by R Holmes
"What the fuck have you done, Sebastian?"
"I don't even know what the fuck is going on, Rhys, what the fuck? You just bust up in here while I'm fucking sleeping."
Now that he's awake and alert, he gets up from the bed.
"Don't act like you don't know what the fuck is going on. Have you not fucking checked your phone in the past twelve hours?"
He shakes his head, "No, the fuck I haven't. I got trashed last night after I met up with you, I passed out at the Abbey. I just got home an hour or so ago."
"Give me your phone, Alec!" I bark. "I fucking broke mine."
He hesitates after I say that, like I'm going to break his next. Fuck, he's probably right. I will myself to calm down, but the rage inside me grows with each passing second. Sebastian just cost me the only girl I've ever fucking loved. Not only did I lose Valentina, I feel betrayed by my fucking brother.
Alec hands me his phone and I pull up his email account to show them both. Alec looks completely bewildered and Sebastian's brow crumples in confusion.
"What the fuck?" He yanks the phone from my hand and looks at it. The post came from his account. "Rhys, I didn't fucking post this shit."
He stares at the video a few more minutes until a look of realization passes his face.
"Oh fuck. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck," he repeats and tosses Alec's phone back to him, then starts searching his room. He finds his discarded jeans and pulls out his phone from his pocket, then unlocks it and looks through it momentarily before he curses.
"Goddammit. Mara."
"What?" Now I'm fucking confused.
"Fuck, man, I fucked up." He sits on the bed and drops his head into his hands. "Me and Pres got into a huge fight yesterday. We’re done. Whatever it was between us, it's done. I went to the Abbey last night and drank an entire bottle of tequila. I could hardly fucking walk. Somehow, I ran into Mara, and as much as I hate her, she has great tits. I was drunk as fuck, man. I went with her into a bedroom, and the next thing I know, she's riding my cock and screaming my name like a banshee."
He looks up and his gaze meets mine. "Rhys, I fucked Mara. I fucked up. That in itself is bad enough, but it was her. She must have gone through my phone when I passed out and sent the video out using my account. Fuck," he curses, standing abruptly. It's his turn to pace the room. "That means she knows about Presley. I have… videos on my phone. Videos of us. If she found the video of you and Valentina, that means she knows. The one fucking person in the entire goddamn school with the biggest fucking mouth knows."
This is fucking bad.
"Damn. I knew that bitch was crazy, but damn," Alec mutters.
"I'll go over to Val's now and explain to her what happened," Sebastian says and starts to throw on his jeans.
"She's not going to answer. I've already went over there this morning to try and talk to her, but she doesn't believe me. She won't even fucking look at me, Bash, she's done. I don’t want to hurt her anymore. All I fucking do is hurt her."
I sag against the door in defeat. Fuck. This stirs the feelings inside of me that I've locked away for so long. Everyone who I love, leaves. It's why I was hesitant to let her behind my walls in the first place, to let anyone in. Why I lied to myself for so long and convinced myself that it was about her snitching. It's why I don't fucking give a shit about anyone but my boys, because then they have the power to destroy you. Everyone who comes into my life leaves when things get hard. Fuck.
She’s gone, she’s never going to stay with someone like me. Someone who constantly hurts her.
I feel helpless. I feel the familiar feeling of brokenness creep its way back in, trying to pull me under.
"Rhys, Valentina fucking loves you, dude. That much is obvious. You have to fix this shit, even if it wasn't you that broke it in the first place. Dude, she’s the first girl that’s ever touched the black-ass heart inside you. You actually fucking smile now, even if it’s a weird half-ass one that gives me the creeps. Don’t lose her over a misunderstanding. Fight for her," Alec speaks up. He's usually the quiet one that never says much, but I've never been so fucking thankful to hear him speak.
"What do I do? How do I fix this? She doesn't trust me anymore. I can see it, Bash, she’s done," I say.
"I have an idea, but… we're going to need Rory for this," Sebastian says, brushing past me into the kitchen.
Alec and I follow behind as he puts his phone on the kitchen table and sits down.
"Get Rory on the phone."
The nights blur into days, and I lose track of how long I've been in bed or even the last time I showered, embarrassingly enough. I can't seem to find the strength or energy to pull myself from the bed. Rory texts and stops by at least once a day with food, but it's gone uneaten in the trash, aside from a few nibbles. I can't stomach food at this point. Sister Agnes came by to check on me, and once she saw my state, she assumed that I’d caught the flu, then promptly excused me from classes. No, I’m just heartbroken, and that’s worse. I'm lost in my own despair, and I don't want to be pulled out. I want to lay in my bed and mourn the loss of Rhys. To let the feeling of betrayal and heartbreak seep its way into my bones and make a home. That way I will never become the victim again. I'll remember the way that this feels, and I’ll never make the same mistake again. No one can ever make me the fool again if I don't allow them inside the walls of my heart.
Not even Chuck Bass can pull me out of the black hole I've sunk so deeply inside. Reruns of my favorite show have played mindlessly on repeat in the background while I've wallowed in the betrayal. Every time I think of Rhys, I feel the same wash of pain hit me even harder than the last, over and over until I'm exhausted. I've cried more tears in the past few days than I have in probably my whole entire life. The bitter sting of betrayal and heartbreak unlike anything I've ever experienced. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that Rhys betrayed me and broke my heart. Although my trust in him was new, it was solid. I gave him parts of me that no one else had ever seen, and he cherished it. He worshipped it and helped me turn into a version of myself that was strong and resilient.
I sigh and fall face-first back into my pillow as another set of tears begin to fall. A loud pounding on my door causes me to jolt upright. Oh, God, I hope it isn't Rhys. I can't bear to even see his face right now. I need to be strong, and seeing him makes me miss the feel of his arms around me. I pad over to my door and open it ever so slightly, peeking out of the crack. Rory's concerned face stares back at me.
"Valentina Carmichael, if you do not let me in this dorm room, I am going to lose my shit right here in this hallway," he hisses.
"Fine." I open the door, gesturing him inside begrudgingly.
He stomps past me into the room and squints his nose in disgust.
"That's it. You are done moping around like this. Your dorm is gross and, like, when is the last time you showered? You smell weird."
I look down at the baggy band T-shirt I'm wearing that falls down to my knees. Now that he mentions it, I don't actually remember.
"Enough. This is literally enough. In the shower. While I clean up this disaster." He starts picking up the still full takeout boxes around my dorm.
"Val, listen, okay… I know you are heartbroken and I know that you are hurt and I am not downplaying that in any way. I see you. I feel your hurt and I love you. But I am your best friend, and I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't push you out of this comfortable and stinky hole that you've dug yourself into. Seriously, go shower and then we'll talk."
I nod reluctantly and grab a set of clothes from my dresser before heading into the bathroom. I don't want to admit, but he's right. I have to shake this off. If I don't, then Rhys has won. He broke me just like he hoped to. After a quick shower, a few extra minutes scrubbing my teeth and brushing my hair, I join Rory back in my room. He's picked everything up and made my bed, opened my curtains, and has a large Sprite waiting for me when I return.
My heart pangs. He's the best friend I could have ever asked for. I
don't deserve him and his kindness.
"You're showered, you're dressed. Let's talk." He gestures toward my bed, telling me to sit. When I do, he comes to stand in front of me and pulls me into the tightest hug imaginable. "I can't stand to see you like this, Val. You're so hollow and unlike you, it breaks my heart. You're stronger than this."
I nod and bite back the sting of tears.
"Here's what's going to happen. You're going to get dressed, in the sexiest, most fucking bad-ass dress that you have in this closet. You're going to put on your makeup and curl your hair, and you're going to walk out of this room. You're going to put one foot in front of the other, and you're going to continue on." He flings open my closet and starts pulling out different outfits, laying them out next to me on the bed.
"I know it hurts. But the only way to survive is to move forward. We're going to the Abbey tonight. And I'm not taking no for an answer."
"What if he's there, Ror? I can't see him. I'll just break down like a fool in front of him, and I can't. I don't want to ever see his face again."
"Well, babe, the reality is that he attends St. Augustine, and you can't avoid him forever. But before you break down in a sobbing mess of tears, think about how far you have come. Think about the girl that we knew six months ago. The one who cowered down to Mara and the bitches. The girl who never stood up for herself. The girl who was a doormat for everyone. That girl is dead. Replaced by this amazing, strong, beautiful woman who will rise from the ashes like a fucking phoenix. That's who you are now, Valentina. A girl who can't be touched because she doesn't give one shit about what others think of her."
I let Rory's words resonate. Rationally, I know he's right. I know what he's saying is true. I am a different girl than I was before, and I would be lying to myself if I didn't say that Rhys had something to do with that. So, now I won’t let Rhys be the one to take it from me.
"Okay," I whisper.
Rory's eyes widen. "Okay, I thought that would be a little harder, but hell yes. Let's make him wish he never hurt you, babe. Show him what he's missing." He grins.
I don't know if I'm ready to face Rhys, but it's going to happen regardless, just like Rory said. At least when I do, it'll be on my own terms.
An hour and a half later, I'm standing in front of the mirror, looking every bit of the new version of myself. Rory whistles behind me, causing my cheeks to heat.
"Valentina, I swear to God, if I wasn't team dick, I would be all over you. You look so damn hot!" he says.
My gaze drifts back to the mirror I'm in front of. My reflection stares back, but I hardly recognize the person I see. My hair is curled and styled, teased to perfection. Dark, edgy makeup that makes my eyes look wide and starry. Lips painted dark. Black skirt with thigh-high black boots, and a burgundy crop top with rips. I love this look. I love that it gives me back some of the confidence that I've lost over the last few days.
Who knew a little hairspray and lipstick could make so much of a difference?
"Are you ready to do this?" Rory asks.
I shake my head. "No, but you're right… I'm bound to see him somewhere and I'd rather it be on my terms, not his." I grab my purse from the hanger on the door and hold out my hand to Rory.
He takes it in his and squeezes gently.
"You're strong. You're brave. You're powerful. Never forget that."
"Thank you, Ror. For being the best, best friend ever. Never leave me, ’kay?" I give him what feels like the first real, genuine smile in days.
"You are never getting rid of me, even if you tried."
When we finally get to the party, after having to find a last-minute ride, because the girl who was bringing us apparently has food poisoning, there's way less people than I expected, but still a good amount. It's barely eleven, and maybe that's why the crowd is less than normal.
"Wow, I'm kind of shocked that this place isn't bumping like it usually is," I tell Rory as we walk through the front door. There are still a huge crowd of people, but nothing like I'm used to seeing.
"Yeah, weird. Hey, we need drinks. Shots? Tequila? Vodka?"
I gag dramatically at the mention of vodka. "Please never mention that in my presence again."
He laughs, then rolls his eyes. "And I'm the dramatic one? ’Kay. Whiskey it is. Meet me upstairs? I'll bring the drinks. I want to show you something."
He leaves without another word and I'm left confused. Why would Rory want to go upstairs? I shrug it off and walk toward the stairs. Whatever, I'm here tonight to not sulk and be moody. I want to have a good time with my best friend and forget everything that has happened in the past few days.
It's eerily quiet upstairs, and it's almost enough to make me turn back toward the stairs, but Rory said he'd meet me up here and he'll bring the drinks. The hallway is dimly lit, and there's no one else in sight. All of the doors are closed, except the last one that's cracked slightly. Rhys’s room. The room where, not so long ago, I was just like all the other conquests he has brought in there. I feel sick even thinking about it.
I walk forward slowly, scared of what I might see behind that door. If I was broken before, seeing him with someone else would gut me and leave my insides bare for everyone to see. I wouldn't survive it. I can’t say why I decide to proceed, but the feeling in the pit of my stomach I can’t seem to shake probably has everything to do with it. I pause when I reach the door. My heart races in my chest so loud, I can hear the ferocious pounding in my ear. A steady whoosh that is so loud, I fear others can hear. Ever so slightly, I push the door open inch by inch until it's wide open and the darkened room comes into view. Rhys sits on the middle of the bed, thankfully alone, because my heart couldn't take the beating.
Seeing him for the first time in days causes my throat to close with emotion and my heart to race out of my chest. I feel panic claw at me, but I will myself to take a deep breath before I faint in the middle of the floor.
"Valentina," he breathes raggedly. His dark hair falls in his face but does nothing to mask the relief that flooded his features the second I came into view. Like he expected me to…
It dawns on me that Rory and his meddling self had everything to do with getting me here. Why else would he drag me to this party, then tell me to meet him upstairs? I should've realized something strange was happening when there was no one else up the stairs or in the hallway, but the moment I realized his door was open, all rational thought left.
"Rhys," I retort. I move no further into the room, scared to be in any close proximity to the man who broke my heart. The one who still makes it beat inside my chest, even though he's the one who broke it in the first place.
"Please. I just need five minutes of your time." He rises from the bed and walks toward me, and, in turn, I step backward away from him. "Please, Valentina. Five minutes, that's it. I promise if you don't want to listen after those five minutes, I will walk out of your life and I will never bother you again. Five minutes."
I eye him hesitantly, knowing that his promises mean nothing. They mean nothing after what he's done. But, for whatever reason, even if it’s stupid, the part of my heart he broke still yearns for him, and gives into his words. I give him a brief nod of my head.
He sags visibly but still makes no movement to step closer toward me. I appreciate it. I can't have him crowd my space, making me weak for his touch, his smell, for anything that is Rhys Blackwood. I need to protect my heart and myself.
Even though his face falls, visibly hurt, he clears his throat and begins to speak. "Sebastian, Ezra, Alex and I have had a saying since the fifth grade. You bleed, I bleed. I was just a kid, lost, broken, trying to find my way in a world where your last name made you who you were. Wealth and power were what made you untouchable. Neither were attainable for me. Even as a kid, I knew if I didn't forge my way in a world never meant for me, then I'd never survive. Survival of the fittest. Yet I was already at a disadvantage being an orphan with no family." The Adam’s apple in his throat bobs as he swallows. "Then I me
t my brothers, and despite the differences in our lives, we created a bond deeper than a surname. It was the one thing I clung to whenever the weight of the world was too heavy to bear. When I felt the darkness pulling me under. They saved me, Valentina, more times than I'm willing to admit, and never once did they throw it back in my face. They are my brothers. I spent the rest of my childhood building a wall so high, no one could reach the top. Impenetrable, made of steel so thick that no one would ever dare to try." He shakes his head. He’s obviously feeling overwhelmed with the way he clenches and unclenches his fists at his side, and the long, deep breaths he takes before speaking.
My heart breaks even further at his words. It doesn't take away from my pain but simply adds to it.
I watch as he draws in a ragged breath. "Then I met you." He pauses, gauging my reaction, and when I don't give him one, he continues. "You changed me, Valentina. Fuck, you changed me, and I never want to be the man I was before you. You took this ugly, rotten heart of mine and you made it better. You touched me in places that have never seen the light. I fought you, I hurt you, embarrassed you, humiliated you, I degraded you. Yet, through it all, you believed in me. You never gave up. You never left. You gave it back to me. You challenged me. You showed me that not everyone walks away. All I have ever wanted was someone who doesn't run when they see the parts of me that are ugly and charred."
I want to rub at my chest, where inside, my broken, bruised heart threatens to betray me and beat for him, like it always has. I’m completely frozen in place as I try and process what he’s saying.
"I love you, Valentina Carmichael. I fucking love you so much it steals the breath from my lungs. It lives in here." He puts his own hand over his heart. "Even if you decide to walk away and be smart, it'll still live in here. I love you and I'll shout it from the fucking rooftop. That motto? You bleed, I bleed. Fuck, I've lived my life by it. I'd do anything for them. But when you bleed, Valentina?"
As much as his words gut me, and pierce my heart, I just don’t know what it changes. He stalks forward, step by step until he's in front of me, wiping away the fat tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. I can't seem to stop them, and each swipe of his thumb and lash of his words bring a string of new ones.
