by R Holmes
"When you bleed… it creates a wound inside of me so deep that nothing will be able to repair it. It's permanent. All those times that I hurt you? Those times that I broke you just to see the tears fall? They'll never heal. I'll never stop punishing myself for what I did. There's never going to be enough repentance for those sins. I'm sorry I put you in the position that someone could hurt you this way. I swear to you with everything, I wasn't the one to release that video, nor was Sebastian."
This is so much to take in, my heart constricts with each word. It’s the one thing I have wanted for so long to hear from him, but is it enough to change our future?
Behind me, I hear footsteps, someone walking up the stairs and then suddenly Mara stomps through with Rory and Alec behind her, pushing her through the doorway. Rory gives me an apologetic smirk before Alec pushes her the rest of the way into the room. Obviously, she's not here of her own accord.
I'm so confused by what's happening. What does she have to do with this? Why would he bring her here, and what does Rory have to do with it?
"Tell her." Rory nudges her.
She rolls her eyes and raises her eyebrows. "You can fuck off, Rory. You're the biggest cunt, I swear. “
"Tell her, bitch, or I swear to God, all of St. Augustine will find out about your little problem…" He claps and gives her an evil grin. Holy shit. I wonder if Rhys knows what I do, but the look of amusement on his face says that he probably does.
"Oh my God, I do not have an STD, Rory. Fuck you," she spits.
"Maybe, maybe not, but the rumor mill around here is fucking brutal. Wanna find out?" Rory grins and dangles his phone in her face.
Holy shit. As much as I'm enjoying this, I want to know what the hell is going on. I'm so confused by their knowing glances at each other around the room.
"Fine." She turns back toward me, then crosses her arms across her chest, inspecting her manicured hand, feigning disinterest. "I sent the video from Sebastian's phone."
My jaw drops.
"You what?" I screech. The sadness inside of me dissipates instantly at her revelation and I feel my shit officially being lost. Are you fucking kidding me?
"You bitch!"
I lunge at her, but Rhys grabs my arms, holding me back, dragging me against his body. "She's not worth it, little lamb," he whispers in my ear. Even his calming words do nothing to quell the fire inside of me. I am livid. Rage fills my body like I've never felt. This sad, pathetic excuse of a girl. She couldn't just leave me alone and walk the fuck away. I should have known she’d never just let it go, always has to have the last word. Always has to remain the queen bee.
Rory pushes her again, forcefully making her stumble forward.
"Sorry," she spews.
Venom drips from her words and I can tell she's not at all sorry. But my mind is still blown that she did this and Rhys truly had nothing to do with it. Guilt immediately creeps up my spine as every single thing I've said to him only days ago comes rushing back. Oh, God. I clutch my stomach to lessen the hurt from the knot that has formed deep in my gut. Everything is so overwhelming.
"Sorry, Val, I love you, but I knew you'd hate yourself if you didn't give him a chance to speak the truth. Are you okay for us to leave?" Rory pulls me tightly into him. I can’t help but sigh into his hold, not realizing how much I needed his reassurance and familiarity. I nod against his embrace but hold on a few seconds longer.
He gives me a sweet smile, then joins Alec as they drag Mara out without another word and slams the door shut behind them. I whip around to face Rhys, and he simply pulls me into his arms and holds me close to him.
"Rhys, I'm so sorr—" I start. The words die on my lips as he pulls me to him, grabbing my jaw with both hands and kissing me with so much passion, my knees feel weak.
He rips his mouth away, panting, "Do not apologize to me, Valentina. You deserve that apology and more. You deserve so much fucking more."
I pull back and stare into his stormy irises. "I love you, Rhys. Even after all of the horrible things I said… you stayed. You fought for me even when I believed the worst of you. I wish that I could take them back. God, I hate myself for it. I should've let you explain or listened to what—"
With that, he seals his lips over mine and kisses the breath from my body, giving me more than he ever took. Stealing my words right from the tip of my tongue. He drops his forehead to mine, and in this moment, the room fades out—the noise downstairs, everything—and it's just him and I. Two fucked-up, broken people, finding a way to survive together.
"Fuck, Valentina, I was so scared. More scared than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I was terrified that the damage I caused was irreparable. That you saw the ugly and it was too much. I had to take a second to breathe and remind myself that you aren't them. You're not like my parents.”
He bends down and begins to kiss each and every tear that wets my cheeks, then over again. God, my heart hurts so much, but it’s different, similar to when a wound scabs over and begins to heal after being opened again and again. It leaves me hopeful that this wound will heal. Hopeful that whatever damage was inflicted is repairable.
Rhys and I would never be perfect, no, we are too flawed to resemble anything near perfection. But what we have is real. It's genuine and authentic, the type that some people never experience in a lifetime. It's not just seen, it's felt. I feel his love for me in every single moment that he stays by my side, even when it’s hard. I was never meant to fall in love with Rhys Blackwood. He was my bully, my tormentor, the last person I was ever meant to love. Except, somewhere along the way, I fell for the villain, unexpectedly and without grace. A villain who gave me a piece of the broken inside of him and begged me to make him whole again. To nurture the sliver of light left in him, and watch it grow. To water it with affirmations, give it all of the light that I had inside of me. In exchange, I gave him pieces of myself. Pieces that were broken before he came along, and somehow he mended each and every jagged piece.
My story started with hate and ends with love so powerful, it consumes us both. I'd spend each and every moment with Rhys making up for the pain that I caused him, and trying to show him that no matter what, I would stay. I would remain even when there was no one left. Because even the darkest of villains need saving, too.
Two Weeks Later
"This is the worst idea ever. Out of all the dates you could choose, you chose the one most detrimental to my health," Valentina groans from the seat next to me in the car. Like she was always meant to be there. She's wearing her school uniform, plaid skirt and Mary Janes, paired with her blazer—no cardigan today—but even as innocent as she looks now, she looks delectable. An entire meal fit for the king.
Or in my case, a fallen angel.
"Babe, you said you wanted to learn to skateboard, and here I am—delivering." I grin, and bring her hand to my lips for a quick kiss. Her face softens.
"Remind me to never tell you any juicy stuff right after you give me three orgasms, back to back."
"So, it's a no to skydiving?"
Her eyes fly to mine and she adamantly shakes her head. "Rhys, no. I blame it on the sex coma. Please, I will die, then you'll have to miss me."
I laugh as we pull into the parking lot. She sighs when I park and get out. Two days ago in a sleepy, sated voice, she admitted to me that she always wanted to learn how to skateboard, and she never had the chance to try. That night, I pulled my old board out of my closet, covered with so many stickers you can't see the actual board itself, and put it in the car for this moment. Haven't touched this board in years, but if she wants to learn, I'll be the one to teach her. Flicking the trunk open, I pull out the helmet and knee pads I bought especially for this occasion. I knew she was going to need them.
Her tiny frame appears around the corner and stares at me defiantly. "C'mon, little lamb, where's that fire I love so much?" I ask.
She crinkles her nose, and it's so fucking cute I have to stop myself from pushing her against the car
and kissing her until she's breathless. It happens a lot, but fuck, what can I say? A guy’s in love.
"I left it at home. Rhys, please can we just go back to St. A and have lots of hot sex? This is me bargaining sex." Her eyebrows waggle up and down, and I can't hold back my laugh.
"Come on, deviant." I lace my hand in hers and drag her toward the beginners’ section. The one with a straightaway of concrete and no bowls or bars to slide across. Something tells me that we'll never get far enough to need them. After donning the protective wear, I place the board on the concrete in front of my feet and she begrudgingly places one foot on it.
"Do not let my hands go, Rhys." She threatens me with a look of contempt.
"I promise."
Her hands latch onto my shirt the second her other foot hits the board. The entire thing is so comical, I bite my lip so hard, I taste blood. She might kill me if I laugh at her.
Fuck, she looks so damn cute with the bright pink helmet, knee pads, and her uniform on. Her entire body shakes as she tries to get her balance—and fails.
"I'm going to fall. I'm going to fall. I'm going to fa-" She repeats until the board slips out from under her. I catch her before she can hit the ground and she groans, laying back on the concrete.
"If we end up at the hospital, it is entirely your fault."
"You're not a quitter, come on," I tell her.
After a few failed attempts, she finally starts to get some balance and moves three inches without me having to hold her. Well, then she gets brave. She thinks she has it. Three inches turn into six, and then an entire foot. Slowly but surely, she gains confidence, and while she's no Tony Hawke, I'm proud as fuck that she sucked it up and tried.
"Rhys, look!" she cries as she rides in a straight line. I give her a smile and a wink, watching as she continues forward. In her haste, the board slips out from under her and she goes down in a tumble of limbs and concrete.
Wincing, I run over toward her where she's on the ground clutching her elbow. Shit, we might end up in the ER at this rate.
"Are you okay?"
Her long hair hangs in front of her face, concealing her expression, and when her shoulders start to shake I realize she's crying.
Oh fuck, my heart pangs with guilt.
Until she looks up and the most beautiful fucking smile is gracing her face. She's laughing so hard she has tears.
"God, that was fucking awesome! I was kicking ass," she laughs the words out, then thrusts her elbow in my face, showing me a sick-ass scrape.
"I'm so proud of this. Totally a war wound. Sebastian will be proud of me." Her grin is infectious. Her and Sebastian finally put things behind them in the past couple of weeks and have formed this weirdly cute friendship. I still want to punch him in the face when I see his gazing lingering on her tits for too long. Bash has been off lately, and it seems like the only time I see him genuinely smile is when Val is around. He loves giving her shit and loves that she gives it right back.
With Ezra still in jail, things have been rough for all of us. It blows my mind of her impact on not just me, but Sebastian and Alec as well. She’s been the one constant thing that has helped keep our mind off this complicated, fucked-up mess, even if she has no clue what kind of evil is truly at play.
So much has changed in the last few months, but Valentina has been a permanent fixture. The truth is, I'm still the same person I was when Valentina Carmichael walked into my life. Except, I'm lighter. That's the best way to explain her impact on my life, on the darkness that my soul was caught in. She made it a little less bleak each and every time she smiled. Each time she took my hand in hers and made me slow dance to one of her favorite songs with her in her dorm room after midnight when she was sleepy. Or how now she opts for band shirts over a little black dress, for bright red lipstick that makes her feel more like herself over something more tame like she's expected to wear. I fell in love with Valentina each and every time she whispered her love for me when the demons came knocking, ready to drag me back down. Each and every time she pulled me back.
I love laughing with her. Being happy, not giving a shit who was watching as I live my life with the girl I love.
Her hands grasp my jaw and she gives me the stormy dark eyes that I can’t help but lose myself in every damn time.
"It's like you always say…" she says, and I feel her breath dance across my lips. "You bleed, I bleed."
THE END
The sun beating down brutally and bright, the smell of freshly cut grass, or the ability to pee without being watched. All things which are easily taken for granted, and things that I’ll never take for granted again.
I'm fucking free.
Not that I'll ever truly be free. Free of the chains that are wrapped tightly around my throat, squeezing the air from my lungs. Each day they wrap tighter, teasing of a quiet and merciful death where the demons that invade my mind will no longer haunt me. The lies and deceit in this town are woven so intricately, so deeply, that while I unravel and expose the evil, it may just consume me.
It's a chance I'll take if it means I can take back my life. Take back everything that’s been stolen from me.
And I’m going to start with St. Augustine and all of the sinners inside of it.
Tarnished Vow
Spring 2021
The Boys of St. Augustine. Kings with their crowns made of gold.
However tarnished it may be, gold still shines in the light.
Reign as they might, flawed as they are.
The higher they rise, the harder they fall.
It’s time our beloved Kings meet their downfall.
Pre-Order Tarnished Vow Here
Acknowledgments
Thank you for picking up Immoral Confessions and giving it a try. Whether you loved it, or hated it… I’m thankful that you took a chance on me.
Everyone always asks me what is my favorite thing about writing a book? Truthfully, it’s this part where I can thank everyone who made it possible. Because without them, there wouldn’t be anything to read.
I want to thank my team first and foremost. I am lucky enough to be surrounded by the most amazing set of empowering women there is. My PA Amber who is so selfless and kind, who goes above and beyond for me. Without her my life would fall apart around me. Not only is she the brains behind the operation, but she is also the most supportive and encouraging person I know. I love you Amber!
To my betas Katie, Ofa, Ali & Jan, thank you so much for all of the time you sacrifice to help me make my books what they are. You give and give and never ask for anything in return. Without your feedback, my words would be a mess. I am so eternally grateful for all of you. Thank you so so much. I love all of you.
For my group, the sinners. You girls are the best. I swear on my worst days I’m still the most blessed person I know, knowing that I have such a BAD ASS group of women in my life. I know that no matter what, you’ll have my back and support me. I can’t thank you enough for your support and hype.
To the bookstagrammers who make the most beautiful edits, ever! There are sooo many of you to thank, so I want to say thank you to all of you. Mia, Nikki, Barbara, Willemy, Vanessa, Willa, Eli. Y’all are my girls and I am so grateful you have become friends!
My street team who are my ultimate hype girls. Thank you for reposting, sharing, making edits, and just the HYPE that you give me daily. I will never take you for granted. I love each and every one of you!
To Portia. This book is for you. You have been by my side through IT ALL. I will always love you. My best friend for life.
To my author friends who keep me SANE! Veronica, Holly, Becca, Sara, Rachel, Chelsea, Liza, Thal, Nat, Sam, Kae. Seriously y’all pushed me to finish this even when I didn’t think I could. Thank you for being the best.
For my GIRLS! Jackie O, Vanessa, Britt, Marie, Rox, Nick, Mia, Shawna. I fucking love y’all. I can’t even put into words how thankful I am for y’all. You constantly hype me, talk me off the tallest ledges, and support me EN
DLESSLY and I can never explain how thankful I am for you. You are the reason I do this. I love you.
To my best friend/soulmate Kayleigh for pushing me to publish this book and face my fears. You are my 3 am call when the worlds falling apart. I love you.
To my husband for putting up with the nights I crawl into bed after 3 am. For all of the late dinners, for loving me even though I neglected you. I love you. Thanks for inspiring this book.
Last, but absolutely not least, the readers and bloggers who have picked up this book to read. Thank you for reading. Without you, none of this would be possible.
About the Author
Villains that Wreck You
R. Holmes is from a small town in southern Louisiana where she lives on a farm, with her husband and two little boys. Whenever she's not chasing around the goats and her boys on the farm, she spends her time watching ridiculous amounts of Netflix and is almost always stuck with her nose in a book. She thrives on horror films, sarcasm, and reruns of Harry Potter. A perpetual night owl, you'll find her in her office locked away until the wee hours of the morning. She loves to meet her readers and discuss her latest favorite books and her upcoming projects!
CONTACT + FOLLOW
Email: [email protected]
Website: rholmesauthor.com
FB Reader Group: R. Holmes Sinners
Amazon: R. Holmes on Amazon
Newsletter Link: Subscribe Now
Also by R. Holmes
Sins Of my Father
