“Let’s stop talking about this for now,” he suggested. “We should get some food. We could watch a movie or something.”
I nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
I was relieved when things evened out and the tension left the space between us. We sat together on my couch with an eighties’ movie marathon playing and a bunch of food spread out on the coffee table in front of us.
“I always wanted to be as cool as Ferris Bueller,” he said.
I laughed. “I don’t think anyone is that cool, Matthew. What I want to know is what happens when Abe Froman gets to the restaurant? And why doesn’t Ferris’s dad know his son’s girlfriend?”
Matt’s mouth dropped open as if he’d never considered these things. “You may have just ruined this movie for me.”
I laughed. “Oh, come on, I did not. You can still try and be as cool as Ferris. But Sloane is probably still out of your league.”
“She is out of everyone’s league,” he replied. “But boy was I in love with her.”
I chuckled. “You can take Sloane and I’ll take Ferris.”
“Poor Cameron,” Matt said. “Getting ditched.”
“He’s probably used to it.”
More laughing and teasing through another couple of movies. The sun went down and it started to get late.
We headed out to walk on the beach and enjoy the cooler weather.
“I can see why you like it here,” he said.
“My mom hates it down here. Her hair gets all puffy and has all kinds of flyaways. She can’t stand how hot it is.”
“Good plan to stay here and keep her at arm’s length,” he said. “Do you talk to your dad?”
I shook my head. “Not much. He doesn’t have a lot to say to me anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Hayles. That has to be rough.”
Shrugging, I looked away from him and toward the waves crashing on the beach. “I guess I got used to the people I love walking out of my life in some way or another.”
I could feel him staring at me, but I didn’t look over at him. I couldn’t.
I reached down and took his hand. “Take me back to the house, Matthew. I want to get you naked.”
“I don’t need to be told twice.” He grabbed me and hoisted me over his shoulder.
“Matthew!” I squealed.
His hand swatted my butt as he proceeded to carry me back to the house. He let me down after a few feet and we held hands as we walked at a quick pace.
He pushed me in the doorway and grabbed my wrist before I could get further into the living room. He hauled me back to him and our mouths crashed together in a heated kiss. It was like every perfect fantasy I’d ever had regarding the man. He slowly stripped the clothing off me, kissing every inch of exposed skin as he went. He took his time. I could see him sporting a very large erection, but he was making every second count between us.
He kissed down the column of my neck, over my bare shoulder, and then moved over my clavicle. He meandered down to one breast while he cupped the other. I arched into his hand and moaned his name. My fingers threaded through his hair and I cradled his head as he moved to my other breast. His mouth moved over my skin as he slowly covered my stomach with soft kisses. And then he slid down my shorts, laying more kisses lower down.
I was practically panting by the time he hooked his fingers into my panties and slid them down over my hips. The kisses were light and gentle. It felt like he had a dozen hands and he was using all of them to cover every inch of my hot, slick skin.
Matt lifted one of my legs over his shoulder, opening me up to him. I was completely reliant on him to keep me upright. He kissed along my inner thigh and I felt his hot breath on my pussy. Slowly he dipped his tongue between my folds and my head rolled back as my eyes closed.
“I love how wet you get for me,” he growled.
He swiped his tongue again, this time he flicked it against my clit and my hips bucked roughly. My grip in his hair tightened and I tried to push him back.
“Do you need something?” he teased.
“More, Matthew,” I panted.
He chuckled. “Your wish is my command.”
I was completely lost. His tongue was licking and lapping at me so voraciously, I felt like he was a starving man who just found a well and never intended to stop. It sent all kinds of zings through me. Not just more desire and yearning to my core, but flutters to my stomach and emotions to my heart that I didn’t want to feel. I opened my eyes to keep focused on what he was making me feel physically, trying to block out the rapid beating of my heart and the flutters in my stomach. This wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last.
His fingers dug into my ass as he buried his tongue into my core. I moaned and tugged on his hair. I heard him growl. It was possessive and hot as fuck to be wanted so much.
I couldn’t stop the cries and moans as he continued to eat me out. My body twitched and flicked with electric zings as he spun me toward an orgasm.
Sex never felt so good with another man. Was it going to be something else he’d ruin for me with anyone else? Not that I felt like I wanted to fuck anyone else after Matthew. He was it for me.
And that was why we couldn’t be together. I would never be it for him. How could I be?
Damn it! My mind wandering all over the place was keeping me from feeling the bliss of release. I was so close, but I kept picturing not being a part of his life anymore and it made me break inside.
Matt slipped two fingers into me roughly and all thoughts blissfully slipped away.
“Come for me.” His voice was deep and authoritative.
His thumb pressed on my clit then slowly circled it and I felt him bite my inner thigh. My leg tightened around his head as the orgasm took me by surprise. I cried out his name and I felt his hands come around and support me as I lost the ability to stand on my own two feet.
Matt took advantage of my noodle legs and lifted me into his arms. I curled into him as my body continued to twitch and clench through the aftershocks of my orgasm.
“Good Lord, Matthew. Where did you learn to do that?”
He kissed my forehead. “I was trying to distract you. You’re in your head. What are you thinking about that is distracting you from being with me?” His voice was deep and serious, and it made a chill tremble through me.
He gently laid me on the bed and pulled me against him as he curled against my backside. His hard cock was prominent, and I was a little disappointed he wasn’t so distracted himself that he wasn’t putting his cock to good work. At the same time, I relished being held by him, as if I was something to be treasured. It was something on other man had ever done for me.
All the emotions piled on each other and built and built until, like a dam breaking, they poured out of me. My body silently lurched in a sob. And then the tears were pouring down my cheeks.
“Hey, hey.” Matt turned me around in his arms and pulled me into him. “Hayles, what’s wrong? Did I do something?”
“No,” I wailed.
He never took his arms off me as I cried. I couldn’t get any thoughts or words out. He didn’t ask me questions. He didn’t pressure me to stop crying. He just held me. Eventually, the tears dried up, but I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want him to stop holding me.
I knew he was awake. His fingers gently caressed me, reassuring me.
I didn’t want to say the words out loud but crying like that wasn’t just about Spencer or my mother or any of the other men who’d failed to measure up. It was about grieving for the loss of my hopes and dreams. Once Matt left me, that would be it. There wouldn’t be a man who could replace him. He was everything to me and he always had been. I was lying to myself every time I told myself otherwise.
But I knew then what I knew now—it would never work between us. Matt had his shit together, he knew what he wanted out of life, and I wasn’t it. If he wanted me, truly, we would’ve done this a long time ago. Matt was aching for his best friend who died, so he sought sol
ace with his other best friend. He confused his feelings for me, because of something Derrick said. It wasn’t love. Or even sex. It was grief.
And I knew that because I felt it now. Crippling, overpowering grief.
I knew I had to give him up. We didn’t belong together, and it broke my heart. I wanted nothing more than to go home with him and live out the fairy tale in his mind but there were too many things standing in our way. I didn’t want to fight anymore. And I didn’t want him to have his hopes up for something that would never work out.
We had the rest of the night. And I wasn’t willing to let it go so soon.
Before dawn, I pretended to fall asleep. Matt stayed awake holding me. He kissed my head and drifted off himself at long last.
As soon as I was sure he was asleep, I slipped from his arms.
22
Matt
The bed was cold. My hand slid over the empty space next to me. I peeked through one eye and then the other. Hayley was gone and it was early. I rolled onto my back. A sinking feeling settled into my stomach. I sat up and that was when I saw the piece of paper.
I snatched it from her pillow and read it.
I got through the first couple of sentences and crushed it in my fist. I didn’t want to read anymore. I could pretty much guess what the rest said.
She was gone and that was the most important thing. She was so scared to be with me she fled her own home. I wished she’d just told me to go home. That would have been less painful than this.
I thought we’d gotten through a barrier last night. She wasn’t holding back. I didn’t think I’d ever seen her cry. It was shocking. I didn’t like it, mostly because I didn’t know how to fix it. But I had enough women in my life to know that sometimes it didn’t get fixed until the crying was done. Or sometimes crying was the fix.
Why couldn’t she trust me? Why couldn’t she let us have a chance?
I got up, showered, dressed, packed, and got into my rental and headed out. I got to the airport and wished I could figure out how to win Hayley over. The thing that made me crazy was I was in love with her. I had wanted to tell her last night, but I couldn’t get the words out. I had wanted to tell her so many times.
But it wasn’t like this was something I was comfortable with either.
Derrick’s words kept echoing in my head. I was mad at him for not saying it earlier. Maybe I could’ve won her over a few years ago and Derrick could’ve been the best man in my wedding like he should be. But now that would never happen.
The longer I sat there thinking about Derrick, the angrier I got. We had plans. He should still be here. We had so much to do and figure out. How the fuck did he die so young? He left his fucking daughter behind, for crying out loud.
I raked my hands through my hair, planting my elbows on my thighs, trying to get a grip. I was sitting in the middle of a Mexican airport. I needed to stop losing my shit.
I pulled out my phone and pulled up Holly’s number.
“Matt? Is everything okay?” Holly’s voice was already full of concern.
“Yeah, I’m good. When would you and Summer like to come to Aspen over the holidays?”
There was a long silence. “I don’t think I’m up for Christmas this year. I’d drag everyone down with my mood and I’m not sure I can afford…”
“Don’t worry about the details, Holly. I’ve got you covered. Come for New Year’s. Derrick would have my ass if I didn’t take care of you every now and again.”
“Derrick always said he wished he was more like you. He said he couldn’t stop himself from being an asshole, especially with me. But he wanted to get his shit together so he could love me like you loved a woman. He always said you were so busy taking care of everyone else that you didn’t even realize you took care of the woman you loved all the time without any effort. He said he wanted to be that way. And in the end, he got better at it. But I don’t remember you having a girlfriend.”
Derrick knew the whole fucking time. Asshole was right.
“She’s not my girlfriend. She was my best friend and I was too stupid to realize I was in love with her. That I am in love with her. Unfortunately, I don’t think the feeling is mutual. She ditched me at her own house to get away from me.”
“Aw, Matt. I’m sorry. Maybe she just needs time.”
“Thanks. I guess only time will tell.” The clerk at the counter announced pre-boarding for my flight. “Hey, Holly, I’m going to have to get on a plane. I’ll call you tomorrow to finalize details to get you out to Aspen. Tell Summer I said hello.”
“I will do that. And Matt?”
“Yeah?”
“I know I’m not Derrick. But if you ever need a friend, you can always call me. I’ve always considered you a good friend. And Summer is crazy about you.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Holly. That means a lot. Right back at you.”
We hung up and I got on the plane. I plugged in headphones and listened to music, trying to keep the world around me tuned out. I didn’t want to think anymore. I just wanted to get home.
It was nearly midnight by the time I pulled into Aspen. It had started to snow, and Aspen had been transformed into a postcard-perfect Christmas scene. Lights, holly, wreaths, ornaments, and Christmas trees had sprouted all over the downtown streets.
It brought a warm hum to my chest; nostalgia and memories floated around me.
I pulled up to a hotel not far from the main drag. I was hoping I could get a room, otherwise I would have to wake my parents and stay at their house. I wasn’t ready to see them yet. I’d pulled away from everyone because I needed to figure out how to deal with Derrick’s death and I needed to figure out how to deal with Hayley and my feelings for her.
Somehow, it was all a bigger mess than when it started.
I lucked out and there was a room left.
I was glad to be back somewhere snowy and cold. Being on the beach in December felt wrong and left me feeling like I was in some paradise world. Especially when Hayley was naked in my arms.
Secluded in my room, I pulled out my phone and once again I checked my emails.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Matt! You need to stop being a dick. Something’s going on with Rachel. She’s knitting and more quiet than usual. I’m thinking she got like a D or something in school. Come back. We miss you!
Hate you!
Bex
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Matt-
I didn’t know Derrick very well, but he was always a nice guy. I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost my best friend. I’m glad you’re with Hayley.
Everyone seems to think you’re there to hook up. But you and Hayley have always had a connection. Don’t mind our siblings and their need for gossip. I hope you find what you’re looking for in Mexico. And if you need to talk, I’m always here to listen.
Gio
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Hi Matt,
I’ve been thinking a lot about our conversation and I’m sorry I dragged you into it. I probably should’ve told mom and gotten it over with. I’m sorry if I disappointed you. I never meant to be such a screw up.
I know having this baby is going to change my life in so many ways, but I want it. And I want everyone to be happy for me when the day is done. After all the yelling and the disappointment slows down. I love the guy and I love this baby. And it’s not going to ruin my life, just change it.
Love you!
Rachel
P.S. Did you tell Hayley you love her? I want to win the bet!
To: [email protected]
From: TheRipper or [email protected]
I’ve been trying to figure out what to say to you since Derrick died. And I still don’t know what to say, man, except, I’m sorry. He was my hero and my baseball god and I hoped he would train me when it
was time to go pro. Or maybe just be my mentor. He was always a cool guy and never gave me shit for being a total nerd with him.
Take care of yourself, man.
Raph
Man, I’d been a selfish ass. I didn’t even think about Raph.
I got so in my head about Derrick being gone and how it affected me, I didn’t even think about my little brother.
I would make it up to him. He wanted to play ball more than anything and I knew he looked up to Derrick. He wanted to be Derrick and he had the talent for it.
And Rachel. She was a smart kid. I had no doubt she’d thought this out. She probably had pages of plans and questions already. If she wanted this, then I was going to have her back every step of the way.
Now if only I could figure out my own life.
I couldn’t sleep for shit. I got up early and headed over to my parents’ house. Dad would be up. He was an early riser, and I knew he’d have coffee and the kettle on.
I sent him a text so I didn’t have to ring the bell. He responded right away.
Entering the home I spent the last of my teen years in, Dad greeted me in the foyer.
“Hey, kid, how are you?” he said, taking my suitcase while I shed my coat. He set the suitcase at the foot of the stairs for me to take up later.
“I’m hanging in there.”
He clapped his hand onto my back as we headed into the kitchen. “I’m glad you’re here. Your mom and I were worried about you. I know you were with Hayley but it’s not like you to shut everyone out.”
“I just needed some time.”
“No one blames you for that.” Dad grabbed a coffee mug out of the cabinet and held it up.
“Yeah, coffee would be good. Thanks.” I sighed. “Dad, I think I fucked up.”
“With Hayley?”
I rolled my eyes. “Do my siblings have nothing better to do?”
Dad chuckled. “I’m sure they do. But it’s rare you cause any drama. And they wanted to think of you doing something more fun than being sad over Derrick.”
Seducing My Best Friend (The Wrights Book 2) Page 17
