed right into my face, shaking my shoulders so hard that my head hit the board behind me again.

  “Kill me! Get on with it and do it!” My words hung heavy in the air between us for a moment; and then Adam was gone. The spot he had been kneeling in was empty and I was staring into the half-light of the library.

&n
bsp; “Kill you—” he said from a few feet away.

  I turned my head to look at him. He looked at me with his mouth gaping, eyes uncomprehending, until after an endless couple of seconds, he blinked and moved his lips.

  “Why would I do that?” His voice sounded truthful and his face looked almost innocent, taken aback by my accusation.

  “You already tried earlier today, remember?” I asked coldly, dreading the moment he would. It was almost schizophrenic the way he had forgotten within minutes that he had intended to kill me. I stared at him, ambivalent whether or not I wanted an answer.

  Adam was frozen for a minute and then he jumped to his feet so quickly that I couldn’t follow the movement.

  “Oh no!” He took a step as if he was intending to pace the room and then he was right in front of me, too quick for my eyes to see. “Damn!” The next moment he was at the other end of the shelf. He kicked the air with one of his feet.

  He hissed and swirled around until he was facing me.

  His eyes were dark with comprehension and his features were formed into a bitter mask.

  He cursed as he walked back down towards me, moving forwards slowly enough for me to suspect he was trying to stretch the time until he had to tell me what was going on as long as possible.

  I had expected anything but this reaction. It made my fear slowly fade into curiosity.

  “What is it, Adam?” I asked before I could swallow back the words.

  Adam took another step and a deep breath before he came to a halt in front of me.

  “I can’t kill you,” he stated.

  I looked at him, still scared, while waiting for more. He looked back at me, his face set into the same mask, his hands balling into fists; but nothing came for a long minute.

  “I must kill you,” he murmured then.

  “What?” I spluttered out before I could help it.

  My heart jumped into my throat and hammered violently.

  I was surprised as Adam let himself sink to the floor in front of me, cross-legged, and opened his mouth.

  “I must kill you,” he said slowly, like he was speaking from a different time, a different world, his eyes growing distant, almost like he was just beginning to comprehend. “They said, I must.”