Without You: A Friends-to-Lovers Small Town Romance

by Jennifer Van Wyk

  I’ve known Katie since we were sixteen and just as many years later, I’m discovering exactly how enticing and beautiful this woman is. Part of me is annoyed that I missed out but the bigger part of me is simply grateful that I finally opened my eyes.

  Sure, one could argue that we didn’t live in the same town or have much contact with each other for the past fourteen years, but that’s not a great excuse.

  Now I can’t stop thinking about her and wondering what it would be like to kiss those lips and hold her hand. To take her in my arms and pull her in close, letting my body speak for me to show her how badly I want her. But it’s more than just the physical sight of her that does me in. She’s so damn sweet and funny, cute and gives great banter.

  I want to spend time with her and do ordinary things, along with some not so ordinary things. I wonder what she likes to watch, or if she even likes television at all. I’d love to sit around and do nothing but lounge on the couch and binge watch a show for hours as we eat pizza and any other junk food we can get our hands on.

  Selfishly, I want her to sit in the shop with me while I work on cars, just so I have the presence of her company and can talk to her and listen to her voice. I want to lift up the console in my pickup so she can slide in right next to me on the bench seat as we go on long drives getting lost on dusty country roads. I can stretch my arm across the back of the front seat and she can rest her hand on my leg and her head on my shoulder. Cuddle together around a bonfire and go fishing.

  All the ways I want to spend time with her makes me want to find out what she likes and wants to do. What does Katie enjoy doing to fill her time? Does she read or do yoga? Ride a bike or go hiking? Maybe she’s like me and loves to do a whole lot of nothing but be a bum in my spare time. I have no idea but I want to find out.

  Everything.

  I want to find out everything about her.

  Not just what she likes but also what she doesn’t like. What makes her tick…

  Unfortunately, thinking of how Katie likes to fill her time and makes her tick also makes me think of what she likes to do in the bedroom. I have to shift in my seat to stop from embarrassing myself. Clearly, I’m having a hard time not letting my mind go there with my thoughts of Katie. Not surprising, though.

  “What?” I both watch and hear her lips say, making me realize I’ve been staring at her for several minutes without saying anything. She probably thinks I’m a freak. Or obsessed with her mouth. Maybe I am.

  I lift my eyes to hers and take in the blush on her cheeks. “You probably don’t want to know.”

  She raises a single eyebrow. “Well, now I definitely want to know.” When she finishes talking, she pops a piece of scone in her mouth and starts chewing.

  “It’s probably best if I don’t freak you out.” I pause then add ruefully, “Yet, anyway.”

  She studies me while taking a drink of her coffee and setting it back down on the table between us.

  “So this is what being mysterious is supposed to look like.”

  “Stick with me and I’ll teach you a thing or two,” I say.

  Her bright blues widen and she takes in a sharp inhalation of breath. By her reaction, I think her mind might be in the gutter as well.

  However, my earlier thoughts make me wonder something I probably should have asked in the beginning.

  “Are you seeing anyone?” I ask her out of the blue and her jaw drops.

  “Are you being serious right now?”

  “Um, yes?”

  “Would I be here right now if I was seeing someone? What would that say about me as a person? Is that what you think of me?”

  “Whoa. Slow down, Katie. That’s not what I think of you at all. But, here’s the deal, I want to get to know you and realized that I’ve been thinking a certain way that wouldn’t be appropriate if you were seeing someone. I won’t be that guy.”

  “You want to get to know me?” she asks quietly.

  “Figured that was kind of obvious.”

  “Figured it would have been obvious that if I was seeing someone I would have told you rather than gotten together for coffee again,” she counters.

  I wince. “Yeah.”

  “Yeah? Brody!”

  Chuckling, I do my best to smooth it over. “I’m sorry, okay!”

  The face she pulls looks like she tasted something funny. Which, she probably did seeing as how I just said something that definitely left a bad taste in her mouth. Then she proves my theory when she asks, “Why would you suddenly ask that?”

  Here’s where I get to decide whether to be truthful or not but given the fact that I actually like her, and not just because she’s pretty — gorgeous, even, I go with telling her how I feel and why I asked her if she was seeing someone. Leaning forward so my arms are resting on the tabletop, I lower my voice and say, “I was thinking about you and all the things I want to do with you and, quite frankly, to you, and then it hit me that I had never asked if you were free to do things like meet me for coffee... and all the other things that quite honestly make me feel like a bit of a perv for thinking about right now sitting here in this coffee shop. Though, to be fair, I’ve been thinking of you since I saw you at Hannah’s wedding, haven’t been able to keep you out of my mind, so it’s not as if you walking in here today suddenly flipped a switch in me. You may not want to hear this but, and I might be making it awkward between us now, but thought I’d lay it all out there so you know what I’m feeling.” As I was delivering that little bit — or a lot — of information, things grew… and not just for me. Katie’s eyes grew big, her cheeks grew rosy, and her breathing grew faster.

  “All the things?” she asks quietly.

  I nod once. “All of them.”

  “Are there… a lot?”

  “Oh, yeah. There are.”

  “Care to share with the class?”

  I shake my head. “Not here.”

  “Oh.”

  With a wink, I say even lower, my voice coming out deep and husky, “Yeah. Oh.”

  Oh my, I see her lips say but the words don’t come out.

  I grin, loving the fact that I’m maybe getting to her, too — even if only a little. Now she’s staring at my mouth and I can’t help but feel a little bit of pride. She can stare at me all she wants, for however long as she wants, as long as her eyes keep telling me that she’s into me like I’m into her. Like maybe everything I said to her just moments ago is what she’s feeling, too.

  She shifts in her seat slightly but her eyes stare unseeingly. Whatever she’s thinking, I want in on it. “Katie.”

  “Yeah?” she asks, breathless.

  “We’re in the coffee shop. Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else?”

  “Yeah.” This yeah is just as breathless as the first and it makes me grin.

  I want to reach across the table and grab her hand in mine but I resist the urge. “Are you listening to me or just staring at me?”

  “Staring.” She’s not lying. She’s still staring at my lips, and the fact that she just admitted to that is a clear indication that she’s not really listening to a thing I’m saying.

  “I’m wearing women’s underwear,” I say, testing it out, curious if she is paying any attention to what I’m saying.

  “Yeah.”

  I sit back in my seat and it breaks her stare on my mouth. “Katie?”

  “What?”

  “Are you even listening to what I’m saying?”

  “No, sorry,” she eventually admits.

  “See I have the same effect on you as you do on me.”

  That gets her attention.

  “Huh? What just happened?”

  I can’t help it. I bark out a laugh. “Nothing to worry about.”

  “I’m not sure that’s true,” she murmurs.

  Chuckling, I make a decision. “Let’s talk about something else. Tell me what you’re up to today.”

  Her demeanor changes in an instant. Gone are the slumped shoulders and embarra
ssed expression, replaced with a brightness that stuns me. Katie sits up straighter in her seat, her eyes light up and smile is nearly blinding.

  “Whoa. What has you so excited?”

  “I talked to my daddy yesterday. He and Mama kicked me out of the house.”

  Confusion has me furrowing my eyebrows. “And that’s a good thing?”

  “Well, yeah. I don’t want to live with my parents. It sucks to have to start looking for a place to live, because that’s kind of time consuming, but it’s not like I planned to be living with my parents in my thirties.”

  “So you’re looking for a rental? Or a place to buy?”

  She bursts out laughing. “It’ll be a little while before I can afford to purchase anything, so yeah, renting.”

  A thought hits me. One that’s likely going to freak her out but… “I have a place to rent if you’re interested.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah.” I nod and swallow hard, hoping she doesn’t think I’m a weirdo for suggesting this. “It’s a garage apartment.”

  “Your garage?” she asks hesitantly.

  Another nod. Another swallow. “My home garage, not my work garage. And it’s above the garage, so separate from it.”

  “I see.”

  “It’s been empty for a little over a month. Definitely nothing fancy,” I add on. “It’s a studio apartment, but you’re welcome to come take a look.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “I am. Why? Is that weird?”

  “No. It’s just, really, really, really nice of you. How much is it?”

  “Not much, really.” The last tenant paid me four hundred but there’s no way I would accept that from Katie. But I also know I can’t tell her she can live there for free, even though I would let her. “Two hundred fifty a month.”

  Her jaw drops and she starts shaking her head. “No way. That’s not enough, Brody! You’re surely not serious.”

  I shrug. “I’m serious. Like I said, it’s not much. It’s above the garage I park my vehicles in, Katie. There’s one room plus a bathroom.”

  “Still. That’s cheap.”

  It is. Dirt cheap, actually. Even the guy who paid me four hundred bucks said that. I’m not doing it for the money, though. Damon, the guy who just moved out, needed a helping hand. He’d just gotten out of prison for making some shitty choices. He did his time and learned from his mistakes. But, that meant he needed a place to live that he could afford. I told him I would rent it to him for what he could afford if he helped with the yard work and fixing up the apartment. He shot me an offer and I accepted knowing that I could have probably gotten more but I didn’t care. He was getting a place to live, work to do to stay out of trouble, and I trusted that he was ready to turn his life around. Luckily, that trust didn’t backfire on me.

  “Want to take a look? It’s fully furnished and move-in ready.”

  “Fully furnished?”

  “Yeah, I figured people wouldn’t want to move their stuff in and out because of the stairs. It’s nothing fancy, but the guy who moved out was a clean freak. No smoking. No pets. Like I said, it’s not fancy or especially expensive furniture, but it’s clean and comfortable. What do you think? Have I convinced you yet?”

  “Yeah, you kind of had me at two hundred fifty bucks, though,” she admits. “I also had the luxury of discovering that my mama and daddy have a day designated to being naked in their house, or they did before I moved back in with them, anyway, so the prospect of moving out of there sooner rather than later is pretty appealing.” Lifting her scone up, she adds, “But I want to finish my scone first.”

  I don’t know how to digest the bomb she just dropped about her parents’ nakedness so I just file it away for discussion at another time. “Of course,” I murmur. “So what are you up to today?” I ask her.

  “Oh! I didn’t tell you the best part.”

  “There’s more? I thought it was enough to learn Frank and Gina like to spend their days naked and you’re going to move in to the apartment above my garage.”

  “Yeah, we’ve unfolded a lot in the last fifteen minutes, huh?”

  “That we have. So… the best part of the news isn’t that you’re moving out of your mommy and daddy’s house?”

  “Nope. That’s just the second best. Even though finding out that my daddy is very fond of his naked time and I’m ecstatic that I won’t be around to actually witness it.”

  “Well, that sounds like a story that I want to hear sometime soon.” I pop a bite of scone in my mouth and motion for her to continue as I chew.

  “Yeah. It was a little concerning to hear about it all directly from his mouth. Anyway, you know how I’m taking classes for massage therapy? And I told you I only have a little over a month left, right?”

  “Yup.”

  “Anyway, I have class the rest of the day, like always, but I have an interview, kind of, with a salon tonight to discuss me working there.”

  “Here in town?”

  “Yeah. I was originally thinking of renting a space but really, this is a great way to start for me. I’m excited,” she practically cheers. “More excited than I expected to be, actually. Honestly, I’m surprised by how much I love massage therapy because I thought maybe touching complete strangers would kind of gross me out but it’s so satisfying. I love knowing that I’ll be helping people feel better and helping them relax.”

  “I can tell this is exactly what you should be doing,” I say honestly. “And I’m excited for you. You don’t mind being back in school?”

  “Not really. It’s not boring like sitting through a math class would be, for me, anyway. Plus, since I’m doing the accelerated program it’s kept me super busy and moving through it quickly, which helps. I think the next little bit while I finish up school and work as much as I can for dad will be crazy busy.”

  I’ll say it’ll be crazy. Busy, too. No time for a personal life. Here I am thinking about having her move in basically into my house, or garage, and that we’d be able to spend all sorts of time together and get to know each other. I feel like a selfish ass feeling a twinge of disappointment that that’s not going to happen but at the same time, I love seeing the smile on her face.

  “It might be crazy and busy but I have faith in you that you can handle it.”

  “I’m not so sure, but thanks, Brody. That means a lot to me.”

  “So you actually think you’ll enjoy rubbing your hands on strangers for money, huh?” I ask, teasing. Though, I’m man enough to admit that I’m more than a little jealous of anyone she’ll be rubbing. I also realize there’s far more to being a massage therapist than rubbing on people for money, and by the look she’s giving me, she knows I’m just teasing her.

  “I mean, maybe not when they’re super hairy, but imagine what it would be like if someone like Thor lays down on the table,” she says, fanning herself. “Pretty sure I can handle it.”

  “Great. I’ll be sure to get rid of any Thor look-alikes in town.”

  She snorts and rolls her eyes.

  “So what else? I know you have more plans for your career change.”

  “I really need to work on that mysterious thing, huh?” she sighs then continues. “I really would like to open my own place someday so I’m not renting a room for my table or working for someone. But that will come with time. I need to pay my dues, so to speak. But yeah, it’s a down the road dream. I’ve considered other areas, too, like physical therapy but that’s more school and right now, that’s not appealing.”

  “You’ve been thinking a lot about this.” I say it like the statement that it is.

  “A lot,” she agrees, balling up the cellophane the scone was in.

  “I’ll offer up my services of practice, if you need a guinea pig. In case all the local Thors of the community aren’t available, of course.”

  “So generous.”

  I place a hand on my chest and tell her in a serious voice, “That’s me. A constant giver.”

 
She giggles and reaches over, taking my empty coffee cup and hers.

  Holding her attention, I ask, “You know what I’ve been thinking about?”

  “What?” she asks, standing up and depositing our trash in the bin. I stand, too, and join her in walking out the door, my hand on her lower back.

  “Us.”

  We stop walking and turn to look at one another. “You kind of alluded to that earlier.”

  “Here I thought you said I was mysterious.”

  She shrugs. “Sometimes you just lay it all out there. Sometimes not so much.”

  “How’s this. I’d really like to spend time with you, and not just showing you the apartment you’re going to be moving into. You’re going to be busy over the next few months, from the way it sounds, and I’m busy because I have this contract that is going to require me to work pretty insane hours, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find time.”

  “We didn’t even talk about you. What’s going on with your new adventure?”

  “New adventure?” I ask, leaning against the door of my pickup.

  “Well, I’m not sure what else to call it.”

  I take a risk and reach out to grab her hand in mine, pulling her close. She stumbles a bit and but unfortunately doesn’t fall into me. I’d really like to wrap my arms around her, but this is the second time we’ve spent time together. That’s pushing it. “Don’t try to change the subject.” She looks between us where our fingers are intertwined and I give her a gentle squeeze. “I know we’ve both got a lot going on but even with all that, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. The last month I kept hoping to bump into you again. It was driving me crazy to not see you and I gotta admit, I wanted to reach out to you the morning after we had coffee, not a month after. Are you feeling any of that?”

  “I… I am, but I’m also a little worried.”

  “Worried about?” I prompt her and she looks too nervous to answer. “And don’t say Hannah. For one thing, she’s not in this. Hannah’s married and thankfully moved on. She doesn’t live here. And, this is the biggest point, she doesn’t hold a place in my life anymore. I don’t think about her. I think about you.”