Without You: A Friends-to-Lovers Small Town Romance

by Jennifer Van Wyk

  The one lucky enough to be courted and recruited by the Big Ten school? My best friend since second grade. Tyson Davis and I have been practically inseparable since the day we met. The only thing opposite about us, the color of our skin. Well, that, and the fact that we’re built totally different. Where I’m 6’3” and 225 pounds, he’s 6’0” and 170 on a good day. That’s why during football season I’m a center and he’s a running back. He’s got the speed. I’ve got the size and muscle. We’re a good team no matter what sport we’re playing but baseball? That’s where we dominate. I catch whatever he pitches, reading each other to damn near perfection because we’re best friends off the field, too.

  “We did it, B. We fucking did it!” he hollers.

  “Heck yeah, we did!” I grin at Tyson as he reaches out and pulls me in for a hug. We slap each other on the back and push away to continue our celebration with everyone else.

  “Party at Johnson’s field?”

  “Obviously.” I smirk. “His dad left a path to the back of the field so we would be hidden.”

  “Like the cops won’t know?” He laughs but knows that doesn’t matter. The cops of our small town won’t touch us. Not tonight. Not after we brought the championship to our town. Giving us another year of bragging rights. As long as no one drives drunk and we keep the party there, they’ll turn a blind eye to the festivities. Benefits of living in a small town, I guess.

  I shrug as I strip down out of my uniform, holding my jersey in my hands for the last time. Staring down at it, a million memories play out of spending my summers at the ballfield. I’m a boy of summer through and through, loving the feel of a glove on my hand and a ball cap on my head. Always covered in sweat and dirt, stains that my mother perfected getting out of my uniform. I’ll miss this. I’ve worn number 14 since I was a freshman, eager to play with the big boys. Now I am one. Or was.

  I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see Tyson’s dark eyes boring holes in me. The bad part about having a best friend for most of your life? They know too much. Even when you’re being an emotional sap.

  “You know you could have taken one of the offers.”

  I shake my head and toss my dirty uniform in the bin with all the others. “Nah. I’m done. College ball wouldn’t be the same without you guys.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  He’s right, I don’t know that. But I have a pretty good idea. My dad went on to play college ball for a few years and hated every minute. Not because he didn’t love the game. Because the love of the game wasn’t as strong when his brothers weren’t on the field with him, playing for the town they love and have grown up in. When I’m crouched behind home plate, I don’t have to worry about my boys doing their job just like they don’t have to worry about me doing mine. I can’t imagine killing myself for someone I’ve only just met or gaining that comradery. Maybe it’s weird, but I loved playing baseball with the same guys I grew up with. Who I met in tee-ball. That’s what made it fun. It wasn’t about the wins or losses. It was fun. End of story.

  We make our way naked to the showers, no modesty left between us, turn on the spray, and make quick work to get cleaned up so we can load into the bus. We’ve got a party to attend. And I’ve got a girl to see.

  After we are back in our regular clothes, we walk out to the bus. Parents and a few of our classmates are standing by, waiting to greet us and follow the bus home. A line of cars, trucks, and SUVs heading to the same destination for the same purpose.

  To celebrate the win.

  I break away from Tyson when I see Lizzy. I fell in love with her about a year ago, but we met our sophomore year when her family moved to town. Next to her stands her best friend Adeline who I’ve known since preschool.

  They’re dressed like twins. Short jean shorts, tight t-shirt that proudly displays what team they’re rooting for, and flimsy flip-flops. But that’s where the similarities between the two end. Where Lizzy is tall and thin, her bright red hair pulled into a ponytail on top of her head, Adeline is over a foot shorter than me, with long blonde hair and curves that the guys in high school couldn’t help but comment on. I’ll admit to catching myself looking a little too long a time or two, but my heart belongs to Lizzy. Adeline and I have only ever been friends. She calls me her brother.

  “You did it, babe!” Lizzy squeals as I lift her into my arms, burying my head in her neck. “I was so nervous the entire time!”

  I set her down and kiss her soundly on the lips. “You were? No faith in us?”

  She scoffs and lightly shoves my shoulder. “You know that’s not it. I just know how badly y’all wanted this. I’m so darn proud of you guys. You kicked butt.”

  I grin and kiss her cheek. She never cusses. Never.

  “Thanks, Lizzy.”

  “Boys! You’ll see everyone back home. Time to load up,” Coach calls out and like obedient little soldiers, trained for the past four years to listen when our coach speaks, we start filing onto the bus.

  I kiss Lizzy one more time then turn to Adeline who’s waiting her turn to congratulate me. She nudges me with her arm and says, “You did great. Congrats, Beau.”

  “Thanks, Adeline. You see how I laid out number 29 when he tried to get across my plate? That was for you,” I tell her and wink.

  “Aww, thanks. You know how much I love a guy who shows friendship with brute force.” She rolls her eyes.

  “Of course I do.” I flex for her and she laughs, shaking her head. I’ve known Adeline even longer than Tyson. We met in preschool when another kid stole her snack and made her cry. I pushed him when we went outside for playtime. I got in trouble but never apologized for bullying a bully.

  I turn to see Lizzy and Tyson talking as well, no doubt her telling him how great he did. Scrunching my eyebrows together when he leans down and whispers something to her. Lizzy nods and spins away, practically skipping back over to me.

  “What was that about?”

  “Nothing,” she chirps.

  “Nothing? He whispered something to you.”

  “It’s a surprise.” I look closely at her then relax when she bites her bottom lip. “Relax, Beau. It’s nothing bad.”

  “What kind of surprise?”

  “For me to know and you to find out.”

  “And Tyson?”

  “Well, yeah, he’s helping me.”

  Coach yells at us to get our asses moving so I say a quick goodbye and promise to meet up after we get back to town.

  The bus ride home is no quieter than the locker room was earlier. The adrenaline still coursing through our veins creating an energy around us that’s hard to ignore. It takes just over an hour to get back to the high school and unload all our gear from the bus and not much longer to drive out to Johnson’s field to get the real party started.

  Lizzy and Adeline are waiting for us by the bonfire, both already holding a red cup filled with keg beer.

  “You poured these yourself, right?” I ask them both when I get near and they confirm, easing my concerns. Tyson and I pour ourselves a cup as well, the first time drinking anything alcoholic since before the season started. Neither of us want to risk getting caught and kicked off the baseball team so we’re careful during the season. But now that it’s over, all bets are off. We have just a month before we leave for college and I plan to enjoy every minute of it.

  The beer flows and music blares from a car that is decked out with some insane speaker system. Everyone is in a good mood, dancing and messing around the bonfire. Flames lick the night sky as we sit on large pieces of wood and old chairs. The distinct scent of marijuana wafts around us and I look around for Lizzy, knowing that she’s probably in the middle of it.

  It drives me crazy but I’m not about to tell her what she can and can’t do.

  I lean over to Adeline who’s sitting next to me and ask, “Lizzy?”

  She nods and shrugs. “Probably. She was saying that she was hoping… someone would bring some tonight.”

  “Great,�
�� I grunt.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Not your fault. Just frustrating.”

  “I know.” Her voice is sad and quiet. “Have you noticed she’s been a little… off lately?”

  I turn to look at her and notice that she looks nervous. Not something I’m used to with Addy. She’s confident and sure of herself but right now she’s fidgeting and her eyes are darting around. “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know, I guess. She’s just different.”

  I’ve noticed as well but haven’t had the guts to confront her. She’s been disappearing and quieter than normal but I originally thought it was because of her parents’ recent divorce. But maybe it’s more than that.

  I look around and can’t see her anywhere. “I’m going to go find her.”

  “Want me to come?”

  “Sure,” I murmur, tossing my now warm beer on the ground and then the empty cup into the fire.

  We walk into the barn and come to an abrupt stop when we spot a couple making out so hot and heavy it’s damn near uncomfortable to witness. Even in the shadows, it’s not hard to see what’s happening. The guy’s hand is down the front of the girl’s shorts and he’s attacking her chest like a man starved just as he pushes down her top exposing her naked breasts. Addy gasps and darts behind me then starts giggling uncontrollably. She grabs the fabric of my t-shirt and buries her head into my back. “Oh my gosh, Beau! We gotta get outta here!”

  Reaching behind me, I grip her arm and try to stifle my own laughter. The couple doesn’t even notice we’re here, they’re so caught up in each other. They must be from one of the neighboring towns, because I don’t recognize either of them. It’s hard to tear my eyes away. I’m an eighteen-year-old guy and it’s basically a live porn show.

  “Shh.”

  “I can’t… Beau! Let’s get out of here!”

  “You don’t wanna stay and watch?”

  “They’re about to have sex!”

  “Well, no shit,” I whisper back. “Not planning on sticking around.”

  We spin around and practically fall out of the barn door, laughing our asses off.

  “Holy shit! Why didn’t they stop? I saw her boobs, Beau! Her boobs!”

  “What? You’ve never seen boobs before?” I tease. Of their own volition, my eyes trail down to hers. Though, in my defense, they’re not small and have drawn my attention more times than I care to admit. Might make me an asshole since I have a girlfriend and Addy’s one of my best friends, but I’m an eighteen-year-old guy and I like boobs. Plus, hers just happen to be fantastic.

  She covers herself and glares. “Shut up! He had his hand… you know!”

  I grin at her catching me but not calling me a perv or anything. She knows I’d never do anything to betray our friendship or my relationship with Lizzy. “Want to go back and see if they’re about to do it?”

  She shoves my chest and laughs harder. “Screw that!”

  “I think they’re about to.” I chuckle.

  “Gah, you’re such a jerk.”

  “Yet you love me.”

  I get another eye roll before she grabs my hand and tugs me along. “Let’s go find Lizzy. Hopefully she’s only smoking.”

  “What do you mean, only smoking?”

  She stops again and turns to face me, fidgeting nervously. “Umm… well, she mentioned wanting to try something.”

  “Try? Something? What exactly is she wanting to try?”

  “Yeah, I guess?”

  “What do you mean, you guess?”

  “I don’t know! She just said that she heard someone had molly and she wanted to try it.”

  “Fuck.”

  We keep looking around but it’s not as if there are many places to hide out here in the open. Walking around the back side of the large barn the soft sounds of music fill the air along with grunts and moans.

  “Holy shit,” Addy breathes out. “Again? What is up with people tonight?”

  I laugh softly then all the breath leaves me when I recognize the sound of one of those moans. I spin around and look down at Addy who’s staring off into the direction of…

  “Lizzy,” my best friend moans.

  Moans…

  Fucking. Moans her name.

  “Tyson,” my girlfriend replies. “Yes! Right there. It’s so good.”

  “Oh my gosh, nooooo,” Addy says quietly.

  Lizzy.

  Tyson.

  My girlfriend of a little over a year.

  My best friend for over a decade.

  “Always. Always so good,” comes Tyson’s reply.

  Always.

  Always?

  Grunts and moans and soft music and…

  “What the fuck is going on?!” I roar and Addy whimpers next to me. What a stupid question to ask. It’s pretty obvious what’s going on right now.

  Tyson’s and Lizzy’s head both jerk up at the same time from where she’s mounted in his lap, her legs wrapped around his waist. Shorts are discarded next to them. Their shirts still in place.

  “Answer me!” I shout and Addy jumps, placing a hand on my back.

  Lizzy scrambles off Tyson’s lap and moves toward me before remembering that she’s naked from the waist down. Quickly the two dress themselves, eyes wide when they finally right themselves enough and gain the courage to look at me.

  “Beau!” Lizzy cries. “Beau.”

  “Well, you were right about one thing. I am definitely surprised. Though, I’m not happy with the surprise.”

  “Beau,” Tyson says quietly. Apologetically. Takes a step toward me, hands in the air like he’s surrendering. “Let me explain.”

  “Explain the fact that you were just having sex with my girlfriend? Oh, this ought to be good.” I plant my feet wide and cross my arms across my chest.

  Lizzy’s pathetic cries don’t go unnoticed but for the first time since I’ve been with her, they don’t faze me. She can play this any way she wants, but the last several months are coming back to me with glaring clarity. All those times I couldn’t get ahold of her or didn’t know where she was. All those moments where she would seem distant or her thoughts centered anywhere but on me.

  “Lizzy?” Addy’s sweet voice calls out from next to me. Sad. Disgusted. Irritated. “How could you?”

  “I…”

  Addy starts marching toward Lizzy like she’s about to pounce on her but I pull her back. “Doesn’t matter. Seems to me it’s been going on for some time now. Tell me I’m wrong. Lie to me, just as you’ve both been doing for… how long? Admit that you’ve been deceiving me, double crossing me.” My voice is calm, unlike my heart that’s threatening to pound right out of my chest. My body feels tight, pulse beating hard in my neck as I grit my teeth against the desire to pummel my friend. It’s hard for me not to beat the absolute shit out of him right now. I’ve always had a short temper, quick to use my size and strength if needed. Or, sometimes, wanted. Never did I imagine I’d want to turn that onto Tyson

  “Beau, man… I’m sorry. I have no excuse.”

  “You’re right, Tyson. You don’t,” I bark. Addy places a hand on my back and something in me calms. I take a deep breath and look down at her. Down at my friend who’s been by my side and makes me laugh and has never wavered in her friendship. Her brown eyes soften, even in the darkness that surrounds us. I swallow hard and turn back to the two people I once trusted with my life. “But neither does Lizzy. It makes no difference whether or not you’re sorry. I can’t even look at you. Either of you. Get the fuck out of my face.”

  I thread my fingers together on top of my head and feel the muscles in my arms protest, aching to throw a punch. “Fuck! Years. YEARS! Years of friendship. No, fuck that. Of brotherhood. Gone. Because you couldn’t keep your dick out of my girlfriend?” I drop my hands and shake my head. “And you…” I turn to face Lizzy whose tears are streaking down her cheeks as she holds her hands to her chest. I suck in a breath as I stare at the girl I gave all my firsts to. Was blindly in
love with. Whether it’s because her parents just got divorced or not, there’s no excuse. “You’re nothing but a cheating bitch.”

  I spin around and storm away, shrugging off Tyson who tries to stop me with a hand on my shoulder. I ignore the way he shouts out my name. I ignore Lizzy’s cries to stop walking away. I ignore her pleas to come back to them and listen. I ignore the looks of everyone as I push through the crowd around the fire and climb into my pickup. I start it up with a satisfying roar, take a breath, and close my eyes for a moment to gather my thoughts.

  How could I miss this?

  How could I have been so blind to the fact that the friend I consider more a brother than my own two had been sleeping with my girlfriend?

  The passenger door opens and Addy climbs in.

  “Drive.”

  “Addy…”

  “Just drive. You need this.”

  She’s right. Whenever I need time to think, I do it best behind the wheel of my pickup.

  Putting my truck in reverse, I tear out of my spot at the edge of the field, switch to drive, and do just that. I drive. Addy in the passenger seat, sitting quietly with one leg tucked under the other, her elbow resting on the console.

  Out of the corner of my eye I see her flip open her ringing phone and slam it shut, shoving it in one of the empty cupholders.

  I grunt, knowing that Lizzy was just trying to call her.

  “You didn’t know?”

  “No. I didn’t.”

  I nod, knowing that she’s telling the truth. She’s a terrible liar. She can’t manage to sit still, rather fidgets and winces because it goes against her nature.

  “I have no idea what she was thinking.”

  “Are you surprised?” I ask in a whisper and hold my breath for her answer. I don’t know what answer I’m hoping for because part of me wants her to be just as surprised as I am. That I’m not the only one who was an idiot.