Zombie Lover

by Piers Anthony

  “Translation: women can be bitches,” she said bitterly.

  “Perhaps I am being unduly suspicious.“

  “No, I don't think so. I just got myself suckered.” She looked around. “But they can't have gone far. I'll get out there and find them.”

  Then she glimpsed something walking through the forest. A shiver of sheer horror ran through her. “Justin! Is that what I'm afraid it is?”

  He looked through her eyes. “I very much fear it is. A zombie.”

  “He's here already!” she yelped. “They must have sent the duck boat back for him immediately.” She dived back into the house and slammed the door. There was a set of braces and a bar on the inside. She slammed the bar into place, locking the door.

  Then she ran for the back door, and barred it too. But by that time she heard something at a window. She ran up and slammed shut its inside storm shutter, and barred it. Then she hurried to do the same for the other windows.

  Breathless, she surveyed the situation. The house seemed to be secure for the moment. But she was trapped inside it. “How am I ever going to get out of here?” she asked. “To get something to eat? To dump the potty? I don't want to be a prisoner here forever!”

  “I am not sure Perhaps the kings will realize your predicament and come to your rescue.“

  “If the greedy women don't keep them perpetually freaked out until they forget they're already married. That Voracia has the potential, and that Demoness Claire's no slouch either. And if Nefra Naga's in on it too, they could be lost.”

  “I do fear the possibility. It may be that they will need your aid more than you need theirs.“

  “Oh, damn, Justin, this is awful! This island was supposed to be the answer, not the problem.”

  “Agreed. This is more of an adventure than I anticipated.“

  Then she heard something at the door. It was a faint bumping or scratching. It was the zombie, trying to get in.

  She went to the door. “Go away! Go away! I'm not going to marry you!”

  The reply came faintly: “Listen. We must talk.”

  “We've already talked! I won't marry you! Go away!”

  There was a pause. “I'm not the king.”

  “So you're one of his minions. I'm not going with you. Go away!”

  Another pause. “I am Zyzzyva.”

  “That's the one Voracia mentioned The zombie female who lives on the Isle “

  “I don't care who you are!” she yelled at the door. “Go away!”

  “You are becoming hysterical.”

  “I have a right to be hysterical!” Breanna screamed. “The zombies are going to get me!”

  “There may be another interpretation “

  “I don't want an interpretation! I want no zombies!”

  “Breanna, think for a moment All the women on this island want to marry princes Who would Zyzzyva want to marry?”

  “A zombie prince, of course. She—” Breanna froze. “Oh, my. Justin! Is it possible?”

  “I think you should talk to Zyzzyva and find out. She might be your salvation “

  “But I don't want to get near any zombie! They freak me out.”

  “I appreciate your concern I was not overly fond of them myself, when I was human. But I think this could be what the Good Magician had in mind. Not your physical escape from Xeth, but your emotional escape. If he found another love.“

  “I think you're making sense. But I just can't bring myself to— oh, God, I'm a bigot, aren't I! I hate this.” She discovered that her face was wet with tears. “What am I going to do, Justin? I just can't face her.”

  “Perhaps I can face her. Will you let me use your mouth?”

  “My mouth? You mean like my eyes? You could talk?”

  “I think so If you allow it.“

  “Try it,” she said, and released her mouth.

  “Hello,” her mouth said. It sounded like someone else.

  She grabbed it back. “You did it! You can talk!” Then she let go again.

  “I can talk,” he agreed. “So I can talk to Zyzzyva. If you allow it.”

  “If you can take care of this, you can have any part of my body you want.”

  “But you will have to let her in,” he said.

  Breanna nerved herself. Then she walked to the door and unbarred it. She pulled it open.

  “Please come in, Zyzzyva,” Justin said. “We shall talk.”

  “Thank you.” The zombie woman stepped inside. She was in much better health than Breanna expected; her decay hardly showed. That meant she had been caught soon after dying. Zombies seemed always to be decaying, but actually remained as they were when zombied. That should mean, in turn, that her brain was pretty healthy too. Her clear speech suggested that.

  “Offer her a chair by the table. You can sit with the table between you.”

  Breanna was surprised for half an instant, then realized that of course he could still talk in her mind too. And she would much rather have the table between herself and the zombie, than nothing between them.

  She walked to the table, pulled out a chair, and let her mouth go.

  “Please sit down,” Justin said. “There are things we must explain.”

  “Thank you,” the zombie repeated. Now Breanna noticed that the woman wore a metallic skirt and armored halter, and there was a small helmet on her head. A short sword hung by her right side. She was a warrior lady! She must have been killed in battle. No wound showed, but maybe that was closed up when she got zombied.

  They sat at the table. “I am Justin Tree,” her mouth said. “I am with Breanna of the Black Wave. She was kissed awake by King Xeth Zombie, but that was a confusion. She does not wish to marry him. The Good Magician Humfrey sent her to the Isle of Women, where she is supposed to find her reprieve. Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” Zyzzyva said. “That is why I came here. I was a warrior lass, but I died in action. The Zombie Master found me almost immediately, and revived me as a zombie. I decided I wanted to settle down and live as normal an existence as I could. My talent is consistency, and I wanted to settle down in life, so it remains my ambition in half-life. But no ordinary man would consider me. So I came here, hoping for my chance. But I am low on the list.”

  “So you would like to marry King Xeth?”

  “Yes, that would be ideal. But I fear some other woman will get him first. I know that he wants to marry a living woman, and all the others here are fully alive. But I am the best preserved of zombie women, so I think I could accomplish what he wishes. So when I learned that he might be coming here—“

  “I doubt many other women would care to marry a zombie,” Justin said. “Even a zombie king.”

  “Some might. But if I could somehow intercept him, and persuade him, then he would never come here.” Zyzzyva hesitated. “Unfortunately, as a warrior maiden I was never very good at romance. So it might not work.”

  “I could teach you!” Breanna burst out, grabbing possession of her mouth.

  Zyzzyva glanced askance at her. “Your voice seems to have changed. Perhaps my perception has deteriorated.”

  “No it hasn't.” Breanna said. Now that she had actually done it, she found it wasn't that hard to talk to the zombie. After all, she had talked to Xeth. “Justin was speaking for me, because I—well, never mind. I see you are a person, different from me, but still a person. Some folk don't like to associate with me because of my color, and I don't like that, but I guess I have my own prejudices. But if you can win Xeth's love, and marry him, then I'll be gloriously free. I think I can tell you how to do that. After all, he is a man.”

  “I would be most grateful if you would.”

  “Come on,” Breanna said, getting carried away. “Most of what you need to know is this: men like to see where they shouldn't. So if you can show him your—you do have panties?”

  Zyzzyva stood and lifted her metal skirt. Under it she wore metal panties.

  “Will they do?” Breanna asked Justin.

&nb
sp; “Yes, I believe so. They are quite competent. Now please avert your eyes.”

  Oh. Breanna pulled her eyeballs away. Obviously the panties were competent. They should have that much more effect on a zombie male. “Okay, the other part of it is how you act. You have to sort of look him in the eye and smile, and tell him how handsome he is. And if he grabs for you, the way men do—let him.”

  “But I always slew any man who grabbed for me.” Which was surely part of her problem. “Control the impulse. This time you want to—to let him have his way with you. Then he'll be yours forever. That's how it's done.”

  Zyzzyva hesitated again. “I spoke somewhat blithely of intercepting and persuading him, but that was my militaristic nature talking of a campaign. Now that I contemplate actually doing it, I am afraid.” Breanna stared at her.

  “You're human!”

  The woman smiled wanly. “I am a human zombie. My living capacities are only slightly diminished. Unfortunately my living liabilities also remain. I fear that I will—will—”

  “Will mess up?”

  Zyzzyva nodded. “So maybe this is not a good idea. I'm sorry I bothered you.” She turned toward the door and took a step.

  “No you don't!” Breanna cried, going after her and grabbing her hand.

  Zyzzyva whirled. A short sword appeared in her other hand. It glinted as it swung toward Breanna's neck. Breanna froze, horrified, unable to react in time to save herself.

  The blade stopped just short of her flesh. “Oh, I'm sorry.” Zyzzyva said. “I reacted automatically. You must never grab a warrior.”

  “Uh. I'm sorry.” Breanna said, shaken. “I—I just—I just didn't want you to go. Because I still think I can show you how to do it.”

  “Do you really? Despite seeing how I react when touched?”

  “That's rough, I confess. But there must be some way. Justin, what do you think?”

  “Perhaps if she could still think of it as a military maneuver The correct reaction could win the day “

  “What correct reaction?”

  “Perhaps a passionate kiss.”

  “Now I gotcha.” Breanna returned her attention to Zyzzyva. “He says you can still be military. You can still react when touched. But instead of cutting off his head, kiss him. Can you retain your reflexes to do that?” The woman considered.

  “Different situations require different reactions. I should be able to do that. It's as if to vanquish him, my weapon is a kiss instead of a sword.”

  “Right! Think of him as a demon. If you cut off his head it will just turn smoky and reform. But if you kiss him, you score.”

  “I will try,” Zyzzyva said bravely.

  “Rehearsal may be in order”

  “Lets rehearse it.” Breanna said. “Fortunately we've got a man here. Justin can use my body and grab you, and you kiss him instead of killing him.”

  “But it remains your body. You don't want to be kissed by a zombie.”

  That set her back. But Breanna hardly hesitated. “I'd rather be kissed by one than marry one.”

  So they tried it. Breanna stepped outside the door, then came back in. “I am King Xeth,” her mouth proclaimed. “I am looking for Breanna of the Black Wave.”

  The armored woman turned to face the intruder. “I am Zyzzyva. You are really handsome.”

  Justin looked past her. “Where is Breanna?”

  “She is modeling for you at the moment.”

  “Oops “

  “Lets try it again,” Breanna said. “This time don't forget to bat your eyes and show your panties.”

  “Hit my eyes?”

  “Sort of blink them at him. Like this.” Breanna demonstrated.

  “I will try,” Zyzzyva agreed, abashed. “Eyes, panties.”

  Justin entered again. “I am King—”

  “Hello, handsome.” Zyzzyva lifted her skirt.

  Justin's eyes locked on. He strode across the room and grabbed her by the shoulder.

  Zyzzyva drew her sword. Then she froze. “Darn!”

  “Practice makes perfect,” Justin said with Breanna's mouth. “That's why we have rehearsals: to ensure that the real case is perfect.”

  The zombie woman nodded. “Not this,” she said, sheathing her sword. “This.” She stepped into Breanna and kissed her firmly on the mouth.

  Breanna froze. She had never been kissed like that by a woman before. Justin took over. He reached down and stroked the woman on the bottom. Breanna felt Zyzzyva stiffen, then relax, accepting it.

  They separated. “I think we are making progress,” Justin said. “That was very nice, Zyzzyva. Now let's see if we can do it without miscue.”

  Both women were silent, so Justin acted. He walked toward the door and opened it.

  There stood Xeth Zombie. Oh no! Breanna, freaking out, lost volition. But Justin handled it. “Come in,” he said, and stood aside.

  “Thank you,” the Zombie King said. He stepped through the doorway.

  There before him was Zyzzyva. She looked startled, but quickly recovered her military discipline. “Hello, handsome,” she said, smiling.

  Xeth hesitated. “Who are you?”

  “I am Zyzzyva Zombie.” She batted her eyes fetchingly. Then, remembering, she lifted the hem of her skirt. “I would like to marry you.”

  “So far, so good.“

  “I am King Xeth Zombie,” he replied, advancing with his eyes fixed on that hem. “You seem remarkably well preserved.”

  “I was zombied only minutes after I died. I am the healthiest zombie female.”

  “Your flesh does look firm.” He reached for her, but hesitated.

  “Still, I don't think any zombie female can—”

  She stepped into him and kissed him. Now his hand fell to her bottom, exactly as Justin had demonstrated. Zyzzyva melted against him.

  “Perfect,” Breanna said silently.

  The two zombies ended their kiss. “You are strangely attractive,” Xeth said. “But I need a living woman, to—”

  “I can do it!” Zyzzyva said passionately.

  “But I am promised to—”

  “I release you!” Breanna cried.

  Still he was doubtful. “I don't know—”

  “The bedroom is this way,” Zyzzyva said, urging him toward it. “I have so much more to show you.” She touched her metal bodice.

  “Let's leave the house to them,” Justin said.

  “For sure,” Breanna agreed. She stepped outside the open door, and closed it behind her. She felt wonderfully free.

  Chapter 10

  GALS GALORE

  Bink watched Breanna enter the house. He was sure she would find it satisfactory; it looked very nice from outside. So she would have a place to stay. But they still needed to prevent the Zombie King from coming to the island.

  “We have something to show you,” Voracia said.

  Bink looked at her. She stood with Demoness Claire and Nefra Naga. They were all remarkably lovely young ladies.

  Then, acting in concert, they acted. Nefra changed to her serpentine form and slithered out of her dress. Then she changed back to human form, stunningly naked. Claire's clothing turned smoky and drifted away in the breeze, leaving her voluptuously nude. And Voracia's outfit reverted to its natural state of pink bra and pink panties, both tightly filled to overflowing. All three of them had perfect figures. All three smiled and batted their eyes and made a synchronized high kick with one bare leg. Then all slowly turned around in place, displaying every facet of every curve.

  Bink was freaked into immobility. He had been married a long time, and seen Xanth’s most beautiful woman in all states of dishabille, but this sudden surprise frontal assault by three lovely creatures caught him unprepared. It was a case of instant overload and male circuit blowout. He knew that his son and grandson were in the same state. The women of the Isle had sprung their trap the moment the three kings had been deprived of the protection of the girl.

  “Take them to the retention pool,” Vo
racia said without moving from Bink's locked view.

  Women appeared from all over. Bink couldn't look directly, because he could not turn his head, but his peripheral vision showed them, and he heard them behind. None crossed in front of him, for that would have interrupted the freaking view.

  He was tilted onto a cart and pushed still standing along the path, following the three exposed women. It was clear that this procedure had been carefully choreographed; there were no mistakes. Probably they had used it on other reluctant men. It was a system designed to see that no living prince escaped the island without being firmly married to one of its women.

  In due course they reached the retention pool, which seemed to be an empty cavity covered by a flickering layer of light, Bink felt a prickling across his body as that membrane passed across him. Then he felt quite peaceful, as if all were right with the universe. But he still couldn't take his eyes off the three exposed women walking in front. They were just as fascinating from behind as in front. That was the magical thing about women: they could capture the male attention from any angle. Only their normal use of clothing allowed any men to function with reasonable efficiency.

  At the bottom of the pool the wagons stopped. Then at last the three women covered up. Voracia's bra and panties thickened into halter and shorts and lost much of their compulsion; D. Claire's form was shrouded in smoke that became an appealing but not overly exposive dress; and Nefra donned her normal clothing.

  Bink relaxed and rubbed his smarting eyes. He saw after images of flexing buttocks. He had had an overdose, and it would take his orbs time to recover fully. He looked around.

  He was in a half formed chamber whose walls rose only to waist height, demarking rather than enclosing it. In it were two chairs and a bed. Nothing else. He saw that Dor and Dolph were in similar chambers.

  He walked to the half doorway, but stopped. It was open, but some invisible panel balked him from leaving. He walked around the chamber, and found that similar material enclosed it. He climbed on a chair and reached upward. Sure enough, there was an invisible ceiling. He was confined.

  He was not unduly worried, because he knew that these magical constraints could not harm him. But Dor and Dolph did not have his kind of protection, so it was better to share their fate for now.