Zombie Lover

by Piers Anthony

  “I have learned a lot recently, and I hope matured some,” she said. “Especially in the last few minutes, I hope.”

  Then Princess Ida signaled, and they started the march down the aisle. Dor held out his elbow, and Breanna took it, and they got in step and walked slowly forward.

  “I feel as if I'm getting married myself,” Breanna confided to Justin. “It's a thrill, even though I know I'm too young and will never have a royal wedding anyway.”

  “Any wedding is a royal occasion.” he assured her. He was so glad to have her back to normal! “When you find your beloved. whoever he may be, you won't care much about anything except being together.”

  “How do you know? Have you been married?”

  “Never. But I have known many others who married, such as Bink and Chameleon.”

  “Bink!” she said aloud, remembering. “He's the one to take over Castle Zombie.”

  King Dor shook his head. “Dolph mentioned that possibility to him, but Chameleon absolutely vetoed it.”

  “But isn't that why they were youthened?”

  “It can't be, because the position has to be voluntary. Someone who likes zombies, or at least respects them.” He glanced ahead. “Now pay attention to the rehearsal; you don't want to mess it up for Jenny.”

  “For sure,” she agreed, and oriented on the wedding march.

  Unfortunately that freed Justin for more thought. During his many decades as a tree, he hadn't thought much about this aspect of life. Now he couldn't help it. Breanna said that she felt as if she were getting married. Justin picked up that feeling, only for him the feeling was not general or nebulous, it was specific. He wished that he were standing by that stage, watching Breanna approach.

  There was no fool like an old fool, he chided himself. He had allowed his interest in the girl's activities to shade into interest in her. He had let himself be carried away by the sudden surprise of Jenny Elf's revelation as Jeremy Werewolf's perfect love, and now fancied himself in a similar role. His fancy didn't care that he had nothing in common with Breanna—that he was too old, she too young, he a tree, she a girl with her future awaiting her. His common sense recognized the vision for nonsense, yet his fancy still longed for it. Even if she had any such interest, which of course she wouldn't, the dread Adult Conspiracy forbade any such relationship.

  The answer was clear: he should keep silent about this ridiculous image, and return to his tree when the wedding ceremony was done. He would spare her any knowledge of his insanity. That would save both of them considerable embarrassment. And, of course, in time, the notion would fade, with no harm done. It might have been better if he had departed when they had their difference, but he couldn't make himself go as long as she wished him to remain.

  But he knew that in due course he would have to go, and that he would grieve for that sweet foolishness. He had indeed been too long away from human life and activity. He had not allowed for the resurgent emotions of the human state.

  Breanna reached the front of the hall. Jeremy looked at her, with a vulpine smile of mischief. “Why Jenny, how you have changed.”

  “I got really sick, and degenerated to this blackface,” she agreed.

  “Shall I kiss you and make you well?”

  “Don't risk it; it might make you ill instead, and someone in the back row would faint.”

  He laughed. “Really?”

  “No. More likely I would just turn into a frog.”

  “I think that if I had not found The One, you would have been a worthy substitute, Breanna.”

  “Not at my age, you handsome wolf.”

  He laughed again. “In three years, when you burst on the adult scene, all eligible men had better take cover. You are one cute creature in nature as well as appearance.”

  Breanna tried to blush, unsuccessfully. He had finally gotten to her. “Then I guess I had better line up a prospect before then, so as not to scare the whole Land of Xanth out of its magic.”

  Justin shook his nonexistent head. What a girl!

  They got through the rehearsal, and Breanna returned to brief Jenny on the details. “Beware of Jeremy's sense of humor,” she warned. “He threatened to kiss me.”

  “He doesn't even need lip bomb,” Jenny said dreamily.

  “If you get woozy during the real ceremony, hang on tight to King Dor's elbow; he's very steady.”

  “He's the Father of the Bride,” Jenny agreed. “He's been through it before.”

  They retired to Jenny's room. “I'm sorry I got sick and put you on the spot,” Jenny said.

  “Oh, it was fun,” Breanna reassured her. “It made me want to get married myself.”

  “Oh, do you have a man in mind?”

  “There's one I would like, I think, but I don't think he's interested.”

  Justin felt another shock. Breanna had a man in mind? “You didn't take Jeremy seriously!” he said to her. appalled.

  “No, of course not,” she replied silently. “It's someone else, who's not married.”

  Justin was only partly relieved. He had had no idea that Breanna had noticed a man in the course of her travels. Was it someone who might return her interest? If so, she was too young. If not, then she would be disappointed. So either way, the matter was unsettling. “May I inquire who?”

  Breanna hesitated. “If you haven't picked up on it then I think you wouldn't understand.”

  “Of course.” He was gracious, but her implied reproof stung. Always before, she had shared her concerns with him. Now she wasn't doing so. He remained intensely curious what man she was thinking of, but refused to pry. She was an attractive girl—how well he knew!—and surely could make an impression on the man she chose. It was certainly her right to do so, within limits. So he wished her well, though the thought of her finding love and fulfillment elsewhere gave him an unreasonable pang. He would almost have preferred to return to his tree at the time of their argument, because then at least he might have retained some fond foolish illusions.

  Next day the important guests began arriving, and Breanna was busy showing them to their rooms. Almost everyone else was busy with something, and Justin knew most of the guests, so this made sense. Castle Roogna was big, and seemed to get bigger to fill the need; that was one of the advantages of an enchanted castle.

  The first to come was Clio, the Muse of History. Both Breanna and Justin were amazed when she introduced herself. “Is there something historical going on?” Breanna blurted, as usual before she thought.

  “History is always in the making,” the Muse replied. “Every where, every time. However, some occasions seem more significant than others, and this is indeed one of those occasions.”

  “It's really great. Jenny getting married to a prince.”

  Clio turned a disconcerting gaze on them. “That too.” she agreed.

  “What does she mean?” Breanna asked Justin internally.

  “I have no idea, unless the convenience of this gathering facilitates another important activity or decisions.”

  “Exactly, Justin.” Clio agreed. Then she closed her door, leaving them both trying to blush.

  Then Good Magician Humfrey arrived, with a woman Breanna didn't recognize. Before anyone could think of looking askance, she introduced herself: “I am MareAnn, Humfrey's fifth and a half wife. I was his first true love, but wouldn't marry him for 142 years because I didn't want to lose my innocence and with it my ability to summon unicorns. But later, having resided in hell, I concluded that much of my innocence had already been sacrificed, so I married him. Thus he obtained a half-wife of 142 years. I am the Designated Wife for this occasion, as the Gorgon is busy elsewhere.”

  “Oh,” Breanna said, somewhat taken aback. “Well, I hope you enjoy the wedding.”

  “I doubt it,” Humfrey grumped.

  “Oh, come on. you know that deep down under all those layers of grumpiness you do like the chance to get out and meet old friends,” MareAnn said, tweaking his ear. “As for me, I love wedding
s. I cry buckets.”

  “But aren't weddings supposed to be fun?”

  “Tearful fun. You'll see.” They moved on into their chamber.

  The next guests were unfamiliar to Justin, but Breanna almost fainted. “Mom! Dad!” she screamed, charging up to hug her parents. “What are you doing here?”

  “We received an invitation to a wedding,” her mother said. “We hoped it wasn't yours.”

  “For sure!”

  “And we thought it was about time for the Black Village to start spreading out,” her father said. “We need to interact more positively with the rest of Xanth, especially now that there are a number of black children with magic talents.”

  “You bet!” Justin saw that though Breanna had never mentioned her family, and might even have felt somewhat alienated from them, she did love them and was glad to see them. She was bubbling over with things to tell them. But soon they retired to their room; they had made a long trip here, and were tired, they said. Justin suspected that they did not want to get in Breanna's way. They were after all Mundanes, perhaps feeling out of place here.

  A decrepit coach drawn by two half-dead horses drew up to the moat. “The Zombie Master and Millie the Ghost!” Breanna cried, dashing out to meet them. Sure enough, the two were just stepping down to the ground. But they weren't alone: King Xeth and Zyzzyva Zombie were there too, looking quite regal in formal clothing. Breanna greeted them all like the old friends they had become, and showed them to the castle's special cell in the cellar, where the local zombies congregated. This wasn't isolation; they had requested it.

  The biggest surprise was a couple Justin didn't recognize, but Breanna did. “Tristan Troll and Mouse Terian!” she exclaimed joyfully.

  “Yes. we are a couple now,” the lovely woman said, hugging her. “Thanks to you.”

  “But how can you be in human form, away from your mistress?”

  “ComPassion is here with me,” Terian said, touching her pocket. “In remote unit form.” There was a little screen tucked there. As Justin looked, it formed a little female smiley-face.

  “How clever,” Breanna said enthusiastically. “And is Com Pewter here too?”

  Tristan touched his own pocket, where another little screen peeked out. Words appeared on it: GIRL LOSES INTEREST.

  Breanna lost interest in the computers, but Justin didn't. As Breanna led the couple to their chamber, he questioned her, and learned that Mouse Terian was a real mouse, rendered, by Com Passion's power to change local reality, into human form for the occasion, and that Tristan served similarly as Com Pewter's mouse. It seemed that mice and machines were now dating, thanks to something Breanna had done before she met Justin. The girl just seemed to have effects.

  The chamber for that party was small and plain, but in a moment it changed and became palatial. The computers had the power to change reality in their vicinity, and were using it.

  A big tank was delivered, containing three lovely mermaids: Ash, Cedar, and Mahogany. They were respectively blonde, red-haired, and brunette, and attracted some attention as they diverted themselves in the moat. Certainly Soufflé Serpent enjoyed the company.

  There was a rumble as of thunder, and a shadow passed across the castle. It was a monstrous bird, in fact a roc, coming in for a landing. The mermaids looked up. “Here comes Roxanne!” Ash called, waving. The roc wig-wagged, responding.

  Jenny's friend Che Centaur arrived, with his friend Cynthia, both being winged centaurs. Che was to be an Usher, a position of honor. With them was Gwendolyn Goblin, queen of Goblin Mountain, another close friend. She would be the Maid of Honor. There had been no trouble from those particular goblins since Gwenny's ascension. There was one more member of that party: a huge glittering baby bird. “That must be Sim, the Simurgh's chick!” Justin exclaimed. “Princess Ida said he was another friend of Jenny's.” Now he realized why Roxanne Roc was here; she was Sim's nanny and guardian. She took her job most seriously, but knew that there was no threat to the chick in Castle Roogna. So she was visiting with the moat party, being too big to squeeze inside.

  “I am so glad to meet you, Sim,” Breanna said smoothly.

  “Peep,” the chick said, bobbing his head.

  “That means thank you,” Che said. “He could read your mind, and project his response to you, but he feels that would be impolite, so he sticks to bird talk.”

  Breanna smiled. “I really appreciate that, Sim. I have all kinds of black secrets I'd rather not share.”

  Sim nodded. There seemed to be a smile on his beak.

  “I love weddings,” Cynthia said. “I can hardly wait until we have one, and start our family of winged centaurs.”

  “But we're only thirteen,” Che protested.

  “I was older once, so I'm entitled to romantic notions. Do you think our foal will have a separate magic talent?”

  “But our talent is making things, including ourselves, light, so we can fly.”

  “That's a species talent, like walking on four feet. Do you see human beings limited to the talent of walking on two feet?”

  Che glanced at Gwenny Goblin. “I agree with her,” Gwenny said. “It's high time goblins had individual magic talents too. Why should my friend Gloha Goblin-Harpy be limited to flying?”

  So he glanced at Sim, who this time projected a thought to the group: “Flying is plenty of magic for anyone.”

  Gwenny made a cute moue. “That's right—side with your own gender, bird-brain. What does Breanna say?”

  “Don't get into it,” Justin warned.

  So Breanna avoided the issue. “I'm still waiting for Mundanes to find magic.”

  They laughed, and moved on.

  Two winged mermaids flew in, and joined the three at the moat. These were Aurora and Erica, whom the three kings knew. Soon after, another party of winged centaurs descended: the ones they had met on Mount Rushmost and gotten the lip bomb from.

  Then Voracia arrived, representing the Isle of Women. And Tipsy Troll with Phil Istine, who had evidently worked things out well. And a handsome princely young man with a breathtakingly lovely young woman, who introduced themselves as Nimby and Chlorine. Justin had never heard of them, but they seemed to know everybody. He had been too long away from human society; he must have missed much. There was something odd about this couple, but he couldn't place it. They seemed somehow too knowing.

  On it went, as it seemed that just about everyone who was anyone in Xanth came to attend the wedding. All for Jenny Elf, who had arrived mostly by accident nine years before, from the World of Two Moons, with her cat Sammy, and become very popular in Xanth. Justin was glad for her, as she was certainly a nice girl. But it made him much aware of what he had missed when he became a tree. Romance, marriage, enduring human interactions. Of course he could ask Magician Trent to transform him back to man form, but to what point? He would be cripplingly old.

  Everything came together on the appointed day. Justin watched the proceedings through Breanna's eyes, and his sadness of joy increased. They had removed the stage, so that the girl did not get frightened. Jenny looked beautiful in her elfin way, and Jeremy Werewolf was darkly handsome. King Dor gave Jenny away in a royal manner, and for this occasion even the floor and furniture managed to keep their smart remarks to a minimum.

  When it was done, King Dor announced that there would be a banquet for all after the reception. A reception line formed, with Jenny and Jeremy meeting the guests personally.

  The worst was over. Breanna stepped back, wiping her face. “MareAnn said that women are supposed to cry at weddings,” she said. “I thought it was applesauce, but I can't stop my eyes.”

  “It is natural,” Justin said. “There is no shame in it.”

  “But I don't believe in such idiocy.”

  “Under that rebellion, you are a woman.” She couldn't know how sincerely he meant that.

  “I guess I am.”

  “Anyway, I must confess that some of those tears may have been mine. There is just so
mething about a wedding,”

  “For sure.”

  The odd couple approached. “May we speak with you, Breanna and Justin?” the lovely woman asked. “I am Chlorine, and this is my friend Nimby.”

  “Pleased to meet you,” Justin prompted Breanna, though they had already met, passingly.

  “Pleased to meet you,” Breanna echoed aloud. “Sure, tell me what's on your mind.”

  “You have done Nimby a significant favor, and he wishes to give you another gift.”

  “But we never met before today.”

  “We have met, but you don't remember. That's what this concerns.”

  Breanna's confusion was one with Justin's. “He wants to give me something?” “The gift of memory,” Chlorine said. “On condition that you share it only with Justin.”

  “Okay?” Breanna asked Justin, unsure what this could be about.

  “I agree,” he said. “I am curious about this too.”

  “We agree,” Breanna said.

  “Look Nimby in the eye.”

  Breanna and Justin looked the handsome young man in the eye. The eye seemed to expand, becoming like a portal, and through it was a scene of a lovely woman and a donkey-headed dragon and Mare Imbri. Suddenly a phenomenal memory flooded through Breanna, and through Justin too, though it had not been his experience. This was the Demon X(A/N)th in mortal form, and he had given Breanna her talent of seeing in blackness, in exchange for the right to watch her dreams. Breanna had agreed to the deal, then had her memory of the experience deleted. This explained how a girl originating in Mundania had come to have a magic talent.

  Breanna became unsteady, but Chlorine took her arm to keep her balanced. “I made the deal,” she breathed. “But then Imbri had to take away the memory, so no one would know about Nimby.”

  “Yes. Thanks to you, he has at last learned to dream. He has learned that dreams are not confined to sleep; they also represent a person's most cherished ambitions. This is so immensely valuable to him that though he will no longer watch your dreams, you may keep the talent—and the memory.”

  “But I didn't really do anything,” Breanna protested.