When You Look at Me (A Pleasant Gap Romance Book 2)

by Pepper Basham

  “Didn’t Matthew have a wife?” Mama sat on a bar stool in her kitchen finishing up the whipped topping for her famous strawberry pie.

  “Yes, but it seems that Marianne’s passiveness made her less of an active presence in Mrs. Wright’s life.”

  “And Matthew needs some motherly guidance, it seems?”

  “Oh dear, yes. Poor guy.” Julia poured the dry ingredients into a large mixing bowl. “I don’t think anyone’s given him practical ways to be involved in his kids’ lives. And it’s not because he doesn’t want to be. It just seems like he doesn’t get it.”

  “And Henry’s job? The one at…at…?”

  “Visionary Studios. It’s perfect for him. You should have seen him in the studio, Mom.” Julia paused her hand against the refrigerator door. He’d been amazing directing the small orchestra. Energized. Creative. “He breathed the music and communicated what he wanted to the orchestra in a way that took the sound to a whole new level.”

  “And he bought you a house?”

  Julia paused on her way back to the counter, eggs and butter in hand. “Why do I feel like you’re trying to lead me somewhere?”

  Mama gestured toward the barstools in the center of the kitchen then took two plates from the cabinet and placed a slice of fresh strawberry pie on each one. Oh, she was even softening the blow with food. This was going to be bad.

  “You’re not here to make a decision, honey. You already know the right one.”

  Julia placed the ingredients on the counter and slid onto the barstool. “What…what do you mean?”

  “Why do you think you’ve struggled so much with coming back? Why all the grief and unrest inside?”

  “Because I had to leave Henry, of course, and for a long time.”

  Mama handed her a fork, brow raised like an accusing finger. “No, because you were running from the right decision into the safe decision.”

  “Mama, I—”

  “Take a bite of that pie and listen a minute.” Mama gestured toward the pie with her fork, the slightest grin upturning one corner of her mouth. “It’s good pie to go along with my good advice.”

  Julia sent her a mock glare as she shoveled in a forkful. Mmm, would she ever be able to replicate this recipe?

  “You’re a smart woman and I know you’ve seen God’s hand guiding you in a very clear direction. Don’t let fear steal the biggest dream of your heart. God has given you the opportunity to start over. To be with a man who loves you. To live the adventure of true love that so few have the opportunity to live. To start your own bed-and-breakfast.”

  The strawberries congealed in her mouth. “But it’s so far away from you. From all of you.”

  “There is nothing here you love that you’ll lose by going to England, but there are things in England you’ll lose by staying here. Precious, God-given things, Julia. Open your eyes and see the possibilities.” Her mama added a dollop of whipped cream on top of Julia’s pie.

  “His family doesn’t even like me.”

  “Oh hush.” Mama’s fork raised to attention again. “From all you’ve said, I think they need you.”

  “Need me?”

  “What if God raised you up in this close, loving family so you’d have the courage, strength, and patience to take the love you know to another place, to show a better way?”

  “I can do that?”

  “It sounds like you already have.” Mama tilted her head, studying Julia with those familiar pale-blue eyes. “Do you love him?”

  Julia’s gaze never wavered. “I do, Mama. He’s one of the best men I’ve ever known.”

  “And do you think he loves you?”

  “I know he does. He shows it in every way.” Her lips softened into a smile. “In the most beautiful ways.”

  Mama placed down her fork and leaned forward, eyes brimming. “Your granny used to say, ‘Those with the greatest potential to fly need the biggest shove from the nest.’ God has something amazing planned for you, Rose, and Henry. You may not be moving to England tomorrow, but today starts the plans for tomorrow. You already know the right choice.”

  Julia’s eyes warmed with tears. “It sounds like you want me to leave.”

  “Girl, I love you more than anything in this world. This family God’s given you…like it or not, we’re your family forever. Our love goes wherever you do, no matter how far.” She cupped Julia’s cheek. “But what kind of mama would I be if I didn't strengthen your wings when I knew you were meant to fly?”

  Julia sniffled and stared down at her partially eaten strawberry pie. Her heart pulsed in time with her mama’s challenge. Yes, she knew the right choice. And the idea twisted every emotion into a battle between fear and faith. A weighing of two different futures. Two different loves.

  Suddenly she stood on the precipice, as if her entire past had been a dream and now she had to choose whether to leap out into the unknown or remain in the dream. Every Sunday school lesson, every sermon on faith swirled to life in her head, nudging her closer to the edge, to trust in the God who loved her enough to hold her future in His hands.

  Did she truly believe what she’d prayed her whole life? Did she trust that all things worked together for her good and God’s glory? That the past wounds and wins, filtered through a loving Father’s hands, led her here?

  She drew in a deep breath and released her fears. There was no mistake. This was the right choice. And yet… Was the right choice supposed to be so terrifying?

  “I…I don’t know if I’m brave enough.”

  “You’re not.” Mama’s smile turned as sweet as mountain honey. “You never will be. But the God who’s written the story of your life is brave enough for you, so you don’t have to carry the courage all by yourself. His love casts out the fear, so you can walk in the adventure He’s called you to walk.”

  She stared at her mother sitting in the same kitchen Julia had grown up loving, eating her famous strawberry pie like she’d done hundreds of times…With a deep breath, her heart skirted to the edge of all she’d known and leapt. The tears came in a hurry, but there was also…peace. An overwhelming and beautiful peace. She’d released the fight to the One who held her future. I’ll go, Lord. Give me your courage.

  Her mama smiled, almost as if she could see inside Julia to the choice she’d made. “Don’t let that pie go to waste, now. It’s one of my best batches.”

  “Every batch is your best, Mama.” Julia sniffled and pressed the fork in for another taste. Julia looked up at her, gaze burning. “You’ll have to call me a lot.”

  “Of course I will.” Mama sat back and picked up her fork. “We can even use that Face-talk thing.”

  Julia laughed and wiped at her eyes. “You mean Facetime?”

  “Right.” Her mama took a bite of the pie. “Whatever it’s called. And just maybe, I’ll finally get your daddy to take me on a big trip somewhere. I’ve always wanted to see England.”

  As if he’d heard his name called, her daddy barreled through the door, fresh from a job site if the sawdust, sweat, and dirt gave any indication. He scanned the counter and his grin spread. “Strawberry pie sounds like just the thing for this hardworking man.” His attention lifted to the two women, then froze, his gaze locked on Julia’s face, his smile taking a downward turn. “What happened?” He rushed forward, his brow darkening into a thundercloud. “Where is he?” He scanned the room. “I’m gonna kill him.”

  Julia stood from the stool and walked over to her dirty, stinky dad. “Henry hasn’t done anything wrong. In fact, he’s been absolutely wonderful.”

  He shifted his attention between them again. “Did somebody die?”

  “No, honey,” Mama answered, shaking her head. “We’ve just been celebrating Julia’s big decision.”

  “Have we?” He pushed a hand through his hair, gaze narrowed. “I have a feeling I ain’t gonna like it.”

  Julia stood taller and, for the first time in two days, her smile brimmed free and certain. “I’ve decided that I’
m moving to England after I finish school in December.”

  His eyes widened, and he looked back at her mother for interpretation. “England?”

  “Yes. To be with Henry.”

  His brow puckered. “But that’s plumb across the world.”

  “I know, Daddy.” Julia sighed. “But it’s where I’m supposed to be. With Henry.”

  “What’d I tell you?” He raised a finger to his wife, eyes narrowed. “I said these fancy boys would steal my girls away, and that’s exactly what they’ve done. Good for nothin’, music-lovin’, pretty talkin’—”

  Julia wrapped her arms around her dad’s shoulders and pressed a kiss to his cheek, stopping his tirade. “I love you, Daddy.”

  “I don’t like this at all, and I ain’t afraid to say so.” His grumble lost some of its fight.

  “No matter where I am, I love you.” She gave him another peck and backed toward the door. “And now I need to go. I’ve gotta call Henry. He needs to know, and I left my phone back at the apartment.”

  “Leave Rosie here, since she’s napping, and come on back after you’ve talked to your fella.” Mama waved her back toward the stool. “But wait, would you take this extra strawberry pie to Amy on your way.” Mama stepped to the refrigerator. “I baked it for the party she’s having tonight.”

  “Of course.” Julia breathed deeply of the peace. She even giggled. “Oh my goodness, I feel so much better.”

  “Why is it then that I feel worse?” Dad grumbled, but not without the hint of a smile…and maybe a glistening eye or two.

  She grabbed him in another hug, pressing her face close to his ear. “I’ll teach Rose how to play American football. I promise.”

  His thick arms wrapped around her. “That’s my girl.”

  She clung to his deep love, shown even in his little protective diatribe. “Thanks for raising me to be strong enough to dream big, and brave enough to trust God with those dreams.”

  He grunted something unintelligible, then stepped back, wiping at his eyes and keeping his head down. “Well, now. I’d better go wash this dirt off.” He cleared his throat and gestured toward the plates. “But I expect some celebration pie when I get back, you hear? After all, I’m the one who taught Twinkle Toes how to use a hammer.”

  “We hear you loud and clear, honey.” Mama grinned at Julia as Daddy disappeared down the hallway. “You might not need Facetime to hear your daddy talkin’ from across the ocean, Julia. We’ll just have him open a window and yell for you.”

  Julia’s smile slipped into a much-needed laugh.

  “I heard that!” Daddy called.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  Julia pulled up in front of the bakery to dash in with the pie and grab her phone before heading back to her parents’ house. Her vintage floral belted dress swayed around her in the warm June air, the scent of rain chasing away some of the afternoon heat and promising a damp evening. She loved the smell of rain. Balancing the pie in one hand, she closed the car door with a hip bump, then hunted for her apartment key as she approached the bakery entrance.

  She’d thought about her conversation with her mother on the fifteen-minute drive to town, and all the signposts God had used to point her in the direction of England and Henry suddenly blazed clear. Selling the bakery had freed her from that responsibility. Her aunt’s inheritance gave her financial independence. A final semester of school? The house Henry bought? His job? The way she’d interacted with Matthew and his kids, even Henry’s mother? When seen through the lens of the right decision, God’s fingerprints appeared everywhere.

  Oh, she couldn’t wait to tell Henry. She reached for the bakery door. He was going to be so—

  “Allow me to assist you.”

  Her forward momentum came to a grinding halt.

  She knew that voice….and nearly dropped the pie on the sidewalk as she spun around to find the source. Henry walked down the sidewalk toward her, his hair rumpled and waving in different directions, just as she liked best. A few tousles of the wind only improved the view.

  His approach, his gaze, held her in suspension. No smile, only a look of riveting intensity, refusing to let go of her.

  “You…you’re here?”

  “Yes.” He reached for the pie, his gaze searching hers, asking questions she actually knew the answers to now. “I…I had to see you. We need to talk.”

  “I was getting ready to call you.”

  He sent her a look over his shoulder as he placed the pie down on one of the café-style tables outside the bakery. “Were you?”

  She failed to subdue her smile. “Like you said, we need to talk.”

  He stepped back to her, clearing his throat. “I’ve…I’ve quit my job.”

  The newfound smile slipped right off her face. “What?”

  “I don’t want to wait three years to start a life with you.” He took one of her hands in his. “Distance? Time? I have a choice about whether those things separate us, and I won’t let them.” Tears glistened in his eyes, cementing her decision even more. “I’ll work at Visionary until they find a replacement, but my plan is to be here no later than October.”

  Henry Wright was definitely worth the leap. “No, Henry. I can’t let you do that.”

  He ran a hand through his hair, upsetting it even more “I must. You and Rose, well, you’re my family, you see?”

  “Your family?” she whispered, braiding one hand through his, bringing him closer.

  “Or that’s what I’d like us to be.” His words trailed into a whisper, gaze searching hers. “I feel this…lostness without you near, Julia, and we don’t have to live that way.”

  She stepped within the frame of his arms and relinquished her past. “You’re not the one who’s been lost. I am.” Her admittance loosened the rest of her confession, bringing freedom with it. “Too lost and afraid to leap into the unknown. From the moment I stepped into your world, I knew down deep I was supposed to be there with you, but that…that truth seemed too scary, too…big for me.”

  His brow crinkled with adorable confusion. “What…what are you saying?”

  She swallowed through the mixture of emotions gathering in her throat. “We’re your family.” Her palm came to rest against his chest, over his heart as new tears stung her eyes. Oh, how she loved this man. “And families need to dream together on the same continent, don’t you think?”

  He tilted his head, still uncertain.

  “Besides, you said it yourself. Your gorgeous house is much too big for a bachelor, so you probably need a family and a budding bed-and-breakfast owner to fill it, right?”

  His jaw unhinged and those beautiful eyes of his widened as comprehension woke in his expression. “You…Rose…England?”

  “If…if the offer’s still available, that is.” Her teeth skimmed over her bottom lip to contain her smile. What do you give the man you love? His dream. “We wouldn’t be able to move until after I graduate, but, if—”

  Air, carrying a strange cross between a sob and a laugh, burst out of him. He cradled her face in his hands and pulled her against him, his lips finding hers without hesitation. She laughed against his lips, her hands slipping around his waist to tug him close, basking in the ability to offer him some tiny piece of the joy he’d given her.

  “Are you certain?” His raw voice raked the question out on a whisper. “You’ll…you’ll marry me?” He blinked and stumbled through a nervous laugh. “I…I mean, will you marry me?”

  She gave a one-shoulder shrug. “That’s how I’ve always envisioned a family.”

  Another sob-laugh burst out of him, and he tugged her back against him, caressing away any remaining doubts with a sweet lip-on-lip celebration. Her palms spread up his back, his taste, his touch the only ones she wanted to remember for the rest of her life.

  His lips spread into a smile against hers, which then turned into a chuckle. He shook his head and stared at her, searching her face as if he didn’t quite believe she’d said what she had. “You’re
going to move to England? Marry me?” He rested his forehead against hers. “I…I don’t have words.”

  “When words are not enough…” She raised a brow. “Music?”

  He grinned that pressed smile she loved so much, the one holding laughter behind his eyes. “There is no instrument in the world to do justice to the music in my heart, dove.” He brushed a hand through her hair, the look in his eyes stamped on her memory forever. “I’ll take care of you and Rose with my whole heart. As long as you’ll keep me.”

  “Oh, I’m definitely keeping you.” She framed his face with her hands and settled her lips rather wonderfully against his in a lingering fermata-moment. His arms encapsulated her, a gentle circle of protection, love, and friendship—a promise for their future. This was home. “Today and forever. Yours.”

  Acknowledgements

  What a journey! Without a doubt, this has been one of the most difficult books I’ve ever written, so maybe that’s why I love it all the more. There’s a sweetness and joy to Henry and Julia’s story that I hope encourages people to see the bigness of God’s love and the truth that His dreams for us are always more amazing than ours could ever be for ourselves.

  As always, I am not a lone ranger in the development of this story. There’s an entire village of people from encouragers to editors who helped bring Henry and Julia’s story to the printed page.

  First and foremost, I’d like to thank editors Marisa Deshaies and Katie Donovan for your amazing work on this story and your love for me. Your patience and kindness mean so much—and it’s just a bonus that you guys fell in love with Henry and Julia too. Katie, I’m so thankful your musical wisdom is boundless.

  Rachel McMillan, thank you for being the first person who fell in love with Henry and championed his heroism. He is extremely thankful for your faith in him, as am I.