Roxana

by Daniel Defoe

  After he had Eaten, he pour’d the Sweet-Meats into my Lap; and the Wine being out, he call’d his Gentleman again, to take away the Table, who, at first, only took the Cloth, and the Remains of what was to Eat, away; and laying another Cloth, set the Table on one side of the Room, with a noble Service of Plate upon it, worth, at least, 200 Pistoles; then having set the two Decanters again upon the Table, fill’d, as before, he withdrew, for I found the Fellow understood his Business very well, and his Lord’s Business too.

  About half an Hour after, the Prince told me, that I offer’d to wait a little before; that if I would now take the Trouble, he would give me leave to give him some Wine; so I went to the Table, fill’d a Glass of Wine, and brought it to him, on a fine Salver, which the Glasses stood on, and brought the Bottle, or Decanter for Water, in my other Hand, to mix it as he thought fit.

  He smil’d, and bid me look on that Salver, which I did, and admir’d it much, for it was a very fine one, indeed: You may see, says he, I resolve to have more of your Company, for my Servant shall leave you that Plate, for my Use: I told him, I believ’d his Highness wou’d not take it ill, that I was not Furnish’d fit to Entertain a Person of his Rank; and that I would take great Care of it, and value myself infinitely upon the Honour of his Highness’s Visit.

  It now began to grow late, and he began to take Notice of it; but, says he, I cannot leave you; have you not a spare Lodging, for one Night? I told him, I had but a homely Lodging to Entertain such a Guest; he said something exceeding kind on that Head, but not fit to repeat, adding, that my Company would make him amends.

  About Midnight he sent his Gentleman of an Errand, after telling him, aloud, that he intended to stay here all Night; in a little time his Gentleman brought him a Night-Gown, Slippers, two Caps, a Neckcloth, and Shirt, which he gave me to carry into his Chamber, and sent his Man home; and then turning to me, said, I shou’d do him the Honour to be his Chamberlain of the Household, and his Dresser also: I smil’d, and told him, I wou’d do myself the Honour to wait on him upon all Occasions.

  About One in the Morning, while his Gentleman was yet with him, I begg’d Leave to withdraw, supposing he wou’d go to-Bed; but he took the Hint, and said, I’m not going to-Bed yet; pray let me see you again.

  I took this time to undress me, and to come in a new Dress, which was, in a manner, une Deshabile,81 but so fine, and all about me so clean, and so agreeable, that he seem’d surpriz’d: I thought, says he, you could not have dress’d to more Advantage, than you had done before; but now, says he, you Charm me a. thousand times more, if that be possible.

  It is only a loose Habit, my Lord, said I, that I may the better wait on your Highness; he pulls me to him; You are perfectly obliging, says he, and sitting on the Bed-side, says he, Now you shall be a Princess, and know what it is to oblige the gratefullest Man alive; and with that, he took me in his Arms, — I can go no farther in the Particulars of what pass’d at that time; but it ended in this, that, in short, I lay with him all Night.

  I have given you the whole Detail of this Story, to lay it down as a black Scheme of the Way how Unhappy Women are ruin’d by Great Men; for tho’ Poverty and Want is an irresistible Temptation to the Poor, Vanity and Great Things are as irresistible to others; to be courted by a Prince, and by a Prince who was first a Benefactor, then an Admirer; to be call’d handsome, the finest Woman in France, and to be treated as a Woman fit for the Bed of a Prince; these are Things, a Woman must have no Vanity in her, nay, no Corruption in her, that is not overcome by it; and my Case was such, that, as before, I had enough of both.

  I had now no Poverty attending me; on the contrary, I was Mistress of ten Thousand Pounds before the Prince did any thing for me; had I been Mistress of my Resolution; had I been less obliging, and rejected the first Attack, all had been safe; but my Virtue was lost before, and the Devil, who had found the Way to break-in upon me by one Temptation, easily master’d me now, by another; and I gave myself up to a Person, who, tho’ a Man of high Dignity, was yet the most tempting and obliging, that ever I met with in my Life.

  I had the same Particular to insist upon here with the Prince, that I had with my Gentleman before; I hesitated much at consenting, at first asking; but the Prince told me, Princes did not court like other Men; that they brought more powerful Arguments; and he very prettily added, that they were sooner repuls’d than other Men, and ought to be sooner comply’d with; intimating, tho’ very genteely, that after a Woman had positively refus’d him once, he cou’d not, like other Men, wait with Importunities, and Stratagems, and laying long Sieges; but as such Men as he Storm’d warmly, so, if repuls’d, they made no second Attacks; and indeed, it was but reasonable; for as it was below their Rank, to be long battering a Woman’s Constancy, so they ran greater Hazards in being expos’d in their Amours, than other Men did.

  I took this for a satisfactory Answer, and told his Highness, that I had the same Thoughts, in respect to the Manner of his Attacks, for that his Person, and his Arguments, were irresistible; that a Person of his Rank, and a Munificence so unbounded, cou’d not be withstood; that no Virtue was Proof against him, except such, as was able too, to suffer Martyrdom; that I thought it impossible I cou’d be overcome, but that now I found it was impossible I shou’d not be overcome; that so much Goodness, join’d with so much Greatness, wou’d have conquer’d a Saint; and that I confess’d he had the Victory over me, by a Merit infinitely superior to the Conquest he had made.

  He made me a most obliging Answer; told me, abundance of fine things, which still flatter’d my Vanity, till at last I began to have Pride enough to believe him, and fancy’d myself a fit Mistress for a Prince.

  As I had thus given the Prince the Last Favour, and he had all the Freedom with me, that it was possible for me to grant, so he gave me Leave to use as much Freedom with him, another Way, and that was, to have every thing of him, I thought fit to command; and yet I did not ask of him with an Air of Avarice, as if I was greedily making a Penny of him; but I manag’d him with such Art, that he generally anticipated my Demands; he only requested of me, that I wou’d not think of taking another House, as I had intimated to his Highness that I had intended, not thinking it good enough to receive his Visits in; but, he said, my House was the most convenient that could possibly be found in all Paris, for an Amour, especially for him; having a Way out into Three Streets, and not overlook’d by any Neighbours, so that he could pass and repass, without Observation; for one of the Back ways open’d into a narrow dark Alley, which Alley was a Thorow-fare, or Passage, out of one Street into another; and any Person that went in or out by the Door, had no more to do, but to see, that there was no-body following him in the Alley, before he went in at the Door: This Request I knew was reasonable, and therefore I assur’d him, I wou’d not change my Dwelling, seeing his Highness did not think it too mean for me to receive him in.

  He also desir’d me, that I wou’d not take any more Servants, or set up any Equipage, at least, for the present; for that it would then be immediately concluded, I had been left very Rich, and then I shou’d be throng’d with the Impertinence of Admirers, who wou’d be attracted by the Money, as well as by the Beauty of a young Widow, and he shou’d be frequently interrupted in his Visits; or, that the World wou’d conclude I was maintain’d by somebody, and wou’d be indefatigable to find out the Person; so that he shou’d have Spies peeping at him, every time he went out or in, which it wou’d be impossible to disappoint;82 and that he shou’d presently have it talk’d over all the Toilets in Paris, that the Prince de — had got the Jeweller’s Widow for a Mistress.

  This was too just to oppose; and I made no Scruple to tell his Highness, that since he had stoop’d so low as to make me his own, he ought to have all the Satisfaction in the World, that I was all his own; that I would take all the Measures he should please to direct me, to avoid the impertinent Attacks of others; and that, if he thought fit, I would be wholly within-Doors, and have it given out, that I was oblig’d t
o go to England, to sollicit my Affairs there, after my Husband’s Misfortune; and that I was not expected there again for at least a Year or two: This he lik’d very well, only, he said, that he would by no means have me confin’d; that it would injure my Health; and that I should then take a Country-House in some Village, a good-way off of the City, where it should not be known who I was; and that I should be there sometimes, to divert me.

  I made no Scruple of the Confinement, and told his Highness, no Place could be a Confinement, where I had such a Visiter; and so I put off the Country-House, which would have been to remove myself farther from him, and have less of his Company; so I made the House be, as it were, shut up; Amy, indeed, appear’d; and when any of the Neighbours and Servants enquir’d, she answer’d in broken French, that I was gone to England, to look after my Affairs; which presently went current thro’ the Streets about us: For, you are to note, that the People of Paris, especially the Women, are the most busie and impertinent Enquirers into the Conduct of their Neighbours, especially that of a Single Woman, that are in the World; tho’ there are no greater Intriguers in the Universe than themselves; and perhaps that may be the Reason of it; for it is an old, but a sure Rule; that

  When deep Intrigues are close and shy,

  The GUILTY are the first that spy.83

  Thus his Highness had the most easie, and yet the most undiscoverable Access to me, imaginable, and he seldom fail’d to come two or three Nights in a Week, and sometimes stay’d two or three Nights together: Once he told me, he was resolv’d I should be weary of his Company, and that he would learn to know what it was to be a Prisoner; so he gave out among his Servants, that he was gone to —, where he often went a-Hunting, and that he should not return under a Fortnight; and that Fortnight he stay’d wholly with me, and never went out of my Doors.

  Never Woman, in such a Station, liv’d a Fortnight in so compleat a fulness of Humane84Delight; for to have the entire Possession of one of the most accomplish’d Princes in the World, and of the politest, best bred Man; to converse with him all Day, and, as he profess’d, charm him all Night; what could be more inexpressibly pleasing, and especially, to a Woman of a vast deal of Pride, as I was?

  To finish the Felicity of this Part, I must not forget, that the Devil had play’d a new Game with me, and prevail’d with me to satisfie myself with this Amour, as a lawful thing; that a Prince of such Grandeur, and Majesty; so infinitely superior to me; and one who had made such an Introduction by an unparalell’d Bounty, I could not resist; and therefore, that it was very Lawful for me to do it, being at that time perfectly single, and uningag’d to any other Man; as I was, most certainly, by the unaccountable Absence of my first Husband, and the Murther of my Gentleman, who went for my second.

  It cannot be doubted but that I was the easier to perswade myself of the Truth of such a Doctrine as this, when it was so much for my Ease, and for the Repose of my Mind, to have it be so.

  In Things we wish, ’tis easie to deceive;

  What we would have, we willingly believe.85

  Besides, I had no Casuists to resolve this Doubt; the same Devil that put this into my Head, bade me go to any of the Romish Clergy, and under the Pretence of Confession, state the Case exactly, and I should see they would either resolve it to be no Sin at all, or absolve me upon the easiest Pennance: This I had a strong Inclination to try, but I know not what Scruple put me off of it, for I could never bring myself to like having to do with those Priests; and tho’ it was strange that I, who had thus prostituted my Chastity, and given up all Sence of Virtue, in two such particular Cases, living a Life of open Adultery, should scruple any thing; yet so it was, I argued with myself, that I could not be a Cheat in any thing that was esteem’d Sacred; that I could not be of one Opinion, and then pretend myself to be of another; nor could I go to Confession, who knew nothing of the Manner of it, and should betray myself to the Priest, to be a Hugonot, and then might come into Trouble; but, in short, tho’ I was a Whore, yet I was a Protestant Whore,86 and could not act as if I was Popish, upon any Account whatsoever.

  But, I say, I satisfy’d myself with the surprizing Occasion, that, as it was all irresistable, so it was all lawful; for that Heaven would not suffer us to be punish’d for that which it was not possible for us to avoid; and with these Absurdities I kept Conscience from giving me any considerable Disturbance in all this Matter; and I was as perfectly easie as to the Lawfulness of it, as if I had been Marry’d to the Prince, and had had no other Husband: So possible is it for us to roll ourselves up in Wickedness, till we grow invulnerable by Conscience; and that Centinel once doz’d, sleeps fast, not to be awaken’d while the Tide of Pleasure continues to flow, or till something dark and dreadful brings us to ourselves again.

  I have, I confess, wonder’d at the Stupidity that my intellectual Part was under 87 all that while; what Lethargick Fumes doz’d the Soul;88 and how it was possible that I, who in the Case before, where the Temptation was many ways more forcible, and the Arguments stronger, and more irrisistable, was yet under a continued Inquietude on account of the wicked Life I led, could now live in the most profound Tranquility, and with an uninterrupted Peace, nay, even rising up to Satisfaction, and Joy, and yet in a more palpable State of Adultery than before; for before, my Gentleman who call’d me Wife, had the Pretence of his Wife being parted from him, refusing to do the Duty of her Office as a Wife to him; as for me, my Circumstances were the same; but as for the Prince, as he had a fine and extraordinary Lady, or Princess, of his own; so he had had two or three Mistresses more besides me, and made no Scruple of it at all.

  However, I say, as to my own Part, I enjoy’d myself in perfect Tranquility; and as the Prince was the only Deity I worshipp’d, so I was really his Idol; and however it was with his Princess, I assure you, his other Mistresses found a sensible Difference; and tho’ they could never find me out, yet I had good Intelligence, that they guess’d very well, that their Lord had got some new Favourite that robb’d them of his Company, and perhaps, of some of his usual Bounty too: And now I must mention the Sacrifices he made to his Idol, and they were not a few, I assure you.

  As he lov’d like a Prince, so he rewarded like a Prince; for tho’ he declin’d my making a Figure, as above, he let me see, that he was above doing it for the saving the Expence of it, and so he told me, and that he would make it up in other things: First of all, he sent me a Toilet, with all the Appurtenances of Silver, even so much as the Frame of the Table; and then, for the House, he gave me the Table, or Side-board of Plate I mention’d above, with all things belonging to it, of massy Silver; so that, in short, I could not, for my Life, study to ask him for any thing of Plate which I had not.

  He could then accommodate me in nothing more but Jewels and Cloaths, or Money for Cloaths; he sent his Gentleman to the Mercer’s, and bought me a Suit, or whole Piece, of the finest Brocaded Silk, figur’d with Gold, and another with Silver, and another of Crimson; so that I had three Suits of Cloaths, such as the Queen of France would not have disdain’d to have worn at that time; yet I went out no-where; but as those were for me to put on, when I went out of Mourning, I dress’d myself in them, one after another, always when his Highness came to see me.

  I had no less than five several Morning Dresses besides these, so that I need never be seen twice in the same Dress; to these he added several Parcels of fine Linnen, and of Lace, so much, that I had no room to ask for more, or indeed, for so much.

  I took the Liberty once, in our Freedoms, to tell him, he was too Bountiful, and that I was too chargeable to him for a Mistress, and that I would be his faithful Servant, at less Expence to him; and that he not only left me no room to ask him for any thing, but that he supply’d me with such a Profusion of good things, that I scarce could wear them, or use them; unless I kept a great Equipage, which he knew was no way convenient for him, or for me; he smil’d, and took me in his Arms, and told me, he was resolv’d, while I was his, I should never be able to ask him for any-thing; but tha
t he would be daily asking new Favours of me.

  After we were up, for this Conference was in Bed, he desir’d I would dress me in the best Suit of Cloaths I had: It was a Day or two after the three suits were made, and brought home; I told him, if he pleas’d, I would rather dress me in that Suit which I knew he lik’d best; he ask’d me, how I could know which he would like best, before he had seen them? I told him, I would presume, for once, to guess at his Fancy by my own; so I went away, and dress’d me in the second Suit, brocaded with Silver, and return’d in full Dress, with a Suit of Lace upon my Head,89 which would have been worth in England, 200 l. Sterling; and I was every Way set out as well as Amy could dress me, who was a very gentile90 Dresser too: In this Figure I came to him, out of my Dressing-Room, which open’d with Folding-Doors into his Bed-Chamber.

  He sat as one astonish’d, a good-while, looking at me, without speaking a Word, till I came quite up to him, kneel’d on one Knee to him, and almost whether he would or no, kiss’d his Hand; he took me up, and stood up himself, but was surpriz’d, when taking me in his Arms, he perceiv’d Tears to run down my Cheeks; My Dear, says he, aloud, what mean these Tears? My Lord, said I, after some little Check, for I cou’d not speak presently, I beseech you to believe me, they are not Tears of Sorrow, but Tears of Joy; it is impossible for me to see myself snatch’d from the Misery I was fallen into, and at once to be in the Arms of a Prince of such Goodness, such immense Bounty, and be treated in such a Manner; ’tis not possible, my Lord, said I, to contain the Satisfaction of it; and it will break out in an Excess in some measure proportion’d to your immense Bounty, and to the Affection which your Highness treats me with, who am so infinitely below you.

  It wou’d look a little too much like a Romance here, to repeat all the kind things he said to me, on that Occasion; but I can’t omit one Passage; as he saw the Tears drop down my Cheek, he pulls out a fine Cambrick Hankerchief, and was going to wipe the Tears off, but check’d his Hand, as if he was afraid to deface something; I say, he check’d his Hand, and toss’d the Handkerchief to me, to do it myself; I took the Hint immediately, and with a kind of pleasant Disdain, How, my Lord! said I, Have you kiss’d me so often, and don’t you know whether I am Painted,91 or not? Pray let your Highness satisfie yourself, that you have no Cheats put upon you; for once let me be vain enough to say, I have not deceiv’d you with false Colours: With this, I put a Handkerchief into his Hand, and taking his Hand into mine, I made him wipe my Face so hard, that he was unwilling to do it, for fear of hurting me.