Written Stars

by Magnolia Robbins

  Fate, I thought to myself. Fate my ass. She is just bailing on me, for what reason I may never know. And now I am sitting in my car crying over some girl I’d known for a day. Silly, I know.

  Eventually I manage to clear my head enough to drive. It took me a good hour to cross town but I make it. Claire and I’s street has been plowed but I park in front of the house since my sister apparently doesn’t know how to use a shovel. The snow is up above my knees as I wade through the front yard.

  “Jesus Christ, I was worried about you,” Claire says, ripping open the door. “What were you doing driving in all of that crap? It’s scary as hell out there.”

  “I just wanted to come home,” I sigh. I knew Claire could tell I had been crying by the expression her face.

  “What happened?” She asks me, and as we wander inside I proceed to spill the past day’s events to her. Claire pours me a glass of wine and we sit on the couch in the living room.

  “Holy shit, you did what?” She gasps when I’d tell her about the excursion this morning. “Megan, that’s awesome!” She looks genuinely happy for me, until my face sinks and I am in tears again.

  “Oh man,” she says, coming to wrap me in her arms. “This chick did a number on you.”

  “She said we should leave it up to ‘fate’ if we should be together or not.”

  “Oh, so she’s a hippie with commitment issues,” Claire says and laughs as she takes another sip of her drink. “I haven’t seen you this worked up since Alejandra.” She wipes my face. “And you two were going at it for months.”

  I take a large swallow of wine and lay my head down into Claire’s lap. She strokes my hair softly and it relaxes me somewhat. All I could think about was Olivia stroking my cheek as I fell asleep.

  “You know, if she really wants to play the whole fate game, you should just “pretend” like you wound up together in the same place.”

  I don’t quite understand what she means at first. “What?” I sniffle, wiping my face with the back of my hand.

  “I mean, you should figure out where she likes to go and “happen” to be there. Didn’t you say you met in the bookstore?”

  A rush of excitement courses through me. She is exactly right. David might know who she is. All I'd have to do is keep showing up and I would be bound to run into her. Then she'd have to explain herself.

  “You are a genius,” I smile, as I sit up. I kiss her on the cheek and hug her tightly.

  “You are crazy for getting so worked up over women you hardly know.”

  It was true. I did have a habit of that.

  .........................

  The next day I manage to get myself to work. Claire had tried desperately to convince me to telecommute but the idea stresses me out far worse than driving on crazy icy roads.

  The office is mostly barren. Michael, the manager of the firm has managed to make it there and the two of us mostly work on preparing a deposition for a large case we have coming up. I barely look at a clock until it was nearing six in the evening.

  I decide to stop by Redford’s on the way home. When I pass the hotel and turn into the parking lot of the grocery store, my heart flutters a little in my chest. It proceeds to get worse as I make my way inside, hoping desperately that she’s there by some miracle. I wander down all the isles, double checking each one.

  “Have you seen a girl with an orange coat and curly brown hair come in here today?” I ask David when he comes back from the storage room. He smiles at me and shakes his head. “Can’t say that I have.” I sigh and give him a quick hug. “Thanks anyway, David. You have a good night.”

  My mood is somber the rest of the evening. Somehow I’d hoped she’d be waiting for me there. That this whole thing had been some sort of goofy joke and we’d laugh and it would go back to the way it had been. Like that magical time we’d had in the hotel. Maybe Claire was right. Maybe I played too much into things.

  When I lay down for the evening, I notice the green cover from afar, sitting in the purse I’d had with me the night Olivia and I met. I completely forgot about the book. Its haunts me in the dim light of my room until I finally go over and fetch it from my bag. My hands run over its cover. Autumn Dreams by O.S. Ellis. I flip through the pages, staring down at the documentation of a month of the mysterious girl’s life. The woman that had taken my heart that night in the snow.

  8.

  Olivia

  It occurs to me. Some people feel like they don’t deserve to be loved. That there is something inside them deemed unworthy of compassion from another human being. And for the longest time I’d felt that way too. And then I realized, love doesn’t need to be deserved. It just needs to be accepted.

  .........................

  I spend the entire walk home feeling like the biggest jerk on the planet. Halfway, I turn and walk back around the corner to see if her car is still there, but she’s already drove off. There is a high probability I’d never see her again. She probably thinks I am the spawn of Satan after having pulled that shit on her. Hell, I thought I was the spawn of Satan.

  Why did I always pull away from people?

  When I reach our apartment, I throw the keys on the counter and holler for Lauren.

  “I’m home!” I yell.

  “In the back!” Lauren calls back to me. I wander down the hall to the room we shared as a studio space. She is busy painting on the floor. Stephanie, her lady friend, is nowhere to be found.

  “How was your adventure with the mysterious hotel lady?” Lauren asks me with a smirk as I sit down beside her.

  “Oh, fantastic, I think I totally screwed it up.” I proceed to spill the beans on what had happened.

  “I kind of expected as much,” Lauren says when I finish explaining the story. I glare at her until she finally looks up at me due to the silence. “What? You can’t deny that you have commitment issues.”

  “I tried to go back and apologize!”

  “And she high-tailed it out of there. What did you expect?” Lauren continues smearing red paint across her canvas. “You’ve got to learn to get out of your head sometime or you’re going to fuck up every relationship you ever get into.”

  I sigh, leaning back against the door frame of the room. When I look down at Lauren’s painting, I realize it’s a koi fish. “That’s turning out really nice.” I give her a smile when she turns to look back at me.

  “Olivia Ellis, giving me a compliment about my art! Now that’s a first.”

  I spent the remainder of the day sulking in self-pity. In the evening, after Lauren had decided to hit the hay, I paced the apartment. My mind wouldn’t shut off. Finally I grab my laptop and don’t stop writing till nearly dawn. I finally dozed off with my work nestled in my arms.

  During lunch the next day, Lauren makes a startling revelation.

  “Didn’t you say you met her at David’s shop?” She asks me while we’re chowing down on some grilled cheese and tomato soup. I nod. “Why?”

  “Well, didn’t you say she knew David? Maybe he’d know how to find her. Better yet, maybe she’ll just be there when you go.” Lauren takes another bite of her sandwich and looks at me curiously.

  “I highly doubt she has any interest in finding me after how I left her yesterday.”

  “Well, who said anything about her finding you. You at least owe her an apology for being a dumbass.”

  “True,” I agree.

  That evening after I’d gotten another round of writing done, I make the twenty minute trek to the bookstore. It is chilly out, but at least the streets have been cleared.

  When I arrive, it is a little after eight. The open sign is still on. I wander in and David gives me a wave from behind the counter.

  “How are you doing tonight Ms. Ellis?” He asks me as I walk up to him. My eyes scan the building, searching for any sign of Megan.

  “I’m okay,” I reply, my mind distracted.

  “Can I help you find something?” He asks me curiously.

  “
Uh, well yeah actually,” I turn towards him with a smile. “There wouldn’t have happened to be a girl that came in here today. I think I saw you talking to her the last time I was here. A little shorter, dark brown hair..”

  When I see David’s eyes twinkle, I knew he knew exactly who I was talking about.

  “Megan?” He asks me and my eyes went wide. “She was in here looking for you about an hour ago. Asked me if I knew where the girl in the orange coat was.” He gives me a smile.

  She'd been looking for me too. My heart beat a little faster in my chest.

  “Do you know her?” I ask him.

  “Oh, I’ve known her and her family almost as long as I’ve known yours,” he says. “She used to come in with her mother on the weekends. I’m surprised the two of you never met one another. You both had such a love for books.”

  “Really?” I smile at the idea of our paths having crossed and not even knowing it. “Do you know where she lives now? I’m really trying to find her.”

  “I haven’t a clue, sweetheart. I can tell you where her mother lives. She might know.”

  “Yes, please.” He scribbles an address down on a piece of paper and I pocket it. We exchange a hug before I leave.

  “I hope you find her,” he says to me, ruffling my hair. “I’ll tell her you were looking for her if I see her.”

  “Thanks,” I smile at him as I head out the door.

  .........................

  The next morning I brave the drive to travel across the city to Northwest Heights, an upper class neighborhood in the West Hills. I felt highly underdressed and out of place pulling up to the half-million dollar home in my old clunky Subaru.

  When I rang the doorbell, a very fashionable older woman answers. She has greying hair and blue eyes, but I can see exactly where Megan got her looks from. They look almost identical in every way, and seeing her makes me ache for Megan all the more.

  “May I help you?” She asks me when I stand in the doorway staring at her. I take a deep breath before I am able to answer.

  “Hi, yes, um.” I’m off to a fantastic start. “My name is Olivia,” I hold my hand out and she stares at me awkwardly. “I—I’m a, uh—friend of Megan’s. I was wondering if you knew where I could find her.”

  The woman gave me a questionable look. “You don’t know where she is?”

  I shake my head. “Well, um—We only just met the other day. I met her at the bookstore.”

  “Redford’s?” She says, surprised.

  “Yeah, David’s place,” I nod. “She—uh, helped me get home in the snowstorm. He’s how I found you, actually..” It wasn’t that far from the truth. “I just wanted to thank her for the trouble.”

  “Ah, so you’re a “friend” of Megan’s,” the woman says, eyeing me up and down. By the way she says “friend”, I had a feeling I knew exactly what she meant.

  “Come in,” she says to me and I awkwardly step inside. When she closes the door behind me, I feel oddly like a trapped animal. I follow her into a very lavish living room and sit across from her in a chair that could probably could cover my purchase of a better vehicle. It makes for a very uncomfortable sit.

  “Tell me,” the woman says, crossing her legs. “How is Megan?”

  “How is she?” I rub the back of my neck as we meet glances. “I, well, she’s fine I guess? She was happy the last time I saw her.” Happy until I broke her heart, I thought solemnly.

  “Is she still working for the firm?” Her mother asks me.

  “Yes,” I nod. “As far as I know, anyway.”

  “Is she happy?”

  “I take it you two haven’t talked in a while,” I interrupt her.

  “No, we haven’t.” She replies. “We had a bit of a falling out. Right before she’d gotten out of law school.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” I say, sincerely. “I know I’d never want to fight with my mom if she was still here.” I can see that look hit her eye. The look that came with every face I ever told about her death. “She passed a few years ago. Ovarian cancer.”

  “I’m so sorry,” she gives me that compassionate look everyone does when I tell them. I return a small smile and nod. “Thanks.”

  “Do you know if she’s still with that girl from her classes? I can’t remember her name.” The girl from her classes? Was she talking about her college fling?

  “I don’t think so,” I reply.

  There was a strange look to her face. Like if she didn’t know whether to be happy or sad about it. “Did she find someone else?”

  “I’m not sure,” I tell her. “I wish I could tell you.” I wish my answer could have been yes. I wished it so badly it made my insides hurt.

  “Do you know where she is?” Her mother asks me.

  “I was hoping maybe you’d know the answer to that question.”

  The woman sighs, sitting back in her chair. “I’m not sure. Her and her sister live somewhere in a neighborhood close-by, but Claire won’t tell me where exactly. I’ve never even see their home.”

  My heart sinks a little into my chest knowing I’ve reached a dead end.

  When I stand up, she walks me out to the front door.

  “Can I offer a suggestion,” I tell her as she opens the door for me. She stares at me, waiting. “You should try and patch things up with her. Life’s too short.”

  Her mother smiles at me. “I hope you find her,” she says.

  “Me too,” I reply as she shuts the door behind me.

  9.

  Megan

  In that moment, I chose to forgive myself, and in doing so I found my peace. I learned to trust in the hands of the universe. To believe that there was some good in me that had yet to be seen.

  .........................

  On my lunch break, I get a call from a number I hadn’t seen in over a year. At first I’m not sure whether to answer. Finally I get up my nerve and put the phone to my ear.

  “Mom?”

  “It’s so good to hear your voice, sweetheart.” I hear her say on the other end of the line. I have to leave the building because I’m practically in tears.

  “How have you been?” I ask her.

  I spend nearly an hour talking to her. Somehow she’d managed to find out how to get in touch with Claire, who had given her my number. We make lunch arrangements for the weekend and just before I go to hang up, she catches me.

  “There was a friend of yours here earlier, looking for you.”

  A friend of mine. I can’t imagine who’d be looking for me at my mother’s. Anyone I knew was either a co-worker or an old cohort from law school. None of them would have had any clue how to get in contact with her, nor would they have cared to.

  “Who was it?”

  “She said you took her home the other day during the snowstorm. I didn’t catch her name.”

  I nearly dropped the phone.

  “Olivia?”

  “Oh yes, that’s right. She did say her name was Olivia. She was looking for you. She seems like a sweet girl.”

  By the time I get back to the office, I’m running off so much adrenaline between my mother’s phone call and Olivia’s search for me, that I can hardly see straight. She is looking for me too. I could barely believe it.

  I can’t focus the entire afternoon. Every time I try to work on the deposition papers my hands start shaking so bad I can’t type. When I decide to leave early, my coworkers nearly stop in their tracks.

  “Are you feeling okay?” Michael ask me on my way out.

  “Never better,” I breathe.

  My car drove straight to Redford’s. I don’t even think about it, which is unusual for me. When I walk through the doors, David was all smiles.

  “You just missed her,” he says. “She came looking for you again today.”

  “Shit,” I curse, and then cover my mouth with my hand. David laughs.

  “Can you give her my phone and address if she comes back? Tell her to call me or come find me.” I take a business card
and write the details carefully on the back. When I hand it to him, he puts it in his breast pocket.

  “I won’t forget,” he smiles at me, and gives me a pat on the shoulder. “I’m sure you two girls will run into each other eventually.”

  “We ran into each other once, it’s bound to happen again.” As I leave, I laugh at myself, realizing I’d just admitted to the idea that Olivia had held onto so fondly.

  .........................

  Can you pick up coffee?

  Michael’s text wakes me up at six in the morning. I manage to force myself out of bed and get ready to go, in spite of my somber mood. Claire’s made us both bacon and eggs when I come downstairs.

  “Nothing about Olivia, huh?” She says to me as we sit together at the bar.

  I shake my head, taking a bite of my poached eggs. “I’m starting to think I’m crazy.”

  Double Shot is on my way to work, so I usually bring coffee in when I’m running early. I made extra effort to get there on time today. It looks pretty desolate compared to usual, so I decide to go inside for once.

  Amy, one of the morning baristas, waves from behind the counter. When I reach her, she smiles at me. “How are you doing today Meg?”

  “Oh, I’m okay,” I return the smile. “I need coffee for the guys again this morning.”

  “Coffee for you too?” Amy rings up my total on the cash register.

  “Actually,” I glance up at the menu, pondering for a moment. “Can I try a chai latte?”

  “Going adventurous on me today, huh?”

  “She likes to live on the wild side,” I hear a voice from behind me. As I turn to look, those beautiful green eyes stare back at me.

  “Fancy seeing you here,” Olivia says breathlessly, holding a cup of coffee and a packet of sugar in her hands.

  “I thought you didn’t like coffee,” I smile and laugh simultaneously.

  “I like you,” she says, smiling back. I pull her to my lips and kiss her softly. We stand there staring at each other for what feels like seconds but was likely ages.