Love's Suicide

by Jennifer Foor

  Brooks was sentimental, so he’d want to propose on a special day. This day was the most important day of my life. I’d lost my parents and then had our daughter. There would never be a day filled with so much meaning.

  Exactly seventeen minutes later I heard the guys coming in the door. I couldn’t help but notice the way Brooks’ arms flexed while he was carrying the cake. I got butterflies imagining us being alone later. He sat it down and I noticed Branch had a big smile on his face. He tapped me on the shoulder. “Katy, Katy, Katy. You’re about to shit your shorts.”

  Danica threw a dish rag toward him and he caught it. “Cut it out. You aren’t kids anymore. Let your brother have his moment for once.”

  I turned my chair and saw him approaching me. Thinking he’d get down on his knee, I started breathing heavily and preparing myself for the big reveal. Instead, he stood there and extended his hand for me to take it. “Come with me.”

  I was so confused. “Where are we going?”

  “Close your eyes.”

  I did as he said and felt the blindfold going on my head. He made it tight, so I couldn’t see what he was doing. Then he began leading me outside. I could hear the family following him and giggling. “Seriously, what are you doing? Why can’t you show me inside?”

  He kept pulling me along with both hands, so I couldn’t lift off the blindfold. From the amount of steps we took I realized that we were almost to the street. “I have some surprises for you. The first one is that I wanted to tell you that I got a job. It’s a good one, Kat. I won’t ever have to travel and I’ll be home for dinner every night.”

  It was wonderful news. I smiled and went to take off the blindfold, but he put his hand on either side of my face and turned me to face something instead. “The next surprise you may not like, but I want you to hear me out before you say anything. I’ve spent a lot of time and money on it, but if you don’t like it, for any reason, I won’t get angry. Branch said he’d take it off of our hands.”

  “Is it a car? Did you buy me a new car?”

  He spun me around, so I had no idea what direction we were facing. Then we began walking again. Abruptly we stopped and I felt him loosening the blindfold. I was standing in front of a door, but it wasn’t their door. I recognized it immediately and turned to look into the eyes of Brooks.

  He smiled and opened it for me to walk in. I looked back to see the family standing there waiting for my response.

  The house was empty, but it was exactly how I remembered it. The previous owners hadn’t changed anything.

  Beautiful memories of my parents came flashing back, especially when he took me into the kitchen and up the stairs. “Where are we going? Did you ask the realtor if you could see this place? I don’t understand.”

  He kept pulling me along. “We’re almost there. Keep walking.”

  We got to what used to be my bedroom. The door was closed and he turned to face me and smiled before opening it.

  This room was different. Butterflies were painted on all of the walls and in wooden block letters the name Brooklyn was spelled out. It was full of furniture, including a beautiful fluffy rug that matched the walls and a princess bed that any little girl would love to have. He put his arms on my shoulders.

  “Kat, my job is here and so is our family. You don’t have to run anymore, so I thought if it’s okay with you, our daughter could grow up in the house that your parents built to raise you in. We can take old memories and make new ones with our own children. I know I took a huge leap, but I know you and I-”

  I didn’t let him finish talking. His gift was better than any ring or proposal. My lips were on his and I was overwhelmed by so many emotions.

  He finally pulled away and looked right at me. “So, it’s okay that I already bought it?”

  I nodded. “Yes, it’s very okay. It’s the most beautiful present, aside from B, of course.”

  He shrugged and laughed. “Of course.”

  I looked around the room and walked up to the pink four-poster canopy bed. “It’s beautiful.”

  “This room was all Mom and Dad. They hired someone to come in and make it perfect. Do you think she’ll like it?”

  “She won’t want to ever go home.” Then I realized that we now had two houses.”

  He saw the realization on my face. “We can talk about it later.”

  I shook my head. “No. We’ll sell it. I don’t even care how much I get for it. There’s not another house in the world that could mean what this one does to me. I don’t even know what to say right now.” I walked down the hall and he followed me, stopping when I was in the middle of what used to be my parent’s room. It was so empty, but I could see what everyone else couldn’t. I could see their bed and my mom in her nightgown, with a book in her hand. I could see my dad with the stubble on his face, teasing her until she looked at him. I closed my eyes and pictured a miniature version of myself climbing in between them and feeling like I was in the safest place on earth.

  Brooks wrapped his arms around me and tucked his head inside of my neck. “I think they’re happy we’re here, Kat. They’re watching us, you know. I think they always have been.” He spun me around so we were facing each other. “I never told anyone this, but there were so many times that I could have died, that I should have died. I swear someone was keeping me safe while I was out there. Now I know for sure that it was them. I think they brought us back together.”

  His words were beautiful and I knew he meant them. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed our lips together. As we pulled away I was smiling and crying all at the same time. “Thank you for waiting your whole life for me.”

  He wiped my tears with his thumbs. “Maybe in our next life you won’t make me wait so long,” he teased.

  “Let’s enjoy this one first.”

  The room filled with people, even a little girl in a wrinkled dress. As I turned to look at them, Brooks dropped down to his knee. “There’s just one more thing, Kat.” He held a velvet box in his hand and opened it.

  There it was.

  My mother’s engagement ring from my father. I put my hands over my face, unable to respond to everything he was offering me.

  “I’d very much like it if you had my name. What do you say, Kat? You think you might want to be my wife?”

  I dropped to my knees and let him put the ring on my finger. The perfect fit only reminded me how it was always meant to be mine. I placed small kisses over his face, tasting the tears that were now falling down his cheeks. “Yes,” I whispered. “Of course.”

  B came up and wanted to be in on our hug, as well as the rest of the family that stood there silently, waiting for us to have our private moment together. It was so beautiful and Brooks had been right. They’d been with us all along, watching us making mistakes and finally finding our way back into each other’s arms.

  Epilogue

  February 14th 2014

  “Mama, I want to get my dress on now.” B was holding her little white dress about three inches from my face. Since my eyes were still trying to adjust from being woken up, I backed up more on the bed and looked at the clock. When I noticed that it read five, and glanced at the window that proved it was in fact still dark outside, I threw my hands over my face as I spoke.

  “B, it’s not time to wake up yet, sweetie. How about you hop in bed with me for a while, at least until the sun comes up?”

  When the bed didn’t move I sat up and looked for her. Still standing in the same place, B was steady staring at me.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I want Daddy.” She put her hands on her hips, allowing the dress to touch the hardwood floor.

  “Honey, Daddy is next door, remember?”

  “I want to go there!”

  I sat all the way up in bed and looked across the room at my wedding dress that was hanging up. As much as I thought it wasn’t necessary, Brooks was adamant about sticking to traditions. He’s spent the night at his parents with strict orders not to see
me until we were standing at the arbor that he and his father built in the back yard.

  Since moving back to my childhood house, and selling the one in South Carolina, we’d taken down the small fence that once separated the yards. Brooklyn liked being able to run from our house to her grandmother’s every morning.

  “Mama, please. I want my Daddy.”

  “B, it’s night time.”

  She started crying, whining and flailing her arms around, as if her whole existence depended on seeing her father at that very moment. I rolled my eyes, realizing that she’d probably go back to sleep if she were with him. After grabbing my cell phone off of the bedside table, I dialed his number. He answered on the first ring, sounding extremely alert.

  “Hey, babe. Don’t you dare beg me to come over there. You know the rules.”

  “I’m calling on behalf of your daughter. She’s up and insisting on being with you.”

  “I’m in the kitchen. If you promise to stay in bed, I’ll come get her.”

  “I hate that you wake up before the sun rises.”

  He laughed on the other end of the phone. I could hear the sound of his parent’s door as it opened and shut. “Do you miss me yet?”

  I looked over at B, who was still waiting for a reply as to when she could go be with Brooks. “He’s coming.”

  She ran for the door, dragging the dress behind her. I hadn’t noticed it before, but she’d already put on her dress shoes and they loudly clanked against the hard floor as she moved.

  “She’s on her way down to you.”

  I heard the back door open and close and then heard his voice, both on the phone and muffled from downstairs. “Stay put until you hear me leave.”

  “The answer is yes.”

  “To which question?”

  “Both. I will stay put, but also that I missed you. I hate knowing you’re that close and I can’t see you. How much harm can one kiss do?”

  “I don’t want to find out. In a few hours you’ll be my wife, and then you can spend forever kissing me. Just so you know, I’ll expect morning breath kisses, coffee kisses, and every other kind of kiss that you find gross. Now’s the time to back out, Kat. When you say forever today, you better mean it.”

  I laughed, knowing he was joking. There was nothing in my life that I’d been more sure of than wanting to be his wife. “I’m ready to take the plunge. How about we just call the official right now, get him over here, and have them marry us so we can go back to bed for the rest of the day?”

  “You didn’t sleep either?”

  I shrugged, even though he couldn’t see me. When I heard heavier feet walking up the stairs I got excited. His voice didn’t startle me as I noticed the line had gone dead and he was talking from outside of the bedroom. “I couldn’t get comfortable.”

  “Me either. Listen, its a couple more hours. Get all dolled up for me and meet me out back. I can’t wait to see you, Kat. You’re going to look so perfect.”

  “I’m going to look fat. You better say a prayer that this dress still fits me. I haven’t tried it on for two weeks, and I swear I’ve gained ten more pounds.”

  “Being four months pregnant will do that, but just to be clear, you’re not fat. You’re beautiful.” His statement gave me butterflies. “Imagine if you would have gotten pregnant over the summer. Then you’d be huge,” he teased.

  I laughed and let my head drop back down on my pillow. “Are you just going to stand at the door all morning torturing me?”

  He tapped twice before he spoke. “I came up to tell you that I love you. I’ll see you in bit.”

  I heard him going back down the stairs before waiting for my reply. I suppose Brooks didn’t need to hear it back. He’d always known it, even when I couldn’t admit to myself.

  Once I heard the kitchen door shut, I cuddled up with Brooks’ pillows and felt comfortable. Before I fell asleep I thought about my future with Brooks and our children. It was hard not to smile, even if it was for my own benefit. I had more than I could dream of and through the enduring pain that I’d put myself and the people around me through, somehow we’d found our way back to each other.

  Sure, I had regrets, especially the ones concerning Bobby. Even at his worst, I hated that he was gone.

  One thing that offered me peace was finding an old life insurance policy and leaving it all to his parents, including his business. They still weren’t speaking to me, and I didn’t expect them to ever be able to, but at least they knew that I wasn’t heartless.

  On his headstone I’d added “Loving Father” and even donated a bench in his name courtesy of the church that had basically shunned me.

  People could hate and judge me forever, but it would never bring Bobby back. Indirectly I knew his death was my fault. I’d accepted that I couldn’t change what had happened, but I could strive to be a better mother and wife. I could feel my eyes welling up with tears as I thought about him.

  Then my mind went to Brooks.

  I was overwhelmed by fulfillment.

  Being with him wasn’t about having a heated affair, or betraying my friends and family. It was about accepting that he would be the only man to ever have my heart.

  Part 2 told by: Brooks

  Cold feet.

  It was something I’d never have with Katy. She was mine and the piece of paper making it legal wasn’t going to change anything.

  I’d been wondering how I was going to sneak into the house without seeing her, but B made it the perfect excuse. Before we headed back to my parents, I tucked a card underneath of the package of peanut butter cups on the countertop.

  She’d get a kick out of the card considering it was sentimental. Being that it was both our wedding day and Valentine’s day, a particular special day for someone that carried the name, I was more than excited to give it to her.

  When Katy opened my card, she’d probably cry. The poor woman had been a babbling mess with her pregnancy hormones.

  I smiled thinking back to the day we found out. On the first day of her missed period, I drove to the store and bought the test, while she and B waited at home for me. I always got a kick out of seeing my daughter standing at the window, watching for me to pull in the driveway.

  They’d met me at the door and the three of us rushed into the bathroom, as if it were a tornado headed for the house.

  Three minutes later we celebrated.

  Our lives had changed for the better, especially since we’d moved back home. Katy smiled everyday, making me feel like I was doing my job, keeping her happy and safe.

  As far as our daughter, well let’s just say that she was spoiled beyond belief and had become both of my parent’s reasons for breathing.

  Bug wasn’t just my daughter. Seeing what Katy and I brought into the world, and knowing that she helped bring us back together, made me the happiest man on the planet.

  My brother was in the kitchen when we both walked inside. B spotted him and ran up to him, smacking into his legs. “Good morning, pretty girl. Uncle Branch has something for you.”

  He leaned down and handed her a stuffed bear holding a heart. When he squeezed it, it said ‘I love you’.

  B hugged it and brought it to show me. “Daddy, look.”

  “I see it. Go say thank you.”

  She hugged Branch and ran into the living room before we could tell her nobody else was awake, and being that it was such a special day, I didn’t care if she woke up the whole house.

  While waiting for her to come back, Branch cleared his throat and got my attention. “I guess it’s not necessary to ask if you’re ready for today.”

  I raised my eyebrows and let out and air-filled laugh. “Yeah, I’ve been ready for this my whole life.”

  My brother looked down at his cup of coffee as he replied. “I shouldn’t have been such a dick to you when we were kids.”

  I leaned across the counter and looked my brother in the eyes. “None of it matters anymore. She’s mine forever, man.”

 
; Branch shook his head and laughed. “She always was.”

  I don’t know why hearing him saying that got to me the way it did, but I felt myself getting choked up. Far be it from me to show my brother that he’d affected me, I quickly turned and refilled my cup. “You got that right.” Inside though, I felt like Branch was finally able to accept that nothing could keep her from me, not time, not distance, and certainly not him.

  The room filled with voices and for the next couple of hours things were chaotic. Melissa and my mother headed next door to be with Kat, while I got everything ready, including myself.

  Just like I’d promised her, I was standing there at the arbor waiting. Since it was winter, and the weather was unpredictable in D.C., we took precautions and rented a tent with heaters. One giant tent filled our two yards and I had to admit that it was quite toasty when the plastic doors were closed.

  The moment I saw her walking out of our back door, my knees started to get weak. She took a few steps and wrapped her arm inside of my father’s. Even with her face covered by a tiny sheer veil I could already tell she was stunning. Bug came running up the aisle, instead of walking. When she realized that she’d forgotten to throw out the flowers, she went back and tossed them going in both directions. The tiny crowd of neighbors and friends laughed, but then gave all of their attention to Katy.

  Halfway to me my lips began to quiver and my palms were getting sweaty. I wiped them on the side of my pants and hoped that nobody noticed.

  The moment she was within reach, I had her hands in mine. The officiator knew us, and as the guests laughed, he shooed my dad to sit down and not to worry about the whole giving her away speech. I felt it necessary to address it, so I turned to the standing people. “She doesn’t need to be given away, since she’s always been mine.” I winked at them before turning my attention back to my beautiful bride.

  She pulled one hand away and lifted the veil. That’s when I saw her crying. Her hands were shaking as much as mine, but I didn’t move my eyes away from hers. I mouthed the words, ‘I love you’, while the official started speaking.