Outer Order, Inner Calm

by Gretchen Rubin

  Which is an overwhelming sight, and very uninviting.

  Make it easy to put things away. Think about how hooks, baskets, bowls, or shelves could help maintain order. Add some art, a plant, a mural, or an attractive piece of furniture to make the space more beautiful. Stay vigilant so things don’t stay out of place overnight.

  We want to feel a sense of sanctuary and calm when we step over our own threshold.

  CREATE A SEASONAL PHOTO GALLERY.

  Few things make us happier than looking at photographs of the people we love. At the same time, it’s all too easy for a mantelpiece, side table, or bulletin board to get crowded with photos that are so familiar that we don’t even see them anymore.

  To fight this familiarity, create a set of photos that are displayed only at certain times. A Christmas photo display, or a Fourth of July display, or a back-to-school display.

  You might want to get themed frames. For my family’s Valentine’s Day gallery, I’ve chosen pink, red, and silver frames, and the gallery makes a festive holiday decoration.

  Because these photos are on view for a short time, they don’t fade into the background as other photos tend to do. And having these seasonal displays makes it easier to winnow down the photos crammed into other areas.

  EVERYTHING LOOKS BETTER ARRANGED ON A TRAY.

  Perfume bottles. Spice jars. Cuff links. Enamel boxes. Coffee-making materials.

  A tray (or a basket, bowl, or plate) pulls individual items into a pleasing collection.

  Even when things are in the right place, they may look messy and scattered until they’re contained in some way.

  BRING QUIET TO VISUAL NOISE.

  Certain areas can get so crowded and “loud” that they hurt the eye.

  At home, a refrigerator door that’s plastered with school schedules, children’s artwork, expired coupons, magazine clippings, tattered flyers, and rubbery magnets is neither a helpful resource nor a place of beauty, and it will make the kitchen seem messy, even if everything else is beautifully ordered.

  At work, a computer screen framed with dozens of scrawled sticky-note reminders creates visual cacophony.

  Try to bring down the noise level.

  LIGHT SOME CANDLES.

  Candles are easy and inexpensive, and add great elegance to a room—and the slight flickering motion adds a sense of life.

  Scented candles can add a beautiful fragrance as well.

  INCLUDE A FRAGMENT OF NATURE.

  Shells, pebbles, flowers, driftwood, sea glass, pinecones, hollow birds’ eggs, a fern frond pressed against glass…there’s something very satisfying about seeing the outdoors come indoors. Nature has its own deep order.

  ASK YOURSELF, “DOES THIS POSSESSION SPARK JOY IN ME?” OR “DOES THIS POSSESSION ENERGIZE ME?”

  Marie Kondo’s blockbuster bestseller The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up persuaded many people to clear clutter.

  Readers seemed most inspired by her suggestion to keep only those possessions that “spark joy.” Kondo explains, “The best way to choose what to keep and what to throw away is to take each item in one’s hand and ask: ‘Does this spark joy?’ If it does, keep it. If not, dispose of it.”

  Or for people (like me) who don’t find that question particularly helpful, try, “Does this energize me?” For me, focusing on “energy” rather than “joy” provides more clarity.

  ENJOY WHAT’S SPECIAL ABOUT YOUR SPACE.

  When choosing where to live, you were probably drawn to certain features of your home—the deck, the fireplace, the garden, the porch, the sunroom.

  Now that you actually live in that place, do you use that feature? If not, can you take some steps to make it easier to enjoy it?

  You can’t enjoy the sitting room if you’ve tossed the junk from the rest of the house in there. You can’t enjoy the deck if the outdoor furniture never leaves the garage. You paid dearly for your apartment’s private balcony, but it has become the dumping area for your old bike and half-dead plants.

  Enjoy what you have.

  Probably one can say that all beautiful, noble, or brilliant works are of use, or that everything that proves to be useful or beneficial has its own beauty.

  ISAK DINESEN

  EVERY ROOM SHOULD INCLUDE SOMETHING PURPLE.

  Or something glittery, or something miniature or oversize, or in a striking pattern, or something ugly.

  That is, every room should hold a bit of surprise or whimsy.

  SOMEPLACE, KEEP AN EMPTY SHELF; SOMEPLACE, KEEP A JUNK DRAWER.

  My empty shelf gives me the luxury of space; I have room for more things to come into my life. It feels almost decadent to reserve space for beautiful emptiness.

  My junk drawer makes room for the things that don’t have an obvious place in my home, but for some reason I want to keep. I want an orderly home, but I want to make room for a little bit of messy.

  I love my empty shelf, and I love my junk drawer.

  CREATE OUTER ORDER ON YOUR SMARTPHONE.

  Clear away the visual clutter on your smartphone.

  Keep only the most essential apps on your first screen and move the others to later screens. Regularly delete apps you don’t use.

  To create even more space, use folders. For instance, by putting my travel-related apps in a travel folder, I opened up a lot of empty space.

  For even more visual order, arrange your apps by color to make your display more pleasing to the eye, or arrange your apps by function to make it more efficient.

  Adjust the notifications and sounds on your smartphone as well. When I turned off all sounds, and when I cut back on my notifications, my phone became a much less intrusive tool.

  If someone asked me what my idea of luxury is, I think my answer would be: flowers in the house all year round.

  MAY SARTON

  CREATE A SECRET PLACE.

  Make your home feel more alive by creating a secret place, known only to members of your household—whether it’s a desk with a hidden drawer, or a concealed closet, or a locked chest.

  In his brilliant book A Pattern Language, Christopher Alexander asks, “Where can the need for concealment be expressed; the need to hide; the need for something precious to be lost, and then revealed?”

  As you clear clutter, you’ll probably discover a place that could become a secret place. It’s strangely satisfying.

  REMEMBER LOVE.

  This is the most important suggestion of all.

  When your parents are driving you crazy because they’ve kept every piece of your schoolwork back to kindergarten, or when you’re driving yourself crazy because you can’t bring yourself to toss your husband’s ragged college T-shirts, remember: All this junk is an expression of love.

  CONCLUSION

  The Fulfillment of Inner Calm

  Outer order is a challenge to impose and it’s a chore to maintain. Nevertheless, for most of us, it’s worth the effort.

  Why? Why does outer order contribute to inner calm, and why does inner calm make us happier?

  To answer these questions, it’s helpful to think about the elements of a happy life: feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

  Outer order helps us to feel good: we gain a sense of rest, of spaciousness, of organization, of energy.

  Outer order helps us no longer to feel bad: we get relief from irritation, guilt, frustration, hurry, and resentment of other people.

  Outer order helps us to feel right: we’re able to keep our attention, time, energy, and money trained on the tasks, people, places, activities, and values that matter most to us.

  Outer order helps us to create an atmosphere of growth: we make visible improvements in our surroundings, in ways that benefit everyone who enters that place, with room to expand, with a sense of renewal.

  The irony is that just as outer order contributes to inner calm, i
nner calm contributes to outer order. When we feel serene, energetic, and focused, that’s when it becomes easier to keep our surroundings in good order. It’s a virtuous cycle.

  For me—and for many other people—when it’s easier for me to hang up my coat, it becomes easier to go to the gym. A clear desk helps me to write an unpleasant email with less waffling. Change fosters change.

  Getting control of our possessions makes us feel more in control of our fates. If this is an illusion, it’s a helpful illusion—and it’s a more pleasant way to live.

  And I think there’s a second, more mysterious reason that outer order contributes to inner calm.

  The association between outer order and inner calm runs deep. My possessions aren’t me, that’s true—yet it’s also true that my possessions are me.

  We extend ourselves into the things around us; we fashion our surroundings as snails build their shells. With our possessions, we make a mark upon the world. And whether this mark is grand or modest, whether this mark is made with possessions many or few, we want to create an environment that truly suits us.

  When we look at our stuff, we see a reflection of ourselves. We’re happier when that stuff is in good order and includes things that we need, use, and love—because that reflection influences the way we see ourselves.

  Once outer order emerges, take the opportunity to enjoy it, to experience the ease, space, and growth that come from inner calm. Revel in it! Take time to pause and to feel happy.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thanks, as always, to my brilliant agent, Christy Fletcher.

  Thanks to Crystal Ellefsen, whose remarkable insights and hard work allow me to put my words out into the world every day.

  Thanks to Jayme Johnson and Jody Matchett for their indispensable help.

  Thanks to my wonderful publishing team: Christina Foxley, Diana Baroni, Sarah Breivogel, Aaron Wehner, Danielle Deschenes, and Marysarah Quinn, and special thanks to my terrific editor, Mary Reynics.

  Thanks to my readers, listeners, and viewers. I’ve gained so much from your insights, observations, and questions about outer order and inner calm.

  A heartfelt thanks to my beloved family and friends, who are the beneficiaries—and the innocent bystanders—of my quest for outer order.

  And finally, special thanks to my sister, Elizabeth, who has given me so many hours of happiness by graciously allowing me to clear her clutter.

  TOP TEN TIPS FOR CREATING OUTER ORDER

  Everyone has a different list, of course. From my observations, these ten tips are the ones people find most useful:

  1 |Make your bed.

  2 |Follow the “one-minute rule”—anything you can do in less than one minute, do without delay.

  3 |Have a weekly “power hour”—make a list of tasks you’d like to accomplish and spend one hour, once a week, tackling the items on the list.

  4 |Make it fun to get the job done.

  5 |Don’t let yourself fall into “empty.”

  6 |Don’t put things down, put them away.

  7 |Don’t stockpile; that is, don’t store more of an item than you can realistically use.

  8 |Keep mementos that are small in size and few in number.

  9 |Keep things organized, but not overly organized.

  10 |If you can’t find something, clean up.

  SUGGESTIONS FOR FURTHER READING

  If you’d like to read more about creating outer order, you might enjoy these books.

  THE HAPPINESS PROJECT by Gretchen Rubin

  One rainy afternoon, while riding a city bus, I asked myself, “What do I want from life, anyway?” I thought, I want to be happy—yet I realized that I didn’t spend any time thinking about my happiness. In a flash, I decided to dedicate a year to a “happiness project.” I spent twelve months test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific research, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier. Each month, using myself as a guinea pig, I tested a new set of resolutions around different themes, such as vitality, leisure, and marriage.

  HAPPIER AT HOME by Gretchen Rubin

  This book is all about—you guessed it—how to be happier at home.

  Starting in September (the other January), I dedicated a school year—September through May—to making my home a place of greater simplicity, comfort, and love. Each month, I tackled a different theme, such as possessions, time, and neighborhood, by experimenting with concrete, manageable resolutions aimed at making my home a happier place.

  BETTER THAN BEFORE by Gretchen Rubin

  When we’re trying to create and maintain outer order, we often try to improve our habits. But how exactly do we change our habits?

  Many experts offer one-size-fits-all solutions—but, alas, there’s no magic formula that works for everyone. The secret is to pinpoint the specific strategies that will work for each of us. From finding the right time to begin a new habit, to recognizing the counterintuitive risks of reward, to using the pleasure of treats to strengthen our good habits, I identify the twenty-one strategies that will allow every reader to find an effective, individual fit.

  A PATTERN LANGUAGE by Christopher Alexander et al.

  This strange, brilliant book changed the way I see the world. It uses architecture, sociology, psychology, and anthropology to describe the most satisfying designs of towns, buildings, offices, and homes, by setting forth an archetypal “language” of 253 “patterns.”

  Instead of discussing familiar architectural styles and design decisions, it focuses on patterns such as the Front Door Bench, Child Caves, Sleeping to the East, Staircase as Stage, Cascade of Roofs, and Half-Hidden Garden. My favorite? Secret Place. As I explain in Happier at Home, I was inspired to create several secret places in our apartment. I couldn’t stop with just one.

  THE LIFE-CHANGING MAGIC OF TIDYING UP by Marie Kondo

  This book made me jump out of my chair and start clearing clutter.

  I don’t believe that there’s one “right” way to clear clutter; as I explore here, and in my other books, I believe that we all must find the way to happiness and good habits that’s right for us. Kondo argues for one “best” way, the KonMari way. Nevertheless, I did find the book both engaging and helpful.

  ORGANIZING FROM THE INSIDE OUT by Julia Morgenstern

  This book is helpful, realistic, and concrete.

  Julie Morgenstern emphasizes the reasons for clutter. The fact is, clutter isn’t just a matter of not having enough closet space or not sorting the mail every day. She addresses the fact that we hold on to possessions for different reasons, and once we acknowledge that aspect of clutter, we’re able to clear clutter far more effectively, by setting up systems that are suited to our own nature.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Gretchen Rubin is one of the most thought-provoking and influential writers on the linked subjects of happiness, habits, and human nature. She’s the author of many books, including the blockbuster bestsellers The Happiness Project, Better Than Before, The Four Tendencies, and Happier at Home. She has an enormous following, in print and online, and her books have sold more than three million copies worldwide, in thirty languages. On her popular podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, she discusses happiness and good habits with her sister, Elizabeth Craft (Elizabeth is very messy), and on her site, gretchenrubin.com, she regularly reports on her adventures in pursuit of happiness. A graduate of Yale and Yale Law School, Gretchen Rubin was clerking for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor when she realized she wanted to be a writer. She lives in New York City with her husband and two daughters.

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