The Sweetest Secret

by Jacquie Underdown

  ‘Pretty exciting, eh?’ Sam said.

  She grinned so wide her cheeks ached. ‘You don’t even know how long I’ve been chasing this.’

  Sam laughed.

  All of a sudden, Ellie was overcome, and Sam was the only real outlet she’d had since arriving in Alpine Ridge over a month ago.

  Words spilled from her mouth in a torrent. ‘The last year has been so full-on. I’ve been travelling, believing that moving from one place to another would fill me up with what I needed, but, of course, it didn’t. Stuff like that never works. I’m so ready to settle in the one place. And run my own business. Be responsible for me, you know? I’ve never had that. Never. I’m ready for this.’

  When Sam could get a word in, he asked, ‘You’ve been moving around a lot, have you?’

  She nodded. ‘In the last year, I’ve travelled all around Australia, finding whatever work was available, working in bars, cleaning, retail.’ She was telling more than she needed to this stranger, but it was like when water finally found a way out, it just gushed.

  He grinned. ‘I’m jealous.’

  ‘It was amazing.’ She laughed. ‘I’ve done things I would never have dreamed of.’

  A single brow arched in time with his grin. ‘Such as?’

  ‘I’ve abseiled, bungee jumped, swam with fresh water crocs. I slept under the stars on beaches, met people from all over the world. It was utterly amazing but also, in a strange way, lonely.’ She shook her head, looked at her feet.

  Where did that come from? Was that a touch of regret she could feel? Just a little twinge of it in front of her lower spine, perhaps a shadow of it around her heart. But regret for what?

  She didn’t really have to ask the question; it was just internal, habitual rhetoric. Deep down, she knew the answer: she regretted spending a lot of her savings on travelling and it hadn’t worked.

  The restlessness she was escaping from hadn’t budged. Restlessness that had been created partly due to her own stupid behaviour and mostly due to heartbreak.

  Fear grabbed regret’s hand and held it tightly. Fear that moving to Alpine Ridge and taking this humungous risk may not ease that part of her that still hurt either.

  Not to mention, confusion. Confusion that set in the moment she laid eyes on Sam because intuitively she knew that meeting him was big. Momentous, somehow.

  You didn’t trip over your feet and tongue and feel another person inside your own cells like sparking currents of energy if that person wasn’t intended to somehow change the direction of your life.

  ‘But now I’m ready for the next chapter,’ she said with as much conviction as she could, but a touch of that uncertainty and confusion crept into the syllables, blurred and softened them.

  His smile never left his face the entire time she was speaking. Curiosity and interest lit up his eyes. ‘I’m intrigued. And I can’t wait to get to know you more.’

  That last statement worked through her like an opiate, mingling in her mind, dizzying her thoughts. She could quite easily lose her head and become lost in this man.

  But she had more sense than to do that.

  Her ex had already stolen twelve months of her life, not to mention the time afterwards spent dealing with the aftermath. The burns from that relationship were still too painful and raw to start dating again.

  And besides, this move to a new town, the last nine months travelling, was all about discovering her strength as an individual, finding out who she was outside of relationships, and healing old wounds.

  Confusion or not, direction change or not, fate’s intentions be damned, this was her life now. She held the reins, and she was not going to let anyone or anything take that from her.

  She shook her head, took a step back. ‘I’m sorry, Sam, but I’m not looking to date anyone anytime soon. Nor a relationship.’

  Sam’s mouth curled into a cheeky grin. He gripped his chest as though in pain. ‘You’re one brutal woman. No regard for how that type of throwaway comment can hurt a man.’

  She couldn’t help but smile, and could see he was trying to make light of a tense conversation, but she needed to know she was heard. ‘I thought I should make that clear right now.’

  He took a stumbling step back, leaning a hand against a timber bench. ‘My heart can’t take it anymore. What hell have you sprung from?’

  ‘Stop it,’ she said with a giggle. ‘I’m trying to be serious.’

  He stood upright and smiled. ‘I know. I’m just having a little fun. Thank you for clearing the air on the matter. But, if I’m to be honest too, and serious, I must confess that I’m actually not looking for a relationship either.’

  ‘Oh,’ she managed, her gaze finding her feet. ‘You’re in a relationship already?’

  He shook his head. ‘No. I’m not.’

  Ouch! That had an unexpected sting.

  How could she have misinterpreted this situation? Heat blasted her cheeks and crept up her neck. So when he said he wanted to get to know her more, had he meant he wanted to get to know her better as a friend?

  Why did her heart ache to hear that he didn’t want a relationship?

  Had she really wanted him to say otherwise?

  Damn emotions, always so ready to point out the truth of matters.

  She forced herself to meet his eyes and, again, her heart panged. Of course she wanted to get to know this man more intimately—she’d be mad not to.

  But sitting solidly in her chest, like icy bars caging her heart, was hesitation, disillusionment, and, most dominant, dread. Dread at melting that ice, opening the cage and letting another man reach inside and hold her big beating heart again.

  ‘I’m sorry, I thought you meant—’

  ‘Oh,’ he said, understanding shaping his expression. ‘You thought I meant getting to know- know you more?’

  She nodded, covering her flaming cheeks with her hands.

  ‘I meant as friends,’ he explained.

  ‘I realise that. Now. Be nice if I had have cottoned on a little earlier. Might have saved a truckload of embarrassment.’

  Sam laughed as he reached for her, his hand landing on her shoulder. ‘Don’t be embarrassed. It happens.’

  Yes, for him, this might be a regularly occurring problem: the girls he spoke to succumbing to mesmerisation in such quantities they couldn’t think clearly enough to see things how they actually were, rather than how they wanted things to be.

  With all her strength, she avoided looking at the enormous, warm paw resting on her shoulder and imagining how it would feel touching other parts of her body. ‘Um, I might head home. It’s getting dark. And cold. But, yes please, drop the price list off tomorrow. If it’s not out of your way. I’d be happy to pop back here—’

  ‘That’s fine. I’m heading into town in the morning—’

  ‘Great. Fantastic.’ Was her voice a little shrill? ‘I’ll see you then. Or if I’m not there, you could just slide it under the door. Whatever is easiest. Nice talking to you and thanks for showing me your … garden.’

  ‘My pleasure,’ he said, releasing his hand. The flesh where he had touched her was instantly cold, aching for him to return.

  She was so flustered. Ridiculous . This was not her. Did he even realise—the wicked man—what he did to women? She spun, marched to the door and yanked to open it, but it clanged, and she jolted.

  Okay, pulling wasn’t how this door opened.

  ‘You push it,’ came Sam’s voice from behind her.

  She turned to thank him, but he stepped forward at the same time, arm outstretched to push the door open. She collided with his hard body—a body much harder than she could have imagined, akin to a brick wall to be exact—her face landing in his armpit.

  Before she could inhale and consume a billion more pheromones, she rocked back and inclined her face to him.

  He was grinning. His chest started shaking, then he rolled his head back and burst into laughter.

  She smiled, his laugh contagious and effortl
essly easing her humiliation. He had a knack of diffusing discomfort in her.

  Seeing the funny side too, she laughed along with him. Or perhaps it was the only way she could release all this tension in her body.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, still chuckling.

  ‘No, it was my fault.’

  ‘Here,’ he said, gripping her shoulders and gently moving her around him. ‘Let me get it.’ He pushed the door open. She followed him out. ‘Come on, I’ll drive you back to your car.’

  As he drove, they didn’t speak, but Ellie thought. She thought about all the fables throughout history portraying women as irresistible demons sent from the dark depths of hell to wreak havoc upon poor unsuspecting men’s hearts.

  But that’s where history got it wrong.

  Men were the true devils.

  Tall, irresistible hulks with smooth edges and hard rounded lines that lured women in with their scent and eyes, strong jaws and deeply spoken promises. And when they were sure they had your heart snared by their long talons, they tore back the mask and showed their true devilish nature.

  But by the time this happened, you were already so far gripped by them, it was too late. The damage was done.

  And when you did muster the courage and strength to let go, your heart was in tatters.

  Ellie had met many devils in her lifetime. But none more so than her ex. If he taught her one lesson, it was to be wary.

  Ellie glanced sidelong at Sam as his big hands gripped the steering wheel. Sure, the mask he wore was alluring, but he too could be a devil in disguise.

  Chapter 4

  Sam always looked forward to the family lunch that took place on the first Sunday each month. He looked forward to spending the day with his mother—something that came few and far between now that she no longer lived on the vineyard. And he especially looked forward to eating Amy’s cooking. She was a pastry chef but managed savoury dishes with just as much expertise.

  Sam knocked at Tom and Amy’s front door, but didn’t wait for an answer; they were expecting him. He found most of the tribe out on the back pergola sitting around a long table. Big heat lamps were firing, keeping away the cool wintery air.

  Sophie, his fourteen-month-old niece, crawled off Mitch’s lap and clumsily ran to him, her arms in the air.

  Sam was a sucker, and Sophie knew it. If she raised her hands to be picked up, he picked her up. If she wanted something, as long as it wasn’t harmful, she’d get it.

  Sam grinned, crouched down and held his arms out to her. He scooped her up when she fell into his embrace and stood, the smell of this little being—all powder and sweetness—filling his senses.

  He kissed each of her cheeks, then cuddled her close. ‘Hello, Sophie.’ He’d not had any experience with children before Sophie, and he could never have known how much this little girl would crack his heart open and crawl inside.

  He waved to everyone else. ‘How are we all?’

  They smiled and answered back in their various ways. He went to his mum and kissed her cheek, shifting Sophie onto his hip as he bent down. ‘Hi, Mum.’

  Mum was who they had all got their colouring: dark eyes and hair. Dad was responsible for the height.

  ‘Hi, darling.’

  He knew from that statement alone, she was having a good day. Good days came and went. Some lunches she’d sit here unable to remember who he was. Early onset dementia was a mother fucker.

  He kissed Aunt Grace next. ‘How are you?’ She was Mum’s twin. Identical, though as Mum became sicker, Aunt Grace looked a good decade younger.

  She placed a hand on his cheek and smiled. ‘Really well. How are you keeping?’

  ‘I’m plodding along. Not too much excitement.’

  Rachel’s parents offered their greetings. Since the death of Sophie’s mum Rachel, the relationship between Mitch and his in-laws was somewhat strained, and Sam believed this family lunch was Amy’s way of keeping the relationship on friendly terms. He honestly didn’t know if this family would have survived the trauma of last year without Amy.

  Sam lifted Sophie under her arms and swung her in the air, his face inclined to hers and she giggled, anticipating what he was about to do. He pressed his mouth to her belly and blew so it made a loud noise.

  She laughed, the most adorable contagious laugh that always had the effect of cracking everyone else up as well.

  Just as she stopped, he did it again, and Sophie laughed anew, louder than before.

  He looked at Mitch’s smiling face and grinned. Every time he saw his brother smiling was a relief. Mitch had been through hell and back losing his wife, Rachel. At one stage, Sam thought they may have lost him forever to his grief.

  ‘When are you going to have your own?’ Aunt Grace asked.

  He didn’t meet her questioning gaze. ‘That’s many years away.’

  Aunt Grace had never been backwards in coming forward. He liked that about her; at least he knew where he stood. But this type of question got on his nerves. This day and age, it wasn’t a requirement that everyone had children.

  ‘How old are you now?’ Mum asked.

  ‘Twenty-eight, Mum.’

  Mum frowned ‘Only a baby yet.’

  ‘Exactly.’ He shifted Sophie onto his hip. ‘Let’s go see if Aunty Amy needs some help.’

  He found Amy in the kitchen, putting together a plate of nibbles. ‘Hi,’ he said.

  She smiled. ‘Hey, Sam. How are you?’

  ‘Brilliant. Hungry. Need some help?’

  ‘Sure,’ she said handing him a platter full of cheeses and crackers. ‘You can take that out for me.’

  Bottles of champagne sat on the bench, beading with perspiration. ‘Are we celebrating something today?’

  Amy shrugged. ‘Perhaps.’ But the mile-wide smile on her face said that yes they were.

  He grinned at her. ‘You’re pregnant?’

  Her eyes shot open, and she quickly shook her head, then pointed towards the door. ‘Get outside. You’ll have to wait to find out like everyone else.’

  Then he spotted the enormous diamond on her finger. ‘How the hell didn’t I see that before now?’ he asked placing the platter down and reaching for her hand to see the ring more clearly. And why hadn’t Tom mentioned his intentions? Did Mitch know? ‘Christ, Tom’s gone all out, hasn’t he?’

  She shrugged, but a beaming grin filled her face. ‘He’s got remarkable talent at choosing jewellery.’

  ‘When did this happen?’

  ‘Last night. But shush,’ she said, lifting her finger to her lips and lowering her voice. ‘We’re supposed to be telling everyone together.’

  He leaned over the bench and kissed her cheek. ‘Congratulations. It’s fucking brilliant news.’

  She gazed at her ring and her gushing smile returned. ‘Thank you.’

  After shifting Sophie higher on his hip, he gathered the platter again before heading back outside. He was smiling and genuinely happy for Tom and Amy, but there was something else, another type of emotion, curdling in his gut.

  Jealousy?

  He shook his head. No way I’m jealous. He was more than happy with his bachelor lifestyle. Sure, he felt lonely from time to time, especially since Tom moved out into his own home with Amy last year. And, sure, from time to time he wished he had a relationship like Tom had with Amy.

  But that didn’t mean he wanted marriage.

  The tightness pinging in his stomach moved up to his chest. He drew a deep breath as he placed the platter on the table.

  ‘Everything okay?’ Tom asked.

  Sam planted a smile on his face and met Tom’s eyes. ‘All good, mate.’

  ‘Just looked like you were about to break your skull from thinking too hard.’

  ‘Forever the comedian,’ he retorted.

  Mitch laughed at them both. ‘Feel that brotherly love?’

  Amy followed soon after with the four bottles of champagne in her hands. Tom jumped up to help carry them, then dashed inside for flutes.r />
  ‘What’s going on here?’ Mitch asked when Tom came back out and placed a glass in front of each of them.

  Amy smiled as she popped the first bottle of champagne. ‘Tom and I have an announcement.’

  Sam found a seat with Sophie on his lap and watched as everyone held their breaths, anticipatory grins curling their lips.

  Tom joined Amy at her side, a hand on the small of her back. He kissed her cheek and grinned, then turned to everyone else. ‘Amy and I are now engaged.’

  The table erupted in gasps, excited bursts of laughter and congratulatory exclamations. Mitch sprung from his seat and shook Tom’s hand, big, hard pumps that went on and on. ‘Congratulations.’ He kissed Amy’s cheek. ‘Congratulations, Amy. I couldn’t ask for a more lovable future sister-in-law.’

  There was a well-masked sadness behind his eyes and in his words, but there always was. Since Rachel had died, there was a bittersweet coating on everything. Happy moments like these also brought along a stark realisation that life was moving on without her. And happy moments like these reminded them all just how hard that was to do.

  Everyone stood to congratulate Tom and Amy. Sam waited till last to shake his brother’s hand. Sophie threw her arms out when he kissed Amy on the cheek.

  ‘Thank you, Sophie,’ Amy cooed, drawing her in for a cuddle.

  Champagne was poured, and they toasted Tom and Amy’s future.

  Amy smiled sadly at Mitch, then at Rachel’s parents, Pete and Barb. ‘Over a year ago, my best friend Rachel, who I miss so much every single day, said that she would love to see me as a part of the Mathews family. Well, Rachel,’ she said, turning her face to the ceiling, ‘your uncanny sixth sense about love was right. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing, especially without you here with us, but I’m so proud to be joining such a welcoming, accepting family.’

  Sam glanced at Mitch and saw the gloss of his eyes. He didn’t dare look at Pete and Barb because he wasn’t sure he’d get out of here without shedding some tears himself. His throat was already tightening.