Reckoning (Sacrifical Duet Book 1)

by Riley Ashby

  “How long do we have to watch him?”

  “At least through the night. Hopefully by the morning, he’ll be okay. He took more than he did last time.”

  I turned, pulling my knees underneath me on the mattress, and watched the gentle rise and fall of Meyer’s chest. He snored softly, but other than that, his breath seemed to come easy. “I’ll watch him.”

  “You were planning to murder him earlier tonight. I’m not leaving you alone with him.”

  Good point.

  “I also called you to save his life.”

  “Yeah. You did.”

  I didn’t turn to look at him. I didn’t want to see whatever look he was giving me, the judgmental scowl or the prying eyes I knew he wore. I couldn’t explain my actions to myself, let alone anyone else. Meyer’s fingers rested on my uninjured palm, and I wrapped my fingers through his gently. He squeezed my hand and shifted, rolling toward me onto his side.

  “I’m staying either way. You do what you want.”

  I stretched along the bed next to Meyer, staring at his closed eyelids. They fluttered open momentarily, and he smiled. “Thanks for not murdering me,” he slurred softly.

  “Aren’t you mad I stopped your suicide attempt?”

  “Nah.” He squeezed my hand. “Because you stopped it.”

  What had happened the night he brought me back here? I’d been so out of my mind with pain that I didn’t remember much after he dumped me on the floor, half naked with my hands bound. He’d been so pleased during the car ride.

  “I still hate you.” I whispered the words quietly, so Joshua wouldn’t hear.

  He snuggled closer to me, head against my chest. “Whatever you say.”

  I didn’t speak again, afraid of what words would come out of my mouth. I counted his breaths, the time between breaths, and touched his chest or neck occasionally to feel the strength of his pulse. His hand grew warm in mine until he pulled it free to move to his back. I tucked my hands underneath my pillow and stared at him until my eyes began to droop. Turning my head one last time, I spied Joshua in the corner, sitting upright in a chair and looking entirely awake. He nodded at me once, and I let my eyes fall closed for good.

  Meyer

  I felt surprisingly healthy the next morning except for my headache, but when I opened my eyes and looked at the side of the bed, I saw an IV in my hand.

  “It’s just saline and nutrients. Should help with the hangover.” I rolled my head the other way to see Joshua sitting near the door. My mouth opened to speak, but he answered my question before I could ask it. “She’s outside. Said she didn’t want to be here when you woke up.”

  I took a deep breath and rubbed my forehead with a free hand. “Can I have some painkillers?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “Just some—”

  “No. Your liver doesn’t need any more stress.”

  A hangover was a small price to pay for a suicide attempt—at least I wasn’t in the hospital—but I didn’t want him to know that. “I don’t pay you to be an asshole to me.”

  “No, you pay me to keep you alive.”

  “Maybe I should give Madeline a salary, then.” I closed my eyes again. The only good thing about waking up from a sleep I thought would last forever was seeing her hovering over me.

  “You certainly owe her something. You’d only been under for a couple of minutes when she found you.”

  I pursed my lips, trying to remember what happened before I downed the pills. My finger on her scar, her arm shifting beneath the pillow. Her bloody palm.

  Wait a second.

  My eyes flew open. “Was she going to kill me?”

  “That’s what she said. Sliced up her hand with a piece of that broken plate she held back. I can’t figure out why she didn’t just keep her mouth shut when she found you.”

  The light was slanting through the slats in the blinds; I held up a hand to shield my eyes. “Can you close that?”

  With a heavy sigh, he stood and walked to the window, shrouding me in blessed dark once more. “Dr. Yang left, said you’d be fine. He left some more antidepressants. Took the oxy with him, though.”

  Fuck. Talk about unintended consequences. Well, I hadn’t expected to make it through the night, after all. “I’m not taking those fucking head pills.”

  “I already forced one down your throat while you slept.”

  Goddamn meddling son of a bitch bodyguard. “How did that not wake me up?”

  “You were drunk as hell. You deserve this hangover.”

  I shuffled and pushed myself up to sitting, the angry buzzing in my head growing stronger with each passing second. Joshua made no move to help me, not that I wanted his assistance. I’d lost enough face for one day. “Go get Madeline.”

  “Get her yourself.”

  “When did you get so fucking mouthy?”

  “When you turned into a dickless coward.”

  I glared. “You’re supposed to be nice to me, you know. I’m your boss. There’s a fucking power saw running through my brain, my father still wants to destroy me, and Maddie—” I cut myself off and rubbed my forehead.

  “What about Maddie? You almost left her to your father. Did you really think I could have kept her away from him? He wouldn’t have let her go. He would have assumed she killed you.”

  He was right. It was a stupid plan for multiple reasons. I gritted my teeth and pulled the IV needle from my hand, then swung my feet to the floor. Sending every last ounce of strength to my thighs, I rose to my feet and stumbled to the bathroom.

  The warm water helped my aching body and throbbing head somewhat, but I didn’t have much energy. I went through the motions of brushing my teeth and towel-drying my hair, and when I went back into the bedroom, Joshua was gone. I took more time than necessary to choose my clothes. When I walked to the kitchen, Joshua was sliding eggs and bacon onto a plate. I sat to eat, expecting more conversation, but he didn’t speak. I had to break the silence.

  “Where is she?”

  “With the horse. She ate earlier.”

  I sighed. I hated that fucking animal. “I’m going to talk to her.” Shoveling the last bite of food into my mouth, I pushed back from the table. I felt much steadier on my feet and less likely to keel over, though my head still felt like it was going to fall off my shoulders at any moment. Maybe I could find ibuprofen stashed away somewhere.

  “Good luck.” He leaned back in his chair, folding the newspaper to work on the crossword. “I’ll be here.”

  She was standing in the middle of the field with the horse on a lead, directing her to run in circles. I leaned against the fence as close as I could get, still a fair distance from the horse. “Where did you learn to do that?”

  “I didn’t lie around pining for you when you disappeared for a week. I kept busy.” She kept her eyes on the horse, never looking at me once.

  “Can you come here?”

  She kept the horse moving for a few more rounds, then released her. She walked toward me slowly, almost unintentionally. Swinging a leg up, she climbed the fence and sat atop it next to me. She dragged a hand across her forehead, wiping away the light sheen of sweat she’d built up. Her eyes focused on the horizon, and she still refused to look at me. “How do you feel?”

  “Better, now that I’ve eaten.” I paused, giving her room to speak again, but she didn’t. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

  “Me too.”

  “How’s your hand?”

  She extended her arm and peeled back the corner of the bandage covering her palm; the skin was red and swollen, but it looked clean. “Hurts a bit. I’m lucky, though. Dr. Yang said it could have been worse.”

  “A lot of things could have been worse.”

  She finally turned to look at me. I tried to hold her gaze but had to look away to swat at a fly. Fucking horse.

  “Tell me what was in the letter.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair. “I’ll tell you someday. Not today.”
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  The exhale of her breath was like a bomb going off. “You’re insufferable.”

  “Why is everyone being so nasty to me? I tried to kill myself last night, remember?”

  The joke did nothing to elevate her mood, and her glare immediately chastised me. “I could slap you, Meyer.”

  “For not finishing the job?” I would have thought she’d be happy to see me go. The note I left instructed Joshua to take her away and keep her safe from my father, then attempt to reunite her with her parents. There’d been more, words I left for her, but since he’d destroyed the letter without showing them to her, I doubted she would ever know. “Keep Joshua from shoving those pills down my throat, and I’m sure I’ll be out of your hair in a few weeks. I’ll get more oxy from Shawn.”

  “My God, Meyer, it’s not that!” I started at her harsh tone and looked at her, but she was focused on something in the distance. “You tried to leave me! What did you expect me to do with you gone?”

  She’d said that last night, too. I hadn’t known what it meant then, but I thought I did now. I stepped a few feet to the side, placing my hands on her knees. With my eyes trained on hers, I pushed her legs apart, stepping into the space that opened up before me. Her breath quickened slightly, chest heaving as her pupils widened. I ran my hands up her legs to her waist, wrapping them around her back. She put her hands on my biceps, holding me back, tears balanced precariously in her eyes.

  “You didn’t even write me a note! I would have never known what your last words were. I wouldn’t have had anything left of you.” She tried to push me away, but I held onto her. My own blood I could have handled, but this anguish bleeding out of her was more than I could cope with.

  “I thought I was doing what was best,” I whispered. A tear fell from her eye. I reached up to wipe it away. “But you wouldn’t like that, would you?”

  She dropped her head, breaking our eye contact. “I don’t know what I want anymore, Meyer.”

  I still felt weak, but I pulled her toward me, her legs dropping to the ground and head falling to my shoulder as she wrapped her arms around my neck. My hands stroked her back soothingly, running over that scar that had fascinated me so much the night before.

  “We can’t keep doing this.”

  “It’s just us out here,” I said, my voice low. I let my chin fall onto her shoulder. “No one can see us.”

  She stiffened. “That’s not the point.”

  “I won’t tell anyone,” I emphasized. She didn’t reply.

  My hands felt goose bumps beneath her shirt. It didn’t feel that cold to me, but I never tended to notice unless it was warm. Instead of seeking to balance its temperature with warmth, my skin always seemed to want equilibrium with the cool air. I rubbed her skin with my thumbs. Slowly, I felt her skin smooth underneath my hands. Her shoulders relaxed, and she raised her head and let her cheek touch mine.

  “It could be like this all the time,” I said.

  She was quiet for a minute. “Only if we stayed right here forever.”

  I turned my head, burying my nose in the dark hair tucked behind her ear. I smelled vanilla and cinnamon as if she had been baking. “I won’t apologize for keeping you. You were always meant to be mine.”

  She opened her mouth as if to argue, then changed her mind at the last second and tucked her face against my shoulder. The horse knickered softly as it approached the fence where we stood, then began grazing. I closed my eyes and let the world fall away for a few minutes.

  This was the peace I’d been seeking when I locked myself in the bathroom. When I thought I smelled her shampoo right before I faded away, it was really her coming in to rescue me. I was mad to think I could exist anywhere without this woman. We were bound at the soul, even if she didn’t know it. I owned her. I was keeping her.

  But this would never be a fairy tale. Maybe she was finally disabused of that notion for good, even as she held me like she wanted this moment to last forever. Her fingernails cut into my back, and I leaned into the pain, knowing it was all that awaited us no matter how we moved forward. Conrad would always be there. Our pasts would always intersect in the most violent way. I could keep her close, I could possess her, but she would only be mine. I would never be hers. Because I would never allow her to know me well enough for that to happen. Last night had been as close as we could come.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, breaking our reverie. She stepped back from me as if awoken from a dream, bumping into the fence and startling the horse.

  “It’s Shawn,” I muttered. “Fuck.” It was still a weekday. Everyone would be wondering why I wasn’t at work.

  He was already speaking when I brought the phone to my ear. “You have to get in here immediately. Your father is on the war path. I’m trying to cover for you, but I don’t know how much longer I can put him off.”

  “I’m on my way,” I snapped, grabbing Madeline by the arm and pulling her after me back to the house. “Tell him I was up late getting laid, that should make him happy.” Madeline gasped behind me, and I ignored the way it pierced my heart. “Push any meetings back to eleven o’clock. I’ll go through emails on the way in.”

  Joshua was still sitting in the kitchen, the crossword barely worked. No doubt he’d been watching us. I pushed Madeline into a chair. “I’m driving myself to the office.” They both protested, even Madeline as she rubbed her arm where I’d held her, but I cut them off. “I might be late tonight. Do not let her outside unchaperoned again.” With a final glare at them both, I returned to my room to change in such a hurry that I put on two different colored socks and had to catch my breath while I sought out a matching pair. When I emerged minutes later in my normal suit, Madeline and Joshua hushed their conversation.

  “I expect you to find better things to discuss while I’m away than my behavior. You’re both being too dramatic. I’m alive, I’m walking, and I’m going to work.” I couldn’t look at them. I grabbed my wallet and keys, then my laptop bag. “I’ll be back late.”

  “You said that already.”

  I glared at Madeline, but she wasn’t taunting me. In her words was an unspoken request, an appeal that spoke to me through her chocolate eyes. Don’t go. Stay here. Rest. Talk to me.

  It was almost enough to make me stay.

  But not quite.

  Meyer

  I scrolled through my emails at every red light, typing out half-assed replies, and by the time I pulled into the parking garage at the office building, I’d made enough of an effort to disguise the fact that I’d gotten drunk the night before and swallowed a handful of pills. Keeping my head down, I powered through the lobby, kicked everyone out of the elevator, and rode to the top floor with no interruptions. I blew past my assistant without saying hello and slammed the door to my office shut. Finally, I could take a deep breath. But the exhale caught in my throat as I saw who was sitting in my chair.

  The leather creaked as my harrasser walked around the desk and across the short carpet to me. Stopping only inches away, Eva Sheppard raised her arms and embraced me.

  I froze in place, back stiff as a board as the small woman held me tight.

  “I’ve missed you, little lamb.” She sighed as if relieved to hold me in her arms. As if she wasn’t the one who let me go in the first place.

  My mouth opened to confront her, tell her not to call me that, but she leaned back to look at me as she stroked my face.

  “You’re not doing very well, are you?”

  I rolled my shoulders, shrugging off her touch. “I’m doing just fine. You should worry about yourself. How did you get in here?”

  There was no mirth in her smile. “I learned a lot of things in the years I lived in your home. One of them was how to move around unseen. I’ll be all right.”

  I brushed past her to my desk, facing the windows that looked over the city to try to gather my breath. “I’m not giving her back.”

  “You never were very good at sharing.”

  “You have no say in
such things anymore.” Feeling composed enough to turn around, I sat heavily in my chair. I pulled my laptop out of my bag, but I couldn’t bring myself to open it. “I’m busy here, Eva. Say what you have to say and get out.”

  She sat in the chair on the opposite side of my desk, looking for all her bravado as if she would break at any moment. She was thinner than I remembered, not that I’d seen her in years.

  “Is my daughter all right, Meyer?” Her voice cracked on the word daughter, but she quickly swallowed and regained her composure. “I need to know if she’s okay.”

  “She’s fine.” My throbbing headache had nothing to do with my hangover and everything to do with my clenched jaw. The anxiety I’d staved off so far this morning was flooding my senses too fast for me to handle. Darkness nipped at the edges of my vision. My stomach turned as if ready to collapse at any moment. I had to get her out of here.

  “Will you give her something for me?”

  Surprised at the request, I looked up to see her holding forth two envelopes. The one I could see had Madeline’s name printed on top, a heart drawn around the name. “Who’s the second one for?”

  That sad smile again. “You.”

  I put my head in my hands and breathed in through my nose before exhaling through my mouth. This was too much. If I didn’t get her out of here, I was going to break down, and this time in front of the very people who should never see me as anything but bulletproof. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say, Eva.”

  She placed the envelopes on my closed computer. “What happened, Meyer? Did he hurt you?”

  He never stopped hurting me. “It’s none of your business anymore.”

  “Did you hurt yourself?”

  Tears burned in my eyes, but I blinked them back. I couldn’t cry in front of her.