“Yes, I fucked up with Hayley,” I replied.
“What happened?”
I stared down at the black coffee and thought about her. I wondered if she regretted leaving or if she was resolved in her decision. “We sort of hooked up. And then I proposed that she and I try to make a go of it. She left me in her bed and left the country to go visit her mother, so I didn’t have to rush out of her house.”
“Wow. You’ve been through the wringer,” he said. “You haven’t talked to her since?”
I shook my head. “Nah. I didn’t even bother trying to call her. I know she wouldn’t answer. I’m at a complete loss. After everything with Derrick, I can’t believe I was so stupid to go and lose my only other best friend.”
Dad sat down in front of me. “Do you really think you and Hayley have been only friends this entire time?”
“I don’t know. But clearly, you have an opinion on the matter.”
Dad chuckled. “Our entire family has an opinion on the matter. Your mother has stayed close to Hayley because she loves her but also because she was sure she’d be our daughter-in-law someday.”
I felt so lost. My best friend and my entire family knew something I couldn’t even get my head wrapped around. And I didn’t even think about it until Derrick said something and then promptly died afterward. If Derrick hadn’t died, would I even be thinking about her?
“Matt, you and Hayley have kept each other at arm’s length while at the same time been unable to let each other go. Now, I’m not an expert on the situation, but I’m willing to bet that it’s not over.”
“I’m going to wait for her to come to me, if she does at all.”
“Don’t wait too long, son. And don’t leave it in her court just because you think she owes you. That’s not how relationships work. Sometimes you have to go get the girl.”
“Why? Because that’s what you and Chuck did?”
“No, because we Wright men aren’t good at being patient.”
I chuckled. “Isn’t that the truth.”
December passed quickly as I helped my mom with the holiday preparations and did some of my own. I went to Denver to shop and hang out with Rick and Alicia for a few days. And then went back up to Aspen.
It was good to be around the family. I spent a good chunk of time with Zane at his place, The Oak Barrel. I was back to being the big brother and the one-stop shop for advice.
It felt good to be back.
Rachel and I talked almost daily. I liked checking in with her. She was coming home soon; school break was about to start. She wanted me to go with her to her appointment once she got into town. It made me a little uncomfortable, but I didn’t want her to have to do it alone. I could only imagine how scared she was. I was never going to be responsible for growing a human being inside of me, but if I were, I know I’d be freaked out.
Maybe she would tell me who the father was.
“You’re becoming a gargoyle on that stool.”
I glanced over to see Zane coming toward me on the other side of the bar. “What else would I be doing? I’ve been on vacation since before Thanksgiving. I’ve skied almost every day I could when I could pry Chuck away from Aubrey. I’ve helped mom decorate and shop. I’ve done my shopping. And I’ve run my agency. What else should I be doing?”
“Go find your girl?” Zane said.
I rolled my eyes. “I tried calling her. I don’t know where she is. She clearly doesn’t want to talk to me.”
Zane refilled my beer. “I find it hard to believe she doesn’t want to be with you.”
I sighed. “Look, bro, I know you’re just doing your job and being a good brother, but can we talk about anything but Hayley?”
He chuckled and nodded. “This is why I don’t get involved with women more than some fun. You can’t trust anyone.”
“Don’t tell that to Chuck. He thinks everyone should be in love.”
Zane made a face. “He got lucky. Aubrey is a sweetheart.”
“I hope the rest of our siblings get lucky.” My thoughts turned to Rachel.
“Hey, Matt, why aren’t you sitting at the family table?”
I turned in my stool to see Neil and his best friend, Lance, standing to the right of me. “Hey, guys. I didn’t know you were here.”
Neil was on leave from the military. Lance had been his best friend since freshman year. They came from very different worlds. Lance was a poor foster kid who worked his ass off for every privilege he got. And because of his financial situation, he decided to join the military so he could serve his country and hopefully get a college education out of it. I didn’t know what the kid wanted to be when he grew up, but I was damn proud of him. And my little brother wanted to serve his country because of his privilege. The two were a perfect set. They were both riddled with integrity. I was glad Lance was able to come home with Neil. Lance was one of us. Mom accepted all strays and she loved it when the house was full to the brim. She was always the happiest when everyone was under one roof.
“Lance, why do you still hang around with this loser?” I asked.
He had the biggest grin I’d ever seen. His dark brown eyes were always happy. For the rough life he’d had, he was a happy guy. “Man, someone’s gotta. Otherwise, he’ll end up in trouble. Probably take down the whole platoon.”
“It’s good to see you.” I got up to hug them. “Jesus, when did you get taller than me?” The dude was built like a wall.
“I’ve always been taller than you,” he said.
I chuckled. “Hey, little brother.”
“When am I going to stop being little? I carry AK-47s and patrol Afghanistan and Iran.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re tougher than all of us. Like we didn’t already know that,” Zane said.
“All of you except Isabis. That chick is scary,” Lance said.
Zane burst out laughing first and then Neil and I did too.
“She’s all soft,” Zane said, “you just have to get to know her. And don’t get on her wrong side.”
“Which is really easy to do,” Neil said. “Don’t be an asshole.”
“True dat,” Zane said.
“Grab a couple of pitchers of beer and come sit at the table. Liling and Chuck are fighting over who gets Aubrey tomorrow. We’re all betting on Liling.”
I laughed. “Must be some battle. My money is on Chuck. Aubrey loves her man and it’s their first Christmas together.” That made Hayley not being here hurt so much more.
When we got to the table, almost all the Wright siblings were sitting around it. Isabis, Broderick, and Alicia were the workaholics and they probably wouldn’t make it up to Aspen for a couple more days.
I hadn’t known the triplets came home from private school. Rachel was sitting in the middle. She used to look so small and shy to me. But I could see the change in her. She sat taller. Her arms crossed her middle protectively. She had her long blonde hair down in soft waves over her shoulders. Usually, she wore it up. She looked older. Her gaze flickered to mine. She gave me a soft smile and a little wave. I smiled and waved back.
Raph and Bex were on either end of Liling. Bex loved hearing Liling talk about all her travels. Zane slid into the chair next to Lance and Gio. Jonah was dancing around the table, flitting around like a hummingbird.
I sat at the head of the table, looking around at all of them. They were laughing, smiling, talking, and the laughter and chatter filled the space and made me feel at home. I was starting to let go of the frustration stewing in my gut over Hayley’s actions. Now I just felt sad. But sitting around with all of them, I started to feel a little bit better.
Liling leaned forward. “Chuck and I were talking, and we were wondering, what are you going to do about Hayley?”
I arched an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”
All nine sets of eyes were now staring at me.
“We’ve discussed it,” Chuck said.
“And we’ve decided Hayley has always been family,” Bex continued.
&nbs
p; Rachel spoke next. “And she needs to be our sister.”
Gio held up his sketchbook. It was a picture of a beach with a heart drawn in the sand and MW + HM. I couldn’t help but smile a little at its corniness. Gio was a complete romantic.
“We know what losing Derrick meant to you,” Raph said. “But he knew you and Hayley belonged together.”
I leaned forward. “What? What are you talking about?”
Zane smirked. “Every time Derrick visited, he asked about you and Hayley. He said he could never trust you to answer him honestly. He said he didn’t even think you knew you loved her.”
“About three months ago, Derrick called me,” Raphael said. “He said if anything ever happened to him, it was our job to make sure you got your head out of your ass and did something about Hayley.”
My jaw went slack. That son of an asshole.
Raphael shook his head. “I didn’t know something was wrong with him. I thought he was being sentimental or something, I didn’t realize there was something real going on.”
“Raph, don’t worry about it, man. He didn’t tell anyone but Holly. Not even his mom knew. He wanted Holly to know so he could spend more time with Summer.” I was overwhelmed. Derrick had been pushing me without me even knowing it. He thought there was something there between Hayley and me, and I couldn’t figure out why. Why was he so sure?
“So, what are you going to do?” Rachel asked.
“Guys, this is really sweet and all, but I gave it a shot with Hayley, and she bailed. I don’t think there is anything more to do.”
“Just because she left doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be with you,” Aubrey said.
I shook my head. “Aw, not you too…” I winked at her, “sis.”
Aubrey beamed at me and so did Chuck. My little brother was so happy.
“Look, we’ll see what happens after the holidays. Maybe she’ll call me eventually and we can talk about it. But I think you guys need to chill out. For right now, it is what it is.”
And that hurt to say more than anything because I wanted her to be by my side like Aubrey was by Chuck’s side. Laughing with my family, with our family.
Our family.
It was a nice dream, anyway.
23
Hayley
I stood on my mother’s stoop wondering how the hell I ended up here. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d run to hide under my mother’s skirts, but here I was. I missed Matthew five minutes after I left him in my bed. I still didn’t know what the hell I was doing.
The more I thought about everything, the more I realized I didn’t know what I wanted out of life. I spent so much time running from my mother. I didn’t want to live with her, I didn’t want to support her, and above all, I didn’t want to be her.
Yet, when I finally got something I wanted, I wouldn’t let myself have it.
My mother threw open the door. She was wearing a bathrobe, her hair up in curlers, and she was smoking a cigarette. She looked like she belonged in the 1960s. “Hayley? What’s wrong?”
“Um, I decided it was time to come see you,” I said.
“Well come in.” She stepped back, opening the door farther. I stepped inside the foyer. Her latest husband had quite the place. I set my bag down and followed her through the house. “Your timing is fortuitous. I’m by myself. I was getting ready to watch some holiday movies.”
The theater room was decorated with Christmas lights. There was a huge assortment of snacks scattered throughout the room. Chips, dips, candy, popcorn, cookie dough, pizza.
“Wow, Mom, that’s quite the spread.”
She shrugged. “I don’t feel I should be limited in my options.” She grabbed a bowl of goodies she’d already made herself before I showed up. “Tell me what happened with you and Matt Wright.”
I sat down on the seat next to her and folded my hands in my lap. “No greeting. No, how are you? Just what happened with the guy?”
“That’s why you’re here isn’t it? I know it’s not because you wanted to see me. You never want to see me.”
Through her petulance, I could tell she was hurt. “Mom…”
“I know, Hayley. I’m a terrible mother and I never could figure out how to make it up to you. But I don’t feel I deserve to be shunned out of your life. I practically have to beg you for any details. You’re here because you had nowhere else to go when it all came apart.”
“Mom…I’m here because I don’t understand. My entire life you’ve been disappointed in me. You wanted me to be an actress so you could live the lifestyle and have the money. And when I denied you that, you left Dad to find it elsewhere.”
“That’s why you think I left your dad?” she asked.
“No, I know that’s why you left Dad.”
“No, it’s not. And I resent you thinking so little of me.” She grabbed the remote to have something in her hands.
“All right, then enlighten me.”
“Your dad is an alcoholic and a mean man. He was mad at me because I wanted to go out into the world and live my life and he wanted me to stay in the house. He was mad at you for quitting because he didn’t want to have to get a job. He doesn’t want any part of living. I don’t know what happened to him, but he shut me out a long time ago. I left because I was dying in that house with him. And I know I’ve been a mess ever since. I loved him and he was completely indifferent to me. That hurt so I looked for men who wanted big lives and would pay attention to me. I’ve never been the most secure person and since you and your father completely abandoned me…. I know I don’t pick the best men, but they seem to really love me and dote on me and then it all goes to shit.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Though, I suspect most of the men in my life think I’m the villain.”
“Are you?”
I lifted a shoulder noncommittally. “I don’t know. I don’t really get involved. I have fun and I have sex, but I never have feelings. Spencer proposed to me and it felt awful. I don’t know how I got there. And then Matt shows up and…”
“That Wright boy has always had a thing for you and you for him. I never understood why the two of you didn’t get together years ago.”
“What?” I gaped at her. “Are you kidding me? You were always so mean about the Wrights. You hated them.”
She sighed. “Well, it turns out I’m not very nice either. I was so jealous of Donna and her life. She has this devoted husband who still looks at her like she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. She has all these kids who completely adore her. Including my own. And she has this glamorous life of celebrity. She has the perfect life.”
“Mom, I don’t think it’s that perfect.” I thought about all the things I knew Matt had to deal with throughout his life. Not to mention the most recent events with a pregnant sixteen-year-old that Donna didn’t even know about yet.
Then I thought about Matt having to stand in front of her by himself with two parents and eleven other siblings trying to get answers from them. I cringed. I should’ve gone to Aspen with him. I shouldn’t have run away like a coward.
It was too late now.
“Mom, I’m sorry I haven’t been the best daughter.”
“Pish-posh. We probably should’ve talked a long time ago. I guess I didn’t think you would believe me or hear me out.”
I sighed. “Mom, I love you. And I’m sorry I didn’t know what was going on between you and Dad.”
“Did you only quit acting because of me and your father?”
“Pretty much. I wanted to be free and it was the only way I could see out of the situation.”
“You ever think about going back? I mean, Hayley, you were a natural.”
I smiled. “You’re supposed to say that. I’m your daughter.”
“I’m not the only one who thought so. Donna Wright always thought you were too. She thought it was such a shame you quit.”
“When did you talk to Donna Wright after I quit?”
“I’ve talked to her o
n and off over the years. In fact, she called me this morning.”
My brow furrowed.
“It would seem you broke her son’s heart and she was looking to talk to you. She also invited us both up to Aspen for Christmas. I politely declined because I didn’t think there was any way in hell you were actually going to show up on my doorstep. But it would appear she knows you better than I do.”
“Mom, she doesn’t know me better. She knows me in a different way. Matt knows me. And he probably told his mom some things.”
“Do you want to go to Aspen?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Do I have to know today? The holidays are a couple of weeks away yet.”
“I know you don’t need my two cents, but I think you should consider it. You and Matt have had a very long friendship. You’ve been through a lot and it would be silly to let something like sex get in the way.”
“It was more than just sex,” I said.
“Oh, I’m sure it was. But it’s the sex part that always makes it awkward and like they have more of your heart. Sex for you hasn’t ever been that, right?”
“No, I suppose it hasn’t been. Sex was something for fun with the guys I dated. But it was never that exciting. And it certainly didn’t ever mean much to me.”
My mom cupped my face. “I’m sorry you haven’t had better relationships and I didn’t set a good example for you. But just because my love life went the way it did, doesn’t mean yours will go that way if you open your heart to someone. If you ask me, you and Matt have always been in love with each other. But you believed the disguise of friendship you both used.”
“Disguise, huh?” I asked. “Mom, you’re really quite wise, aren’t you?”
She scoffed, “Hardly. At least not about myself. But I’d like to think I have something to offer my daughter.”
“What movie are we watching?” I asked.
She pointed the remote at the DVD player and the movie started. The title popped up: Across the Pond.
I chuckled. “Feeling nostalgic?”
“A little,” she said. “Plus, I love this movie. I still hold out hope someday a man is going to look at me the way Richard looks at Donna.”
Seducing My Best Friend (The Wrights Book 2) Page 18
