Don't Think. Just Breathe. (TNT trilogy Book 1)

by Sarah Delany

  “I’m proud of you girl, it must have taken a lot of courage to do that today, in front of everyone too. Especially after the last few days you’ve had,” Rafe sincerely says.

  “Someone told me to start letting the light in. So I was following his advice,” I say, smiling at Tate quickly then I pick up my muffin and break some off, eating it. I feel lighter than I was this morning.

  ---Tate---

  I’m blown away by Tamsyn. I can’t believe she stood up for herself like that. It’s amazing. She’s amazing; especially after all she has been through lately. Blake, the prick. He better not come near me. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle my rage if he gets within swinging distance. Me, Scott and Tamsyn are headed to English now. As we enter, Tamsyn scans the room focussing on her seat down the back.

  Scott notices her hesitation and says, “You know T, I can move over and make room for you between me and Tate if you like?” She beams up at him.

  “Thanks Scott. That would be great.” So that’s how we sit, same as in human bio but in reverse. Leyla and Chloe walk in and we are already seated.

  Leyla trying to win back some pride says, “Guess you’ve joined the loser squad now,” directing it at Tamsyn.

  Tamsyn ignores her but surprisingly it is Penny who chimes in with, “Shut up Leyla, we all know who the loser here is and it ain’t Tamsyn. Who sleeps with their best friend’s boyfriend?” and it has half the class glaring at Leyla with revulsion, the other half could care less. She and her sidekick Chloe slink away to their chairs at the back of the class and we don’t hear another peep out of them. Tamsyn turns to Penny and offers a smile. I see Penny nod her head at Tamsyn in acknowledgement for sticking up for her. She could use someone else in her corner right now.

  After English, the three of us walk together to human bio. Even though I got to sit by her in English, human bio is different. More special for some reason, unbeknown to me. I can see on Tamsyn’s face it’s been a long day emotionally for her. I know the feeling. Sometimes you get so overloaded with feelings when you’ve been numb for so long, it drains you of your energy. I don’t say anything when she lays her head on her arms; I think she could do with the reprieve for a while. I saw her face light up when I drew my star on her this morning so I decide to draw it again on some paper so she can keep it in her pocket for when she needs it. She was devastated this morning when she said it got wrecked. I flip to a page in my book and rip two equal bits out. On one piece, I draw the original star which got ruined, and on the other, I draw the new one I drew on her hand this morning; the one letting the light in. I think she needs it more than the other right now. But I’ll let her decide what she needs.

  I don’t want to wait to give them to her like I do with my notes on Fridays so I fold them up and copy her pose. I fold my arms and lay them on the desk next to hers then put my head down and concentrate on the board. Our arms are touching and it appears as if we are both resting. Luckily no one can see our hands. I sneakily wiggle my fingers with the notes in them and slide them into her hand. She grabs at the notes. Her next move has my heart beating a million miles a minute. She twists her hand so the notes fall to her desk then she’s threading her fingers through mine, grasping my hand tightly. Our private moment goes unseen and it’s how we stay for the remainder of the class; clinging to each other’s fingers with no one the wiser. As the bell goes for the end of class, we release, giving each other a gentle squeeze before we let go. Lifting our heads off our arms, we smile at each other. Tamsyn remembering the notes, picks them up, opening them and her smile grows as she sees what they are. Unzipping her pocket, she places them in there delicately, like they mean the world to her. This small gesture makes my heart fix a bit of itself; her small smile is responsible.

  I told Tamsyn we would drop her home after school, so she should meet us in the car park after her last class. It’s what me and JP are doing now, waiting at his car for her to show up. In the distance, I catch a glimpse of chocolate brown hair but then it gets lost in the crowd of students trying to make their way home for the day. I search the students meandering through the cars but I can’t see her.

  “JP can you see her? I saw a glimpse of her then she disappeared,” I yell across the hood of the car. He helps me search the crowd of students for her.

  A few moments pass and then he yells back, “There,” pointing her way. What I see has my rage returning and before I know it, my feet are dragging me towards her. Towards where Blake has her cornered. I sense JP’s presence at my back, ready to spring into action if need be

  As I get closer I hear Blake’s vile mouth yelling at her, “How could you do that? In front of the whole school too? What did you expect me to do? Wait around for you to snap out of your weird daydreaming fog of grief you are always in lately? You’ve been so selfish. I have needs, you know? You’re such a frigid b**...”

  ‘CRACK’ My fist connects perfectly with his nose, breaking it before he could finish his statement. He falls backwards onto the pavement clutching his bloodied face, whimpering into his hands.

  I lean over him, my voice thick with venom, “You come at her again and it won’t be your nose I break. Got it?” I can tell he’s about to say some snide remark from the disdain dripping off his face. This lasts a moment before his face turns a pale white as he looks over my shoulder.

  “He asked you a question,” I hear JP say.

  “You’ll have all of us to deal with,” Scott chimes in.

  “I’ve always wanted an excuse to break your pretty face,” Rafe tells him, cracking his knuckles. Blake visibly gulps. I’m surprised he hasn’t shit himself with the way we all stare him down. You can practically see the anger seeping from our pores.

  “Got it,” he says, before he pushes off the ground, running away to his car with blood pouring down his face.

  My first thought as he disappears is Tamsyn, so I turn to her and she’s visibly shaking. I pull her into my arms, holding her close. The guys make a semicircle around me so I can make sure she’s alright.

  “He won’t bother you anymore but if he does, we will deal with him,” Rafe says to her. Her shaking lessens, the more I hold her.

  “Where did you guys come from?” I direct my question towards Scott and Rafe.

  “We were walking out together and saw Blake yelling at someone but couldn’t see who,” Scott says.

  “Then we saw your enraged ass firing across the car park like a bullet. We guessed it was Tamsyn so we ran over. Got here in time to see you clock him,” Rafe adds, trying not to laugh. I roll my eyes at him.

  “I wasn’t that bad, was I?” I ask, because I don’t know. I saw Tamsyn unsafe, saw red and my body took over.

  “Well, you did nearly knock about five people down as you charged through them,” Rafe throws back at me. He’s clearly finding this situation way too amusing so I choose to ignore him.

  “Let’s get you to the car, Sweetness,” I say, focussing on her. I sling my arm over her shoulder, drawing her tiny form into my side. Scott takes her bag off her shoulder and carries it for her then he links hands with her. If my eyes could shoot lasers, I would sear Scott’s hand off. I know he’s doing it as a friend but my heart doesn’t know the difference. My heart doesn’t like the fact someone else is touching her. Touching her, how I was a few short hours ago.

  As we get to the car, JP asks the guys if they need a ride home. They had both been dropped off by their parents this morning so they’re more than happy for a ride. We all pile into the car. I take the middle seat and have Tamsyn sit by the window because my caveman tendencies are in full swing. I don’t want the guys touching her if I can help it. I need to get this jealousy under control. Rafe jumps in the front and Scott is on my other side. He stares out the window with a smirk on his face. He knows exactly why I’m sitting in the middle. My irrational behaviour has become their entertainment. Tamsyn, unaware of my jealousy, take
s my hand in hers, keeping it from view of the others and hiding it by my legs. The gesture has my heart loosening its hold on all the jealousy and rage I felt earlier. Instead I focus on the softness of her precious hands.

  “Are you guys excited about the Team Building day tomorrow?” Scott says.

  “Oh, I forgot. It’s free dress aye?” I ask. It had slipped my mind with all the commotion after school.

  “Yeah it is. Any day where we don’t have to wear these horrible ties is a day to embrace,” Rafe says, as he loosens the tie around his neck.

  “I’ve heard it’s a fun day from previous seniors. They try to get us all in a good mood at the beginning of the school year. It’s a free pass to fool around and play games,” Scott tells us.

  “Anything beats going to class,” Tamsyn chimes in, and I give her hand a discrete squeeze. We drop Scott off first, then Tamsyn. As she exits the car, I run my thumb back and forth over the back of her hand in a quiet goodbye. She smiles sweetly at me exiting the car, and making her way up the path to her front door, disappearing behind it.

  Chapter 15

  ---Tate---

  I told Tamsyn yesterday we would pick her up for school in the mornings from now on. The announcement made her very happy. I’ve decided to wear faded light blue jean shorts and a plain black muscle tee today. JP is wearing full length dark blue denim jeans and a white t-shirt with a lion print on the front. I’m sweating from seeing him in those jeans. It’s too hot for full length pants but to each their own I guess. As we wait outside Tamsyn’s place for her, me in the back seat again, I can’t help but let my mind wander, wondering what she might wear. My imagination was nowhere close to the magnificent sight of the real thing. She bounds down the path from her house with her straightened chocolate hair swaying behind her. That alone has my heart rate increasing as it’s a rare sight to see her with her hair down. It’s my personal favourite as it makes her more gorgeous than she already is. She’s wearing a thin strapped baby pink singlet which hangs off her frame. Short dark denim shorts complete her outfit, showing more skin than I’ve seen on her before. I don’t hide my obvious perusal of her and as my eyes make their way back up to her face, the most stunning smile greets me.

  She hops into the car next to me and buckles up her seat belt. As soon as JP pulls away from her house, my hand can’t control itself, her magnetism drawing me to her again. I rest my hand by her bare thigh and start running my index finger up and down the side of it, needing to feel her skin immediately. I can’t help but peer into her eyes to gauge her reaction to me. I see my touch is, more than likely, responsible for the pink tinge now showing on her cheeks. Feeling brave, I slide my whole hand over her slim thigh, resting my fingers on her inner thigh above her knee, stroking her soft skin with my thumb. I get rewarded for my bravery with goose bumps setting her skin alight. I love knowing I affect her as much as she affects me. With identical grins on our faces, we both audibly sigh making us laugh out loud.

  Arriving at school, we meet up with Rafe and Scott in the car park. As a group we walk to the school hall. They have both opted to wear shorts and t-shirts, feeling the heat like I am. Our whole student year is gathered, waiting to be split into groups. We all get handed a coloured shape. It symbolises the main group we will be in for the day. There’s going to be two groups at each activity so we get to mix with different people throughout the day. I get a blue circle, the same as Rafe, so I give him a high five. JP gets a yellow triangle. And Scott and Tamsyn, to my annoyance, both get a purple square which means they will spend the whole day together. I will be lucky if I get one activity with her. We have to pin the shape to our tops so we can be identified easier.

  The activities are being held at a retreat centre, down the road from our school so we all walk with our friends to start the day. You can sense the excitement from everyone in the air. I stay close to Tamsyn, needing to soak up as much of her as I can before she disappears for the day. I want to take her hand in mine, needing physical contact before she goes. Unfortunately, I don’t know if she would appreciate me being so obvious with my affection in front of everyone. We are friends but there’s something more to it, though either one of us is willing or brave enough to take the next step. At least Blake has been removed from the equation. One less thing for me to worry about.

  As we arrive at the centre, we are welcomed by two rows of activity supervisors with their hands out, ready to give us high fives as we walk through their human tunnel. It has everyone in high spirits. We listen to the person in charge who explains how the day will go. We will move around to the different activities with one supervisor assigned to each group so we know where to go. We all go our separate ways as none of our shapes have been paired up for the first activity. Me and Rafe follow behind the rest of our group to a wide open hall with carpeted floors. A lady comes in, introducing herself as Hazel. She is going to take us through a meditation ritual. I scan the room and notice some of the students have blue circles like me and others have yellow circles. We are instructed to get comfy any way we desire. Me and Rafe try to hide our chuckles, finding it a bit hippy to start the day with. I decide to lie face down and rest my head on my arms. This way, I can hide my face if I find her airy fairy talk a bit too much to take. Rafe, on the other hand lies down with his limbs all outstretched from his body, facing up towards the ceiling. He’s taking the bit about getting comfortable to a whole other level.

  Hazel begins by telling us, “Breathe in and breathe out. Focus on your breathing. Be aware of your inhale and exhale. Slow it down. Breathe in deeply, filling your lungs with positive thoughts and holding for five, four, three, two, one and exhale breathing out all negativity and pushing it away from you.” I focus on her voice, letting myself relax as I do. Letting her words sink in to me.

  “Let your thoughts come to you and acknowledge them. Don’t try to stop them. Let them come and go as they do. Just be aware. Focus on your breathing,” she continues, in her light, flowing voice which has me sinking into a trance. Thoughts pass through my head; thoughts of school, thoughts of the guys and of my parents, thoughts of Blake’s bloody face and finally of Tamsyn. I let all the other thoughts go and hold on to the ones of Tamsyn. My soul is fighting my mind to keep her in my thoughts longer. As I hold a thought of Tamsyn in my mind, more come to join her; her in the green dress, her under the shower, her walking out of her house this morning. They are all different facets of the girl, who has unknowingly stolen my heart.

  I let the thoughts of her drift away from me, as Hazel’s voice cuts through, “Imagine a meadow, the green grass underneath you. You are watching the clouds, taking in the day. The wind is whistling around you. Breathe in the fresh air. Breathe out any negativity you still hold and relax.” I follow her voice paying attention, until I feel a sudden shake on my shoulder.

  “Dude, wake up,” Rafe says, waking me from my sleep. I must have dozed off during the meditation. I raise my sleepy eyes to an amused Rafe who’s laughing.

  “I can’t believe you fell asleep,” he says. “Come on, our group is moving on to the next activity.” I push up off the floor with my hands, and then lightly punch Rafe on the shoulder returning his smile.

  Our next activity is the trust fall and we are paired up with JP’s group. His smile alone tells us he’s happy to see us. He’s got his friend Elijah in his group so at least he’s not alone. There’s a small structure they’ve made for us to fall off. The instructor informs us to bunch in close, in two lines with a couple people at the end. The rest of the group all line up, ready to let themselves fall into our waiting hands. Rafe is the first to take the leap into our arms. He turns around with no fear, knowing we will catch him and falls backwards off the structure. We all take his weight easily, catching him effortlessly. The group goes through, one at a time and then we switch. When it comes to my turn, I turn my back on the crowd below and breathe. Bracing myself for the fall, I tense and lean back. There’s a
moment of free falling before I hit their out spread arms. A smile creeps up my face, the fall is exhilarating.

  After both groups have had turns, it’s time to move onto our next activity. We have orienteering next while JP has meditation. After orienteering, we have an activity called ‘alliteration names’. Someone in the group has to come up with a word with the same letter as our name to describe us. I get deemed as ‘Tender Tate’ by Rafe and someone calls out ‘Rambunctious Rafe’. I do hear a girl nearby whisper, ‘Raunchy Rafe,’ as well which has me in hysterics.

  This day has been the best day I’ve had in a long time. The day is flying by because when the activity is finished, we get led to a dining hall for lunch. We can mingle in here as all the groups are having lunch at the same time. My eyes, of their own accord, search for Tamsyn. There’s four long rows of tables, from one end of the room to the other, with bench seats so everyone squeezes in next to one another. I find her seated along the far wall, laughing freely at something Scott said. JP is sitting on her other side. Me and Rafe fill up our plates with food and join them. They see us coming and Tamsyn smiles brightly at me. She must be enjoying the day as much as I am. Scott shuffles across, letting me squeeze in next to her and I give him a nod of thanks.

  “What were you guys laughing about?” Rafe asks, wanting in on their joke.

  “Have you guys had the free fall activity yet?” Scott asks us and we nod. “Well we got paired up with Blake and Leyla’s group,” he tells us. I turn to Tamsyn and she’s trying to hold in her laughter. “Blake went up for his turn and at the last second most of us pulled our arms away, so he hit the ground hard,” he says, cracking up with laughter and Tamsyn joins him. “Then Leyla refused to participate because she didn’t want to risk getting dropped too. So they both sat to the side, with sulking expressions the whole time,” which makes him and Tamsyn laugh harder. “So it’s not only us pissed at those two. At least half of the students from our year are mad about how they treated T here,” he says, smiling down the table at her fondly.