Blood on the Dining-Room Floor

by Gertrude Stein

  He met her she met him.

  Do you not see what I mean, nothing is surprising.

  It was not any more surprising that he met her and she met him and they were marrying.

  It was surprising and the reason why is that the only thing that is surprising is that there is a coincidental meeting. His mother who was a person of distinction although a very old one was treating the gardener’s, do you see, a horticulturist is a gardener’s, as if he were everything. And the horticulturist’s youngest sister had met Mabel far away where she had been sent to stay, not Mabel, the horticulturist’s younger sister. Mabel lived in that place there where they were people of distinction.

  Do you see, nothing is surprising but a coincidence. A fact is not surprising, a coincidence is surprising and that is the reason that crime is surprising. There is always a coincidence in crime.

  There are so many ways in which there is no crime.

  Chapter Five

  An entirely different matter is that this family knew another family. This also had to do with a marriage and everything that matters even orphans literally one orphan because the other one was dead before the orphaning was complete. In a way it never was complete because the mother was never dead, she was only completely put away.

  There are several ways that mothers or fathers, mostly fathers and very often mothers are put away, even in families of distinction.

  Now remember so far we have two we may say three.

  The mother who was dead, well she was not put away.

  The father who was neither dead nor put away, but they got rid of him.

  And now the mother who was put away because she was really not what she should have been in her head, not she, she would never be dead.

  All this is no suffering.

  Nothing which happens is either prepared or not prepared, cooking, servants marrying or arranging.

  Do you begin to see how here and there they are to be not where they were, although some are where they were, but others not.

  A goat comes into this story too. Somewhere some one had two beautiful dogs that were big. One of them was a male and the other was a female, they were to have puppies, their owner, a woman, wealthy and careful too, always wore carpenter’s trousers and carpenter’s shirts and loved to work. She said when the puppies came there would be nine and they would need more milk than their mother had. She said this was always so. So she said she would buy a goat.

  It is difficult to buy a goat, not that goats are really rare, not here and there.

  She found through some one else a veterinary who could save lives, dogs’ lives, cows’ lives, sheeps’ lives, and even goats’ lives. Not so much horses’ lives. This was because his father and his grandfather had been not veterinaries, he was not one either but he they she, even his sister always knew what to do. Other veterinaries were like doctors who saw everything through, but he knew what to do.

  He was asked to find a goat a healthy goat. He did. And then. The horticulturist, the eldest son was asked to carry the goat in his car and he said no, not so. I will not have this goat go.

  This really happened. The goat had been bought and paid for, and this often happened, so they said, whenever any one said, that the horticulturist had not said what he had said.

  The goat had to be sold to somebody else and this too made every one entitled to say so, that the eldest of the eight may we call him Alexander was not any longer not only forbidding but forbidden.

  Do you see how the whole place was ready, not for anybody to be dead but for anybody not to be interested in anything that was said.

  As I was saying some one who was married, had been only seventeen. Three were married one, seventeen, one, sixteen, one, eighteen. These were all women of course and each one of them of a family of distinction. Each one of them married differently and they really did not know each other though each one knew who the other one was. Of course.

  Alexander in a way met them all but not any one of them all knew better.

  No horticulturist Alexander should be calling one of them Mabel of course not. Nor should he be doing everything for the other one, certainly not, or kissing the hand of the cousin of the third one, most certainly not.

  The only thing that he should do was to say that the wife of the hotel-keeper had walked in her sleep. That was absolutely all he had a right to do.

  There was the lady of eighty who liked to hear what he had to say and between them his father was sent away, not that the lady of eighty had anything to say, except that he was worthy of having this happen to him, he being so worthy, worthy of having his father induced to leave the garden to the rest of them and to go away.

  The more you see the country the more you do not wonder why they shut the door. They never do in a way and yet if they did not it would be best.

  There are many places where every one is married, even in the country, some of them are not. Think of it, even in the country, some of them are not.

  Now we have come to the three young women who do not know each other and yet know who each other are, and they are each one married.

  Mabel was married.

  Helen was an orphan, that is to say her mother was put away and her father the major was killed in the war. You all remember the war. Some can forget a war. It is not necessary to remember or to forget a war.

  Who remembers a door. Any one who remembers a door can remember a war.

  He went to the war to be killed in the war because his wife was crazy. She behaved strangely when she went to church. She even behaved strangely when she did not. She played the piano and at the same time put cement between the keys so that they would not sound. You see how easy it is to have cement around.

  I have often noticed how easy it is to have cement around because everywhere there are rocks and so everywhere if you have the necessary building and equipment you have cement. And in the country, it looks strange, it makes it look like dryness or like snow, like Russia or like sand, like a ruin or like a fog, oh dear some people like to live and look at it and some must, oh dear, stop when they see it, oh dear.

  Do you see why I tell you about all this, it is because if you live in a country house you must know all this, of course you must, and you must come to stay, oh dear yes, you must come to stay.

  Remember anyway it was not within a year but within three years that these three girls had married. I do not mind calling them girls nor calling them married, in any case except themselves and their marriage nobody was interested in them but everybody said as often as anybody could say that they were married.

  Right right right left I had a good job and I left.

  Chapter Six

  A little come they which they can they will they can be married to a man, a young enough man an old man and a young enough man.

  They did not know each other that is they knew about each other, that is they had seen each other and their families knew each other. Any families know each other know about each other of course yes.

  A marriage is either in the winter or in the summer or even in the spring.

  The spring one was one with a foreigner and the family never heard anybody win. Oh dear a foreigner.

  They did not listen to him be a foreigner.

  What did he do when he stood. He told that he was bold and it was horrible to be told that to be bold was to change money for gold. Think of how little they swim, how little a foreigner can and does and will and must and shall and favorably relieve leaving them for him.

  There one married a foreigner, one married an old man and one married a soldier, can any one be a happy man and nobody notice them I wonder.

  Anyway they all started to live in their way and Alexander the horticulturist knew their way and hoped some day that they would have a garden and he would do what he would for their garden. Of course he will. That is what happens in the country. Of course they will.

  It makes no difference how often it is said that everybody everybody can go to bed.


  That is the arrangement that they have made.

  Alright. That is the arrangement that they have made.

  Can you see crime. No not I. Because after all to live and die what makes them shy, nothing much, because they will have as much as they and and deny. Oh please try.

  A dog can growl and that is not dangerous not at all it is not even annoying, no not at all. Because he is not angry, a dog is never angry neither is a cat, neither is a family neither is a gardener, neither is a wife and child, neither is steadiness and suspicion and neither is chocolate or drink. For half as much. Neither is a railway crossing for half as much, neither is butter which I feel or oil which you feel or lard which they feel or mutton fat which they cannot feel. A dog has no countenance.

  Now can I think how I will try.

  You will say to me it has not happened and I will answer yes of course it has not happened and you will dream and I will dream and cream.

  It has not happened. She slept and it has not happened. He will have been unhappy and it has not happened. They will be dogs dogs and it has not happened.

  Shut forty more up and it has not happened.

  Prepare sunsets and it has not happened.

  Finally decry all arrangement and still, it has not happened.

  This where I alone finish finally fairly well, I exchange it has not happened for it has not happened and it gives me peace of mind. Like that.

  Any little thing pleases any one and in any way it is extraordinary in any way that at once of course in any way the whole thing has changed.

  They said nothing happens in the country but there are more changes in a family in the country in five years than in a family in a city and this is natural. If nothing changed in the country there could not be butter and eggs. There have to be changes in the country, there had to be breaking up of families and killing of dogs and spoiling of sons and losing of daughters and killing of mothers and banishing of fathers. Of course there must in the country. And so this makes in the country everything happening in the country. Nothing happens in the city. Everything happens in the country. The city just tells what has happened in the country, it has already happened in the country.

  Lizzie do you understand.

  Chapter Seven

  Certainly yes does not matter considerably.

  Anybody could be just as angry as pleased about Alexander. Oh Alexander.

  And yet Alexander, if not Alexander who can differ, or be poignantly fastened to alike.

  Oh think it pleases.

  Chapter Eight

  Just the same if the piano is played a little dog will bark. This has not given a name to Alexander, never.

  Listen to all about Alexander.

  And yet not one is interested in listening to all about Alexander and yet everybody is listening to all about Alexander. Think how curious this is. Nothing can be more curious than this.

  But really the thing to do is to describe who came too.

  Chapter Nine

  After the man who tried to put the automobiles out of working order after he and his charming wife left, nobody just then, but very soon more came. Who were they. He looked as if he did not look like that. And she. She did. She was dirty. A dirty man and a dirty woman and a dirty duck and a dirty swan and a dirty goose and a dirty cow and a dirty apple tree and on account of a distinctly cleanly row-boat. Oh why do you think all that they love is the same.

  Shall we be cherished as we think often and often.

  They think theirs is allowed.

  Now remember oh yes all remember that there came these two he who did not look the same and she who was a dirty woman. They stayed a month and just over. Of course they did. As servants. They would. Of course they would. They would be allowed. Of course they would. To go away. Of course they would be allowed to go away, most certainly of course, of course they would. Just why they would most certainly of course, of course they would. They would most certainly of course yes of course they would be allowed to go away.

  Then next oh so young to be next.

  If you think why they wish you will know, why they think, which they wish, that if, they were, so young, not so young, but as young, to be next. They were sixth.

  But yes they were next.

  Just now that is all of that.

  Chapter Ten

  Just as often they talked of her who was dead just as she died and they all cried. They still all cry.

  They do, they know that she was there to try. If they were there. All who have done and died. Not only that but it could be, that if enough of a difference was made all which a difference as shade they were earnestly as shaded and they were if they were as paid. As well. As paid.

  He her son may be thought to be thoughtful. Do not confuse the son of the hotel-keeper, she who was dead with the son the eldest horticulturist son Alexander. They had nothing to do with it. Listen to me, they have nothing to do with it.

  Chapter Eleven

  Marius to Mario I think easily

  Mario to Marius, and not to believe it at last, oh dear not to believe it at last.

  Chapter Twelve

  This much I know that willing to sleep willing to make willing to see water may make a chain may make a lane between which they will not falter. But just when.

  As I was saying meadows and grass are often dry in summer and if they are country houses, hotels are inhabited. In which case changes and pleasures are incessant but which makes it a pleasure to dearly love. I know how greatly a pleasure it is to dearly love.

  The three who are married are as much married as ever and they miss themselves and their husbands quite as much and if for instance they do not like what they feel to be alike it is of course of no importance that their advantage is not easily taken. They are in place of not only wishing that they thought pleasantly of nearly and why they went as much and in as much as if in their manner they were not betrayed.

  But are married women betrayed.

  If they are married young that is to say if they are young when they are married and they remain young that is to say necessarily they are younger than their husbands who are older or very often not only older but twice as much older, in which case they plan but not one of them can come to know except that one that already knew the Alexander.

  It is painful not to have the pleasure of prophecy in being uniquely a disadvantage, advantageous if they have refused to decline to know him.

  Oh Lizzie do you understand.

  Should they be briefly in tears a mother a cousin and no brother. How often does a young married woman who is not a widow not have a brother or never have had one. Uselessness can never mean next and by which time next is not only next but more than next.

  Leave me and believe me.

  Should it be a measure that they speak that they eat that they will declare that which they prepare.

  Think if servants are inadequate if they are drunk if they are careless, if they destroy automobiles if they manage to help each other not only because they can but because neither of them can last out. Think of all this and then feel as well as ever being sure that there are more servants to be had. And if there are more servants to be had that is one thing. Nobody refuses fear. Not only themselves but for their dreams, because water as if it were a precipice in the moonlight may not disturb because of there being no origin in their dreams.

  Those who do or those who do and do not do do not of course do not have it said of them that they do that they did do it. What, walk in their sleep for example.

  Which one.

  Which one oh which one. Walk in their sleep for example. For not at all. Usual is disuse.

  Lizzie do Lizzie do try to understand.

  How often could I add so many cases to as many more. But she said if I add will anybody hover as they do hover from cover to cover and so they shall be careless as she the old woman brought instead of a hare four little tiny chickens which might have come from a hen.

  Not as strange as in case that there too so
mebody was killed only he did not die. Not for instance. If they are all secretly that is secret in shooting and one is shot, they will not die not officially of course not. This did not interest Alexander do you remember who was Alexander, of course you remember who was Alexander because he was not official. He of course and did constantly and did concern himself with himself and the other seven, he placed them where they could do the most good, to the other seven and themselves which made eight. The mother who had had the eight she had had a wig as having eight she could not resign to fly or die not by and by, oh sweetly oh said and not not why.

  Alexander may be a witness.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I felt as well as when I heard that he had trembled for a word.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Now is the time when no one knows more than in twos and threes. Say which you like.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Very well said they control they manage to fasten they like what is very likely and they manage to exchange and they will be offered, three married women will be offered each separately because naturally there is no reason why any one would know any other one. As of course they do not.

  So now you see. We have the triple theme, servants, yes of course servants, hotel, why there is always a hotel in every town by which you know who comes some say comes and goes but I do not I say comes.

  Then also there are three young very young young married but which they mention. They may each have their mention their honorable mention their variegated mention their hope on their account. If one has a child not all of them have children. One and one. One of them has one and one of them has one and one of them has none not on their account.

  And then next there is the horticultural garden and I give him the name of Alexander and he will not be intimate not with all of them particularly not with the subject of servants. No not at all. Young married women, well no not at all except and insofar that young married women are in a house and in that house is he and always welcome oh always welcome. On which account neither he nor she suffer.