The Accidental Gatekeeper (The Accidental Midlife Trilogy Book 1)

by Carla Rehse

  I looked Grady straight in the eye. “Who you love is your business. Anyone’s got a problem with that, they damn well can come talk to me.”

  Okay, so maybe I still had a problem tamping down my Mama Bear tendencies. Grady smiled but didn’t say anything.

  “Boone? You’re Mrs. Kennedy’s kid?” I waited until he reluctantly nodded. “Do you happen to have the key to her shop? I’d rather not break down her door, but there will probably be herbs and stuff in the Apothecary we need.”

  “It’s not locked.” He brushed a strand of hair off his mother’s cheek. “She doesn’t believe in ’em. The storeroom is behind the big shelf, just move the statue and it’ll open.”

  “Thanks.” I glanced around the room, staring at the unconscious elders on the cot, every person someone I’d known since childhood. Lastly, I stared hard at Mama. I couldn’t fail again.

  Lawson led the way upstairs, a knife in one hand and a broadsword in the other. I trailed behind, trying to pretend my knees weren’t killing me with each step I took. Stupid stairs. On my to-do list on the town renovations, I added lobbying the Seraphs to add an escalator or two.

  Once we made it to the foyer, Lawson indicated for Janice and me to wait while he checked out the parking lot. It hurt my pride a little, but I let him.

  “You okay?” I asked Janice as she bounced from foot to foot. She held a thin blade that looked all the world more like a knitting needle than a knife.

  She gave me a faint smile. “No. Not really. My husband Peter and my ten-year-old son Connor are out on sabbatical. While I’m glad they’re safe, I really could use Peter’s support right now.”

  “Peter?” I tried to shuffle through two decades of Mama’s gossip but couldn’t remember her saying much about Janice. The Popas and Russos historically had an uneasy alliance, with the Valencias stuck in the middle.

  “He was a junior member of the Celestial Governing Body and came here to visit the Council. We met, fell in love, and he moved here from Rome. He now assists the Council.”

  “Wow,” I said. “The Governing Body? Nice.”

  Janice gave me the side-eye. “Enough with the polite small talk. You abandoned us, so why do you think you deserve a free pass back inside? Because you plan to apologize with empty words? My daughter will be the next Gatekeeper because she deserves it. And you? None of us trust you to pick up litter without throwing a tantrum and running away again.”

  “You’re right.” I shrugged at her surprised expression. “Expected me to argue? I’m not a kid any longer and try to own my shit. I did leave, and I don’t deserve your trust. I will try to earn it though. I am sorry about Heather and will do everything in my power to return her to you.”

  Mrs. Baker’s senile outburst had been a stinging slap to the face. My blood might earn me a place in town, but it didn’t earn me friendship or respect. Only my actions would.

  Janice exhaled slowly as exhaustion pinched her face. “Everly, you’ve always talked a great game, but you suck at the follow-through. Now, I’m sorry about the trouble with your horrendous husband, but you’re only here because you ran away from problems again.”

  Guilt stung me. She was right—and wrong. In truth, Mike wasn’t truly a bad husband and he’d been a decent father. If one looked past his criminal activities. Though I tried to concentrate on every little quirk of his that irritated me and held on tight to my anger over the money laundering, it tormented me having turned him into the police. My desire to protect Sadie was why I was here of all places, but it would be a lie to say I didn’t have complicated feelings surrounding Mike. Someday, that would bite me in the ass.

  Lawson stepped inside, thankfully distracting me from my self-pity party. “It’s clear, but I doubt that’s a good thing. Let’s hurry.”

  “Maybe Sebastian shooed them away?” Janice asked.

  I didn’t respond. Couldn’t respond with the angel whammy on me. Maybe Zim was holding it together better than I thought. Or perhaps the demons were in a team meeting, chanting demonic affirmations and getting ready to get unholy on us. Yeah, I figured option two was more probable.

  Lawson had backed his truck to the door and Chase stood in the truck bed. He’d reverted back to his human form and held a wicked-looking shepherd’s ax with an iron head and angelic runes carved into the wooden handle.

  Lawson, Janice, and I scurried to the truck like the professionals we were. Which meant we only bumped into each other once, none of us fell completely to the ground, and nothing bit our heads off. I call that a win any day.

  Chase jumped into the front passenger seat. “Boss? I hear trouble.”

  “Hang on!” Lawson yelled while Janice and I scrambled to fasten our seatbelts. He revved the motor, then gunned it out of the parking lot. When he turned down Third Street on what felt like two wheels, I seriously reconsidered my prayer ban.

  Engines roared behind us, and I fought the overly tight shoulder harness to look out the back window. Two demons rode custom-built motorcycles, the only powered vehicle they could stand. One hotshot did a wheelie, meant to impress a twelve-year-old, I guess. The other spun a morning star over her head, with Hellfire gleaming around the spikes to protect her from the iron. Yep, I was right. They planned to get medieval on us.

  “GIVE US THE GATEKEEPER!”

  “Got any defensive weapons in here?” I asked.

  Lawson glanced at me in the rearview mirror. “There’s a flask of holy water by your feet. Maybe a canister of Dead Sea salt flakes? But they’ll have to get close for that to work.”

  Janice held her knitting needle knife with both hands and gave me the wide-eye. I probably wasn’t looking so sanguine myself. If that Hellfire touched the truck, there wouldn’t be enough left of us to be toast. “Uh … you wouldn’t happen to have any water balloons, would you?”

  “What?” Lawson asked.

  Chase turned to look at me, his cheeks glowing crimson. “I have some … safety … things in my wallet, Gatekeeper. They might work.”

  I grinned. “Safety is always important.” I held my hand out, and Chase looked as if he was ready to self-immolate with embarrassment. “Dude, I’ve seen condoms before. How many do you have?”

  Lawson made a strangled coughing sound as Chase squirmed around until he managed to pull out his wallet from his back pocket. He handed me two Durex condoms, then another one and another one until I started feeling like I was in a comedy skit involving a never-ending hankie but with foil packets instead. Finally, I ended up with eight condom packets. I wasn’t sure if I was more impressed with his preparedness or his youthful confidence that he’d need so many “safety things.”

  “You’re putting holy water into condoms? Blasphemy. Just great.” Janice sighed. “Today couldn’t get weirder.”

  I opened the very full flask of holy water, just as Lawson hit a pothole at speed. Looking down at my sopping wet t-shirt, I said. “I dunno about that.”

  So, that was how my high school nemesis and I ended up using strawberry banana-flavored condoms to make holy water balloons crusted with blessed salt flakes. Seriously, I didn’t have the imagination to make that kinda shit up.

  “They’re getting closer,” Lawson said.

  I rolled down my window, then stretched my shoulders. “Janice and I’ve got this.”

  “Ready?” Lawson asked. At my nod, he jerked the steering wheel until we were perpendicular to the bikers.

  Having practiced softball with Sadie for ten-plus years, I was confident in my pitching ability. I didn’t have the room or the stance to throw an actual windmill pitch, but I was ready to give it my best shot.

  Until an angel showed up in the middle of the road and sent the truck flying through the air.

  ELEVEN

  Friends who scream together stay together

  As soon as the truck went airborne, Janice screamed, Lawson and I cussed, and Chase hollered what sounded like a Hungarian prayer. We flew across the town as if we were in a freaking Harry Potter mo
vie and the Death Eaters were chomping at our asses.

  While I’d like to say we handled the situation calmly like the adults we were, I made it a practice not to lie. Unless I had to answer one of those nosy weight questions on a medical questionnaire or at the DMV.

  The skin around my abdomen heated up until I was shocked my shirt didn’t burst into flames. It was far worse than any hot flash I’d ever had, so I assumed it had something to do with the Gatekeeper power growing inside me. Maybe stress and terror had revved it up.

  Nevaeh’s warning that the power inside of me would explode if I couldn’t learn how to control it came to mind. Guilt racked me as I realized how much danger I’d placed the others in due to my negligence in taking the Seraphs seriously.

  Sweat dotted my forehead as I pressed my hands into the area around my navel. I silently repeated, “Please don’t detonate. Please don’t detonate. Please don’t detonate.”

  We landed with a thud on top of the three-story school’s roof, the tallest building in the area.

  “Everyone okay?” Lawson asked, glancing in the rearview mirror.

  Janice whimpered, while I swallowed hard as stomach acid burned my throat. Where was a Prilosec when you needed it?

  Chase smacked his door. “Boss, the átkozott door won’t open!”

  The truck slowly turned in a circle as if a gigantic invisible toddler spun us like a top.

  “Saints preserve us … Saints preserve us,” Janice prayed, with her hands clasped under her chin.

  We banged against some metal ducting, causing a horrendous screeching noise. I covered my ears as the sound vibrated through my skull. The truck skidded to the side of the roof and slammed into the raised edge in a whiplash-inducing jolt that left me seeing stars.

  “Let’s bail, people!” Lawson shouted. The four of us tugged on our handles, but none of the doors opened.

  The truck wobbled back and forth on two tires, then flipped over the side of the roof. We shrieked like the chorus of a death metal song until the truck stopped with all four tires attached to the wall. Facing the ground, three stories high, I waited for my life to flash in front of my eyes.

  I’m sorry for failing you, Sadie. I love you, baby girl.

  No one made a sound as we slowly rolled down the school’s walls, though the roaring in my ears could’ve masked their screams. Finally, the truck sailed a hundred yards and plopped onto the edge of the community garden.

  Magic. It’ll f-bomb your mind every time.

  “We’d better not have smooshed the autumn tomatoes,” Janice huffed.

  I blinked at her, then giggled, starting a wave of hysterical laughter in the truck.

  Lawson stopped mid-laugh. “Seraph Tien! Thank you for your help.”

  Feeling like Mama and Preacher Valencia were about to catch the teenaged me with porn—again—I checked on the status of the “water balloons” on the floorboard. Using the toe of my boot, I pushed them and the discarded condom wrappers under the passenger seat.

  Tien, the junior-est of all the angels in town, jumped onto the hood of the truck with his translucent wings raised and outlined like a wavy heat mirage. He wore the swankest combat boots I’d ever seen. “You left your sanctuary! You left!”

  I raised my hand. “I needed information inside the library.” The Archives building sat across the street, so at least he made things easier for us.

  Tien crouched down on the hood, placed his face near the windshield, and roared, “You LEFT!”

  “Sweet, hallowed Saints,” Janice whispered.

  A blazing yellow orb of light appeared over Tien’s head. The glow stretched until it was the size of a person and gleamed so bright, I had to shade my eyes. Tien reared back with his wings fully extended and screamed wordlessly at the orb. Cracks appeared on the truck’s windows.

  A gigantic, glowing hand of light crept out of the orb. A metallic, ozone-ish tang filled the air, and the hair on my arms stood up. I wanted to scream, but fear tightened my throat and I couldn’t even squeak out a whimper.

  The glowing fingers moved in angelic patterns, too fast for me to decipher. The hand made a fist, and Tien wailed. His body rippled, then turned into a small tornado of shredded pieces of hunting leathers, long, black hair, and gray feathers. The Tien-vortex stretched until it reached the fist, then both retreated into the light orb.

  The orb spun, shrinking as it moved until it was no longer visible. All the glass in the truck blew out as pressure hit my sinuses and my ears popped. Car alarms along the street blared, then went silent.

  A single gray feather floated from the sky to land on the truck’s hood.

  “What the actual hell!” I choked out, mainly to break the stunned silence inside the truck.

  “Heaven? Recalling the angels?” Chase muttered.

  I shook my head, but Sebastian’s gag remained in effect, so I couldn’t explain. It was the lack of contact with Heaven and His Grace affecting the Seraphs. But no spellwork or demon I knew had the kinda juice to do whatever the blazes just happened.

  The roar of multiple motorcycle engines rumbled through the windowless truck, but I couldn’t spot the demons as I scanned the area.

  Lawson shuddered like a dog flinging off water. “We need to get inside. Now.”

  “What was that?” Janice muttered, staring at the hole where her window should be. “What. Was. THAT!”

  I touched her shoulder. She twisted toward me with her crotchet-needle-knife held high in her hand, ready to … Well, I didn’t know for sure what damage the little thing could do, but I wasn’t volunteering to find out.

  “Janice!” I grabbed her arm, so glad I’d already released my seatbelt.

  Her body shivered, and her skin felt clammy. I held onto her until her eyes focused on my face, though her pupils stayed dilated.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  “That’s the stupidest, most inane question you’ve ever asked!” she snapped, so at least her sparkling personality remained intact.

  Lawson appeared at my door, with his sword in one hand and knife in the other. I might or might not have let out a small yip. “Demons,” he said. “Gotta move.”

  I slid out of the truck, with Janice scurrying behind me. Chase stood in front of the truck with his shepherd’s ax at the ready, but he seemed unsure whether he should concentrate on the ground or the sky. Angel-swallowing twisters would do that to a person.

  I sped across the street to the Archives’ front door, which translated to moving a tad faster than my normal speed due to my stupid knees. My teammates trailed me, more walking than jogging to my embarrassment, but we all got to the door without further mayhem.

  The Archives had been built out of wide wooden planks that over the decades had turned a grayish barnwood color. The Seraphs had painted the walls and roof with scattered all-seeing eyes in various shades of red to protect the contents from natural or unnatural disasters, as this was Crossing Shadows. It didn’t, however, repel those with demon blood.

  Half of the Archives contained a library, and contrary to popular belief, most otherworlders actually enjoyed reading. Nothing entertained more than Open Read Friday Nights when a visiting vampire read aloud from popular vampire novels. It was how I learned most of my snark.

  At the door, I removed Mama’s necklace and key from around my neck. With the way the last twenty-four hours had gone, I expected the key to break inside the old-fashioned lock, triggering a supernatural security system of a tsunami of spite-filled leprechauns armed with cattle prods and pepper spray.

  Thank the Saints nothing bad happened and the door unlocked with a loud click.

  We hurried into the wide foyer, and I bolted the door. It was a beyond-useless gesture as this door had no nifty security features spelled into it, but after two decades of living among humans it felt like the right thing to do.

  “The demons are gonna know we’re here, right?” Janice asked. “And are we gonna discuss what just happened to Tien? Because something just pu
lled apart an angel!”

  “Discussions have to wait,” Lawson said. “We need to move. Find something to carry the books so we can haul ass back to the Celestial Building.”

  As plans went, its simplicity made sense. Gather a bunch of old books and pray one of them had a counter curse. Of course, the one thing no one had mentioned was one humongous technicality—none of us had the ability to conduct spellwork.

  Why had none of my very smart teammates mentioned this slight problem, you ask? The answer was simple: me.

  I assumed they assumed that I had control of the Gatekeeper power, which would give me the ability to conduct spells. So, my sub-plan was to also locate a book on Gatekeepers that I couldn’t be sure existed, translate the sucker, ’cause of course it wouldn’t be in English, then cast a counter curse against the strongest spell I’d ever heard of. All the while knowing I’d never even managed to follow the recipe to bake a successful soufflé. Plus, there was the minor matter of orb-eating angels and rampaging demons.

  Go home, they said. It’ll be relaxing and safe, they said.

  The overhead lights flared on as we clambered down the short flight of brick-laden stairs to the belly of the library. The scent of dust and ink and knowledge wafted over me. It smelled like my childhood. I’d been slow to learn to read, but Mama stayed patient. One day it just clicked, and I fell into the worlds of Roald Dahl and C.S. Lewis.

  Beyond life, the most important gift Mama gave me was the love of reading. From the stories of different places and strange worlds, I gathered enough strength to leave the only life I knew.

  Chase turned slowly. “Where should we—”

  A loud banging at the door interrupted him.

  “Now what?” Janice groaned.

  Lawson and I exchanged glances. “Demons aren’t gonna knock,” he said.

  Banging rattled the door. “Gatekeeper!”