Forced Silence

by Vered Cohen Wisotzki

  They were not alone for long, as Doron opened the door, his eyes wide and wild.

  “Whoa! Get your hands off my wife!” Doron barked at Daniel.

  Galia disentangled herself from Daniel’s grip. She put a hand on his chest, gently pushing him back.

  “Daniel, just go. Good night.”

  “Yeah, it’s time to get the hell out of here,” Doron raged, the blood draining from his face.

  “Good night, Galia. I’ll see you tomorrow. Doron.” Daniel, unimpressed by Doron’s appearance, nodded and made his way to the elevator. He had no intention of apologizing. He knew that Doron was too proud to make a scene here, at the door of the apartment.

  “When did you get here?” Galia asked, both embarrassed and angry, as she pushed past Doron and stepped over the threshold.

  “A couple of minutes ago. Lucky for me, or I would’ve found the two of you fucking in our bed,” he shot back with unaccustomed cynicism.

  Galia slapped him, and the pain brought him back to his senses.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured. He had been angry and was clearly exhausted.

  She regarded him sadly, knowing that he hadn’t meant to erupt. “Daniel,” she explained, “was just escorting me home. Which he wouldn’t have needed to do, had you shown up. And why didn’t you? Everyone asked me where you were… They all wanted to see you. You know, it wouldn’t hurt you to get a little air. You might even enjoy it.”

  They walked into the living room and Doron sat down, running his hand through his hair. “I’m not sure I would enjoy it. I didn’t come to the party because I was stuck at the office. I was waiting for a ballistics report. I’m right in the middle of a case—”

  “As usual,” she hurled at him, grimacing.

  She knew that his case was a murder which had rocked the country. Doron had volunteered to help the team investigating the assassination of a judge near his home. The investigation was very important, but…

  Galia gritted her teeth and entered the bedroom, slipping out of her dress. Doron followed her and reached out to embrace her apologetically, but she pulled away and put on her sleepwear.

  “You know that I’m doing my best.” The tone of his voice was contrite.

  “Really? Then you should you know that your best isn’t good enough. You should have been there,” she replied angrily.

  Doron looked down, trying to avoid a fight. Galia stood before him, at a loss. The suffocation in her throat was unbearable, but so were the repeated disappointments.

  “Listen, Doron, I think — believe me, it’s not easy for me to say this — I think we’ve reached the end of the road. There’s no point in our living together anymore.” Her voice had dropped to a whisper; she hoped that he hadn’t heard her.

  “Gali, you’re speaking nonsense.” Doron approached her, unable to believe his ears.

  She pulled away from him swiftly. If he touched her, she might forget her anger and the decision she had arrived at when the party ended and she realized Doron was incapable of standing by her.

  “Doron, you’ve broken… you’ve shattered me. It’s clear to me that your work will always come first; I, our family, will always be a distant second. If that’s your choice, so be it. You are the one who has to live with it. But that’s not my choice. I don’t have to live like this. I can’t save our marriage alone, and I’m so sick and tired of waiting for you and always being disappointed.” Her voice broke.

  “But how can you feel alone when I love you so much?” Once again, he moved towards her, trying to stroke her hair.

  “That’s what make this harder. You know, flowers are nice, but I need you to look at me, to touch me, to be with me. Your love doesn’t do anything for me when I fall asleep alone, doesn’t help me with… with…” She fought the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes.

  Doron approached her and held her. “Gali, that’s not what you really want. Forget it, you’re just exhausted now. Let’s discuss this in the morning.” She let him hug her, but then turned away.

  “There’s nothing to talk about, Doron. There will always be some crisis or another for you at work. They’re threatening the Internal Security Minister now. Tomorrow there will be some other crime, and you’ll always want to take part in investigating the most appalling of them. It’ll never stop. You make your own decisions, and your priorities are totally different from mine. I’ve got nothing to add. I would rather live alone, without the expectation and without the disappointment.” She pulled her hand away from his and went into the bathroom.

  She closed the lid of the toilet and sat down, quietly bursting into tears. She heard Doron puttering around in their bedroom. She waited for silence, for a sign that he had gone to sleep. Only then did she come out. The room was empty. She searched the apartment for Doron, but when she couldn’t find him, she realized that he had left.

  Four months had passed since then.

  Chapter Two

  Once Galia had made clear, over the following days, that she would not be changing her mind, Doron had gathered his possessions and moved back to his apartment in Kfar Saba, which had been left empty after the move to Haifa.

  In the meantime, they had not even broached the topic of the future of their relationship, as whenever Doron tried to, Galia found an excuse to avoid such a discussion. She knew that their relationship would end conclusively only in divorce, but she could not accept this fact. Instead, they spoke only about their daughter Shir, utterly ignoring their feelings. Today it was Doron’s day to visit, but he had cancelled — and it was hardly the first time he had done so.

  Galia parked near the restaurant and picked up her bag, but her cell phone interrupted her.

  Seeing that Doron was calling, she hesitated. Was it worth it? Finally, she sighed and picked up. “Yes?”

  “Gali?” he began softly.

  “Yeah, Doron, what is it?” She could not bear another disappointing conversation with him.

  “I managed to reschedule my meeting at HQ. I’m on my way to Haifa now. I’ll pick up Shir from kindergarten.”

  Her hand trembled. “Great, I’m glad to hear it. That’s wonderful,” she replied, while she thought: I love you.

  “Did you say something?” Doron wondered.

  “No! Nothing, let’s talk later.” She wanted the conversation to end. She didn’t want to give Doron an opportunity to get to her, as he always attempted.

  “Gali?” he insisted.

  “C’mon, Doron, what is it?” she demanded impatiently.

  “I really miss you.”

  “Doron,” she begged, “please don’t do this now.”

  “Why not? You know how I feel. We have to speak. Today.”

  “About what, Doron? There’s nothing to talk about. Nothing has changed, as far as I’m concerned, and nothing will change when it comes to you. I like my life now. I want it to stay as is,” she lied and hung up.

  Daniel was waiting in the restaurant impatiently. As he saw her enter, he stood up. Before she could sit down, he moved in to kiss her on the cheek delicately. Many eyes turned in their direction. After all, Galia was well-known locally.

  She was acutely aware of the whispers among their fellow diners. According to the scuttlebutt, they were already having an affair, which had been the cause of her separation from Doron.

  She pulled her chair up to the table, once again regretting that she had not arrived first, as Daniel always picked a table in an isolated corner of the restaurant. Such behavior could only intensify the lascivious rumors about them.

  “You’re late,” he said accusatorily, but she knew her smile would assuage his ire.

  “Yeah, Doron caught me on the phone as I was leaving the office, so I was delayed.” She didn’t want to speak about Doron, so she signaled to the waiter to come over.

  They discussed work matters, in
particular a number of the articles in the next edition of Our Haifa, due out in four days. Galia’s cell phone rang; she looked at the number, hoping it wasn’t Doron.

  “Yes, Yael?”

  “Galia, Nahum called. He got a message earlier that someone has spray-painted graffiti on Zucker’s gate. He’s on his way there.” Member of Knesset Raanan Zucker was a prominent politician who lived in Haifa.

  “Thanks, keep me posted,” Galia stated.

  Daniel looked at her questioningly.

  “I guess the article in Yediot Ahronoth did its thing. Did you see how it presented photos of all the MKs for and against the Disengagement?”

  “Yeah, I caught that this morning.”

  “It sounds like there are already some reactions to the piece, right here in Haifa. Someone graffitied MK Zucker’s gate with ‘Jews don’t expel Jews.’ You know he lives here, in the Carmel Quarter.”

  “C’mon.” Shrugged Daniel. “What do you expect? After that Knesset vote, it’s not like things were going to cool down.”

  They were right. The headlines screamed in print while the newsmagazines on television featured public figures and private citizens shouting at each other, representing every band of the political rainbow. Ferocious demonstrations had been taking place for months outside the Knesset, as well as the homes of various military and police officials. Orange was the color of those who opposed the proposed Disengagement from the whole of the Gaza Strip and from parts of northern Samaria in the West Bank, and the country was a sea of orange: ribbons, posters, T-shirts. Rabbis from the settlements in Gaza and Samaria did not hesitate to express their views openly, even calling for a citizen revolt to stop the national suicide attempt.

  “Hey, it was only last week that we had that piece on the bodyguards MKs are being assigned. In my opinion — and it’s scary to think this — the GSS just isn’t up to the task, not 100%.” She was convinced she was right.

  Daniel looked at her. “I totally agree. I’m scared too. What if someone decides — on his own or not — that he can set the country on a new course?”

  “Yeah, all we need is one nut job, and all the plans go to shit.” A cloud passed over her face. She then shook her head and looked down at her plate.

  They ate in silence for a few moments.

  “Nut job — that’s the perfect word,” he agreed, trying to catch her eye.

  “But the truth is… I get it. I get what they’re going through. It’s not easy to leave your home, to leave the land. They all share an ideology, a deep connection to the land. Still, we can’t ignore how some of them think they can get what they want politically by threatening the government. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about.” She stopped suddenly, afraid she’d revealed too much.

  Daniel looked her in the face, trying to puzzle out the meaning of her words. “I also think that things can get out of control, definitely. The things they’re saying about the prime minister… it reminds me of nine years ago, when most ignored what they were saying about Rabin, and we all know what happened then…” He had no doubt that the country was about to explode again.

  “The problem is that in the past nine years, the extreme right has only gotten stronger and more entrenched. There is a gap between us and them, and I’m not sure it can be bridged. I heard that the Yehuda Palace organization is organizing a huge youth protest outside the Knesset. Those guys there in Judea and Samaria, in Gaza, they know what they’re doing. The media cannot ignore a demonstration with young children. By the way, do we want to send someone there to cover it? Imagine it: little kids at the demonstration, waving signs — it should be quite the attraction…”

  “Yeah, right? Pictures of kids sell papers, no?” he asked, but he didn’t really wait for an answer.

  The waiter approached them and asked if everything was to their satisfaction. They nodded and continued eating.

  Galia’s cell phone rang again. It was Nahum. He had made it to Zucker’s home, and he had watched as the police attempted to disperse lookie-loos. The bystanders had started to split into pro- and anti-Disengagement crowds, chanting slogans and waving signs.

  Galia and Daniel continued to discuss work as they finished their meal, and afterwards they set out for the newsroom.

  The streets of Haifa were teeming with people and vehicles, with signs appearing here and there, usually at intersections, featuring pro- and anti-Disengagement slogans. Galia grimaced. Haifa was a city built on coexistence and diversity, but it had recently become a political hotbed, with surprisingly extremist views expressed regularly. When Palestinian Authority head Arafat had died a few weeks earlier, the honks were audible throughout the city. The city itself was crisscrossed with different religions, ethnicities and creeds. Still, she hoped that it could remain relatively quiet, at least compared to the tinderbox of Jerusalem, the capital. She hoped as much, but deep down she knew there was no chance.

  When she arrived home in the late afternoon, she felt drained. She shut off her cell phone and disconnected the landline. She muttered to herself: “To hell with the world…”

  She stood in the living room, wondering if she had enough time to shower before Doron and Shir arrived. For a moment, she sat down on the sofa and sighed. The memories she’d been considering all morning washed over her, leaving her feeling tired and alone. Should she turn on the television and chase away her melancholy thoughts?

  She was about to when her gaze fell upon a framed photograph on the sideboard, a picture of her with Shir and Doron. She stared at it. Shir was so much like Doron, in appearance and in personality. Her black hair and blue eyes reminded Galia of Doron every day, so much so that Galia’s longing for Doron never wavered, despite her many attempts to ignore the feelings. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to quell the sadness which pierced her heart.

  She fell into a troubled sleep, only to be awakened by the shrieking of sirens passing in the distance.

  Trying to avoid her earlier thoughts, she went into the bathroom and ran herself a bath. She sank into the warm water and the intoxicating scent of the soap, utterly absorbed in the sensory experience, keeping thoughts of anything else at bay.

  In her dream, a noise disturbed her. When she opened her eyes, Doron was in the doorway, looking at her with his distinctive gaze.

  “I missed seeing you fall asleep in the bathtub.” His look said everything.

  “Very funny,” Galia shot back. “Now can you give me a towel? I don’t even know what you’re doing here.”

  “Oh, we got back a half-hour ago, from seeing a movie. I saw the lights on in here and thought you were taking a shower. So I got Shir ready for bed, and then I waited for you. Then I started to worry. Sometimes you fall asleep in the shower. I wanted to make sure everything was all right. I called your name a couple of times, but you didn’t answer.” As he gave his explanation, he kept his eyes fixed on her.

  “Huh, I guess I did doze off. But as you can see, I’m fine. You can go.” She stepped out of the bath and into the towel Doron had handed her, ignoring his glances.

  She went into the bedroom, thinking about her bizarre situation. Today especially, she needed to keep her distance. With all the reminiscing she’d been doing, she was too emotionally raw.

  But Doron followed her as she went to get some clothing. “You are so beautiful,” he said, drawing close enough to her that she could feel his heartbeat. His blue eyes surveyed her body, stopping at her lips. She looked at him, barely breathing.

  He stroked her bare neck. She closed her eyes for a moment, her mouth dry and her whole body trembling. His hand made its way between her shoulder blades, sending an electric charge through every inch of her body. She wet her lips, seeing the hungry look in his eyes. She knew she had to stop before the point of no return.

  “Doron, enough. My day’s been hard enough, crazy, as is.” She pulled away from him.

 
; But he insisted. “Gali, we have to talk.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about, Doron,” she replied. “Really, we have no future together.” She swallowed, afraid that Doron would believe her.

  Her underwear drawer stubbornly refused to open, and Galia cursed her weakness silently. Doron was directly behind her. He grasped the towel around her body, preparing to remove it.

  “Yes, we do. I heard you on the phone today, even if you thought you were talking to yourself.”

  “What are you talking about?” Galia asked, feeling her face burn. She tried to put some distance between them, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. His lips hovered lightly over the nape of her neck. Galia groaned and tried to free herself from his grip.

  “Doron, please. Leave me the hell alone. Just go,” she pleaded, shaking all over.

  “I could never leave you,” he whispered an inch from her ear. “We belong to each other.”

  He turned her around, looking deeply into her eyes, challenging her. His lips landed on hers, and the last of her resistance drained out of her. Her hands freely and unhesitatingly moved to his hair, as she released a trapped moan. Her towel dropped from her body, and a tremor ran through her body, wiping away all doubt as to the wave of passion sweeping over her.

  Doron lifted her to the bed they had shared. He lay her there gently and stood over her, looking at her with questioning eyes.

  “You’re trembling,” he observed, his voice raw as he shuddered as well.

  She tried to offer a word of protest, but her voice betrayed her. Doron leaned towards her, and without even thinking about it, her fingers jumped to undo the buttons on his shirt. Her body betrayed her as well, as she writhed with yearning under his naked body. His hands gripped her upper thigh, pulling her tightly against his cock.

  “You’re so beautiful, I missed you so much, I missed this…” Doron whispered passionately.