Hesitant Hearts

by Jerry Cole

It was, in Patrick’s experience, true, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. He and Gary had been working together for most of Patrick’s adult life, when he’d hired him in a fit of pique from the competition, and had been so impressed, he hadn’t wanted to let him go. It cost him an arm and a leg, and constant ridicule from the technological community, but Gary had perfected more than one product before it hit the production line.

  Making mistakes wasn’t a crime. Unless your name was Patrick Wright.

  “So what time?”

  “Seven,” Rebecca said, straightening out her suit. “Now, I have some business men to tread on. I hope you have a well-stocked bar, Patrick.”

  Patrick snorted, and flipped Eddie the bird when he laughed out loud. “When don’t I?”

  It could have been flippant, but they all knew his one detrimental vice was alcohol.

  Rebecca left them alone in the office, blowing Patrick a kiss as she shut the doors behind her. Patrick tapped his fingers on the desk, Eddie turning back to his computer, actually working. Sliding his phone from his pocket, Patrick tapped out a message to Isaac.

  Patrick: Friends too smug about blind date.

  Patrick wasn’t the kind of person who sat around waiting for people to text him back, but he couldn’t help but focus on the message, waiting for the familiar three dots of a reply to appear. They didn’t, and he shoved down the momentary burst of disappointment. Isaac hadn’t said anything about what he did for a living, and though Patrick could probably find out from Natasha, he had told Rebecca after the last break that he was going to try and actually be a decent human being with the next one.

  Not that he’d been expecting a next one, but…

  That included actually talking to whoever agreed to date him, and if Isaac wanted him to know where he worked, he’d tell him. It wasn’t as if Patrick could return the favor; everyone knew his name, and apparently Isaac had. Placing the phone on the desk, Patrick approached his paperwork with the kind of trepidation reserved for scary movies and escape rooms.

  Thinking about escape rooms only made him want to schedule their next date at one. At the very least it would lead to comforting and hugging of some kind, and Patrick was man enough to admit that he was a touch-starved kind of guy. A ‘parents not giving a shit’ sort of childhood and lack of nurturing influences in his life yada, yada.

  “I’m grabbing something to eat,” Eddie grabbed his wallet from the desk and stared pointedly at Patrick’s empty desk. “I know you didn’t bring anything to eat.”

  “It’s so sweet that you care.” Patrick grinned. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but he also couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten, so food was probably a good idea. “Just grab me something, whatever I don’t care.”

  Eddie rolled his eyes, but also didn’t try and make Patrick choose, so he got bonus points for that. Left alone in the office, Patrick pulled his phone back out, and surprise, surprise, Isaac had messaged back.

  Isaac: NATASHA AND SAM WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. MAYBE A FAKE RELATIONSHIP ISN’T THE WAY TO GO. MAYBE MURDER IS.

  Patrick snorted. On the one hand, Isaac texting in all caps like he was fifty and not thirty was kind of adorable. On the other, talking murder with ease about their friends’ inability to keep their mouths shut about a blind date that hadn’t actually worked was disturbingly attractive.

  I’m game if you are, Patrick typed back. Though we should move this conversation away from social media and probably wait till we’re face 2 face. Would hate to get your pretty ass arrested.

  It was a little forward, but Patrick had no problem with it. He ran his mouth and wasn’t likely to be any different in text medium. The three dots appeared, and Patrick leaned back in his chair, resting his feet on the edge of the wastepaper basket, glad nobody could see him. He felt like a preteen, awaiting their crush’s response.

  Isaac: I’d ask when you got a good look at my ass, but I managed to appreciate yours at times too. Not a hypocrite.

  Isaac was apparently hot and funny?

  Patrick was so, so fucked.

  Chapter Five

  There had to be some rule about deciding to carry out a fake relationship to mock your friends, and actually finding yourself attracted to said person. If Isaac was checking out his ass, then maybe he found Patrick equally attractive and they could set up some friends with benefits shit to get the ball rolling.

  Patrick knew his track record, however, and would probably be falling for Isaac before long.

  So many warning signs, and still Patrick couldn’t work up the courage to text Isaac and call the whole thing off, confess to their friends their blind date had failed, and just run a fucking mile.

  Instead, Patrick found himself trapped between Natasha and Eddie on the couch, Rebecca stretched out on the floor in front of them, drunk off his ass and waxing lyrical about Isaac’s everything.

  Thankfully he still had a partial filter and managed not to blurt out the plan to them – to the people they were trying to fool, which would have just been embarrassing – and instead, was poking Natasha in the side to emphasis each point he made about the cut of Isaac’s abs.

  “He was wearing a shirt,” Natasha said dryly. “I know because I helped him dress. There’s no way you could have seen the cut of his abs.”

  Patrick stared at her for a long time, enough to make an ordinary person uncomfortable, but Natasha apparently wasn’t normal. “If you helped him pick out the shirt, I owe you like a billion dollars. You can clearly see everything when it’s white, Natasha, and I know you know that.”

  Natasha’s smile was a touch amused, a touch predatory, and she patted Patrick’s head. It could have been condescending, but Natasha once again defied convention. “It was a favor to you. Apparently, because I scare you so much you think I’m about to crush your head between my thighs.”

  “Fuck Isaac anyway,” Patrick murmured, burying his face in her hip. Isaac had been tattling, and oh God, Patrick was going to have to break up with Isaac before they’d even started dating. It was a terrible, terrible day.

  “Bet you’d love that,” Eddie cut in, smirking when the women erupted into giggles.

  “Et tu, Eddie?” Patrick threw an arm over his head dramatically and attempted not to fall off the couch. When had the floor gotten so close? Maybe he’d drunk a little more than he’d planned, but now his friends were being smug, and he couldn’t let them have the satisfaction.

  Natasha grinned. “You would though, right?”

  Patrick couldn’t deny that he’d thought about it. Isaac was attractive and the closest Patrick was used to getting with people he was physically attracted to was imagining them in bed and, if he was really lucky, getting them to stay there a couple of times. He had never had an attractive person want him for long. Not that Patrick was trying to put himself down. It happened time and again, which made it true, right?

  Natasha was looking at him strangely, and even Rebecca and Eddie had stopped laughing.

  “What?” Patrick asked, and then swallowed. “Shit, did I say that out loud?”

  “You have no filter sober,” Rebecca said, eyes narrowing. “Why would being drunk make you better?”

  “Whatever,” Patrick groused. He reached for his beer and was sad to see it mostly empty. He didn’t think he should reach for another. After his accidental speech, Eddie looked like he might intervene, and Natasha was looking murderous. Patrick didn’t want to have to text Isaac from the afterlife and admit he’d been right about her thighs.

  Natasha splayed out over his legs, poking him in the stomach. “Let’s say you’re right. Isaac Carter is not the kind of guy to fuck and run. His mom raised him right, Patrick. I’ve met her.”

  Patrick shot her an unimpressed look. “I don’t want to think about Isaac’s mom when you’ve taken it somewhere dirty, Romanova.”

  Laughing, Natasha settled back with her glass of wine, Patrick’s legs taking most of her weight. He was probably going to end up with dead legs when
she inevitably fell asleep and he was forced to spend the night on the couch. Rebecca looked halfway there, spread-eagled on the floor and contemplating Patrick’s ceilings. They were white, like most of the rest of his house, so he didn’t know what pearls of wisdom she was garnering from them.

  “When’s your next date anyway?” Eddie asked, phone in hand, and no doubt texting his charity buddy for advice on dealing with hangovers. Or an irritating best friend. Though he’d have to get advice on himself first and, Patrick lost his train of thought, frowning down at his bottle until Eddie repeated his question.

  “Dunno,” Patrick said, trying not to dig the phone out of his pocket and text Isaac. He’d do something embarrassing like confess, and that would be bad for everyone involved. “We haven’t decided yet.”

  Natasha rolled her head around. “Maybe you need a chaperone. I’d hate for someone to be taken advantage of.”

  “I thank you,” Patrick said, magnanimously, “that you did not automatically assume I would be the one taking advantage.”

  “I have met Isaac,” Natasha told him pointedly. “He can be just as insatiable when he wants to be.”

  Patrick was oddly uncomfortable with the thought of Isaac being insatiable with someone else and refused to let his mind go down that road. “Wonderful.”

  Natasha grinned, shark-like, as though she was aware of exactly where Patrick’s mind had gone and tapped Patrick’s leg conciliatorily. “I’m sure he’s only gonna be insatiable with you.”

  “Stop saying insatiable,” Rebecca said, rolling her head to stare up at them. It made Patrick vaguely nauseous to stare at her. “It doesn’t sound like a word anymore.”

  “What can we say instead,” Patrick wondered rhetorically. “Ravenous.”

  Eddie laughed, phone slipping from his hand and down the side of the chair. “Desiring.”

  There was a round of giggling between them, and Rebecca waved a hand around in a circle. “Clamorous.”

  Natasha’s eyes were on the ceiling, apparently caught up in whatever Rebecca had been looking at. “Ardent.”

  “I’mma text him that,” Patrick slurred, fumbling for his phone and squinting to try and find the right contact. Had he even saved him as Isaac? He’d only texted him that day and realized that typing FAKE BOYF probably wasn’t the best name when you were trying to be subtle about the faking thing. He changed it to ARDENT LOVER and giggled to himself.

  Patrick: You’re ardent for me, aren’t you?

  There wasn’t an immediate reply, and Patrick let the phone rest against his chest as the others cycled through variations of insatiable. Patrick was impressed despite himself that they could all think clearly enough to do so.

  PATRICK, Isaac replied, when Patrick was brave enough to tip the phone over. HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

  Patrick: Duh. Seriously though, are you ardent for me?

  NO. I’M ARDENT FOR NOT BEING DISTURBED AT 2AM!

  Oh, Patrick thought, and stared at the clock in the upper right of his phone. Oops. “Isaac doesn’t like being woken up. He’s ardent for not being disturbed.”

  Another round of giggling, and they lapsed into silence. Rebecca and Eddie were half-asleep, and Natasha was already there from the dead weight against his legs. Patrick poked around on his phone, feeling his eyes start to droop.

  He typed out one last text to Isaac, because he didn’t want Isaac to be mad at him when he woke properly.

  Sorry :( Nat and the gang wanted to congratulate themselves on being great friends and finding me an ardent lover. Patrick snapped a picture of Natasha asleep on his legs and managed to catch Eddie and Rebecca in the frame. He attached it to the message. See? They’re drunkest.

  Isaac didn’t reply, had probably fallen asleep, but that didn’t stop Patrick clutching at the handset, adamant that he was going to keep watching until Isaac woke up, even if that meant he was going to end up sleeping through tomorrow’s meetings.

  Chapter Six

  There was something screaming in Patrick’s left ear and he slapped out with a hand, trying to move but his legs were trapped by something. He managed to get a hand around his phone and blearily swiped off the alarm. There was a lot of brightness and he managed to squint enough to see Natasha still sprawled across his legs.

  “Want coffee?” Rebecca asked, climbing to her feet. Her hair was stuck up at the back, and she had her skirt twisted around awkwardly, but she still managed to make walking toward the kitchen look elegant.

  “Food,” Patrick whined, stretching enough to dislodge Natasha, who promptly rolled over and buried her face in the back of the couch. Patrick screwed up his nose and dropped his feet to the floor, closing his eyes against the head rush. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”

  Eddie looked impressed, and surprisingly alert. “You know where the bathroom is.”

  “Duh,” Patrick said, swaying to his feet. He definitely shouldn’t have drunk so much. He hoped he hadn’t been too ridiculous, and from the fractured memories he was trying to sort into something resembling order, he was pretty successful. Stumbling to the bathroom, he took the time to clean up. Splashing a bit of water on his face, he stared at his reflection and screwed up his nose. “You’re getting too old for this, Wright.”

  There was an abrupt knock on the door. “Stop talking to yourself. I gotta throw up.”

  Patrick did not want to stick around to see Natasha lose her dinner, so he beat a hasty retreat, shifting past as she darted in, slamming the door behind her. Patrick smirked, and padded back through to the living room, where Rebecca had placed coffee on the table. She’d tidied up her hair and clothes, and was leaning against the wall, typing on her phone.

  “How are you functional?”

  “The business needs me,” Rebecca said, and then peered at Patrick, eyes narrowed. Patrick didn’t know what he’d done so he stared back. “It also needs you.”

  “Bec,” Patrick whined, and dropped back onto the couch, reaching for a mug of coffee. “I can’t work today. I’m sick.”

  Eddie rolled his eyes. “You’re hungover, Tones, not sick. There’s a difference.”

  Patrick dropped back against the cushions, cradling the mug in his hand and breathing in the satisfying heat. There was nothing like a coffee to get you through a morning blessed with a headache and sensitivity.

  “Did you hear from Isaac?” Natasha said, coming back into the room. For someone who’d thrown up not five minutes ago, she was remarkably presentable, looking like she’d just stepped off the pages of a glossy magazine. Where did she find clean clothes? At Patrick’s raised eyebrow, she smirked. “What? I came prepared.”

  “Didn’t we all,” Rebecca said, and squeezed Natasha’s arm, before disappearing down the hall.

  Eddie was dozing in the chair, but Patrick could tell he was listening. He was too relaxed, as if he was doing it on purpose.

  “I texted him about being ardent,” Patrick said, “which you know because you were here.”

  “You didn’t go to sleep right away,” Natasha said. “You were typing something when we went to sleep.”

  Patrick snorted, taking a long sip of his coffee. Natasha made a face but whatever, Patrick worked thirty hours at a time sometimes, he’d learned to deal with scorching hot coffee. Maybe his taste buds were dead. That would explain why he’d eat most things without hesitation. “I was calculating the probability of how hard you’d hit me if I told you to move your fat ass off my legs.”

  “You say the sweetest things,” Natasha said, smiling with an edge. Patrick foresaw pain in his future, but it was worth it to stop talking about Isaac. “You can calculate that shit in your head.”

  Almost touching. “Don’t get soft on me, Romanova.”

  Natasha laughed gently, grabbing one of the coffee mugs for herself. She sat cross-legged on the floor, pulling her phone out from somewhere – Patrick didn’t want to figure out where – and started tapping away.

  “Eddie Bear,” Patrick said, edging toward the end o
f the couch, and closer to Eddie’s legs. “Wakey, wakey.”

  “Fuck off,” Eddie mumbled good-naturedly.

  “I was going to offer you my bed,” Patrick said with a sigh. “Now I think I’ll keep it for myself instead.”

  Eddie just waved him off with a grin, and Patrick flopped back, knowing he would have to move if he didn’t want Rebecca to kick his ass, but she was semi-responsible for his hungover state, that afforded him a reprieve, right?

  “Patrick,” Rebecca said, striding into the room, and she’d even put on her high heels, back to his acting-CEO.

  “Bec,” Patrick said, climbing to his feet, grateful when he managed it without wanting to throw up. “I’ll work from home today.”

  Rebecca raised her eyebrows, but Patrick wasn’t going to budge. He appreciated having her in his life, and he probably would end up making her CEO one day, but that was not this day – and he wasn’t going to bend.

  “My projects are up to date,” he reminded her. “I don’t have any meetings until next week, and I’m not due anywhere till next month. Let me have this day.”

  There was a stony silence. It wasn’t often Patrick pulled rank, but when he did, it always seemed to startle everyone, like they knew he was CEO but forgot until he reminded them.

  “All right,” Rebecca acquiesced, apparently aware that she couldn’t force him anywhere he didn’t want to be. Sometimes it sucked, having his friends under his employ, but he worked so often and so hard that it was the only way he could make any.

  Except Natasha, who was looking at him with a smile on her face that was more honest than he’d ever seen.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” Natasha said, tone far too innocent to be believable. “You should show this side of you to Isaac sometime.”

  Patrick didn’t know how to take that, but Eddie’s own smirk was in place as he shoved himself out of the chair and toward the kitchen.

  “It’s all right not to know you’re hot when you take charge, Tones, but I’m not gonna be the one to tell you.”

  Wisely not pointing out that he’d done just that, Patrick shrugged, reaching for his phone and deliberately not looking at Natasha. He’d had a thing with Rebecca once, and there had been that time in high school with Eddie, but Natasha had always been tight-lipped on her preferences, and from the way she acted around Rebecca sometimes, Patrick had thought for sure she was more homo than hetero, but whatever.