Awkward Adventures in Dating

by Elsa Kurt

  In the few seconds that were an eternity, Keira watched the whole catastrophe as it unfolded. At last, amidst the deafening silence and curious stares of the half-full bar, she raised her eyes to meet his. His expression was a comical mixture of shock, mirth, embarrassment (for her sake, she believed) and curiosity. He seemed to be holding his breath, waiting to see how she would react to such a humiliation. Keira could only react in the way she reacted to any of her frequent mishaps.

  She shrugged, smiled sheepishly, and said, “That happens a lot with me.”

  It certainly does.

  Kyle let out the breath he’d been holding with a genuine laugh.

  “Oh, Travis. You’re trouble, aren’t you?”

  He smiled, showing a most endearing and adorable slightly gap-tooth grin that recalled his boyish charm and solidified Keira’s crush on him. Maybe it was the wine, or perhaps it was the fun, playful banter they’d easily fallen into or that unexpected change in countenance, but Keira surprised herself when she replied,

  “Yes, yes I am. But I’m the best kind of trouble there is.”

  Kyle gave her a teasing side eye and wagged a finger at her, and they clinked their wine glasses together. Despite her epic fail at gracefulness, the date continued going smoothly. They left that bar and strolled around the corner to yet another. She slipped her arm through his, and they walked— with perhaps a slight sway— up the block.

  Main Kitchen sported dim lighting and a trendy downtown chic look. A far cry from the austere-looking place they’d just left. This time they sat at the bar and ordered another round of drinks. Kyle said something, then paused, looking down at her barstool.

  “You’re too far away.”

  He then grabbed hold of the seat, fingers curled under the base, palm, and thumb against her thigh, and dragged her chair closer to his.

  “Much better,” he grinned.

  I suppose, considering you didn’t fall off the chair.

  Their faces were inches apart, both now grinning stupidly at one another. It was only natural they would lean in further, then sink into a kiss. Decorum would have them pull apart after a moment, but wine and chemistry would not. The kiss lingered, their tongues met, Kyle’s thumb caressed Keira’s cheek while his fingers twined in her hair, and the rest of the bar faded away. Keira had no idea how long they’d kissed for. It could’ve been a minute or an hour. She wanted more.

  “This is when we order coffee, isn’t it,” he whispered in her ear.

  “Ah, yes. I believe it is.”

  They laughed and glanced around the bar. It would appear that no one had paid them any attention, or at least had more tact and discretion than they had shown. Keira surprised herself, she had never been one for PDA’s or any public displays, for that matter.

  “Sorry about that. Couldn’t seem to stop myself. See, you are trouble.”

  “Well,” she shrugged, “I didn’t disagree with you… or stop that kiss.”

  They ordered coffee and continued their winding, meandering conversations, which seemed to be about everything and nothing until he checked his watch.

  “Can you give me a moment? I need to call work.”

  “Of course, go right ahead.”

  Keira used the time to check her own phone and text Molly one more time. She was shocked to realize they’d been on their date for almost six hours. When was the last time she’d even wanted to talk to someone for that long? She couldn’t recall.

  Hmm, I think he’s trouble.

  “Okay, I bought us another hour.”

  “Wait, what? Are you supposed to work tonight?”

  “Yup. I figured we’d meet, hang out for an hour or so, and I’d be on my way. But, uh, six hours later, here we are. How about that?”

  “Huh. How about that is right. Well, an hour will give us enough time to sober back up, at least. I swear I rarely drink like this.”

  “Likely story, Travis. By the way… I saw you texting every time I went up to the bar.” He chuckled as she blushed and added, “Checking in with a friend, or another date?”

  “You caught me. No other date though. I was texting my friend, letting her know you don’t seem to be an ax murderer. So far, that is. How did you know? I thought I was so discrete.”

  “Well, there was that huge mirror that ran the length of the entire bar. I could see you in it every time.”

  Keira blushed again, but they both laughed and continued talking. Unfortunately, the hour flew by, and before they knew it, they were walking out into the warm summer night air.

  “So, where’d you park? It’s late, and we’re in the city, so no way I’m letting you walk alone, MateMatch rules or no rules.”

  “Oh, I—”

  Keira paused and looked around. She had no idea where her car was.

  “I- I valet parked. It was in front of the other restaurant.”

  “Oh, okay. Let’s head that way. I’m sure there’s someone still there.”

  Only, there wasn’t anyone there. The restaurant was closed, valet attendants gone, and a sign on the window reading…

  AFTER HOUR VALET

  GARAGE AROUND CORNER

  SEE NIGHT ATTENDANT

  “Oh, no. Please, just go on ahead. You’ll be late for work. I’ll be fine.”

  “No, I’ll get you over to the attendant, once you’re with him, then I’ll trust you’re safe. Valet parked, huh?”

  “Yeah, yeah. Okay, so don’t laugh, but… I can’t parallel park.”

  Kyle laughed.

  “Hey, I said don’t laugh.”

  “Sorry, sorry. So, let’s see. You set people on fire, drop plates on first dates, lose your vehicle. What other tricks do you have up your sleeve, Travis?”

  “Well, I can nearly dislocate my shoulder walking into door frames. Oh, and I can trip over air like a pro.”

  As if on cue, Keira tripped. Kyle reached out a hand to steady her, shaking his head and chuckling as he did. Just as she’d done after the now infamous plate drop, Keira shrugged. She’d long accepted that she was clumsy, it was getting other people accustomed to it that was the challenge. Broken toes, bruised shins, shoulders, and hips were her norms, and anyone who knew her well hardly reacted to her mishaps anymore.

  “Well, you look and sound like a tough little warrior. I like that.”

  And Keira liked that that was how he saw her, so completely opposite from Darren, who had viewed her clumsiness as something to make fun of and call attention to. He’d always made a point to further her embarrassment by ridiculing her in front of others. In an instant— with one sentence— Kyle had changed her perception of herself, turning her from klutzy to resilient. Warrior. Yes, she liked that. She smiled at his profile as he spoke with the valet attendant. Sensing her eyes on him, he turned back to her and smiled, too.

  “All right, trouble. You’re all set. You know how to get out of here, right?”

  “Yes, I’m all set. Now, get to work.”

  “I had a great time tonight Keira.”

  “Me, too.”

  He leaned down and gave her quick but sweet kiss as the attendant pulled her car up from the garage. After she climbed into the driver’s seat, he tapped her window. She rolled it down— after accidentally rolling down each of the other windows first, naturally— expecting him to say he’d call her tomorrow or ask if he could see her again.

  Instead, he said, “Okay, so you’ll take a right out of here, then follow it down two blocks and take a left. Do not take a left here. It’s a one-way street. Got it, Travis?”

  “Got it… wait, what’s your last name?”

  “It’s Darcy.”

  Well, I’ll be…

  Keira stared at him in disbelief, then made him repeat it.

  “It’s Darcy, Kyle Darcy. Why do you look so surprised?”

  “Oh, I— it’s nothing. Well, goodnight… Darcy.”

  He smiled widely enough to show that adorable, slightly gapped tooth grin and tapped her hood, sending her off into the n
ight (in the right direction) and him rushing off to work. Once out of earshot, Keira cranked up her radio, rolled down her windows and sang along with Journey. She was positively giddy, and not ready to call Molly. She felt possessive of her recollection of the night, needing to time to replay and process everything from the last seven hours. A seven-hour date that didn’t lead up to sex. Oh, and his last name is Darcy.

  Yes, yes. We know.

  She still couldn’t believe she’d dropped the damn plate but refused to allow herself to focus on the embarrassment, but rather his sweet response. Surely, he couldn’t have been too embarrassed by her if he’d continued the date after that? Still, he had made no mention of seeing her again when they’d parted ways.

  Maybe he pitied her and thought she needed supervision until she’d sobered. He was a cop, so perhaps it was him being a really good guy. Stop it, Keira. Don’t over analyze. It was a great date, you had fun. What will be will be. She admonished herself for giving too much thought to the matter. If he called, he called. Whatever.

  Are you buying any of that? Me either. Did you not hear the whimsically light music in the air turn romantic and sultry? Classic signs of falling in love. She’ll deny it, but that’s where she’s heading. And really, what are the odds against his surname being Darcy? At the risk of being redundant, though… she really needs to tie up those loose ends. I sense a mess in the making.

  11 OOH, EPIPHANIES

  Chapter Ten in The Smart Woman’s Guide To Dating. This is a dating guide, ladies, not life coaching.

  The next day found Keira with a hangover and an unexpected appointment with her boss, Margie Danforth, from Home Garden Life Magazine. She was in town for a conference and suggested a face-to-face meeting since they’d only met via Skype and corresponded by email and text otherwise.

  Keira’s heart raced, despite knowing everything was fine and that her work pleased them thus far. That their meeting location, a hotel restaurant, was informal, it gave her no sense of ease. She had no eagerness for engaging with strangers, even after getting practice from MateMatch. In fact, it had intensified her resistance. Now she could rationalize that since now she’s done it, no need to do it anymore.’ As if talking to strangers was something on her bucket list she could cross off once accomplished.

  She dressed in what she hoped was appropriate attire— a scoop-neck, knee-length navy blue dress, cream-colored heels and her hair in a low, loose bun. As she looked in the full-length mirror, she told herself, in her best Molly impersonation,

  “All right, Business Woman Barbie (without the boobs), get out there and people.”

  She sighed, checked her phone for the fifth time and grabbed her purse and keys. No text from Kyle yet. Granted, it was only ten a.m. She supposed it was perfectly fine if she were to message him first, but her stubborn pride and need to hang on to traditional ideas plagued her, so she didn’t.

  After getting only slightly lost, Keira found the hotel and parked in the lot. She was exactly on time and at risk of being one minute late. She hurriedly tossed her keys, sunglasses, and phone in her purse as she walked towards the alcove entrance of the upscale hotel, not noticing the macadam parking lot had now given over to cobblestone, catching Keira off balance. She recovered before falling, but at the expense of the heel of her left shoe, which snapped clear off and stood like a spike in between the cracks of the stones.

  She fired off an indelicate expletive and looked around to see who had seen her misfortune, which would appear to be no one. Keira had no spare shoes in her car, nor would it be acceptable to walk into a fancy hotel lobby barefoot. So, she weighed her two options and chose the lesser evil. Pretending the heel still firmly attached to its base, Keira walked as if its ghost kept her foot in an arch equal to its partner. It was anything but graceful.

  If any of the guests or hotel staff noticed her predicament or her odd gait, they ignored it and carried on with their own lives. Fortunately, the restaurant was just within its entrance, and she hadn’t far to walk before she was inside and seated across from Margie, who had stood and waved at her arrival. Though Keira recognized her from their Skype meetings, she hadn’t realized how tall she was. She wore her stylishly cut silver hair in a shoulder-length bob, and oversized black sunglasses held it away from her face like a headband. She wore a white linen tunic with loose matching pants that contrasted nicely against her beautiful brown skin, and bright orange bangle bracelets adored both arms. She was elegant and stately. Margie had presence. She appraised Keira, then looked as if she would say one thing, but then decided on another, which was,

  “It’s so nice to meet you in person finally, Keira. Come, sit. Let’s chat.”

  “Hi, Margie, so nice to meet your person— I mean you in person, too. Are you here long? Well, I mean, will you be here long? Not, like, in the hotel, that is. In town. And not—”

  “Just till tomorrow, back on the plane to Atlanta as soon as the conference ends.” She clapped her hands together, a sudden idea came to mind. “You should come with me. My assistant dropped out last minute— sick kid, or a dog or something— and I have an extra ticket. Want to join me?”

  “Oh. I— well, um…”

  Keira was at a loss. She did not want to go to the conference. Hell, she didn’t even know what it was about, but this was her boss asking, and the kids weren’t due home for another two days.

  “Come on, say yes. It’ll be great. Oh, did I mention? This is the annual Home Garden Magazine Garden Show. The one where we roll out all the newest goodies, from apps and software to plants and tools. Everything that gets sold through the magazine is there. Lettie Lotts from Lettie’s Garden Show will even be there signing her new book.”

  Well, that changed everything. Keira was speechless with excitement. She would get a first look at everything new and fabulous in gardening, and meet the Lettie Lotts, her gardening idol who inspired her to work on her own book. There was even a chance she could even get publishing tips from her.

  She decided. “ I’d love to go, Margie. Thank you.”

  Keira settled down, and they talked amiably for another hour, discussing everything from gardening to their personal lives, and by the end, Keira had decided that she liked Margie and suspected the sentiment was mutual, which she quickly confirmed.

  “Well, Keira, I have to say, I really like you. You’re down to earth, sincere and one of my favorite voices in our magazine. Although, you dress differently than I’d expected. I thought you’d be more—”

  “Hippy-ish? Yeah, I’ll be honest. This is totally not me. At all. I thought I’d try to look professional. I’m more a harem pants, and 80s off the shoulder tee kind of woman.”

  “Keira,” Margie smiled almost motherly at her, “just be you. You’ve earned the right, and you’ve chosen the perfect profession to do that in. No need to impress me, your work speaks for itself. And, if I may be so bold, I see you. You remind me so much of myself when I was younger. You still think you’re supposed to please everyone, fit into their boxes and ideas of you, but there’s also this other burgeoning side. It’s the true you emerging. You’ve been through a lot, and you downplay it. Young lady, you are a fighter. You simply don’t know it yet.”

  The kind, intuitive and powerful words of this woman—a virtual stranger who saw more of her than she saw in herself—rendered Keira speechless for a moment.

  “I— I don’t know what to say, Margie. That was one of the highest compliments anyone’s ever given me. Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me, my dear. Accept as a fact and as a testament to your writing skill. That’s why our readers love you, Keira. Anyone can write about how to prune a rose bush, but you— you weave in these little anecdotes, and insights, and whatnots that makes it seem like they’re sitting on the ground right next to you, having a friendly conversation with their dear, sweet friend. You make them feel good about themselves. All through a garden tutorial.”

  She was more than gratified by Margie’s words. This was exactly
how she intended her blog to read. She wanted people to feel like they were just old friends, talking about stuff and life, all the while giving them knowledge on how to revamp their surroundings so they could find a peaceful place in a chaotic world. To tell them, no matter how ugly life can be, there was always a way to find or create beauty. They didn’t have to do it all perfectly, but instead, enjoy the beauty in the imperfections.

  They said their goodbyes, with plans to meet in the same spot in the morning and then travel together to the convention center.

  “Oh, and by the way? I’d have just broken off the other heel, but kudos to you for the effort.”

  Margie may have been able to suppress her laugh, but the mirth was evident in her sharp cerulean eyes and teasing smile. What could Keira do but sigh and shrug, saying almost the same thing she’d said to Kyle the night before,

  “These kinds of things happen a lot.”

  As Keira ambled to her car, she pulled out her phone and checked her messages. She stopped and grinned at the three words on the screen.

  Break anything yet?

  She laughed aloud as she responded to Kyle’s message.

  Truth? Yes, I did. Heel off my shoe.

  Had to walk into meeting lopsided.

  She hit send, a smile hovering on her lips as she drove home, thinking about both Kyle and her meeting with Margie. Twice in under twenty-four hours, she’d been told she was tough. It wasn’t a word she’d ever associated herself with until then. Funny it came from complete strangers. Somehow, it had more weight in her mind. She suddenly realized that she’d always seen herself through the negative perceptions of others, allowing them to define her. Her teachers, her high school friends, and her father believed her to be flighty and impulsive, so she was. It wasn’t a surprise to anyone she married Darren at twenty— after only dating for six months.