Half of Me

by J. M. Paul

  “And who do we have here? She’s adorable.” Clay pinches Jenna’s nose, and she pulls back with her face scrunched, like she might start crying.

  I tickle her foot and draw her attention back to me. She giggles and then goes back to tapping her hands against the sides of the high chair.

  “Jenna.” I brush back a lock of hair from her forehead.

  Clay turns his attention back to me. “Is she yours? She’s a spitting image.”

  Oh, how I wish.

  “No, it’s the blue eyes and blonde hair. She’s Jacob’s daughter.” I nod my head in Jacob’s direction.

  Clay swivels his head to Jacob, who is now sitting stiff in his seat, and then to Jenna. He studies her, and his head tilts to the side, like he’s deep in thought. “When did you say she was born?”

  “I didn’t. August,” I answer.

  Jacob squeezes his eyes closed.

  “August,” Clay says slowly as he lifts his gaze up to the ceiling. “So, that means she was conceived around last November?” He glares at Jacob, and a silent conversation exchanges between them, something that has Jacob’s face heating in anger. “Well, well, well.”

  Jacob stands abruptly, clenching his fists. “It’s time for you to leave.”

  “I just got here, Jakey, and it seems we might have a few details to discuss.” Clay looks directly at Jacob with a gleam in his eye.

  “We have nothing to discuss. Now, get the hell out of here before I kick your ass in front of my kids.” Jacob’s jaw twitches.

  I blink at Jacob’s use of vulgar language around his children.

  “Your kids?” Clay leans in close to Jacob and mumbles a few words under his breath.

  Jacob takes a threatening step toward him, and Clay moves back with his hands in the air.

  “No harm, no foul, man.” He turns to me and gives me a beaming smile. “It was nice to meet you, Joslyn. Happy New Year.”

  Something about his demeanor makes me feel uncomfortable, like he’s slimy or vindictive.

  “We’ll be in touch.” Clay glares at Jacob before he saunters away like he owns the restaurant and everyone in it.

  I turn toward Jacob, and he’s still watching Clay walk away with his posture rigid and his hands bunched at his sides.

  “What was that about?” I ask, trying to draw Jacob back to us.

  “Are you okay, Daddy?” Jagger’s brows are furrowed. Even he’s noticed the shift in mood.

  Jacob ruffles Jagger’s hair. “I’m good, buddy. Just talking to a friend.”

  Jagger nods. Then, he picks up an orange crayon and starts drawing.

  When Jacob is confident Jagger is not listening, he growls, “Nothing,” to me through his teeth. “You ready to go?”

  “We haven’t gotten our food yet.” I sit back in my seat and cross my arms.

  “I forgot that I have to take care of a few things at my home office. I’ll stop and get you food on the way back.” He grabs Jagger’s coat from the seat next to him. “Come on, Jagster. We have to go.”

  “But, Daddy, we just got here.” Jagger scowls.

  “I said, we’re leaving,” Jacob says sternly.

  “Hey, chill out, Jacob.” I reach across the table and place my hand over his. “Obviously, whatever that was is way more than nothing.” Rubbing my thumb along his skin, I watch him. “Are you going to tell me about it?”

  He closes his eyes, pinches the bridge of his nose, and takes a deep breath before he opens them again. “I will but not here. I need to leave before I do something I’ll regret.”

  It comes out so seriously, I don’t hesitate when I say, “Okay. We’ll leave. I’ll order us pizza when we get home.”

  Jacob nods. He stands, pulls out his wallet, tosses several bills on the table, and then helps a pouting Jagger back into his coat. I secure Jenna into her carrier, and we’re out of the restaurant and on our way home in less than five minutes.

  We’ve been home from the restaurant for two hours, and Jacob hasn’t said a word to me. He immediately went into his office, shut the door, and hasn’t come out. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I know it’s not good.

  My phone rings, and I see Maya’s name flashing across the screen. I press Ignore—again. She’s called several times to discuss plans and timing for tonight, but with the way things stand here, I feel like I shouldn’t go.

  Jacob wants to stay home with the kids, and he said I could go out, but he’s noticeably upset, and I’m not sure I should leave him.

  Down the hall, I hear Jacob yell, “Fuck!” It’s followed by a loud crash and then something that sounds like glass breaking.

  I’m running before I realize I made the decision to move. When I reach the wooden door, I lay my ear against it, but I’m unable to hear anything. Reaching down, I wrap my fingers around the cold knob, and to my surprise, it turns in my hand. For some reason, I thought it would be locked.

  It opens without a sound, and the first thing I notice is Jacob standing in front of the big picture window, his back facing me, and his head is bowed. I scan the room, and the contents from the top of his desk—laptop, files, pens, and the picture frame I gave him for Christmas—are scattered across the floor. There’s a wet spot on the wall and shattered glass below it.

  “Jacob?” My voice sounds fragile, floating into the animosity the room holds within its grasp.

  “Jesus Christ.” He spins around. Fury boils off of him as he grinds his teeth and clenches his jaw so tight, it probably hurts. “Do you make a habit of sneaking up on people?”

  “No,” I rasp. “I heard a crash and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  His stormy blue eyes hold mine for a beat before looking away without a word.

  I smooth down the material of my long-sleeved shirt and clutch the hem in my fists. Taking a hesitant step into his office, I shove the door closed.

  “What’s going on with you? Ever since we ran into Clay at the restaurant, you’ve been off.” I slowly make my way over to one of the two guest chairs in front of his large wooden desk and sit. “Who is he to you, and why does he make you so angry?”

  He releases a harsh breath and stabs his fingers through his hair, gripping tightly. Then, he drops his arms to his sides. His shoulders sag before he leans down and picks up the items strewn on the hardwood floor. When he’s done, he sinks into his chair, places his elbows on his desk, and cradles his head in his hands.

  “Do you remember when I told you I caught my wife in bed with my childhood best friend?” he speaks down toward the desk.

  “Yes.” My voice is weak from fear of what he’s about to say next.

  “Clay was that best friend.”

  Oh no.

  When his head lifts, his eyes find mine, and sadness now replaces the anger. The change in his demeanor makes my chest ache.

  My hand rests against my neck. “I’m so sorry, Jacob.”

  He raises his shoulder in a half-shrug and swivels in his chair until he’s staring out the window again. Big snowflakes float to the ground and seem to be accumulating quickly. It can make for a messy and hazardous commute for New Year’s Eve travelers.

  “There’s no way to explain the sense of anguish you feel when the two people you trusted most in this world betray you.” A sigh escapes his lips, and his shoulders sag before he sits back in his chair.

  “I was working late one night, which wasn’t unusual. We were working on landing a huge property in Detroit, one that would set me apart from all the other construction companies, and it required a lot of man-hours. If my employees were working at all hours of the night, I felt I should do the same.

  “My guilt over my time away from home was eating at me, so I got off early one Friday night and stopped by Juliana’s favorite florist to pick her up a huge bouquet. Her parents had Jagger, so I thought we could go to dinner.” He shakes his head.

  Getting comfortable, I lean back in my chair and cross my arms on my lap. I can guess where the story is leading.

/>   “When I came home, I couldn’t find Juliana. I traipsed all over this godforsaken house with that huge fucking bouquet of flowers grasped in my pathetic hand. Hearing a noise in our bedroom, I headed that way and thought it was strange that our bedroom door was closed when she was alone in the house. Little did I know, when I turned that doorknob, life as I knew it would come to a crashing halt.” He scrapes at his jaw. “What I found was my wife with her ass in the air, handcuffed on the bed with a spreader bar latched to her ankles, she and Clay screaming out in ecstasy.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah.” He turns his chair, so he faces me. “What pisses me off the most, besides their deceit, is if Juliana wanted that crap in the bedroom, all she had to do was ask. I would’ve been more than happy to oblige.”

  My cheeks pink at the thought. I didn’t think that kind of kinky sex actually occurred in real life.

  “What happened after that?” I shift in the seat.

  “I threw the flowers in their faces and stomped out with both of them yelling at my back. They didn’t even have the decency to put on clothes before they started chasing me around the house. Juliana was still in the cuffs.”

  Jacob rubs his eyebrow, and he stands to walk over to the table bar that I didn’t notice was in the corner. He pours amber liquid into two crystal glasses and hands me one before sitting on the edge of his desk.

  As he sips his drink, his eyes turn hard. “I was in a dark place for a long time after I caught them. A place I never hope to be again.”

  I stand and move, so I’m wedged between Jacob’s legs. Setting my drink down, I take his face in my hands. “So, is that why you’re so angry? You saw Clay, and it reminded you of that horrible night?”

  He closes his eyes and leans into my touch. “I wish it were that simple.”

  “Then, tell my why it’s not.”

  Despair begins to spread over his face, and I instantly regret my prodding. When his eyes open, the unease written so deep in his blue irises has the hair on the back of my neck standing on end.

  “Unbeknownst to me, Clay and I were sleeping with my wife at the same time. When I caught Juliana and Clay fucking in my bed, she broke things off with him, and things got ugly between the three of us. I was angry and revengeful, and Clay was being a prick about being cut out of our lives. I only recently discovered that Juliana had turned to drugs to deal with everything.” He shakes his head as he lifts the amber liquid to his mouth, and he takes a long, deep drink. “I caught them sleeping together last November.”

  He watches me, waiting for something to click, but it doesn’t. My mind is still whirling around all the information he’s fed me. I pick up the glass of alcohol on his desk and sip it as I watch him watch me.

  What’s he waiting for?

  The liquid burns down my throat, almost setting the realization on fire.

  “So, that means she was conceived around last November?”

  My eyes bulge, and I choke on the scotch Jacob poured for us. “No.”

  Jacob slowly nods. “Clay’s lawyer has already been in contact with mine. He’s questioning Jenna’s paternity.”

  Oh, hell.

  “He can’t do that. She’s yours.”

  The look in his eyes whispers something I don’t want to hear.

  “Jacob?”

  “I’m a smart man, Joslyn, and since they were conniving behind my back, I’ve made it my business to know and think of everything.” He downs the rest of the scotch in his glass and roughly sets it against the top of his desk. “I knew there was a possibility that Jenna was not my biological child.”

  “No.” That seems to be my favorite word this evening.

  “I could’ve had a paternity test to assure myself, but honestly, it never mattered to me. I love that little girl, and she’s my daughter whether she’s blood or not.” He tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear.

  “What are his rights?” I down the rest of my scotch. Grabbing his glass, I walk to the bar to fill both of them again.

  “At this point, I’m not sure.” He runs his hand back through his thick dark locks.

  I hand him a glass and clink mine to his before we each toss back the entire drink.

  “Well,” I say through a strained throat, “it’s time you became sure. You need to get a paternity test done ASAP.”

  CHAPTER 23

  * * *

  SNOW GLOBE

  My foot shakes against the hard chair, and then I cross and uncross my legs before I bounce Jenna on my lap. She pulls my hair and coos at the older lady sitting on the other side of the waiting room. The woman is smiling and waving at her, trying to be helpful by entertaining Jenna.

  After what seems like a million years—slight exaggeration—the door swings open, and Jacob’s muscular frame fills the space.

  I spring to my feet and stride over to him with Jenna resting on my hip. “How’d it go?”

  “As quick and as painless as I’d thought it would be.” Jacob takes the diaper bag from me and slings it over his shoulder. Grasping my hand in his, he leads us out of the office and to his car.

  “Did they say how long it would take to get the results?” I peek at him from the corner of my eye.

  His expression is doleful, grave. “A few days.”

  I strap Jenna into her car seat and Jacob throws the bag in the back. After we climb in, Jacob maneuvers out of the parking spot and starts toward home.

  I release a harsh breath. “Has Clay gone yet?”

  “I don’t know, Joslyn,” he barks as he slams his hand against the steering wheel.

  Cringing, I slink back into my seat. Jenna starts to whimper, and I reach behind me to play with her foot, trying to calm her.

  “I’m sorry.” He chances a glance at me before returning his attention to the road. “I’m angry and stressed, and I don’t mean to take it out on you.”

  “It’s okay.” I shrug.

  Jacob is under pressure and concerned about the outcome of the paternity test he and Jenna took. It’s understandable that he’s tense right now.

  After hitting a roadblock while communicating through their attorneys, Jacob called Clay directly on New Year’s Day. He disappeared into his office, and yelling echoed down the hall shortly after. Jagger was concerned, so I decided to take the kids for a walk in the snow. The less Jagger knew about this situation, the better. The little guy had lost his mom only months ago, and he didn’t need to worry about anything new until we had answers. When we returned from being outside, Jacob pulled me aside and said he and Clay had agreed to see a doctor their attorneys chose and get a paternity test. Everything was happening quickly, but Jacob wasn’t one to drag his feet. Especially where his kids were concerned.

  “No, it’s not. You’re here for me, and I’m acting like a bastard,” he says, drawing my attention back to him.

  “Pretty much.”

  I toss him a mock bitch face, and he grins for the first time all day.

  Jenna jabbers to us from the back, kicking her legs and flailing her arms. I watch the landscape rush by and cherish the warm sun on my face as it filters in through the passenger window.

  “When does your semester start again?” Jacob’s voice is soft.

  I pry my attention away from the window and regard him. “Classes start on Monday.”

  That only gives me five more days of so-called freedom.

  He nods.

  When we stop at a red light, Jacob takes my hand in his and lifts it to his lips. “I want to take you away for a few days. Just the two of us.”

  My eyes widen right as The Lumineers belt out the chorus of “Ophelia” on the stereo.

  “Really?”

  “Yes.” He brushes a kiss over my skin when the light turns green.

  “I have to work.”

  “Find someone to cover your shifts.” It’s not a request.

  “What about the kids? Who’ll watch them?” Turning, I see Jenna’s fallen fast asleep.

  “I’ll fig
ure that out; you figure out work. I can’t be here while I wait for the results. I’ll go insane.” Jacob releases my hand to run his through his hair while he keeps the other on the steering wheel.

  I’m not sure what to say, what to do. It’s not as if it’s easy, trying to find someone to fill in for me. My fellow nurses are nice, but I’m still a student, and their generosity only stretches so far.

  “I have a cottage in Petoskey. It’s beautiful up there. I’d love to show it to you.” He glances at me with an almost pleading expression.

  Desperation is something I’ve never seen in Jacob before, and it throws me off. He’s always so assured and demanding.

  “I’ll see what I can do.” Reaching over, I squeeze his thigh. “Everything will work out, Jacob. It always does.”

  His knuckles turn white on the steering wheel. “I hope you’re right because, if Jenna’s Clay’s daughter, I might kill him with my bare hands.”

  “My, come on. I’ve never asked you to cover a shift for me,” I say for the third time.

  Maya’s the only person I thought I could convince to do me this huge favor, but it’s not going well.

  “I took this week off, so I could rest, Jos. Working is the complete opposite of R and R.” There’s rustling in the background, and then a door clicks closed. “Plus, I’m still pissed at you for blowing us off on New Year’s Eve.”

  I knew she’d bring that up. She’s not one to easily let things go.

  After Jacob told me the truth behind whom Clay was, I called Maya and canceled our plans. I couldn’t leave Jacob home alone. Maya was pissed, to say the least, especially since I couldn’t tell her the real reason I was backing out.

  “I know you are. I’ll owe you two huge favors now.” Cradling the phone between my ear and shoulder, I shove several of my mom’s journals into my suitcase. “While you’re working, you can plan my payback.”

  There’s a knock at my bedroom door. It creaks open, and Jacob’s large, masculine frame appears. He has dark circles under his eyes, and his cheeks are hollow. He hasn’t slept well since everything started with Clay.