Hesitant Hearts

by Jerry Cole

  “Fuck,” Patrick muttered, sucking on the head of Isaac’s cock, tongue swirling around the tip, and Isaac let out a loud groan, breath catching on Patrick’s name. Patrick couldn’t see Isaac’s face from where he was kneeling, but he could see the arm Isaac had over his face and the way he was shifting against Patrick’s mouth, desperately trying not to thrust up into it.

  Patrick wasn’t big on getting choked, but he couldn’t deny that he liked the small hip movements, the way Isaac was losing control enough to keep it up. Isaac was too big to take his dick all the way, so Patrick settled for sinking down to his fingers, Isaac’s dick almost hitting the back of his throat, and Isaac let out a yell, his cock pulsing in Patrick’s mouth, taking him by surprise. It wasn’t an orgasm; just a rush of precum and fuck if that wasn’t hot. Patrick pulled back, bobbing his head up and down with a quick rhythm, watching the rise and fall of Isaac’s chest, hitched breaths and whines that filled the room. Patrick’s dick gave a half-hearted attempt to get back into the game, but Patrick wasn’t young – he doubted he’d be getting hard again. It was hot, seeing Isaac writhe and moan on the bed, and Patrick sank down again, holding Isaac in his mouth, unsurprised when Isaac yanked at the sheets, cumming down Patrick’s throat. It was more than Patrick could take and he pulled back, swiping at the corner of his mouth as he worked Isaac through the rest of his orgasm with his hand.

  “Patrick,” Isaac breathed, and Patrick shifted up the bed. They’d have to clean off before sleeping, and a shower was definitely in their future.

  “We’re still wet,” Patrick said, leaning in to kiss Isaac’s lips.

  “Shower,” Isaac said, eyes closed. His arm flopped back, fingers clutching weakly at Patrick’s shoulder. “Rest first.”

  “Sure,” Patrick said, unable to keep the grin from his face. “Rest first.”

  Stretching out alongside Isaac, Patrick threw an arm over Isaac’s stomach, head on his chest, smiling warmly when Isaac shifted to smile at him. Patrick’s body was warm, sated and happy, and he wasn’t used to the sense of comfort that came from having Isaac here, in his arms.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “There’s something I wanted to ask you.”

  Patrick looked up from his laptop, the designs for the new phone on the screen and he minimized the coding, until he saw Isaac standing in the doorway of his office. “Are you visiting me at work?”

  Eddie stared at him, incredulous. “Well observed, Patrick.”

  Flipping him off, Patrick shoved his laptop away and watched Isaac’s awkwardness, hands in his pockets. “You all right?”

  “Could I,” Isaac asked Eddie, embarrassed. “I know I don’t have a right, but could I have a moment?”

  “It probably took you forever to walk in here and say whatever you wanted, so sure,” Eddie said, clapping Isaac on the shoulder as he passed. “Whatever it is, he’ll agree with it.”

  Isaac’s smile was strained, and Patrick wasn’t surprised when the door closed behind Eddie and Isaac maintained his silence.

  “Isaac?” Patrick shuffled out from behind his desk, feeling just as awkward. Isaac didn’t look sad, so he doubted he was being broken up with, even if that was the first thought in the back of his head.

  “I wanted to ask you to do something with me.” Isaac finally looked Patrick in the eye and breathed out slowly. Patrick tried to remain patient, leaning back against the desk, watching Isaac’s face cycle through a few different expressions. “My mom lives in Brooklyn. I wondered if–”

  Isaac trailed off. Patrick was an intelligent man; he could read between the lines. Isaac wanted him to meet his mom. Patrick could already feel the panic starting to build and he tried to shake it off, to not make this about him. Well, it was kind of about him, but it was mostly about Isaac. Isaac thought Patrick was boyfriend material enough to introduce him to his mom?

  “Are you sure?” The words were out before Patrick could stop them.

  Isaac frowned. “I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure.”

  Fair point, but Patrick wouldn’t be Patrick Wright if he believed everything someone said. “I’m not,” he started.

  “Patrick,” Isaac pressed, stepping forward and folding his arms across his chest. He was giving off mixed signals, wanting to protect himself but trying to draw closer to Patrick. He was scared, Patrick realized, when he saw the shift in Isaac’s expression once again. That Patrick was going to refuse, or thought it was too fast, or a myriad of other reasons. Patrick didn’t want that for Isaac, never wanted him to doubt that Patrick was one hundred percent into this relationship.

  “I’m not saying no,” Patrick said quietly. He tugged Isaac closer, and Isaac uncrossed his arms, resting them by his sides. Patrick took his hands, rested them on his own hips. “It’s a big deal.”

  Isaac nodded. “I know, that’s why I want to do it.”

  Patrick wasn’t sure what made him say it, but he swallowed, said, “Yeah, all right,” before he could change his mind, and watched Isaac’s face transform into a smile. Patrick’s stomach swooped and he found himself answering the smile with one of his own. “If you wanna introduce your mom to me.”

  “She’s gonna love you.” Isaac seemed certain.

  Patrick didn’t wholly agree, he shrugged easily. “Who wouldn’t? I’m very lovable.”

  Isaac hummed, lips quirking up to soften the jibe. “You can be,” he allowed. “If I was convinced to admit it under duress.”

  Pretending to be outraged, Patrick turned his face away from Isaac when he tried to kiss him. Isaac sighed, pouting like a child.

  “Fine,” Isaac said, hand on Patrick’s cheek and forcing him to look back around. “You’re very lovable.”

  Patrick nodded, allowing the next kiss and smiled. “See? Was that so hard?”

  Isaac looked thoughtful and Patrick socked him gently in the side. “Ow, sorry,” Isaac said, laughing. “Of course it wasn’t. You know I think you’re lovable.”

  “I do now,” Patrick said quietly, and it wasn’t an I love you, but it was as close as Patrick was going to get.

  Isaac kept his hands on Patrick’s face, kissed him once, twice, and then touched their foreheads together. “I have to get back to work.”

  Patrick sighed, knowing that Eddie would be back before too long and despite how much he might want to, he couldn’t spend the rest of the day kissing Isaac. “So should I. Wouldn’t want Rebecca to kill me before I can meet your mom.”

  Isaac’s smile was goofy and fuck, Patrick couldn’t believe he was in love with such a dork. “So this Sunday?”

  Sooner than Patrick had been expecting, it was on the tip of his tongue to ask for an extension. Isaac wasn’t actually a contract, so Patrick probably shouldn’t be thinking about it in those terms, and shrugged it off, nodding softly. “This Sunday.”

  “Good,” Isaac said. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”

  “Eh,” Patrick said, waving his hand up and down. “No promises.”

  Isaac gave Patrick one last kiss and then backed up, waving awkwardly before leaving. Honestly, such a big guy and a complete dorky idiot. Patrick’s dorky idiot, however, and Patrick wouldn’t give him up.

  Eddie poked his head back in ten minutes later. “Is it safe?”

  “Fuck off,” Patrick said, back behind his desk and working on coding. “As if we’d do it in the office.”

  Looking unimpressed, Eddie dumped a sandwich on Patrick’s desk, which he took gratefully. “You say that like I haven’t caught you doing that more than once.”

  Patrick made a face. “Don’t remind me. I was a kid.”

  “It was literally a couple of years ago,” Eddie continued, dropping into his own seat and twisting the cap off his drink. “Isaac really so different?”

  “Yes,” Patrick said, without hesitation. “And you know it.”

  Eddie acquiesced. “I guessed. Bec guessed. We didn’t know for sure, but you’re different around Isaac.”

  However true, Patrick wa
sn’t sure in what ways he was different. He felt the same, thought his brain was still doing the same things it did every time he was in a relationship. He said as much.

  “You’re all,” Eddie waved a hand, “disgusting about it. You’re usually hesitant to get involved with people off the bat, and I don’t think you’ve ever waited to sleep with someone before.”

  Patrick stared. “What?”

  “Tones,” Eddie said. “Did you really think Rebecca and I don’t know when you’ve shagged someone? You have a face.”

  “I do not have a face.”

  “You have a face,” Eddie pressed. “I don’t know what made you wait with Isaac, but you must like him.”

  Patrick shrugged, trying to play it off with nonchalance, but he couldn’t. It was true, Isaac was different, and Patrick did – there was love there, Patrick knew that. Maybe it was too soon, and Rebecca had said more than once that Patrick wouldn’t know what love was if it was right in front of him.

  If it wasn’t love, Patrick couldn’t figure out what it was. Isaac was better than infatuation and didn’t deserve passing fancy. Patrick deserved better than either of those things.

  “He’s Isaac,” Patrick said eventually, which wasn’t what Eddie was looking for, but was the only thing Patrick could think of to say. “Who wants me to meet his mom.”

  “Wow,” Eddie said, looking surprised. “You gonna go?”

  “Duh,” Patrick said, though he made a face. “It’s gonna be awful. We both know I’m not meet-the-parents material.”

  Eddie turned in his chair, hand pressed to his mouth. “Patrick, only you think that way. You’ve met my parents, and Rebecca’s mom.”

  “That’s different,” Patrick said, waving a hand. “We’re not in a relationship.”

  “Fair.” Eddie leaned forward. “That didn’t stop them loving you, and it won’t stop Isaac’s mom loving you.”

  Patrick wasn’t so sure, but given Eddie’s demeanor and narrow eyes, he wasn’t going to accept any more denials on Patrick’s part. “Fine,” he said eventually. “She’ll love me.”

  Eddie seemed satisfied with that. Turning back to his work, he gave Patrick a thumbs up.

  Patrick stared at the lines of code on his screen, but he wasn’t focusing on it as much as thinking about Sunday, about having to meet Isaac’s mom and not knowing how the fuck to behave. He was a disaster, they all knew it, and he was going to put his foot in his mouth. That, or he’d end up drinking too much and embarrassing himself and Isaac. What the fuck ever, he could do this. He was a grown man, and he was gonna make Isaac proud of him.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Isaac promised Patrick he’d be picking him up at ten on Sunday, Patrick wanted to cry. Sunday was the day he usually spent in bed for as long as he could, only crawling out to get something to eat. Now he had to be awake and functioning way too early. Setting his alarm for nine, Patrick stumbled out of bed, hair in disarray, and stomach rumbling. He put on the coffee maker, knowing he’d need it if he was going to face a parent.

  Needing a shower and making a note to buy some flowers for Isaac’s mom, he drank two cups of coffee in quick succession.

  What flowers does your mom like?

  Isaac was quick to reply with, YOU DON’T HAVE TO!!!

  Patrick rolled his eyes. Obviously. It’s your mom, Isaac. Of course I do. What does she like best?

  FINE. LILIES. AND THANK YOU.

  Isaac could simultaneously be amazing and the worst at the same time. Why wouldn’t Patrick get Isaac’s mom a gift? It wasn’t as if he was going to go out and spend as much money as possible on her, he just wanted to be polite.

  There was only an hour before he was due at Isaac’s mom, but he made a bouquet online and informed them he’d be picking it up in an hour. Patrick would just ask Isaac to take a detour. He wanted to make a good first impression; Patrick was more than aware that if Isaac’s mom didn’t like him, it would make it difficult for Isaac.

  Perhaps that was why he was desperate to make a good impression. He wasn’t worried anymore. He was fine.

  Patrick showered quickly, grinning inwardly as he thought of himself and Isaac inside together. There were plenty of suits in his closet that he could have put on to make a brilliant impression, but he wasn’t trying to be Patrick Wright, businessman. He just wanted to be Patrick, boyfriend of your son. Choosing a pair of slacks and a sweater, he tugged them on, giving himself a cursory once over in the mirror.

  The buzzer went off before he could attempt to do anything with his hair, and he had security let Isaac up. Grabbing his card and wallet from the side, he tucked them into his pockets and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. He couldn’t shake the thought that he was going to forget something and was almost grateful when Isaac knocked on the door.

  Isaac looked damn good.

  Fuck. Patrick stared and then blinked. “Wow.”

  “Shut up,” Isaac said, pink-cheeked, and gave Patrick the once over in return. “You look good.”

  “Yeah, well, it’s your mom,” Patrick said. “I need to drop by the florist on the way.”

  “I told you that you didn’t have to get her anything.” Isaac had his hands tucked in his pockets and backed up a step when Patrick moved to shut and lock the door.

  Patrick nodded. “It’s polite. Besides, I have to thank her for having such a great son, don’t I?”

  Isaac flushed again, and Patrick smothered a grin as he led the way to the elevator, mashing the button for the lobby as Isaac crowded close to him. There was no need, especially given how roomy it was, but Patrick didn’t complain. He let Isaac’s arm slide around his waist, and Patrick leaned against him.

  “What’s she like?”

  It took a moment for Isaac to answer, and Patrick could feel Isaac’s eyes on his face, but he kept his attention on the doors. “Her name’s Sarah. She’s a nurse. Loves dogs.”

  “So,” Patrick said, peering back, grinning. “That’s where you got it from?”

  Isaac shrugged. “She could never have one. We lived in an apartment that didn’t allow her to have dogs. Now she lives elsewhere, but she’s afraid she doesn’t have the time or the mobility to do it.”

  The lobby was mostly deserted as they left the elevator, and Patrick kept in step with Isaac, indicating the direction of the florist. “I managed to find one on the way to your mom’s.”

  “I didn’t tell you where she lived,” Isaac said, frowning.

  Patrick snorted. “You texted me the address, Isaac.”

  “Oh,” Isaac flushed, smiling self-deprecatingly. “Oops.”

  It was endearing, and Patrick kept smiling as they made their way down the sidewalk. Busy given a Sunday, Patrick didn’t mind the stroll, letting Isaac’s words wash over him. By the time they got to the florist, Patrick was confident he knew more about Sarah than he could ever bring up to her, but nothing that he’d be able to work into a conversation.

  “You don’t have to worry, you know,” Isaac said, holding the door open for Patrick.

  Patrick gave him a look, which Isaac steadily ignored, and headed for the counter. “About what?”

  The florist was happy to call up his order, and promised she’d be right back with the bouquet. Isaac leaned against the counter. “Impressing my mom.”

  Patrick said nothing as he signed for the bouquet and handed over his credit card, watching the way Isaac’s eyes widened, then warmed as he saw the size – and colors – of the bouquet.

  “That’s beautiful, Patrick.”

  “Thanks,” Patrick muttered, as much to the florist as to Isaac. “You know what I’m like.”

  “Yeah, I do,” Isaac said, and he was smiling, once again pulling open the door.

  Patrick snorted. “Don’t get used to that.”

  “Sure.” Isaac kept smiling, even when Patrick narrowed his eyes, and Patrick knew a lost cause when he was facing one down. “You didn’t answer the question.”

  “I said you know what I�
��m like,” Patrick pointed out. “It means you know that I always have to impress people.”

  Isaac didn’t say anything, looking thoughtful, but he was looking at Patrick out of the corner of his eye. “Just be yourself. I know I told you that already.”

  “You did.” There had definitely been a text or three on that note. “Being myself doesn’t always work out for me.”

  “Patrick,” Isaac said, resting a hand on Patrick’s arm and bringing them both to a stop. Patrick cradled the bouquet in his arm to keep from crushing them and met Isaac’s eyes slowly. “I’m with you because you’re you, not because I like you when you’re a certain way.”

  There was a beat, chest tight, and Patrick had no idea what to say. He swallowed, eyes darting to Isaac’s chin and then back to his eyes. “I promise not to try too hard.”

  “Good.” Isaac’s eyes crinkled at the corners sometimes, when he smiled, and Patrick found that more attractive than it had any right to be. “Besides, if she doesn’t love you, I’ll just have to convince her she’s wrong.”

  Patrick managed not to wince, but that was exactly what he was afraid of. He wasn’t the most palatable of people, not that he cared for the most part, but if there was one person (right now) in the world that he wanted to like him, it was Isaac’s mother. God, his life had come down to this. “Let’s hope she does then, huh?”

  Isaac didn’t say anything, but he was looking at Patrick with a strange expression on his face. It was searching, intense, and Patrick deliberately didn’t look back, wanted to pretend that he hadn’t seen. Whatever conclusion he came to, Patrick didn’t know, but by the time they’d made it to Brooklyn, and the apartment block Isaac’s mom lived in, he was smiling more naturally, and had a hand at the base of Patrick’s spine.

  “Okay,” Patrick said, as much to himself as to Isaac. “Let’s do this.”

  Trying not to laugh at him, Isaac led the way up the steps.

  “If you hold that door open for me, Carter,” Patrick threatened, and elbowed Isaac in the ribs when he did just that. “Stop being such a gentleman.”