The Sweetest Secret

by Jacquie Underdown

  A stretch of silence.

  ‘I owe you that. You deserve that,’ she whispered.

  His eyelids closed as he breathed a long breath out through his nose. When he opened his eyes again, he looked directly into her. ‘You sure about that? You were pretty adamant that you wanted nothing to do with me.’

  She nodded slowly. ‘I’m sure.’

  For a long moment, he didn’t say anything. ‘So what’s your plan?’

  ‘We explore us,’ she said softly.

  A rumpled expression accompanied his long exhale. To see that on his face, a mixture of raw, blatant desire and constraint, made her breasts ache. ‘I would like that.’

  ‘But baby steps,’ she said quickly. She still didn’t fully trust herself not to rush in, find out he was actually the devil, and have her heart broken.

  ‘Yes,’ he agreed.

  ‘You’re not saying goodbye to me?’

  He sighed, shoulders rolling inwards. ‘No.’

  ‘I’m glad, Sam.’

  A small smile fluttered across his lips. He rested his glass on the tabletop and turned to face her fully, body square to hers. His gaze never left hers.

  Both hands reached out, fingertips coming to rest on her jaw. The small grin on his lips fell away, replaced with a look much more intense, with much more intention.

  Desire pulsed in her belly.

  His fingers held more firmly until his palms pressed against her cheeks. She loved the command in this gesture, the confidence, the way his eyes never left hers. Her heart leaped in her chest, her lips tingled.

  His face neared hers, filling her senses with the scent of him. Leaning her head back, she met his lips, the soft flesh pressing against hers for a long moment before pulling away. Then with a deep exhale, he pressed his lips to hers again.

  When he opened her mouth with his, she didn’t hesitate to taste him. Sharp threads of desire unravelled within her like small galaxies of exploding stars. She gripped his waist, drew closer until the heat of his hard chest was flush to hers.

  The room around her, the music and chatter and scents, faded out of existence while Sam zoomed well into focus. His heat, his rugged body, the taste of his tongue, the feel of his warm lips against hers.

  He deepened the kiss, stroking her tongue with his own. Oh, I could die right now without a single regret. A soft sigh sounded in her throat as brilliant sensation swamped her.

  Pulling away for just a moment, he whispered against her lips, ‘I don’t ever want to hurt you, Ellie.’

  ‘Then don’t,’ she whispered, breathless.

  He kissed her again, and her soul ignited, body burning in the fire of his passion. But he soon drew back and planted one final kiss on her lips.

  ‘I’ve wanted to do that since that night at the pub,’ he said, voice deeper than usual.

  His hands fell away from her face, and where he had touched her, where she still wished him to touch her, was now cold.

  Ellie attempted to catch her breath, to still her fast racing heart. ‘I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the thought of kissing you hadn’t crossed my mind.’

  He chuckled. ‘Would you call that baby steps?’ His eyes held so much promise as they reflected back to her all the lust and need they had created together and all they would create in the future.

  She smiled, cheeks flushing with heat. ‘I’m not going to complain.’

  He laughed loudly, the air between them charged with anticipation and novelty and arousal.

  Ellie’s body screamed at her: why did it take you so long?

  Her brain was buoyant and firing from the hard punch of happy chemicals.

  Her heart was singing a song not unfamiliar, though this time Ellie had her heart’s best interests by going into this, whatever this was between her and Sam, with a level head and an open mind.

  Her soul, it was electric, a buzzing harmonious entanglement of energy, for to her spirit, she had just kissed the only man she was ever meant to.

  She wanted more. So much more. Without hesitation, she stepped closer, pressed her hands to his solid shoulders and drew up onto her tiptoes. His hands fit firmly on her waist, his eyelids dipped ever so slightly, but his pupils dilated.

  ‘Kiss me again,’ she whispered, a hand sliding up to the back of his head so she could guide his lips to hers. When his mouth met hers, with a touch more urgency, a little more breath and heat, all things were set right again.

  Slanting her head until his lips fit just right, she tasted him again.

  She convinced herself that this kiss was all part of getting to know him more by becoming familiar with the way his breaths hastened as she deepened the kiss.

  And understanding what it meant and how it felt when his hands gripped a little tighter on her waist and dipped with a firm urgency towards her lower back, just inches above her behind.

  And acquainting herself with the silky feel of his hair between her fingers and the roughness of his jaw as it touched against her own.

  She could do this all night long and still not know everything about this man, though she wanted to. Her core burned with a desire to explore every facet of him, every nook and slope and …

  Ding, ding, ding. A spoon hitting against a glass.

  ‘Dinner is about to be served, so if all the guests could find a seat, we’ll get started,’ came Tom’s booming voice.

  Ellie broke away from Sam’s mouth, breathless and tormented that she had to stop. Sam peered at her, a somewhat dazed expression intermingled with agony.

  To see that expression, knowing her own was an exact replica, made her giggle. The corners of his lips curled.

  He slid his hand to her lower back and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek. ‘Come on. We better eat.’

  ‘Agreed, because I’m starving.’ And she wasn’t talking about the need for food.

  Chapter 16

  Sam sat next to Ellie at the engagement party and attempted to resume a conversation with her while in the company of Amy, Tom, Mitch, Amy’s family, and Aunt Grace. When all he wanted to do was take her somewhere where it was only the two of them, quiet, and they could talk privately, maybe even kiss again.

  Okay, he definitely wanted to kiss her again.

  As he fielded questions and knowing glances from his brothers, he attempted to dim the grin on his face, the giddy excitement in his gut.

  But to be in the presence of Ellie, especially how she looked tonight, and knowing what it felt like to have her melded against him with such heat and surrender as they kissed, had him distracted.

  The dress she wore, moulding to every delicious curve, accentuating her big breasts and arse, and the smallness of her waist; he had never wanted to rip a dress off a woman so fast, and concurrently keep it on her, more in his life.

  Ellie was talking with Amy and her grandfather when Tom bumped against his shoulder with the goofiest grin on his face. ‘I see you two were getting friendly,’ he said softly, a tonne of brotherly teasing in his tone.

  What was Sam to do? He couldn’t deny it—he had just kissed Ellie as though his life depended on it in front of an entire party of people without a care for who was watching. While they were in that moment, at least for him anyway, there was no-one else around. ‘A little.’

  Tom chuckled. ‘A lot. She’s gorgeous. And sharp as a tack. Really friendly and sociable. I see why you like her.’

  Ellie was definitely all those things and more—the electricity that fired between them, right from the very first moment they met in Amy’s cupcake shop, was so damn hot.

  Sam didn’t say anything, just smiled and nodded; he certainly didn’t want Ellie overhearing.

  ‘Good for you,’ Tom said, voice still hushed. ‘I just hope you’re not stringing her along … for the short term.’

  Sam’s elation burst like exploding glass. He could understand why his brother would say that to him; he just wished he hadn’t.

  Through gritted teeth, he said, ‘I know it’s your engagement
party, and I certainly don’t want to put a dampener on that, but stay out of my fucking business.’

  It was bad enough that Sam held the weight of his past on his shoulders, he didn’t need his brother shoving it down his throat.

  ‘Fuck you,’ Tom hissed and turned away from him, joining in on a conversation Aunt Grace was having with Mitch.

  Sam sat rigidly in his seat. A buzzing sensation was filling his muscles, urging him to get out of here. But that would make him look like an arse. And he was pretty certain most people at this table thought he was a big enough arse already.

  Ellie’s hand gripped his upper arm and squeezed. ‘Everything okay?’

  He turned to face her, his heart rate slowing from looking into those beautiful hazel eyes. He allowed his muscles to relax. ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘You sure?’

  He nodded. ‘You enjoying your meal?’

  She smiled. ‘Very much.’

  Seeing that smile, full of trust and vulnerability, he had to tell her the full truth. Then she could decide if she still thought him different to the men in her past.

  A part of him would love to keep it all hidden away, so he didn’t have to risk her feeling differently about him than what she did right now. His craving and emotions were deep enough already that even if it were to end right now, just as it was beginning, it would hurt.

  But, perhaps, if Ellie had full knowledge about him and still wanted to pursue a romantic relationship, if his vulnerability got the better of him, or when he felt out of control and his first instincts were to run, she would understand why.

  But he hoped the upshot of this relationship, like it had been with every other one, wasn’t him running away. Not this time. Not with Ellie.

  Please, not with Ellie.

  Her hand came to his forearm again, a gentle squeeze. ‘I understand,’ she whispered, face edging towards his so no-one else at the table would hear. ‘Baby steps.’

  He nodded, allowing her acceptance to work through his bones and blood, ease into his taut muscles.

  ‘Let’s just enjoy this amazing occasion. Have fun. There’s no expectations or requirements, okay?’

  He smiled. ‘Okay.’

  ‘Don’t overthink this. Us.’

  His smile broadened. She was incredibly intuitive, or, probably more likely, feeling the same. ‘Got it. In other words, “shut your thinking, Sam, loosen up and have some fun”.’

  Ellie laughed, such a sweet husky sound. ‘I would’ve chosen something a little less harsh, but along the same vein.’

  Sam rested back in his chair and rolled his shoulders. He needed to loosen up, for his sake. For Ellie’s sake. For Tom and Amy’s sake.

  After the meal, the volume of the music ramped up, and the wine flowed more freely. Ellie spent some time chatting with Amy and her female friends, so Sam joined a group of mutual mates of Tom’s.

  The conversation was light, humorous, with a lot of banter thrown around. He laughed easily, joked, but Ellie was always in the back of his mind. He would glance across the room each time she filled his thoughts and would catch her eye, share a smile.

  As the night progressed and the chatter became more lively, people headed to the dance floor. He found his way back to Ellie at one of the standing tables. His veins and brain were buzzing and muzzy from the alcohol.

  Amy was in the middle of a story that had everyone bursting with laughter.

  Sam exchanged a glance with Tom that said ‘sorry about what I said earlier’.

  Tom nodded, saying without words that he was sorry too.

  Mitch was almost crying with laughter at Amy’s anecdote. His heart swelled to see his eldest brother happy.

  Sam stood closer to Ellie and slung a loose arm around her waist, holding her hip. She peered up at him with those gorgeous hazel eyes and smiled. The diamond stud above the arch of her top lip sparkled under the lights.

  Everything inside him tightened, urging him to kiss her again.

  He bent to reach her ear with his lips. ‘Having a good time?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said somewhat breathlessly, which only ignited his desire more.

  He nodded to the empty glass in front of her. ‘Can I get you another drink?’

  ‘I’ve had my fill. Maybe just a glass of water?’

  It wasn’t until she said that he noticed the soft slurring of her words. He chuckled. ‘Sure.’

  He came back with a glass of water for Ellie and another wine for himself. They all chatted more and laughed, but all the while her presence beside him and in his arms, was all he could focus on.

  The gateways had opened, allowing for a flood of emotion and yearning to consume him.

  The oldies slowly ebbed away, coming to say goodbye to Amy and Tom before going home. Amy’s grandparents and parents excused themselves for bed. The remaining crowd were mostly people his own age—mutual friends and family.

  As the night passed midnight, the music grew louder. The style of music changed—lots of beats and electronics. Lights were dimmed.

  Amy whooped as a new song sounded through the speaker system. ‘I freakin’ love this song!’ She gripped Tom’s hands and led him, willingly or not, onto the dance floor.

  Ellie laughed, then spun out of Sam’s arms and started off behind them. ‘You coming?’ she called back over her shoulder, desire, lust and all things nice, beckoning him to follow.

  He’d be a fool to say no.

  So he went after her. The song pounded with a wicked beat. The mood was instantly frenetic, high, and it swept him up with it. At first, his shoulders moved to the beat, then his hips, his feet.

  Ellie swayed and bounced, turning and dropping, hands in the air when the chorus came, singing the words out loud. When she moved, such abandon, his eyes couldn’t stray. The way her hips rocked and breasts bounced had him hypnotised.

  He wanted to see her naked so bad he throbbed. He yearned to have his hands on every inch of that sexy body, feel her mouth on his.

  She must have read the signals loud and clear because she came to him, placed her hands on his hips and ground against him under the guise of dancing. He hardened, and she knew it because of the glint in her eyes, and the gentle parting of her lips when she met his gaze, told him so.

  He held her hips, urging her closer to him, until they were chest to chest, stomach to stomach. Complete bodily arousal was a force within him, making his breaths shallower and his heart thump faster.

  Then her lips met his, and her hands slung around his neck, and he hadn’t seen it coming, but he was right there with her, tongue dipping into her mouth, hands gliding over the curve of her bottom and up her back.

  And all the while their hips rocked in sync.

  She drew away and looked up at him, a flirtatious curl of her mouth, then spun, her backside pressing right where she knew it hurt so good. Hips turning, knees bending, she lowered down his body, feeling his waist and thighs as she did. His hands roamed over the soft curving lines of her thighs and hips and stomach.

  He wanted to groan; he never knew it could feel this good. His blood was pulsing through him. A light-headedness from being utterly turned-on found his brain. He was hot and ready, and he wanted her like he had never wanted anyone before.

  The song ended, another one started. And still, they danced. And this prelude, foreplay, whatever it was called, never let up. Song after song until he was a hot mess of need and hunger.

  ‘I want you so bad I could burst,’ he whispered into her ear, almost a groan.

  She nodded. ‘I want you too.’ Such need in her words, it struck him deep, mingling with his own desperation.

  Under ordinary circumstances, right this moment, he’d take her hand and very determinately sneak back to his place where he would spend the night making love to her.

  But Ellie wasn’t ordinary. And he wasn’t going to use that mode of operation anymore. Not with her. If he wanted things to change, he had to do things differently.

  Using all his willp
ower and a big breath inwards, he pulled away from her. Without her in his arms, he was cold, achy. ‘How about we go grab a drink?’

  She smiled, understanding reaching her expression. ‘Sure.’

  ‘Water?’

  Her smile widened. ‘Perhaps splashed right in my face.’

  He rolled his head back and laughed. He understood completely. There was no denying that the tension between them was charged.

  A drink in their hands, they sat together at one of the tables facing the dance floor to watch the other guests. Tom and Amy were dirty dancing, oblivious that anyone was even around.

  ‘You’ve got a really fantastic family, Sam. Mitch, Amy, Grace—all so friendly and welcoming.’

  He smiled. ‘Yeah, I do.’ He knew it, but sometimes he took them for granted, too absorbed in his own life and with his own needs. ‘What about your family? I bet they’re missing you.’

  ‘Yeah, but they’re not too far away. And they knew this move was important for me.’ The dancing had worked off some of the slur in her words.

  ‘So you’ve got siblings?’

  ‘A younger brother. He’s really great. Runs his own personal training business in Melbourne.’

  ‘You’re a very business minded family.’

  She nodded. ‘Makes sense really. Dad always said we should follow our heart. My brother, Jai, is a massive fitness fanatic. Always has been. And me, well, I’ve never known anything but art and crafts and flowers.’

  ‘It shows. You’re brilliant.’ This was no embellishment.

  A shy grin transformed on her face. ‘Thank you. What about you? Amy was telling me that you and your brothers took over the vineyard after your father passed away?’

  ‘This vineyard has been my life since I was born. Dad would take me out with him after school and on weekends and he taught me everything about terroir, the weather, how to know when the grapes were perfect for harvest. Then when I was able to drink, he taught me respect for the final product, how to taste the wine with the whole of my palate, and how to create blends.’

  ‘Mitch said you handle most of the promotional side of the business?’