Hard to Forgive (Hard to Love Book 3)

by L. M. Reid

  “It was your dream, Mia. Was it everything you hoped for?”

  “It was. I love the Palm Tree and I love working for Mitchell. But this?” I sigh contently as I look around my office, “This is what I worked so hard for. This is everything I ever wanted.” I’m falling into his trap. He’s making me feel comfortable, luring me back in all so he can… what, exactly? I still don’t know why he’s working hard to fix something that is irreparable. Rather than focus on the millions of why’s and what’s that are swirling around in my mind, I decide to ask him the one question I’ve been dying to know. “Did you ever make it to France for culinary school?”

  Cooper shakes his head. “No, New York. France just… it didn’t feel right. It wasn’t the kind of cuisine I really wanted to dive into, and it was so far away from everything I knew. It just didn’t feel right.”

  “Do you regret it?” I only ask the question because of how excited he had been about being accepted into the program and for him to not go baffles me.

  “Not a bit,” he says assuredly. “I’m exactly where I want to be.”

  The way he looks at me when he says it has me downing another drink and pouring another.

  The one drink I agreed to turns into several and before I even realize it, I’m tipsy and we’re laughing. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m having a good time.

  “You did not,” I laugh as Cooper’s story.

  “I did. I dropped her outside the door and bolted it shut.”

  We’re both laughing, falling into our normal comfort zone. One that I should be steering away from, not into. Thanks to the alcohol, my body continues to betray my brain.

  “I missed this,” I say instantly regretting the admission.

  “Me, too.”

  “I thought about you – all the time.” I admit a few moments later when the alcohol starts to kick in. “I still do.”

  My hand flies to my mouth. Did I seriously just say that? Damn you alcohol.

  “What do you think about Mia?” he asks. He shifts his body closer to mine on the couch.

  Always self-assured and in control, I am anything but in this moment. “Oh, uh, nothing really. Just like us hanging out in your room. How we used to watch movies or just sitting there laughing and talking.”

  “Like now?”

  “Less awkward then now, but yeah.” I take my lip between my teeth as I contemplate asking him the same. Has he ever thought about me? Did he miss me at all? Or was I nothing more than a distant memory the moment I was out of sight? “Did you ever think about me?” Curiosity killed the cat and may just break my heart in this case, but I need to know that he at least thought of me on occasion.

  Cooper chuckles. “Every day. Just ask the guys.” He shakes his head. “They always gave me shit about not being over you.”

  “It confuses me when you say things like that. How can you be over me when I never meant anything to you?”

  “I never said you didn’t mean anything to me, Mia. I just – I couldn’t give you what you want. I couldn’t love you the way that you loved me.”

  “Love,” I correct him.

  The moment the word slips out I bolt from the couch embarrassed. Not a moment passes before his hands are on me, making me face him. “I don’t deserve you, Mia. I never did. But I need you know that I cared about you – deeply.”

  I nod, biting back the emotions that threaten to take over. I need to uncomplicate this moment, so I change the subject. “So, am I forgiven?”

  He smiles down at me. “Hardly. One more thing.” I wait patiently for his response. “Kiss me.”

  I run my fingers running down his chest and smile knowing that I still remember every inch of his perfect body. “Are you sure you can handle it?”

  18

  Cooper

  She’s testing me, trying to see if I am actually going to push the issue. She can bet her sweet ass I am. Speaking of her ass…. My hands softly smack against the flesh and palm it, getting enough of a grip to pull her toward me. She falls into me, her palms flattening against my chest. “I’m not letting you walk away this time.”

  Her fingers grip the material of my shirt. “I don’t want to.”

  She pulls me to her, lips crashing onto mine. College Mia has nothing on the grown version of herself. The movement of her lips is sensual, her kisses passionate. The feel of her pressed against me only makes me want more. I need her in ways that I have never needed before. Mia Beckett is like a drug I can’t get enough of, a habit that I can’t quit.

  Knowing full well that I can’t give her what she wants doesn’t deter me from the path we’re on. I want her. I need her. And God willing, I am going to have her.

  “If you even try to say this is a mistake,” she says breathlessly when she pulls back.

  “Not a mistake,” I reply as I capture her lips again.

  Nothing about Mia Beckett has ever been a mistake. Everything about her is complete perfection.

  My hands find the hem of her skirt and begin to slide it up. I need to feel her, see for myself that she really is just as into this as me.

  Ring-ring.

  Her damn cellphone.

  “Don’t,” I plead with her as she breaks the kiss.

  She pulls back, slowly sliding out of my hold. “I’m sorry, I have to get this.”

  With the phone cradled at her ear, she adjusts her skirt before walking out of the office chatting to whoever is on the phone. She didn’t need to get that she’s using it as an escape. If she thinks this is over, she’s wrong.

  ***

  After Mia disappeared, I immersed myself in working on the kitchen. Putting the finishing touches on before I get working on the rest of my enormous to-do list. I don’t know how much time has pased when my body kindly informs me that it’s exhausted so I call it quits for the day and head back to my office. As I approach my door I can see a light streaming from Mia’s office. It’s open slightly, just a crack, enough that I can peek in and see what she’s up to at this hour with her being none the wiser.

  I peek inside making sure to be quiet as a mouse and not alert her to my spying. Then I see her and all rational thought is gone. She’s relaxing on the sofa that we just kissed on a few hours ago. Her hand is shoved through the top of her skirt. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what her hands doing in there. Better yet, I’m fairly certain that our kiss earlier is what elicited this desperate need in her. One that is so great she had to sate it right here in her office.

  I should close the door, walk away, and let her do her thing. But I can’t. Maybe this is what she wanted. Maybe she hoped I would find her so we could finish what we started earlier. Hell, why else would she leave the door open? No, I can’t walk away. Desire fuels my thought process as I nudge the door open and step into the office.

  When her eyes fall on me, her lips form a perfect O before my name softly escapes her in a breathy sound. She doesn’t tell me leave; she doesn’t move her hand; she just stares at me. Taking her silence as an invitation, I step further into her office making sure to lock the door behind me. Even though I’m certain that we’re the only ones left, there is no way in hell I am taking any chances.

  Fuck she’s gorgeous. The sight of her in her pleasure induced haze, knowing what’s she’s doing despite not being able to see it, sets me on fire. My dick to strains against the fabric of my pants, begging me to let it out, to let it find it’s home in Mia.

  As I make my way toward her, I hear a single “please” escape her.

  “Please what? Tell me, Mia. I need to hear you say it.”

  “Please, fuck me, Cooper,” she begs.

  Standing over her with permission granted, I ease my now throbbing cock out of my pants and run my hand up and down it. Her hands fumble, pulling out of her skirt to grab the material and force it up. I kneel between her now parted legs nothing more than a thin piece of red lace separating us. My hands grab the flimsy material and in one swift tug, they tear, leaving her now fully exposed to
me.

  Her hips buck up to meet mine, inviting me in. Thank God for those Boy Scout days reminding me to always be prepared. I pull a condom out of my pocket, tear it open, and slide it on.

  Without hesitation, I slide deep into her wetness. The woman feels like a mixture of heaven and hell. She’s a little piece of perfection in a sexy as sin package. I settle myself inside her taking a moment to just enjoy the feeling. It’s been so long, and she feels so damn good.

  Mia’s impatient though, grinding her hips feverishly against me as she lets out a strangled cry of my name. One hand fall to her hips to steady her, as the other slides under her shirt to her breast. Taking her nipple between my fingers, I give it a squeeze gentle at first but more intense the closer she gets to her release. After all these years, I still remember what she likes, how she moves and what she needs to push her over the edge. She moves against me, using me, taking what she needs from me and I am more than happy to sit back and enjoy the show. She’s already had one orgasm and she’s working on her second.

  The idea of her, the feel of her, it’s enough to make me implode. Mix in the tightening of her orgasm and I can’t hold on. All control lost, six years of urges finally being met, I pump into her with hard, deep thrusts. My hand squeezes her breast as her hand dips down between our bodies to her clit. Fucking hell.

  My orgasm crashes through me as I empty myself in her in short, quick pulses. As exhausted as I am, I know I can’t be done with her yet. Her fingers are still moving, her body shuddering and I intend on finishing what I started. Pulling out of her, I position my face between her thighs.

  “What are…” She gasps when my mouth covers her, my fingers filling the wet folds that my cock had just been. Her hands are in my hair holding me to her.

  She screams my name as I feel her convulse around my fingers. Her body relaxes and settles into the plush sofa. “Thank you.”

  “Believe me, it was my pleasure,” I say as I press a kiss to her stomach.

  “It was a rough day.”

  “It’s okay to admit you want me,” I tell her.

  Shoving my head away she sits herself up on the couch. “Wanting you was never the problem, Cooper.”

  “Then what is?” She doesn’t answer the question. “I missed us.”

  “This,” she says as though she’s correcting my English.

  “I don’t follow...”

  “There is no us, Cooper. Never was, never will be. What you’re referring to is this – sex. It’s what we’re good at. It’s what we know.”

  “Mia, don’t make it sound like…”

  “Like what? Like exactly what it is?” She shrugs. “Tonight, was great, Coop. Exactly what I needed. Let’s not make it into something it isn’t.” She moves to the desk fumbling for a moment before turning back to me. “It’s late. I need to get home.”

  “I’ll drive you.”

  “Not necessary, I can walk.”

  Even if it weren’t the middle of the night, even if I am that kind of guy with other women, I am most certainly not the fuck them and leave them kind with Mia. Never have been, never will be. She deserves better than that. It’s about damn time I give it to her.

  “Fine, I’ll walk you home and if you don’t walk with me, I’ll just walk behind you. Either way, I’m making sure you get home safely. Maybe even try to steal a goodnight kiss.”

  Her eyes flit to the couch and then back to me. “Pretty sure we already covered that.”

  “Humor me.”

  “Fine. But don’t think I’m inviting you in.”

  We make our way down the street, Mia making sure to keep a measurable distance from me. God forbid our hands accidentally touch, never mind what we just did.

  This feeling of a comfortable familiarity falls over me. I always liked being with Mia, sexually and otherwise. We fit; we have fun. The guys, they’re great. But Mia? It was different with her. I could talk to her about things I couldn’t with the guys.

  “How are your parents?” she asks breaking the silence.

  “Doing great,” I reply. “They ask about you, especially my mom.”

  “Do they know we’re working together?”

  I nod my head. “Her first sentence after I told her was that we all need to get together for dinner.”

  “Not happening.”

  “Why? Why can’t we go back to the way things were?”

  She stops in the middle of the sidewalk and faces me. “Because things between us were very different for you than they were for me and I am not in the habit of making the same mistake twice.”

  She begins to walk again putting even more distance between us. How the hell can she move so fast in those damn heels?

  “Mia, wait up,” I call out as I chase after her. “Will you talk to me?”

  Silence.

  “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry if I did things to make you think I changed my mind about what I wanted. I just… I miss my friend. Is that so terrible of me?”

  “This is me,” she says.

  “Mia?”

  She’s looking at the ground where are toes are touching. “Just sex.”

  “I don’t…”

  “It’s all I can offer you. Just sex. And work of course. No niceties, no idle chit chat. Sex, work, done.”

  “Is that what you really want?”

  “Yes.” The answer comes more confident and assured than I expect. I really thought there would be hesitation, something. It’s not there though. It feels like a punch to the gut, the lack of emotion she’s showing me. Is this how she felt that night? When I acted like I didn’t care?

  “What if I want more?” I ask her.

  “You don’t know what you want, or why you want it, so no.” She looks up at me. “Take it or leave.”

  I scrub my hand over my face as I try to decide whether or not to take her offer. A piece of Mia is better than nothing at all. God knows sex is definitely something we excel at. What transpired an hour ago is a prime example.

  “I’ll take it,” I say wondering why knowing I get to have sex with Mia on the regular doesn’t make me quite as happy as it should.

  She hands me a business card. “My cell is on there. Text me and I’ll save your number.”

  Before my mind can register what the hell just happened, she’s stepping through the door of her building.

  “Does this mean I can’t come in?”

  “This means, you never get to come in.”

  The door shuts behind her with a thud. Just like that – she’s gone.

  19

  Mia

  It’s been one week. One week of non-stop, mind-blowing sexcapades with Cooper.

  The text messages are flying – My office. Storage closet, room 669.

  I still have no idea what possessed me to make the offer, whether it is the insane round of sex we had just had or his constant repeating of how he missed me and wanted to fix things. Either way, I offered it up and I hate to admit, but I don’t regret it. I like having him back, even if it’s just for sexting and hooking up. It’s safe. We text, we hook-up, and I walk away. Always me. I’m the one that pushes away, breaks the kiss and bolts. It’s the perfect scenario for any man so why in the hell is it that every time I walk away, I see a hint of sadness in his eyes. He’s the one that doesn’t do relationships, yet just like last time, everything about him screams that he wants one. I’m doing my best to not read into it, to not take anything at more than face value. Unless he decides to make some massive proclamation, it’s sex and nothing more.

  When I walk into Mugs, Kassie is already there. Since there is no longer a need to avoid Cooper, there is no longer a need to avoid the quaint little coffee shop either. My phone pings again with another text from Cooper. His fifth one today and it’s not even noon. I glance down at the message, the one telling me to have a good day, that he has another obligation and won’t make it into the hotel today. I quickly return the message with a thumb up, an emoji that is complete non-committal an
d shows little concern for his whereabouts. Though, I have to admit, the term “another obligation” has me curious.

  Is it another woman? A catering job? Is he going out with the guys? Is it another woman?

  I plop down in the chair across from Kassie where she already has my iced coffee waiting for me.

  “I expected you to look more… satisfied,” Kassie says observing my facial expression. You know, the one that’s slightly askew now wondering what Cooper is up to exactly.

  “I am satisfied,” I reply.

  “So, the whole sex without friend’s thing is working for ya?” Kassie sips her steaming coffee. There is an obvious undertone of suspicion there.

  “Yep. My needs are being met, work is great, everything is perfect,” I tell her.

  She doesn’t buy it and either do I. I’m refusing to admit it though. To her, or to myself. Time to deflect.

  “Have you heard from Mitchell?” I ask Kassie referring to the little fling she has going with my boss. I would be concerned if I didn’t know both of them well enough. Kassie’s in it for a good time, same for Mitchell. The likelihood that anything implodes is minimal. Unlike my current situation with Cooper where the possibility of things imploding is only increasing.

  My phone begins to ring. Cooper. Seriously, what is it with this guy today?

  “Is that lover boy?” Kassie teases. Staring at the screen, I nod my head. “Aren’t you going to answer?”

  No. Yes. I shouldn’t but I do.

  “This is Mia,” I say professionally into the phone.

  “Always with the business voice,” he comments, a deep chuckle escaping him.

  “Is there something I can help you with?” I ask ignoring his comment.

  He mumbles something under his breath, but I can’t quite make it out. “So, this obligation I have, I thought you might like to join me.”

  “No.”

  “You don’t even know what it is.”