Outer Order, Inner Calm

by Gretchen Rubin

  Make phone calls on Friday.

  CREATE A “MYSTERY BOX.”

  We all accumulate those unattached, important-looking pieces: orphaned cables, random remote-control devices, important-looking screws that appeared on the floor one day, obscure vacuum-cleaner attachments. Collect them all and put them in a box. You’ll never use these items, but you’ll know they’re there. For extra credit, put a date on the box, and if you haven’t opened it in a year, throw it away.

  SOMETHING THAT CAN BE DONE AT ANY TIME IS OFTEN DONE AT NO TIME.

  Do it now, or decide when you’ll do it.

  IMAGINE THAT YOU’RE THROWING A PARTY.

  Nothing inspires clutter-clearing more than the knowledge that a bunch of people will be visiting.

  Even if you’re not planning a party now, imagine that you are. Set a date in your mind and ask yourself, “If I’m hosting twelve people for brunch next Sunday, what do I need to do to prepare?”

  Really try to put yourself in the host mind-set. It’s astonishing how many overlooked aspects of your home will spring into your awareness: the fingerprints on the doorjamb, the crumbs in the fridge, the giant toy pile in the corner of the living room.

  Along the same lines…

  IMAGINE YOUR HOME THROUGH THE EYES OF A STRANGER.

  Walk around your house as if you were a real estate agent preparing to put it on the market. With a dispassionate eye, evaluate its worth. What aspects might drag down its value and what changes would allow it to command a better price? That junk room could be transformed into an office or an exercise room. Those overloaded shelves could be cleared out. Those burned-out light bulbs could be replaced.

  Or imagine that you’re someone who’s considering paying for a short-term rental of the space. What would you think of those photos on the Airbnb website?

  Or imagine that you’re the executor of the estate, or a professional organizer, or a house cleaner called in to bid on a big job.

  By assuming another identity—a stranger who doesn’t have a personal love for our possessions and space—we foster the detachment that makes it easier to create order.

  It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery and as much happiness as possible.

  SAMUEL JOHNSON

  IDENTIFY AN EXACT PLACE FOR EVERYTHING.

  Counterintuitively, it’s easier—and also more fun—to put things away in an exact place rather than a general place.

  Life goes more smoothly when you know exactly where to find certain essential possessions. For instance, know where to find your:

  passport

  flashlight

  vegetable peeler

  Band-Aids

  AA batteries

  heating pad

  pair of scissors

  last year’s tax returns

  screwdriver

  birth certificate

  teaspoon measure

  packing tape

  Added benefit: When things belong in an exact place, it’s easier for other people to find them, and it’s easier for other people to put things away. Everybody knows that the extension cord belongs on the left side of the closet’s third shelf.

  GET ORGANIZED—

  BUT NOT TOO ORGANIZED.

  There’s great pleasure and value in having a place for everything, but this impulse can become inefficient. Don’t get overly specific. If you spend a lot of time alphabetizing your soup cans or setting up fifteen categories for your home library, consider simplifying your approach.

  Also, some things simply won’t stay organized, so it’s not even worth trying; I’ve spent hours sorting crayons and Lego pieces, only to find them all jumbled up again the next day.

  BEWARE THE SIREN CALL OF INVENTIVE STORAGE CONTAINERS.

  Perhaps unsurprisingly, it’s often the people with the worst clutter problems who have the instinct to run to a store to buy complicated hangers, drawer compartments, and so on.

  Don’t buy a container until it’s absolutely clear that it will help you organize objects that are truly necessary—rather than act as a crutch to move clutter around or to jam more clutter into place.

  If you need to buy things to store things, perhaps you have too many things.

  Don’t spend money on containers for possessions that will be packed away nicely, then utterly forgotten. The right container can be invaluable, but if you get rid of the things you don’t need, use, or love, you may not need those containers at all.

  PRACTICE MISE-EN-PLACE.

  Sophisticated cooks talk about mise-en-place, which is French for “everything in its place.” Mise-en-place describes the preparation that’s done before the actual cooking starts: gathering ingredients and implements, chopping, measuring, and all the rest.

  Mise-en-place means that a cook has everything at the ready, with no need to make a trip to the store or begin a frantic search for a paring knife.

  Whenever possible, practice mise-en-place. Creating order is easier when we take the time to set up properly. Is your mail situation out of control? Establish a place where you can find your stamps, envelopes, return-address labels, checkbook, and letter opener. As soon as you’re ready to act, the materials are ready for your use.

  CLEAN AS YOU GO.

  Clean as you cook, hang up your clothes right after you put on your pajamas, put files back in the filing cabinet as soon as you’ve retrieved what you need. If you clean up after yourself along the way, clutter stays far more manageable.

  For most people, it’s easier to do little tasks as they arise rather than face a giant task at the end.

  CREATE A “BOWL OF REQUIREMENT.”

  In the Harry Potter books, Harry finds a Room of Requirement that magically holds anything a person requires. Inspired by this idea, I now create a “bowl of requirement” every time I travel to a new place.

  I find a bowl or a tray and in it I place anything that might be required by me or a member of my family: keys, sunglasses, earbuds, loose change, wallet.

  I’d noticed that when traveling, I often misplaced things because I put them down randomly, in an unfamiliar setting. By identifying a place where everything important should go, I’ve spared myself hours of irritated searching.

  CREATE HOLDING BINS.

  When people share a space—a couple, a family, roommates in a dorm, officemates—they often have different levels of tolerance for clutter. And this can cause a lot of arguments.

  If you crave order more than the other people who share your space, consider creating holding bins for their stuff. Keep these bins somewhere inconspicuous yet convenient, and when you want to create more order, put their out-of-place items in their bins. It’s a lot quicker and easier than putting things away in their proper places—especially if you don’t know where those things belong.

  This way, items are out of the common areas, yet easily found by their owners. If necessary, you can also have an extra bin for items without a clear owner.

  KEEP PENS, A NOTEPAD, SCOTCH TAPE, AND A PAIR OF SCISSORS IN EVERY ROOM.

  Life is much easier when you have the tools you need right within reach.

  FIND A PLACE FOR ITEMS THAT ARE NEITHER DIRTY NOR CLEAN.

  Many people struggle to manage clothes that are neither fresh from the washing machine nor ready to be laundered: the sweatpants you’ve worn a few times, the shirt you wore for an afternoon.

  When people feel uncomfortable mixing not-dirty clothes with clean ones, they tend to accumulate clothes in odd places. If you feel this way, find a method for handling those in-between clothes. Put hooks for them in your bathroom or closet; set aside a special drawer.

  WHAT WE ASSUME WILL BE TEMPORARY OFTEN BECOMES PERMANENT; WHAT WE ASSUME IS PERMANENT OFTEN PROVES TEMPORARY.

  Begin the way you want to continue, because temporary often becomes permanent. If members of your family dump their stuff on the floor of the front hallway during the f
irst few weeks you live in your new house, everyone will form a habit that will be hard to change—so work hard to establish desirable habits right from the first day.

  On the other hand, what seems permanent often proves temporary. You may think that you’ll have a grubby high chair in your kitchen forever, but before you know it, that high chair will be gone.

  3

  Know Yourself—

  and Others

  The things that we love tell us what we are.

  THOMAS MERTON

  There are no magic, one-size-fits-all solutions for establishing order; we all need to do it in the way that’s right for us.

  One person thinks, Out of a spirit of detachment, I can let go of this stuff, because these things are meaningless. Another person thinks, Out of a spirit of engagement, I can let go of this stuff, because a few treasured items mean more than a pile of things I can’t handle.

  We can all learn from one another, but there’s no best way to achieve anything. No one’s right and no one’s wrong.

  When we know ourselves, we can customize our surroundings and our systems to suit ourselves—rather than try to force ourselves to follow someone else’s methods. Approached in the proper spirit, clearing clutter becomes an exercise in self-knowledge.

  And when we know others and how they might see the world in a different way, we can find ways for everyone to thrive.

  I have my reasons for wanting to create order, and certain kinds of order matter more to me than others. I don’t mind seeing dirty dishes in the sink, but I dislike seeing dog toys scattered across the floor. My husband is just the opposite. Recognizing these differences makes it easier to maintain a household that’s pleasant for both of us.

  We can curate our spaces to help us show other people (and ourselves) who we are.

  Know yourself—and others.

  KNOW YOUR PURPOSE.

  It’s easy to assume that we “should” undertake a particular clutter-clearing task. When we’re very clear about why we’re doing it, it’s easier to use our time and energy productively—and also to recognize success.

  Ask yourself, “Why am I clearing this clutter? What’s my purpose?” If you start clearing the garage because you think you “should,” you might partly clean it out, get distracted, stop, and never finish. If you think, I’m cleaning the garage because I want to be able to park my car here, so I won’t have to scrape snow and ice off my windshield on winter mornings, you’re more likely to finish the task. Because your purpose is clear, you’re more inclined to keep going, and you’ll feel greater satisfaction in completing the job.

  On the other hand, if you don’t see much purpose in tackling a task, you don’t need to worry too much about it. Outer order is something to pursue if it makes you (or someone else) happier; not for its own sake.

  ASK YOURSELF, “WHAT ARE MY CLUTTER PEEVES?”

  Clutter comes in many forms. Clothes clutter, toy clutter, paper clutter, kitchen clutter, pet clutter, schoolwork clutter, car clutter, counter clutter, laundry clutter…

  Make the biggest effort to deal with the kind of clutter that bothers you the most.

  NO ONE EVER REGRETS HAVING REPLACED A LIGHT BULB.

  Go ahead and replace that bulb right now. Without delay is the easiest way. And while you’re at it, replace that empty roll of toilet paper as well.

  DO YOU “TREAT” YOURSELF TO A MESS?

  When we’re feeling blue or overwhelmed, it’s tempting to indulge in a “treat,” but we often try to make ourselves feel better by giving ourselves treats that make us feel worse. An ice cream sundae, an extra glass of wine, a binge session of TV watching, an expensive splurge, and other such treats give a short-term boost, but then guilt and remorse set in.

  One of my favorite unhealthy treats? Telling myself, “I can’t keep things orderly, I’m too busy. I deserve a break.”

  The problem is that, for me and for most of us, the mess just makes us feel worse. Feeling overwhelmed is a reason to try to maintain order, not to abandon order.

  Outer order contributes to inner calm.

  ARE YOU FURNISHING A FANTASY IDENTITY?

  Maybe you wish you lived a life where a particular object would be useful—a fantasy existence where you’d make good use of hand weights, embroidered hand towels, a briefcase, a guitar, or electric tools.

  Or perhaps you want to present a fantasy self to others. You want people to think you’re a student of history and foreign policy, or a serious movie buff, so you accumulate the trappings to present that picture of yourself.

  It can be painful to admit that we aren’t going to use certain possessions—but all that junk just gets in our way. Be honest with yourself and clear those things off your shelves, and you’ll have more room for the things that you truly love and use.

  ARE YOU CLINGING TO AN OUTDATED IDENTITY?

  Do you still keep all your ski equipment even though you blew out your knee and no longer ski? Sometimes, we’re sad to relinquish an identity, so we cling to possessions as a way to insulate ourselves from change.

  Do you still subscribe to The New Yorker, even though you never read it anymore? Sometimes, we haven’t noticed that our identity has evolved and that items once useful or appealing no longer suit us.

  Do you still keep all your work suits, even though you never go to an office these days? Sometimes, because we’ve devoted a lot of time, effort, or expense to a period of our lives, we hang on to the things associated with it.

  A few beloved, well-chosen mementos can help us recall old times, but keeping too much stuff keeps us stuck in the past and cramps our ability to embrace the present.

  BEWARE OF FAKE-WORK AND MAKE-WORK.

  Creating outer order is a worthy aim, but we want to avoid making unnecessary work for ourselves.

  Looking up information that’s not needed, spending a lot of time perfecting the format of a casual report, putting labels on a notebook that doesn’t need labels…order and organization are valuable when they help us work more easily and efficiently, but we should be wary of allowing them to become an end in themselves.

  Just because we’re busy doesn’t mean we’re being productive. Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination.

  IS YOUR CLUTTER BACKWARD-LOOKING OR FORWARD-LOOKING?

  People with backward-looking clutter keep items as reminders of the past. “Years ago, we had so much fun building this castle out of Popsicle sticks.”

  People with forward-looking clutter keep items as preparation for the future. “One day, I might need this oversize glass jar.”

  When we recognize the patterns in the possessions we cling to, we can more easily decide what to keep.

  STAY CURRENT WITH A CHILD’S INTERESTS.

  Kids are often given gifts they don’t want.

  Sometimes parents are eager to promote a passion, such as chess, water painting, or guitar. So they buy lots of equipment and supplies, even after the child has lost interest.

  Sometimes a relative or a family friend buys things that the child has outgrown—like the godparent who keeps sending dinosaur-themed gifts long after the child has outgrown the dinosaur phase.

  Remember how quickly children’s interests and desires change.

  DO YOU TAKE A PRACTICAL VIEW OR A MYSTICAL VIEW TOWARD YOUR POSSESSIONS?

  Some people see their possessions as inanimate objects to be sorted and stored.

  Others take a more mystical view. For them, possessions have spirits of their own: those socks might feel uncomfortable crowded into a drawer; that vase might feel lonely on its shelf; the dinner plates must be rotated so that none feels indignant at being ignored; that suitcase is a loyal companion.

  As a child, it seemed to me that the pillows decorating my bed got their feelings hurt if they weren’t displayed properly.

  If you take a more mystical view, it may be harder to relinquish possessions. When it’s ti
me, thank them for their service, acknowledge the contribution they’ve made to your life, and allow them to pass to the next stage of their existence.

  Every January 1, a friend cleans her fridge totally—the leftovers, the jars of mustard, the pickles, everything. I would never do something so wasteful, but I absolutely understand the impulse to start the year with fresh, new recruits, with nothing tired from its service.

  MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

  Sometimes, we’re annoyed by other people’s clutter, even when it doesn’t affect us. We say, “Clean out your messy backpack,” “Don’t pack for a business trip at the last minute,” “Alphabetize your bookshelf,” or “Clean up your desk.”

  But if a person’s clutter affects only that person, don’t interfere unless asked. Different people view clutter in different ways, and we can preserve our time, energy, and patience by not worrying needlessly about other people.

  OFFICE SUPPLIES AREN’T USEFUL IF THEY AREN’T USED.

  For many of us, especially at work, it feels easier and safer to keep something rather than to shred, recycle, donate, toss, or leave it in the supply closet.

  Also, as a job and the world evolve, it’s easy to accumulate tools, resources, and files related to work that we no longer do. When I was clearing out my home office, I realized that for years, I’ve had a digital voice recorder that I’ve never once used (and I never will use, because if I do need to make a recording, I’ll use my smartphone). I put the recorder in my donation box.