“I know, I know.” He ran a hand over her hair, breathing her in, aware that this would end soon, that he had to leave, that their relationship was complicated and dangerous, and that leaving was the only choice he had. “It’s over.” He repeated the word to himself; a mantra, a warning, a reminder. It’s over.
“I’ll come to the hospital with you.”
“No.” The rejection was too fierce. He pulled back while he still could. “Gray’s on his way over; he’s worried about you.”
“And I’m worried about you,” she stressed, her voice raspy but firm. “Does it hurt?”
“Like the devil,” he said with a small laugh. “But I’m sure I’ll survive.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Stop,” he pressed a finger to her lip, his gut rolling with a thousand and one feelings: prickly, knotty, difficult to catch and contain. “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”
“It’s not your fault either,” she said, needing him to know that, to understand. “This guy was –,”
“I should have known. I should have seen.”
“How exactly?”
But he could barely admit the answer to himself, let alone to Max. He’d let her down. He’d got too close, he’d failed her. And it could have turned out so much worse.
As if she could see the torment in his eyes, she leaned forward and pressed her cheek to his chest, listening to his heart, her hand stroking his back. “Thank you for protecting me.”
Guilt fired in Noah’s gut. He hadn’t protected her. She’d got lucky, that was all.
A sound alerted them to the fact they were no longer alone and when Noah looked towards the door, he took a sharp step away, clear of Max.
“Gray,” he strode across to his friend, good hand extended by way of greeting.
Gray shook it with suspicion in his eyes. “Max,” Gray looked at his sister. “You’re okay?”
“I’m fine,” she mumbled, pulling her hair over one shoulder, glancing from one to the other. “It’s Noah who’s hurt.”
“It’s nothing; likely just a bruised arm, that’s all.”
“You’re going to the hospital?”
Noah nodded. “I’ll be a few hours.”
“I’ll stay with Max.”
Max wanted to tell them she was fine, but the truth was, she was glad for the company. “Thanks,” Noah responded with a gruff nod. He turned to face her and Max’s heart skipped a beat. “You did so great, Max. I’m proud of you.”
Her smile smashed his heart into a thousand and one tiny little pieces. He left the room without looking back.
Chapter 12
“SHE’S ASLEEP.”
Noah expelled a breath as he entered. The house was silent except for Gray, who was sitting in the kitchen with a pot of coffee and a broadsheet newspaper. He was the only person Noah knew who still read actual printed papers rather than subscribing on his tablet.
“I’m glad. I thought she might be too agitated.”
Gray nodded. “The EMS left some sleeping pills for her. I got her to take one an hour ago.”
Noah nodded, moving into the kitchen and withdrawing a coffee mug. He poured himself a measure from Gray’s pot.
“She wanted to wait up for you.”
Noah’s hand tightened imperceptibly on the coffee cup. “Yeah?”
Gray’s eyes locked with Noah’s, a challenge passing from one friend to the other. Noah didn’t look away. Finally, Gray sighed. “Noah, God, you know I think the world of you.”
He braced for what was coming. He knew, and he knew he deserved it.
“But she’s my sister, for chrissakes. Tell me there’s not something going on between the two of you?”
Noah stood perfectly still, his body flowing with electricity. He hadn’t expected such a direct challenge, but that was foolish, because this was Gray and he was nothing if not straight-down-the-line.
“With all due respect, I’m not sure that’s any of your business.”
Gray swore. “She’s my sister,” he repeated. “You’re my best friend, and she’s my sister.”
Something flashed in the pit of Noah’s stomach. Anger. Anger at being made to feel like he’d done something wrong, anger that Gray was pushing him outside of Max’s life, as though Gray belonged but Noah didn’t.
It was abundantly clear Gray was working hard to keep his voice level. “Look, I know Max acts like a ball buster. I know she seems like she’s got everything sorted, like she can handle anything and anyone, but she’s not like that really. Not in every way. She’s gentle and kind and loving and loyal and if you hurt her, so help me God –,”
“I’m not going to hurt her,” Noah interrupted angrily. “I swear to you, I have no intention of doing anything to hurt Max.”
“I saw the way she looked at you. You’re going to break her damned heart, Noah.”
Noah stiffened, disbelief curdling through him. “Her heart is fine.”
“You think you’re just screwing around with her?” Gray pushed back his chair. “I don’t know what’s worse – using her for sex or letting her fall in love with you when you have no intention of sticking around.” Gray thrust his hands onto his hips. “You’re leaving again, aren’t you?”
Noah was on the edge of a cliff, beneath him a ravine so deep there was no hope of jumping and not dying.
Gray slammed his palm against the kitchen bench. “Tell me what the hell is going on.”
“Yes, I’m leaving.” The confirmation burst from him without his foreknowledge.
“And she knows this?”
“I have never been anything but honest with Max.”
“Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to have stopped her from developing feelings for you.” Gray shook his head, his eyes scathing. “How could you do this?”
Guilt rolled through Noah.
“I know what you’re like with women. I get it. You like sex. One night stands. You like to fuck and forget, and that’s fine. What goes on between two consenting adults is none of my damned business, except when one of those adults is my sister. You couldn’t have put your libido on hold for one freaking week?”
Noah’s eyes flashed, his gut clenching at Gray’s implication that what he shared with Max was simply a matter of sex. He couldn’t tell Gray that he’d tried to stop it. He couldn’t admit how hard he’d tried – and failed – to put an end to their attraction. Because, at the end of the day, he’d taken what he wanted from Max, knowing it wouldn’t last. Knowing he’d leave again.
“I’ve always been honest with her,” he said firmly, as though it mattered a damned bit.
“For God’s sake.” Gray slammed his palm against the bench again and this time, the newspaper trembled then fell off the edge. “Do you hear what you’re saying? You’re actually justifying treating my sister like any other woman you pick up in a dive bar at three in the morning?”
Noah flinched. But what could he say about the accusation? Gray was right; he knew Noah too well for Noah to deny any of it.
“I called you here because I needed you. I thought you were the one person I could depend on to look after Max.”
Noah dropped his head forward, the accusation digging right beneath his ribs. Gray was right. Noah had failed him, failed their friendship, and he’d almost failed Max in a way she could have paid for with her life.
“I’ll leave in the morning,” he said quietly.
“You can leave now,” Gray responded tightly. “I’ll explain to Max –,”
“No.” Noah’s voice whipped around the room, his tone short. “I made this mess. I have to be the one to clean it up.”
Their eyes were locked for several beats and then Gray nodded.
He picked up his paper, his wallet and phone, then moved out of the kitchen. At the door, he turned back to Noah. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
Noah nodded. It was a sign that Gray would get over this, one day. It was a sign that everything wasn’t ruined. Except it was
, and the sooner Noah accepted that, the better. This was a no-win situation.
“What’s that?” Emerging from her room sometime after midday, the last thing a groggy Max had expected to see was a leather overnight bag by the kitchen bench.
Noah moved towards her, dressed in a dark suit, just like he had been the morning they’d met. She smiled at him, relieved, and light-hearted for the first time in a long time. Despite the trauma of the night, she felt like she could breathe again. Her stalker had been caught. Life could and would get back to normal. A new normal, because everything was different now. There was Noah, there was hope, there was something buoyant and joyous inside of her stomach, a feeling of delight that wouldn’t go away.
“My bag.”
“I see that,” she murmured, trying to hold onto that flicker of warmth, to not jump to conclusions. “What’s it doing there?”
“My car’s waiting. I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.”
“Leave?” She repeated, her feet stopping where they were, stranding her in the floor in the middle of no man’s land, between the kitchen and the lounge area, between delight and devastation. “What do you mean, leave?”
“My work here is done,” he said, attempting to lighten the mood with a joke. A bad one. It didn’t help.
“Your work,” she repeated, pressing her lips together while she attempted to get her brain to catch up. “But that doesn’t mean you have to leave.” She forced her feet back into action, making her way across to him, pressing her palms to his chest. His arm was in a cast, and the sight of it made her want to kiss him better all over, all afternoon. “Not right away, at least.”
“There’s no need for me to stay,” he said gently, but unmistakably firmly. “DCI Wingrave has matters well in hand. They’ve already charged Baslemore with multiple crimes. He won’t be getting out.” Noah frowned. “And naturally my company will keep an eye on matters through to his conviction. You’re safe, Max.”
Max’s heart stammered in her chest. “I know that. I got the significance of the guy who broke in last night being arrested. I just didn’t think his arrest would mean you’d pack your bags right away.”
He nodded slowly. “I know that.”
So he did feel something? He did understand what she was feeling?
“The thing is, if I stay, things here go from bad to worse, and I don’t want that.”
“What’s bad about what we’re doing?” She demanded, tilting her face up to his so he felt as though he’d been punched hard in the gut.
“It’s not right,” he said slowly. “I’m not the guy for you and never will be. I’ll never really be yours, you’ll never really be mine. But for as long as we fool around, we’re taking a risk that one of us will forget all the reasons this would never work. And I’m not prepared to risk that.”
Her lips parted, confusion in her eyes. “Is it really so hard to imagine a world where we could make a go of this?”
Something like determination fired in his eyes. “Yes.” But he softened the admission by kissing her temple. “God, Max, you are so beautiful, but you know how I feel about relationships, what I want in life.”
“And it’s not me.”
“It’s not anyone. And you want the whole deal, love and romance and happily ever after, stuff I can never give you. I’m not going to waste your time, leading you on, until one day you grow to hate me because of what you could have had if I hadn’t been such a dick, selfishly taking what you’re offering without thinking about your future. This doesn’t work between us. There’s no path we can go down together that leads to the ending you want.”
“I’m not asking you to marry me,” she snapped, stepping back from him, her hurt obvious. He hated seeing that on her features, but even in that moment he knew that it was better to go through the temporary pain of this than it was to lead her on any longer. He’d told her again and again that they were playing with fire and he was right. He just didn’t expect they’d both get burned, even after his warnings.
“I just want to spend a bit more time with you, that’s all. A few more nights. Is that such a terrible idea?”
The razor-sharp temptation tightening in his groin told him exactly what was wrong with that idea. Plus, there was Gray. Noah didn’t mention Max’s brother – it wouldn’t have been fair to draw Gray into this anyway. He’d simply held a mirror up to Noah’s behaviour and made him admit what he already knew.
“And then what? I leave and you don’t care anymore? You think this is going to feel any different in a few days? A week? A month? Leaving you is always going to feel like shit –,”
“So don’t go,” she responded angrily. “Don’t run away from this. Stay and see what happens.”
“I know what happens. I know how this ends. All I’m doing is making us both face the music now, rather than in a month’s time.”
“You’re not making any sense!”
“Yeah, I am. For the first time in a week I’m saying something sensible. I should never have slept with you. It was a gross betrayal of my professional ethics, my friendship with Gray, and despite what we shared, I can’t not regret this, Max.”
Her gasp was like a knife, slicing through his belly.
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t love every goddamned minute,” he growled.
“Every minute of sleeping with me? Is that all this was to you?”
A muscle jerked in his jaw as he clamped his mouth shut, refusing to answer that question – to himself or her.
“And here’s me thinking that we were starting to actually feel something for one another. That just maybe you were waking up and realizing you didn’t want to be such a cynical, lonely jerk.”
He flinched at her accusation and the names she labelled him with.
“I can’t give you more than this.”
“Stop making excuses! I know you, Noah Storm. You are determined, brave, a man who makes his own destiny. You could give me the whole bloody world – if you wanted to. So don’t say you ‘can’t’. Say you ‘don’t want to’. Say you don’t ‘choose’ to. Say you don’t choose me.” She tilted her chin at a defiant angle, her eyes sparkling like emeralds.
In that moment, he would have said or done anything to relieve her pain. He would have promised her the world, just as she’d said, if he hadn’t known that it was just delaying the inevitable, that any pain she felt now was only going to get a thousand times worse with every day they spent together, with every day she grew to hope for more.
It was better to tear off this Band-Aid now, to leave and let her be angry with him. Anger was better than heartbreak. Heartbreak? Did that imply love? Did she love him? No. Not yet. But she might. She was too kind, too generous with herself, to sleep with someone with feeling. He couldn’t allow it. He’d been a selfish bastard to let it get this far.
“I can’t,” he responded firmly, refusing to use her language, refusing to say he didn’t want to. In another world, if he were another man, he would want her with all of his heart. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh, go to hell,” she snapped, tears moistening her eyes. She spun away so he wouldn’t see her cry, but it was too late. His gut ached.
He stared at her back, waiting for her to turn around, wanting, more than anything, not to end it like this. But after more than a minute, he understood. She wasn’t going to turn around. She didn’t want to face him. And there was nothing he could say to make this better.
“Goodbye, Max. Take care.”
The heat in New York was oppressive, humid and unrelenting, so just walking from his office to his apartment made Noah feel as though he’d run eight miles. He shouldered his way into the door of his brownstone – a flat conversion in the Village that boasted high ceilings and art deco architecture, as well as mostly retired neighbours who’d been there for what felt like millennia. Noah had got the place on good terms. The other tenants liked having someone like him around to keep an eye on the place, especially as the area had morphed from a sor
t of eclectic, hippies’ paradise to a boho chic neighbourhood filled with luxe Instagram influencers and movie stars. As the values had gone through the roof so too the tourists and temptation for sticky fingers to wander the place.
As he walked in his front door, he stripped out of his shirt, tossing it through the open bathroom floor to somewhere in the vicinity of the wash basket. It was late in the afternoon, almost evening, the sun low in the sky. Noah appraised the street below him as he always did, as he had every night for the last six nights, since flying back from London. He stared out at the street, tried to reconnect with his life, his normal self, tried to remember who and what he’d been before he met Max.
Then he sat down and picked up the phone, calling his London office for an update. He might be a loner, determined to never fall in love, but that didn’t mean he could put Max Fortescue anything like out of his mind. Nowhere near it.
Max closed out the last mile, stopping with breath burning in her lungs, pressing the button on the side of her watch to pause the exercise recording. “Damn it.” She wiped her brow, the speed slower than the day before, despite the fact that she felt as though she’d run her ass off. She paced the footpath, long strides as she drew in breath after breath, trying to return equilibrium to her harried lungs, lifting her hands to her hair and scooping it into a bun, tucking the ends into the elastic holding her ponytail in place. A door across the street opened and past trauma had her eyes immediately homing in on the movement – she was out of immediate danger but her central nervous system hadn’t quite got the memo.
Edward Walton emerged, and their eyes met for the first time since his arrest. Heat bloomed in her cheeks. She lifted her hand, half-expecting him to ignore her, but he smiled and walked laconically towards her, surprising her by giving her a big bear hug.
“I am so bloody sorry, Max. What a bastard he is. I had no idea. Obviously.”
He pulled away, looking at Max with concern.
Never Mine: The Rich List Book 1 Page 14
