Her All Along

by Cara Dee

  “Oh Christ.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. Those words—those exact words—coming out of her mouth… No. No. I didn’t need to think about Pipsqueak showing extra skin. Which wasn’t something she did anyway. Back when she was on the swim team, she’d squeeze into some bathing suit that seemingly compressed her entire body, and I was fine with that. It was appropriate. As far as I knew, she still wore her pink bathing suit with purple ruffle and a unicorn print when she went to the beach with her friends. I wouldn’t know. It’d been a few years since we’d all gone together.

  At home, on an everyday basis, regardless of the weather, she dressed in leggings or shorts, often accompanied by a T-shirt she’d stolen from one of her brothers. Meaning they were close to three or four sizes too large. She’d even borrowed tees from me. I encouraged it. She looked so comfortable in them. And it provided a stupid security blanket for this grown-ass man who preferred to think of her as an inquisitive little girl who came over at four in the morning with lemonade and questions about life.

  So much for coming to terms with her growing up…

  “Maybe I should ask Angel instead,” she said.

  My head shot up, and the protest was right there on the tip of my tongue. You’ll do no such thing, young lady! But I had no right. I hadn’t met Ryan’s girlfriend yet, but I’d heard enough from Darius. And Mary, James, and Pipsqueak had gone down to visit over Easter. When they came back, Pipsqueak had been gushing about Angel.

  “Why, uh, why would you talk to her?” I asked.

  Pipsqueak grinned. “Because she’s wicked.”

  I shouldn’t have asked.

  For Fourth of July this year, we left the country and headed up to the Quinns’ hunting cabin outside Whistler.

  The family went a couple weeks every year, but that was a bit over my limit. A three-day weekend was enough of roughing it for me. Our cars were packed with food, tents, sleeping bags, and whatever supplies we needed, because the cabin itself only had room for four people.

  Basically, it was a weekend of never letting Grace out of my sight, because she wanted to touch everything and put it in her mouth.

  When I crawled into our tent for the last night, I couldn’t fucking wait to go home. Darius and Ethan were the only ones who stayed up to drink and shoot the shit around the fire outside the cabin. The rest had retired. Mary, James, and the sisters were cozying it up indoors. Lias and Evelina were in their own tent. Ryan hadn’t been able to make it, but they were visiting us in Camassia in a couple weeks instead.

  “Ba-ba-ba,” Grace said through a yawn.

  “Yeah, everything is ba-ba,” I chuckled tiredly. “You know what would make Daddy happy? If you said Dada instead.”

  “Ba-ba!” she laughed.

  I shook my head in amusement and helped her into her pajamas. I’d already changed her diaper in the cabin, because fuck if I was doing it out here.

  “You ready to sleep?” I dimmed the camping lantern I’d attached to the pole by our pillows.

  “Uh-uh.” She shook her head and threw herself at me.

  I grinned and kissed the side of her head. She was about as steady as Darius when he was drunk off his ass, but she was getting there. She’d be able to stand on her own without gripping my shoulders soon.

  “Daddy’s sleepy, though.” I continued pressing kisses to her hair, to her cheeks, to her cute little nose. “Okay, so you’re just gonna use the air mattress as your personal bouncy castle?”

  She was my little weirdo. She stood in between my legs and bounced on the mattress while simultaneously hugging my neck. And did she think I couldn’t hear her yawns just because I couldn’t see her face right now?

  “Time to lie down, baby. Otherwise, we can’t have our sleepover.” I unlocked her arms from around me and brought her tiny hands to my lips. “Tomorrow, we’re gonna go in the car again.”

  She loved riding in the car, for some reason.

  “Mister?”

  Grace gasped, her eyes lighting up, and I mirrored her expression.

  “We know who that is,” I whispered. “It’s Pipsqueak.”

  “Ba-ba!” She pointed at the closed entrance.

  I chuckled and addressed Pipsqueak. “Yeah, hon? You can come in. But don’t let the bugs in with you.”

  Because Grace would find a way to eat them.

  Pipsqueak laughed softly and unzipped the entrance, then quickly crawled in and closed it again.

  “Ba-ba-ba-ba!” Grace made a leap for Pipsqueak and crawled the last bit.

  “Hi, sweetheart.” Pipsqueak sat down on the bottom corner of the air mattress that covered the whole floor, and she gave Grace all her attention. “Can’t you sleep either?”

  Ah, maybe it was too hot again. Last night, Pipsqueak had visited under the guise of reading Grace a bedtime story, and then she’d confessed that she was callously using us for the cooler air. It’d made me laugh. Mostly because while the tent was perfectly chilly now, to the point where crawling into a big sleeping bag felt great, it turned into a sauna as soon as the sun rose.

  Pipsqueak was in another one of my T-shirts, and it seemed to be the only thing she was wearing. Unless her shorts had disappeared somewhere under my shirt.

  “How many of my tees have you stolen by now?” I asked, amused.

  She didn’t miss a beat. “I haven’t stolen them. I’ve just permanently borrowed them, and in my defense, Darius barged into my room the other day and took his back. What’s a girl to do?”

  Valid excuse to rob me, then.

  I chuckled and got under the sleeping bag. I’d bought one of those double ones so Grace and I could share, but after discovering that she found it hilarious to crawl into the pit of it, I’d decided to leave it open. We had a sheet and two blankets too.

  “Grace, come here so I can put on your beanie.” I dug it out from under her pillow, along with her pacifier. “You riding home with us tomorrow, hon?”

  Pipsqueak hummed as Grace crawled over to me, gaze fixed on her pacifier. “Are you going to turn the entire journey into a history lesson and call it a ‘fun car game’ again?”

  What the hell? “My quizzes are the highlight of every road trip,” I said defensively. “Lias and Evelina enjoyed it.”

  “They endured it.” She widened her eyes at me. “Nobody but you and Darius and Dad gives a rat’s ass about the Treaty of Versailles. And whether or not the treaty was a failure.”

  Fuck, she hit where it hurt.

  I’d give her so much shit if she hadn’t just graduated from high school with excellent grades.

  “It was a failure,” I muttered to myself and lay down.

  Grace thought that was an invitation to climb up and sit on my stomach.

  Pipsqueak snickered and snuck closer, and she stretched out alongside me and patted the empty spot between us. “Wanna come here and cuddle, Grace?”

  Grace shook her head stubbornly and fell on top of me instead, effectively squishing my nose under her belly. She found that hilarious.

  “Hey, you little clown.” I huffed and repositioned her farther down on my chest.

  She settled in right away, and I pulled up the covers to her chin.

  She’d be out in two minutes.

  Reaching up to the lantern, I asked, “Are you staying?” and paused with my finger on the switch.

  “If you don’t mind…?”

  “Of course not.” Why would I mind? I flicked off the light, leaving only the faintest glow from the fire some twenty feet away from my tent.

  Darius and Ethan had quieted down, so maybe they’d retired too. Unlike the rest of us, Darius just rolled out a sleeping mat in the bed of his truck.

  After fanning the covers over Pipsqueak too, I let out a breath and relaxed. Grace’s little suckling noises grew fainter, letting me know she was falling asleep.

  “I guess we could do a quiz on civics—”

  “Shh, Mister.”

  Wow. I wasn’t sure I’d ever been shushed before.
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br />   “Did you just shush me?” I asked.

  “I did. I thought you needed it.”

  “Huh.” I turned my head to her, though I couldn’t see her very clearly. “Civics quiz, it is. You’re going to love it.”

  She laughed under her breath. “Maybe I’ll follow Lias and Evelina’s lead and ride with Ethan instead.”

  “Nah—wait. What? They’re not riding with me tomorrow?”

  The air mattress trembled from her silent giggles. “I guess they loved your quiz so much they can’t bear another round?”

  I narrowed my eyes in the darkness.

  “Don’t look so offended,” she chuckled.

  “You can’t even see me,” I argued.

  “Uh, yes, I can. You’d see more too if you stopped being so damn stubborn and got contacts or glasses.” She huffed, whereas I just snapped my mouth shut. “It’s okay, Avery. You’re getting very old. It’s normal.”

  “Wow,” I whispered toward the ceiling. “She was amazing for eighteen years, but now she’s turning into a hellion. A true Quinn.”

  “Who are you talking to?” She couldn’t keep from letting out those little snickers. “It was bound to happen. But if it makes you feel better, you can really pull off the bit of gray growing out here.” She scratched her fingers gently against my temple, and I didn’t know if I wanted to throw her out of my tent or demand that she continue what she was doing.

  “You’re full of shit,” I settled for saying. “I don’t have any grays yet.”

  “You’re right,” she conceded, withdrawing her hand. Dammit. It’d felt nice. “But it’s just a matter of time, Gramps.”

  I rumbled a quiet chuckle, too amused and contented to pretend to be insulted. If anything, I loved to banter with her.

  I exhaled and closed my eyes. Grace made a couple sleepy sounds. Pipsqueak settled in to sleep too, and the moment spread warmth in my chest.

  It was happiness.

  Nineteen

  So, Ryan’s girlfriend was an interesting character. She was an imp just like Pipsqueak and Willow, and I could admit she’d had me fooled over at the Quinns’ residence when I dropped off Grace. Angel had been, well, an angel. Polite, soft-spoken. Mary and James had expressed their fondness for her quite a bit already. But then we took off to the beach—Ry, Darius, Ethan, Angel, Pipsqueak, Lias, Evelina, and me. And like a flip of a switch, Angel became someone else. Someone ballsy, loud, brazen, and provocative.

  Once we’d parked at the beach, she slapped Ryan on the ass before darting toward the water, and Ryan ate that shit up. He ran after her, of course.

  I made a joke about it to Darius as we dumped our towels, blankets, and coolers in the sand. “It’s like her DNA comes directly from his gene pool.”

  Darius barked out a laugh and pulled his tee over his head. “Fitting, I guess, since she calls him Daddy when she thinks no one’s listening. Mildly disturbing first time I heard it.”

  I smirked and shook my head.

  I was happy for Ryan, though. He needed someone who would keep him on his toes.

  When I spotted the couple down by the water, I admitted to myself there was some envy too. He’d caught her, and there was no one else in the universe for them as they locked their arms around each other. I’d forgotten what that was like. And as soon as that thought flew through my mind, I knew, just by looking at Ryan and Angel, that I’d never even come close to having it.

  I suppressed a sigh and diverted my gaze. It was going to be a good day. Grace was a pig in shit over at Mary and James’s house, and I didn’t have to worry about her for the next several hours.

  A flash of yellow appeared in the corner of my eye, and I glanced to my left, only to do a double take. What the actual fuck. I stared in horror—or something—at the scraps of light yellow some might call a bikini. On Pipsqueak, of all people. Where was the frilly unicorn bathing suit? Or a better question—where was the rest of the bathing suit she was wearing? Jesus fucking Christ. She’d, uh, filled out. An hourglass figure, not the most modest…chest area.

  I got a quick glimpse of a pert, rounded, soft-looking ass before I glanced away and swallowed dryly.

  The T-shirt of mine she’d worn ended up on a blanket along with her shorts and flip-flops, and then she headed down to the water with Evelina.

  I scrubbed my hands over my face and willed my mind to erase the last ten seconds.

  Fucking hell, I needed to cool off. I couldn’t even blame the sun beating down on me.

  There was something wrong with me.

  “Avery, you game?”

  I looked over at Ethan, who was holding a tennis ball. I didn’t know what game he had in mind, but I’d take anything at that point, so I nodded and shed my shoes and tee.

  “We’ll head out to where we can’t touch the bottom,” he said, ever the gym owner and PT. “You’re almost back to where you were before you went on your baby vacation. I can finally see your abs again.”

  I stared at him. “You think raising a daughter is a vacation? Man, I cannot wait for you to have kids.”

  He laughed.

  After fishing out a bottle of water and taking a couple swigs, I followed him down to the ocean and rolled my shoulders a little. Most of the people who came to Silver Beach in the summer stayed away from the edges where cliffs shot up from the water. It was the whole reason we went there. There were barely any others around us.

  A twinge of discomfort and buried uncertainty hit my chest when we passed Ryan and Angel. She was new in our group, and I didn’t have any tales of guts and glory to go with the battle wounds that’d once covered my back. I hoped she wasn’t an inquisitive person.

  “Come on, girls! That’s not how you do it. Just dive in!” Ethan gave Evelina and Pipsqueak some shit for hesitating in the water. They’d gone far enough that the water reached their thighs, and it was my cue to look away.

  Pipsqueak huffed. “Just dive in,” she mimicked.

  “Good one,” Ethan deadpanned.

  My mouth twitched.

  Tightening the drawstrings on my board shorts, I walked farther out and sucked in a breath. Well, it’d be a lie to claim it was warm… But I braved the cold, even when I reached that painful, painful part and my junk was submerged.

  It was the cooldown I needed.

  Ethan and I put our guts to work when we swam farther out and threw the ball to each other, obviously always attempting to make the catching difficult for the other. But it wasn’t long before the others joined us, because that was one thing you could count on with the Quinns. Eventually, everything turned into a contest that involved everyone.

  Ryan suggested we introduce Angel to a game of ten ball, something we’d come up with years ago. A game with very few rules, for those early days when we’d been too drunk to keep score. Two teams, one tennis ball, and the goal was to hold the ball up in the air for ten seconds. We’d never played a game that had gone beyond one single point.

  Since Jake was no longer among us, Ryan went from the third to the second eldest of us, so he and Darius picked teams.

  I kept the ball in my grasp for now, and Ethan and I made our way closer to the shore as Darius made the first pick.

  “Ethan, you’re with me,” he said.

  Ryan nodded at me. “Ave.”

  “What the hell?” Angel looked affronted.

  Ryan grinned. “I’ll get to you, I promise.”

  “Lias,” Darius said next.

  Evelina huffed. “The sheer misogyny, I swear.”

  I tried to make eye contact with Ryan so he’d pick—

  “Angel, get over here,” Ry chuckled.

  “The fuck, man.” I raised my brow at him and pointed toward Pipsqueak. “You realize she was the champion of the women’s swim team before she quit, right?”

  Ryan smirked. “Yeah, but Angel throws punches.”

  I side-eyed the girl in question. I mean, she was what, 120 pounds soaking wet? She merely flashed me a saccharine smile.

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nbsp; “Elise!” Darius hollered. “You’re with us, baby girl.”

  Goddammit. Now Pipsqueak would be on my opposing team.

  In the end, it was Ryan, Angel, Evelina, and me against Darius, Ethan, Lias, and Pipsqueak.

  “Two minutes of strategizing!” Darius announced.

  All right, then.

  In waist-deep water, my team huddled together, and Ryan and I went with what we usually did.

  “As soon as one of us gets the ball,” Ryan said, “we’ll pass it on to Evelina.” He addressed her directly. “You will hold the ball in the air for ten seconds, and we will keep the others away.”

  “Who’s our strongest swimmer?” I asked.

  “Probably you, buddy,” Ryan replied. “You go after the ball, and Angel and I will be right behind you.”

  “Got it.” I glanced over at the other team. Much like Ryan and I were the strength of our team, they had Darius and Ethan. But Lias was fast as shit, plus they had Pipsqueak. “They’ll probably send Lias or Pipsqueak for the ball.”

  “Aye.” Ryan nodded pensively, then cocked a brow at me. “Don’t go easy on her because she’s a girl. Her innocence is an act.”

  Didn’t I fucking know it.

  “We need to decide who we’re gonna cover, too,” Evelina pointed out.

  Ryan and I refocused, because she was right.

  “You work out with Darius more,” he said. “Think you can anticipate his moves?”

  I sucked my teeth, unsure. “Probably, but he has me beat most times.” Darius was a deadly combination of sheer force and a calculating mind. I had speed and a fair amount of strength, but it didn’t compare. “I think it’s better I go after Ethan.”

  “All right, I’ll take Darius,” Ryan said, facing the girls. “Evie, you cover Lias, but you’ll both have to take on Ethan while Avery goes after the ball. Ethan and Lias will be Elise’s shadow.”

  The girls nodded in understanding, and our two minutes were up anyway.

  “One last thing,” I said. “If I get the ball first, move away from Ethan so I can throw it to Evelina.”