“Losing me?” she asked.
“I should have never walked away that night,” I said. “Or ran. I should have kissed you again, Elena. I should have grabbed you by the waist and put you against that old apple tree in your backyard. I should have taken your hand and we should have run away together. Forever. The way we always talked about. But I didn’t because I didn’t want to hurt you. Or confuse you. You were so close to getting out of there. I let it all slip through my fingers. And I hurt myself for it. Over and over again. And I’m sorry, sugar. Then and now. I never wanted to hurt you, then or now.”
“I should have run after you that night,” Elena said. “That moment is stuck in my mind. I left feeling guilty, Adam. I left feeling guilty… and alone. Even though I wasn’t alone. I had so many voices inside my head. Next thing I knew, years had gone by. And every time I started to make that first move forward… to what I wanted… something happened. My mother decided to move. She sold her house without telling anyone and left. Then Chad got hurt and his baseball career was done. I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. So, I kept working. At a job I didn’t like. In a career I didn’t want. I had a book published and thought it was my big break… and it wasn’t. Everywhere I go, I’m let down.”
Six words.
That’s all it took to do my heart in for good.
Angry at myself and angry at Elena, I stared at her back, counting the freckles, pretending it was like the night’s sky, looking at the stars, feeling free and invincible.
The silence in the bedroom was the worst silence I’d ever experienced. All the cliché lines ran through my head. I’m sorry for letting you down, sugar. I’ll never touch another pill again, sugar. I’m going to be the man you want and need, sugar.
Only Elena deserved better.
She deserved more.
* * *
I inched toward her. With my hands on the sheets, I slowly leaned toward her right shoulder. I exhaled a breath a moment before I kissed her. Her skin shivered and tightened. I slid my right hand forward to find her right hand. With my hand over hers, I kissed her shoulder again. The tip of my tongue touched her bare skin. My next kiss, I eased my teeth against her shoulder, going toward her neck.
Elena let out a sigh and turned her head, exposing her neck more for me.
I kissed her faster, harder, my lips pulling against her skin, making echoing noises. My right hand curled around her hand, squeezing tighter.
“I’ve always loved you,” I whispered into her ear. “There wasn’t a second we were together that I didn’t love you, Elena. And I love you now. I’ll love you forever. No matter what happens. I will never make a promise I can’t keep. But know… I love you. And you’re the way I can survive life the right way…”
I kissed her again.
Elena reached across her body with her left hand and took a handful of my hair. She twisted and pulled, letting out a shaky breath. She leaned back a little, down to her elbow, pulling me down to her chest.
I kissed carefully, making sure I covered every inch of skin I could get to.
My mouth sought comfort over her breast, taking her into my mouth. My tongue quickly moved, darting in all directions against her nipple, feeling her harden at my touch.
I started to move across the bed, around Elena, grabbing her elbow as I did so to put her on her back. I kissed to her other breast, this time using the tip of my nose to tease her nipple. Her stomach rippled with shaky breaths as her chest thrust at me, wanting more.
When I paused and looked up at her, there was a look on her face I’d never forget. She was blushing, nervous, and pissed at me.
I wasted no time in inching down even more, my lips kissing just above her belly button.
I brought my right hand to her inner thigh, gently opening her legs, racing up with purpose until I felt a swell of warmth overtake my fingertips. I didn’t stop there either. I kept going, feeling her folds give way to my touch. My fingers plunging into her ready core, a burning tightness pulling at me for more.
My lips moved down kiss by kiss, knowing where I was going but wanting to leave a trail of kisses along the way.
As I moved down the greatest curve of Elena’s body, I kissed her sweetness a moment before my tongue curled up, seeking her clit.
The moment I touched her, her body lifted off the bed and she cried out.
I suckled against her, drinking her nectar as though it were going to make me live forever. But living forever meant nothing if it meant living without Elena. I wanted her. I needed her. She was the ultimate high. The greatest addiction.
I eased my fingers out of her and placed my hand onto her soft and smooth mound. I gently pressed my hand, exposing more of her to me. Her glistening core, like a pink rose with morning dew on it. I told her I loved her with just my tongue, no words spoken. Her response was the movement of her hips, driving forward at me, pulling away for a moment of relief. Only I went with her. She eased back, and I came forward. Turning my head, my mouth kissed and tasted anywhere I wanted.
“Adam,” she groaned. Her right hand slapped to my shoulder, followed by the curling claws of her nails. “Oh, fuck… yeah…”
She tried to say something else, but it was just a broken word and a groan.
Her body lifted off the bed again, shaking as I refused to let up.
Her sweetness engulfed me as I slipped my hands to the small of her back, holding her as she rocked her hips up and down faster and faster. Until she finally held there, her inner thighs shaking as she reached climax.
With one last I love you with my tongue, I kissed up to her belly again and paused. I put my head against her warm skin, feeling her breathing wildly. I moved my right hand up over her left breast but kept going so I could feel her racing heart.
I’d never loved someone the way I loved her. And I never would.
A sharp pain dug into my shoulder and it wasn’t Elena. It was the pain inside my shoulder. From the damage done by the accident.
I gritted my teeth and sucked in a breath, swallowing the pain.
I moved up her body, my eyes locking with hers.
I hovered over her as she put her hands to my back. Her hands were still shaking from what I had done with my mouth.
I eased the lower half of my body down as she welcomed me inside her. Slowly, inch by inch, her core still pulsing.
Elena pulled at my back, her mouth open in a breathless gasp as I took myself to the hilt. I thrust harder, grunting, then pulling back and thrusting forward again. Taking Elena right there, again, knowing our hearts were shattered, yet in love.
Her right hand scratched down to my ass. Her left hand moved to my face, digging at my scruff.
I couldn’t stop staring at her. Feeling her body colliding with mine over and over again. The way she moved her hips. The way her belly touched mine.
I lowered my entire body down, feeling her breasts against my chest, her lips quickly making a move, kissing at my neck. Her hand sliding up into my hair, clawing, her voice groaning, her breath torturing me.
The pleasure in my body was matched by the pain in my shoulder.
My eyes looked toward the nightstand.
That’s where it was all hidden.
The pills that could take this feeling away.
I pumped harder. I moved faster.
Elena groaned and bit at my neck.
The moment went from sweet and romantic to something much wilder.
My hands held her hips, feeling her wiggling and moving to match my speed. I forced her to look at me again. Her green eyes were brighter and more beautiful than diamonds. I pressed my lips to her chin as I felt my body swelling. I kissed down to her chest and paused as I reached the pinnacle of my own pleasure.
Elena’s hands pulled at my ass, demanding that I kept going as I came.
I grunted with each pulsing thrust forward, my lips against her chest, not kissing her.
Our skin laced with good morning sweat.
Our hearts pounding.
Our hands touching anywhere we wanted.
Our bodies together.
That was the moment when it all felt right.
But that’s all it was…
… it was just a moment, not forever.
* * *
I poured a cup of coffee as I stood in the kitchen wearing nothing but unbuttoned jeans. When I looked down and saw where my open jeans led, I grinned. I wasn’t done with Elena yet today. For two reasons.
First, I couldn’t get enough. To be at the command of her pleasure and knowing all the spots to touch, to kiss, to fuck… there was no better feeling.
And second, we were going to have to finish the conversation that had started. About me. About the pills. About my intentions.
I sipped the coffee and made it three steps before I heard my phone vibrate on the table. It was Judy calling. Probably wanting to know when I was coming into work. I owned the place. So, screw it. Judy had a key. Shannon had a key. They could open the place. I’d get there when I felt like it.
Elena was taking another shower and I wasn’t going to pass up the view.
As I put my hand to the doorknob and turned it, my phone went off again.
Judy calling for a second time.
I opened the door a crack, getting hit with steam and the smell of Elena’s soap. Through the glass door, I watched her perfect, curved body. She had put her hair up and back, so she didn’t have to wash it again. She stood in the water, her head back, her hands touching her body.
I shook my head, three seconds away from dropping my jeans and joining her.
My phone vibrated yet again.
Now it was a text message from Judy.
EMERGENCY! ANSWER YOUR PHONE!
“Hey, are you spying on me?” Elena asked as she realized I was just outside the bathroom.
I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. “Maybe I am. Is that a problem?”
Elena slid the door open a little and smiled at me. Those green eyes. Water dripping off her body.
I had no breath.
“Might not be a problem,” she said. “If we’re going to be late, do it in style.”
“Yeah,” I said.
My eyes looked down at my phone.
I put my coffee mug on the sink and replied to Judy.
What’s wrong?
“Adam, I need to tell you something,” Elena said.
“Anything,” I said. “I’m pretty sure we have a lot to talk about right now.”
“Yeah. I’m thinking we should probably do it fully clothed. Since we get distracted so easily.”
I laughed. “That wasn’t distraction, sugar. You don’t understand how much I need you like that.”
“I was there. I have an idea. But there’s…”
My phone vibrated.
I didn’t want to look down. I didn’t want to look away from Elena.
“Sorry,” I said. “Judy said there’s an emergency at the diner. Let me just-”
I looked down.
Chris was shot. In hospital. Not good.
I dropped the phone and covered my mouth.
“Adam?” Elena asked. “Are you okay?”
My stomach felt sick. I punched my coffee mug, spilling it into the sink. I grabbed the sink with both hands and looked at the mirror. It was completely fogged up.
“Adam?” Elena asked again.
I looked over my shoulder. “I tried to warn you, sugar. To leave. To get away from all of this. That what you see isn’t always the truth.”
Elena turned off the shower and reached for a towel. “What is happening right now?”
I looked at my phone.
Two more texts from Judy had come through.
Adam?
Hello??
I pushed from the sink and crouched to get my phone. I looked up at Elena, the way I always felt I had done. I may have been taller in size, but she was bigger in heart and soul. And beauty. And purpose.
Seeing her in a towel, shoulders wet, her hair pulled back in a messy bun, I felt my heart going from shattered to dust. My shoulder started to hurt again too.
I gritted my teeth.
“Adam…”
“Chris,” I said. “The kid you saw mopping the floors with the earbuds.”
“Yeah?”
“He’s been shot. That’s what Judy texted me.”
Elena gasped. “Ohmygod… shot?”
I stood up, finally ready and able to take whatever waited for me.
I put a hand out before Elena could get close to me.
“I know why he was shot, Elena… and it’s my fault it happened.”
26
Sunflower Storm
ADAM
(then)
I sat on the roof for over an hour waiting for Brad. He had been bragging all week about his new shipment and promised he and I would get the first taste. It worked out perfectly because it was cool and rainy and my mother had taken off for a weekend away with some friends. I had done some side work all week with a contractor who paid me cash, so I was able to make sure all the utilities were paid up with enough left over to stock up on some food. So, it was going to be me, Brad, Stevie, and Bobby. We’d get wrecked, eat food, drink booze, and waste a Friday night away.
There was also enough money left over that I bought Elena a necklace. A necklace with a flower pendant on it. She had a thing for sunflowers so I found this dumb looking silver necklace. The gesture went well beyond what a friend would do. It was a risk. Because everything would change. It would either be her jumping at me for a hug, which would lead to a kiss, which would lead to…
Or it would be her giving it back, slapping me, and we’d never be friends again.
But I couldn’t take it anymore.
Last weekend, Brad got the hook up at a party over in North Ridge and we all went to have fun. The house was bustling with people, drinks and plenty of activities. Some girl from another school - Crystal - had set her eyes on me within two seconds of me getting there. We hung outdoors most of the night, talking, flirting, and when it was time to take things to a spare bedroom and handle some business, I had zero urge to do so. In some screwed up way, I felt like I was cheating on Elena.
My mind was completely twisted.
And for some reason, I thought a stupid sunflower necklace could fix it.
I started to twitch as it started to drizzle again.
I heard a whistle and stood up, looking around.
Half a block away, I saw a figure running.
Arms in the air, waving.
“I’ll be right there!” I called out.
I ran to the corner of the roof, crouched, turned, and dropped down from the roof. My feet and knees hurt for a second when I hit the wet ground.
I thought it was Brad running toward me, but it wasn’t.
It was Stevie.
I met him under a street light and I saw tears running down his cheeks.
“Holy shit, man. You’re crying.”
“They jumped him,” Stevie said.
“Who?”
“The fucking guys did.”
“Jumped… Brad?”
“Yeah.”
“Chad?”
“No, man,” Stevie said, crying. “The guys. Where he gets his shit. It was a fucking setup. He must have pissed them off or something. They fucking… ohmygod…”
I grabbed Stevie by the shoulders and shook him. “Where is Brad right now?”
“The hospital, Adam,” he said. “They all just started beating him. He went right down. And they kept going. They kept kicking him. And stomping on him…”
“Jesus Christ,” I said. I pushed away from Stevie and looked up.
“Bobby is already there,” he said. “He was with him. He said some guy made him stay in the car until they were done with Brad.”
“Did Bobby tell the hospital what happened?”
“He said a group of guys jumped Brad. That was it. If he says names…”
“It’s bad, man,” Stevie said. “Bobby said he wasn’t moving. He said there was blood everywhere. He said they…”
Stevie lost it.
I pulled him in for a hug.
“Stevie, are you high right now?” I asked.
“I’m freaking the fuck out, man.”
“Okay. Get in my car. Let’s go to the hospital and check on Brad.”
“What if he dies? What if he fucking dies?”
I ignored the question as I walked Stevie to my car.
I looked in the direction of Elena’s house. She was only a mile away from me. A mile away and I could escape this world. I could have her. I could have love. I could have everything.
“Are we leaving or what?” Stevie yelled from the car.
I nodded. “Yeah… let’s go.”
* * *
I touched the corner of my right eye as I walked the dark street alone.
Stevie and Bobby were going to stay until the hospital kicked them out. They had already called their parents, who were going to help out too. The story was pretty much cut and dry. Brad and Bobby had been cruising around, listening to music, when a group of guys attacked the car. They had bats and a gun, demanding money. Bobby said one guy threw him to the ground and pointed a gun while Brad tried to fight back and got beaten up really badly.
It was a bullshit story, but it would appease all those who were worried.
Brad was in ICU with broken ribs, internal bleeding, a broken arm, but the worst was the swelling in his head. Doctors said if the swelling didn’t go down on its own, they were going to have to do surgery on his head. Or his brain. Or something. It was terrifying to hear and even more terrifying to imagine.
Brad had been so excited all week.
IMAGINE US: by: Page 24
